REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

Lomac · 10-28-2008, 04:58 PM

UPDATE... Click me!

Here's a quick back story first. Way back in high school I became friends with one of my partners in my film class. We both kinda had a thing for one another, but because either I or she was seeing someone, we never dated. We had a couple of those sort of nights but that was as far as our "relationship" went. Anyway, after high school she ended up dating a co-worker, married him, and now have two kids. We stayed in contact with one another, but nothing more than going for coffee every few months, or waving hi every time I drive by her house (she lives at the end of my block).

Fast forward to this past weekend. I'm at another friend's party and my old friend from high school shows up with her husband. The party itself goes well enough (asides from the beer being flung everywhere) but it starts going south near the end. Apparently her husband was spending a fair bit of time with one of the girls at the party and she was getting upset/jealous at it. She confided in me that their relationship, despite outgoing appearances, wasn't all that peachy. Anyway, that particular conversation ended after that and all went back to being fine, though I noticed she was being particularly flirtatious towards me after that. Knowing her husband was around, and that I no longer have any particular feelings asides from friendship to her, I did my best to ignore it and concentrate on other things.

So the party wraps up and as she leaves, she tells me to swing by her house for a minute on my way home (remember, I live down the street from her). I do and when I meet her outside she's all distraught. I didn't quite catch the first half of what she said to me but part way through I realized she was talking about something I didn't want to approach. The gist of it, however, ended up being that she still had feelings for me (far more, apparently) and that she kept hinting at asking if I would go out with her should she and her husband ever break up. Oh, and then she tried to kiss me... yeah. Anyhoo, I pushed her away when I realized what she was trying to do and told her no. I also told her that while she's still my friend, I don't like her as anything more. I'm not sure if she understood what I was saying because she kept trying to ask if I still like her... Anyway, I made my excuses and curtailed out of there as fast as I could. I haven't talked to her since and because she was drinking that night, I'm hoping she'll kinda forget what happened.

What I'm stuck at is what to do now... Do I talk to her husband and tell him what happened? Do I just cut off all contact with her (which is kinda hard when she's a few houses down)?

Thoughts?

!Yaminashi · 10-28-2008, 05:07 PM

I say cut all contact with her.
If her relationship with her husband is that bad, she shouldnt have to turn to you for a reason to leave him

stewie · 10-28-2008, 05:16 PM

id cut her out asap, could you even imagine trying to bring that up with her husband?!!?

BoneThug · 10-28-2008, 05:17 PM

if she was your really good friend and she was at a party, got drunk, and made a mistake, i would pretend that no mistake was made and just try to chill with her as a friend since that what she needs. just keep dropping shit about you seeing some other girl so she doesnt get the wrong idea.

fuhkyu · 10-28-2008, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneThug

if she was your really good friend and she was at a party, go drunk, and made a mistake, i would pretend that no mistake was made and just try to chill with her as a friend since that what she needs. just keep dropping shit about you seeing some other girl so she doesnt get the wrong idea.

I think this is a good idea, and if this doesn't work cut her out of your life.

LC21 · 10-28-2008, 05:29 PM

3rd wheelers never win.

BoneThug · 10-28-2008, 06:42 PM

win what? he's not trying to fuck her. he's purposely going out of his way NOT to fuck her

Ulic Qel-Droma · 10-28-2008, 07:09 PM

she's not your friend anymore, unless you want your ass kicked and a burden of trouble.

Marco911 · 10-28-2008, 07:35 PM

Dude, if it's not going to be you, it'll be someone else. Her husband's cheating ways have destroyed her self-esteem. Either she's trying to use you to make him jealous, or she's trying to see that she can still find someone to look after her if things go south with her husband. It's the pre-rebound. You want to stay away from that as much as possible, because these decisions should be made when one is of sound mind. She is not of sound mind.

Lomac · 10-28-2008, 08:21 PM

See, that's the thing. I honestly don't believe he's ever cheated on her, nor plans to. I think he's just as happy with the marriage as he used to be. I also know that if she ever thought there was a chance, she'd end the marriage to be with me. One thing she also told me was that she never really wanted to marry him, or have kids. She just wanted to date me, but because I was unavailable (and unwilling lol), she just went with it. She seems to be even unhappier with the marriage than he is.

I dunno. I think I'm just going to get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. Maybe take her out for coffee, tell her that there's no way in hell I'm going to be any part of this, and politely tell her not to talk to me until she can work things out herself.

Good?

Girl · 10-28-2008, 08:28 PM

^Just make sure she doesn't slip any sex into your coffee, then you should dodge the Ford that he'll be ramming into you.

Lomac + Car Tread = Iffy =S

BoneThug · 10-28-2008, 09:37 PM

i dont follow the math

tough · 10-28-2008, 09:40 PM

i say bone her

Lomac · 10-28-2008, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneThug

i dont follow the math

Don't worry, neither do I.

hotjoint · 10-29-2008, 06:46 AM

Yeah you need to talk to her and clear things up. Just tell her that you're not interested and she should patch things up with her husband if she ever wants to talk to you again.

Gt-R R34 · 10-29-2008, 08:51 AM

lomac, the relationship isn't on the rocks because of you, she's just looking for a EASY way out, and you were there @ the party hence the easiest person to get too. If i was a friend, i wouldn't break up contact, but i would keep in touch, pretend nothing happened, UNLESS she tries to be all flirty and the works agian. then i'll tell her NO and if you have problems iwht your marriage, i'm not the way out. Have her talk to her husband about it. Thats the real way to solve HER issue.

For you, it could be as easy as above posters: just ignore her, but if you're a friend then you don't right?

RacePace · 10-29-2008, 08:56 AM

noone's said this yet, but props for not taking advantage

underscore · 10-29-2008, 05:33 PM

^ agreed, props to you man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneThug

if she was your really good friend and she was at a party, got drunk, and made a mistake, i would pretend that no mistake was made and just try to chill with her as a friend since that what she needs. just keep dropping shit about you seeing some other girl so she doesnt get the wrong idea.

X2

If she really does want to leave him for you or whatever tell her to sort her shit out with her husband and that you don't want to speak to her until she does.

Culture_Vulture · 10-29-2008, 11:10 PM

I'd try avoiding her for a while (to say the least),
seems like nothing but trouble headed your way.

Take another route out of your area when you go to work perhaps?

Lomac · 02-28-2009, 10:36 AM

So I've got a bit of an update.

I've barely talked to this girl since that night and every time she's been at the same event as me, we're basically on opposite sides of the room all night. Whatever, it's fine by me. Anyway, I've found out that she's been cheating on her husband with no less than three different people, one of which was her husband's best man at their wedding. The issue is that she makes no attempt to hide it from her friends because she believes that they wont tell her significant other. Unfortunately that places them in a real tight spot because this guy is, frankly, quite awesome. I mean he's restoring an old school Datsun 280z and dropping an LS1 into the engine bay.

Anyway, I feel super bad for the guy because everyone but him is aware of the situation. Apparently she's going to tell him but only "when he's making enough money to support himself and to pay child support." WTF? The amusing part is that everyone, including this girl's mom, feels that she should not get the kids at all if they split. But I digress.

What I'm curious is what would you do in this situation? On the one hand it's not my problem and getting involved may only make things worse. But, on the other hand, he deserves to know and we all feel super bad for him.

Thoughts?

k2_alpha · 02-28-2009, 11:49 AM

i would just drop him a note

i did it once

I went to his workplace, and left a note on his windshield a couple of minutes before he got off. I left a note stating. "Be cautious and think carefully. Faith is not so prevalent in your home." In hindsight, it was pretty over dramatic but it worked...

A couple of months later, they divorced, but the ex husband and I have been good friends since. He later found out that it was me who left him the note. But to this day the agrees the note helped him cool down and think things carefully before he confronted his ex wife.

Noir · 02-28-2009, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lomac

What I'm curious is what would you do in this situation? On the one hand it's not my problem and getting involved may only make things worse. But, on the other hand, he deserves to know and we all feel super bad for him.

NO! That is all.

If someone else wants to meddle in their own little drama, let it be that other person and not you. There's a reason why no one else is touching this even with a 50' ft. pole.

If the whole world knows except him, could it be by any chance he already knows himself, but chooses to ignore it? Perhaps because he fell out of love, doesn't care anymore, and just remains in the marriage due to life complacency? I mean, I can't imagine a guy being THAT oblivious.

Continuing on with the last sentiment, is it possible all this philandering that his wife is doing is her way to get his attention again? I mean, you said the husband was hitting on other women in the prev. party right?

skyxx · 02-28-2009, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k2_alpha

i would just drop him a note

i did it once

I went to his workplace, and left a note on his windshield a couple of minutes before he got off. I left a note stating. "Be cautious and think carefully. Faith is not so prevalent in your home." In hindsight, it was pretty over dramatic but it worked...

A couple of months later, they divorced, but the ex husband and I have been good friends since. He later found out that it was me who left him the note. But to this day the agrees the note helped him cool down and think things carefully before he confronted his ex wife.

This is like an episode of The office... lol

mc25 · 02-28-2009, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lomac

Unfortunately that places them in a real tight spot because this guy is, frankly, quite awesome. I mean he's restoring an old school Datsun 280z and dropping an LS1 into the engine bay.

?

Sounds like you want him to drop her so you and the guy can have a go

JK, on a serious note, you have to think wether you are actually going to help for the good, or potentially break up a marriage that is currently on the rocks, but maybe after some therapy can be restored. IMO, if there are kids involved, you really have to consider the latter. If no kids are involved, then after what the girl is doing it sounds like he deserves better, and would be better off without her.

Gt-R R34 · 03-01-2009, 01:07 AM

the marriage isn't to be saved. It's not on teh rocks - the boat has crashed, blown up and is now in the mushroom cloud stage.

When your wife isn't haven't AN affair with another person, but is sleeping around with MANY guys. It's over.

As for the kids, i'm believing- if this goes to court. the WIFE is the one needing to pay support. the husband wouldn't need too pay for anything, as the cheater was the wife. IF it goes to court. I'm sure thats the case.