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-   -   [Confidential] Wanting to date others out of curiosity (https://www.revscene.net/forums/572062-%5Bconfidential%5D-wanting-date-others-out-curiosity.html)

El Bastardo 04-13-2009 08:06 PM
[Confidential] Wanting to date others out of curiosity
 
The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.


If your SO mentioned that he/she wondered what it'd be like to date other people
and both of you were happy with eachother

would you let him/her go?
or what would you do?

assuming your the one who is committed.

RacePace 04-13-2009 08:12 PM
I think that is a massive warning sign that they are getting bored of the relationship. It's not grounds for a breakup, but maybe you should find something fun the both of you can do, like go on a trip

happytoro 04-13-2009 08:19 PM
Something to spice it up would be nice but you can only do so much. If they have that curiosity of dating others, they'll probably keep having that itch until they do. So maybe it's best to let them go for awhile and if you both realize there's nothing else better than good, if not well there's always someone else.

It's going to be difficult for you but maybe your SO feels that he/she isn't sure whether you are the best for them. So I guess all you really can do is talk it through and see if there's anything you or both of you could do.

ScizzMoney 04-13-2009 08:32 PM
Dangerous waters man (or woman). I was dating someone, actually living with her, and she told me she sometimes wondered what it was like to date other people and asked if I'd ever let her go on a 'coffee date' with someone. I was already planning to dump her as soon as she was done school because I didn't want to fuck with her emotions around exam time. Found out she had cheated on me and we ended it. Which wasn't too bad for me since I already didn't want to be with her.

If I were in a relationship I would not let my SO go on a date with another man. I would probably become suspicious about them cheating on me and either look for warning signs or kick them to the curb. Or, tell them you don't mind them seeing another person just to see what kind of reaction they give you. If they get mad or upset that you let them, they are probably just testing you to see where your commitment level is. If they get happy cause you don't mind them seeing other people, it's pretty well over, lol.

Some of the more common warning signs on cheating listed below if you want to look.
Spoiler!

muteki 04-13-2009 08:35 PM
If your SO was perfectly happy with you why would that even come up?
Sounds like someone's about to cheat...

ScizzMoney 04-13-2009 08:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyComplex (Post 6378473)
If your SO was perfectly happy with you why would that even come up?
Sounds like someone's about to cheat...
I'm guessing he or she already has. I would put money on it.

Culture_Vulture 04-13-2009 08:42 PM
To be honest,
I don't think that's a topic for normal, sincere couples to have--especially if they were happy to begin with.

So when he or she is bringing that up, there should be a big red ALERT in your head.


-Physixx

miss_crayon 04-13-2009 11:23 PM
who would want to date other people when he/she is already happy in the current relationship? to me it sounds like she is getting bored and isn't feeling excited about the relationship anymore therefore curious to know how it would feel to date someone else that is not you.

hotjoint 04-14-2009 07:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_crayon (Post 6378827)
who would want to date other people when he/she is already happy in the current relationship? to me it sounds like she is getting bored and isn't feeling excited about the relationship anymore therefore curious to know how it would feel to date someone else that is not you.
:werd:

sexyflanders 04-17-2009 11:49 PM
Let him/her go immediately. If someone would ask that question probably means he/she have thought about it at some level of seriousness. Or worse "other people" might be more specific than you think. I mean who is dumb enough to ask that question just for fun?

BoneThug 04-18-2009 02:08 AM
no. i would not be down.

Graeme S 04-18-2009 10:03 AM
Who remembers the pure relationship thread? Was I not the one who called it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graeme S (Post 6367159)
The sole purpose of continuing to live? LIVING YOUR LIFE!

See, it's always interesting for me when I run in to a person like yourself. Being hte person I am, I really REALLY don't want one of those so-called "pure" relationships that you're talking about. You know, the one where you fall in love at 16 and then live out the rest of your days. You know why?

Resentment.

I've known quite a few couples who've gotten together, stayed together; sometimes married, sometimes not. Sometimes kids, sometimes not. And then 10 years down the road, one or each of them says "You know honey, it's not that I don't like you, but I have no idea if you're the best for me or not. You've been my only...but I don't know if that's good enough."

And sometimes they've regretted saying that; sometimes people come back together; sometimes one wants to get back together but the other doesn't.

I don't want a "pure" relationship. I want someone who's made mistakes, who's dated around, who's figured out what she does and doesn't want, and that she's picked THE RIGHT GUY for settling down with.

ie: Me.


Once she's finished living her life, of course. I don't plan on getting married for the next half-decade AT LEAST. I have too much of life to live first.

yameen 04-18-2009 11:22 AM
This is interesting because my ex and I talked about this. My ex had been with many guys so she knows what she wants. However, I only went out with 3 and each of them lasted about a month or so. She goes on ranting about how I might like someone else along the way when I find out that there's someone better. To be honest, I think it's bs and I believe that if you're happy and content with that person, it'll last. What about those who ended up marrying the first person they ever had a relationship with? I never believed that a person needs to go through many relationships to find out what they want.

Graeme S 04-18-2009 11:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TG (Post 6385800)
This is interesting because my ex and I talked about this. My ex had been with many guys so she knows what she wants. However, I only went out with 3 and each of them lasted about a month or so. She goes on ranting about how I might like someone else along the way when I find out that there's someone better. To be honest, I think it's bs and I believe that if you're happy and content with that person, it'll last. What about those who ended up marrying the first person they ever had a relationship with? I never believed that a person needs to go through many relationships to find out what they want.
Quoted directly from the other thread, so apologies if not all is relevant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graeme S (Post 6370029)
I search for meaning, but I search through living. If you sit on your ass and just contemplate life, you'll never get anywhere. The only way you can figure out what you want is to figure out what you don't. Don't you think so?

Who said that I wouldn't mind if she cheated on me? According to my future-relationship schema, she'll've dated enough guys to figure out exactly what kind of guy she wants; cheating (while not necessarily nonexistant) will be reduced, I would expect.

You need to be careful how you define a "pure" relationship. When you say a "pure" relationship, that means to most people a highschool couple who falls in love, gets married, has kids, lives happily forever after.

But you know what? You need to reevaluate what that really means. My grandparents have been married for SIXTY YEARS this year. Do you know how their marriage lasted? My grandfather spent an average of 4 months out of the year away from home; travelling, hiking, camping. My grandmother woke up at 5AM went to bed at 9PM. My grandfather woke up at 11AM, went to bed at 3AM.

Notice that? They stay together so well because THEY RESPECT EACH OTHER'S SPACE AND TIME. You need to define what you mean as a "pure" relationship, 'cause it sounds like your definition and mine are different.

BoneThug 04-18-2009 03:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TG (Post 6385800)
This is interesting because my ex and I talked about this. My ex had been with many guys so she knows what she wants. However, I only went out with 3 and each of them lasted about a month or so. She goes on ranting about how I might like someone else along the way when I find out that there's someone better. To be honest, I think it's bs and I believe that if you're happy and content with that person, it'll last. What about those who ended up marrying the first person they ever had a relationship with? I never believed that a person needs to go through many relationships to find out what they want.
i def disagree but everyone is different. i dont see how someone could be even know what they want without exp a lot of differences. what i thought i liked and what i found out i liked through exp is not similar at all.


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