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Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-09-2009, 08:53 AM   #1
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Meeting a girl for a friend

I'm going to cut to the chase.

I lost a girl who was very special to me a few years ago. Time goes on and we have the memories. The story is we were close, planning on getting married, and she died.

Now, I'm with another girl and things are fine.

I recently was purchasing some equipment from a very busy store and bumped into an employee who was kind enough to help me with my questions.

She looks, acts, smiles the same as this person that I lost.

Of course, my heart stopped, I couldn't do anything other than just act normal. I joked around, paid the amounts, and left.

On the drive home, all I could think about is her.

Now I know I'm in love with this person because of who she represents, not who she actually is. I'm 100% aware of that so I don't really need any advice there.

My issue is I want to go back to talk to her but this place is BUSY and it's a desk situation where unless she's out in the open I'd have to ask for her. I am sure she gets hit on A LOT because she's super hot (I'm not just saying this because of my clouded judgment).

I want to ask her out not as a date but just as a friend. Maybe this is too weird and I'm in the wrong 100% but I guess I'm worried she's going to pull the whole "I have a boyfriend" line to not hang out.

Anyways, flame away

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Old 01-09-2009, 09:04 AM   #2
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I can't even imagine how that must feel to lose someone, and then run into someone who could have pretty much been that person. That must have been a complete mindfuck. I think that it's a bad idea. If you try to see her/befriend her etc, I don't think you will ever truly be able to move on from that past relationship. It's good to remember the people we loved and lost, but it seems that you kinda want to replace her, which is disrespectful (IMO), and not right. You had to move on you really want to get youself worked up over it and end up having to move on twice?
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:20 AM   #3
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you are not in love. you miss the girl you lost and want another one. its closer to greed then anything. just dont go back to the store and you will be fine.
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:38 AM   #4
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You will never find the answers to your questions if you do not seek them.

The opinions will depend really. Some people like to play their life "cautious" some people enjoy the element of "risk" with a dash of recklessness. Some ppl even get off on it.

If you have the balls to deal with consequences then I say "go for it." If you don't, then I guess play it safe and don't do anything. So really, its only you who can truly decide what to do at this point. Are the risks worth the answer?

Last edited by Noir; 01-09-2009 at 09:39 AM.
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Old 01-09-2009, 10:41 AM   #5
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In my opinion I dont think this is fair to the girl you are with now..
I agree with bonethug that you just miss the person you lost, maybe you still havent
healed from it yet?

From what you said, I think it would be a bad move on your part to go back..
1) The more you see her, the more you'll want to keep going back
2) If she does agree to go out as friends, you risk the chance of starting to fall for her
while you're still with this other girl
3) For all you know she could be crazy and the total opposite of the person you lost

Overall, I think its just a waste of your time. Nobody will ever be able to replace the girl you lost, no matter how close they seem to be
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:10 PM   #6
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wow, sounds like something you'll see in a movie
damn, must be rough to lose someone you love so much

i agree with draft, the more you see her the more it'll remind you
and that could totally mess up what you have right now with your current so

shes just a physical replacement for the one you lost, and you'll probably think of things to tie them 2 together, but in the end, shes not her, and pursuing it doesn't make it so bro
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Old 01-09-2009, 01:10 PM   #7
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You're just missing your old gf, you can't find a person to "replace" them no matter how similar they are. Do yourself a and your current gf a favor and dont go back. be happy with what you have
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Old 01-09-2009, 05:18 PM   #8
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Old 01-10-2009, 08:36 AM   #9
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He's going to go back, no matter what any of you say, though.

edit: not that anyone can blame him. I'm sorry for your loss, james :/

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Old 01-10-2009, 10:35 AM   #10
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If you are going to do it, do it because she intriqued you. Rememeber though that although she looks like someone, she is a individual and it wouldn't be fair going into a friendship while placing her with old memories.

if it is a connection to the one you lost that is pushing you to want to do this you are better off spending some time with someone that was close to her as well, like one of her friends.
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Old 01-10-2009, 05:06 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Grandmaster TSE View Post
wow, sounds like something you'll see in a movie
more like a korean movie.
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Old 01-10-2009, 10:36 PM   #12
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just do what you wanna do man. no one can advise you on what to do here.

what i'd imagine what I'd do is probably the exact same thing you want to do though.

haha this reminds me of young and dangerous.
nipples neways...wat is with those fuck'n asians! i mean you would think they've never seen a dentist in their life. are dentists really that rare over there in ricey ricey and? looks like they're star trek ferrengi rejects! fuck'n have broken glass for teeth! goddaymn! and the smell....did a rat crawl in there and shit itself then marinate in its own shit as it decayed?ewwwwwwwwww! i swear...if one of those ferrengi asian girls gave head...when u pull the dick out it looks like it went thru a meat grinder! prolly shaved off a few slices of meat! *shudder*
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Old 01-10-2009, 11:14 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma View Post
just do what you wanna do man. no one can advise you on what to do here.

what i'd imagine what I'd do is probably the exact same thing you want to do though.

haha this reminds me of young and dangerous.

lol Smartie was HOT.
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:28 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma View Post
just do what you wanna do man. no one can advise you on what to do here.

what i'd imagine what I'd do is probably the exact same thing you want to do though.

haha this reminds me of young and dangerous.
^cosign smartie was the bomb his 2nd GF was so fuckin annoying. If you're just asking her to hang out as friends i don't see why it would be that big of a problem. Just go back a couple more times build some rapport and ask her out.
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Old 01-14-2009, 04:33 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma View Post
haha this reminds me of young and dangerous.
Dude you got the DVDs for that?
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Old 01-14-2009, 05:20 PM   #16
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Go for it i say, but be prepared to be disappointed.
She caught your attention because of who she reminds you of, not who she is, at least in your mind.

Ask her to be your friend because she reminds you of someone you once know, but don't make it sound like she is there for you to relive some memories, but because of the similarity you think you guys can be great friends.

But most likely she will turn out much differently than your lingering memories of your ex, which i can tell you will be disappointing and frustrating.
And if you do go out with her, god knows how she will react when she finds out the reason why you asked her out or why you were attracted to her.
It doesn't feel good to be a replacement.

Either way, it's going to be a gonshow i think.
If you are the type that can walk away, then don't go back.
If you are the type that can't walk away, go for it, maybe it will ironically work out, but be prepared to go through some serious mind fuck.
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