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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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06-27-2009, 09:38 PM
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#26 | | Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Cloverdale
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She should have just told her husband she knows you from elementary school and you are gay. Reality is it shouldn't even be a big deal but some people are so insecure sometimes it creates less stress just bending the truth a bit. If you're percieved to be gay theres no threat there, it's like she's hanging out with one of her lady friends.
My wife goes shopping with her gay guy friend from work. I've met him and he's a full blown nancy so no threat there. 
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The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I donīt care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. Thatīs how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. - Rocky Balboa | 
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06-27-2009, 11:33 PM
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#27 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 5,688
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I can see that you see her as a really good friend, but to be honest if i was her husband i wouldn't like it either. Don't talk to her anymore and just wait it out until she apologizes or something, but even then, you should keep your distance.
P.S. - Do you like her? or did you have feelings for her before?
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06-27-2009, 11:52 PM
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#28 | | What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: vancouver
Posts: 165
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She's giving reason for her husband to be suspicious. Have you even tried meet him before? And have you tried to have dinner with the both of them?
If you really want to help your friend regardless of who is right and wrong, it would be better for their marriage if you did see less of her.
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06-28-2009, 12:47 AM
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#29 | | Diagonally parked in a parallel universe
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,349
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I think the biggest problem here is not the fact that you're hanging out with her, it's HER LIEING to her BF about chilling with you. If she needs to lie to chill with you than maybe it's not a good idea to hang out with her. If you know she's lieing to her bf to chill with you than you are supporting her lies, you should tell her straight up chilling with you should not be a secret because this causes suspicion that there is something going on between you two.
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06-28-2009, 04:56 AM
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#30 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: May 2002 Location: van
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husband >>>>>>>>>> you
She did the right thing. However, you are not at fault. you asked and she answered. Simple.
If she does not want text messages from you regarding you inviting her for dinner, she should tell you - which she did.
Keep in mind, when you have a wife:
wife>>>>>>>> than your female friends. If not, you married the wrong woman.
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06-28-2009, 10:21 AM
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#31 | | I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,556
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my girlfriend has no problem with me going out with my female friends. Thats because she trusts me that i wont do anything. I have a few female friends that i go out to dinner with go shopping with etc. that ive known for a long time and would never even think of making a move on. It goes both ways as well I have no problem with my gf going to hang out with her guy friends. Now if it was someone that she doesnt know very well or whatever than I would have a problem with it. But just because your in a relationship doesnt mean you cant hang out with all your old friends.
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"Make love not war, condoms are cheaper than guns"
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06-28-2009, 01:43 PM
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#32 | | What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: vancouver
Posts: 165
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Originally Posted by 3seriesBeeM  my girlfriend has no problem with me going out with my female friends. Thats because she trusts me that i wont do anything. I have a few female friends that i go out to dinner with go shopping with etc. that ive known for a long time and would never even think of making a move on. It goes both ways as well I have no problem with my gf going to hang out with her guy friends. Now if it was someone that she doesnt know very well or whatever than I would have a problem with it. But just because your in a relationship doesnt mean you cant hang out with all your old friends. | what if your gf has a guy friend that she hangs out with frequently, you've never met this guy before, she claims to be a childhood friend, and will not even give you get the chance to meet him. ??
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06-28-2009, 01:51 PM
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#33 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: May 2002 Location: vancity
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^ to add on top of that, the girl is hiding the guy from the husband... only way husband finds out is by a text on her phone...
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06-28-2009, 03:52 PM
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#34 | | I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: vancouver
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^ I have met all her guy friends that she goes to dinner with or whatever and she has met all my gf that i do that stuff with as well. I would be suspicous if she was trying to hide someone from me. If i found a text on her phone from someone I didnt know saying lets meet up for dinner i would be quetioning that.
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"Make love not war, condoms are cheaper than guns"
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06-28-2009, 08:29 PM
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#35 | | No Duplicate Accounts Allowed
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Car
Posts: 215
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It's 100% the girls fault. If she was just smart enough to introduce you the her husband and say "oh this is my friend willy, we've known each other since grade 2" or something he would not have a problem with you. But because in her stupid little head she thought that maybe this friendship, dating back to elementary school, needs to for some reason be hidden from her husband, you are now no longer friends. And now convenient she blames it on you too. Tell her to fuck herself
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06-28-2009, 09:11 PM
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#36 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 1,171
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Originally Posted by iceburner No, YOU'RE the dumbass that thinks that once a long time female friend gets a boyfriend, you're magically never supposed to talk to her again.
HEllo... LONG TIME FEMALE FRIEND... FRIEND HERE... Do you have NO idea what friendship is?? Are you from some backwards place like Iran where you treat woman as objects?? Not friends??
But anyways. I'd just leave her alone and let your friend and her husband sort it all out | HELLO? If she's ready to move on than so should he and start a new life of his own. You obviously don't have a big group of friends to hang around.
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06-28-2009, 10:23 PM
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#37 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Vancouver->HK
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Originally Posted by nonamehustla HELLO? If she's ready to move on than so should he and start a new life of his own. You obviously don't have a big group of friends to hang around. | lol, you're an ass.
But on topic, it's the woman's fault (~as always) for not being truthful with her insecure husband, which likely is because there's a trust issue where she hasn't been truthful in the past.
On the other hand, marriage > you, so you should back off for awhile and take it a step at a time. But a 14-yr friendship shouldn't be abandoned so quickly...even if you...uh...have "a big group of friends to hang around..."
The ball is in her court on how to handle the situation. Would she ditch you for her husband? Come clean with her husband and earn some trust? Or continue with the lies? Proceed with caution.
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06-29-2009, 07:07 AM
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#38 | | Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Surrey
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Originally Posted by 3seriesBeeM my girlfriend has no problem with me going out with my female friends. Thats because she trusts me that i wont do anything. I have a few female friends that i go out to dinner with go shopping with etc. that ive known for a long time and would never even think of making a move on. It goes both ways as well I have no problem with my gf going to hang out with her guy friends. Now if it was someone that she doesnt know very well or whatever than I would have a problem with it. But just because your in a relationship doesnt mean you cant hang out with all your old friends. |  same with my gf and I
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06-29-2009, 07:08 AM
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#39 | | The sound of inevitability
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Lindenhurst
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Heres the deal.
Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.
So here is some advice for ALL of you.
If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.
You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.
Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.
If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.
No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.
I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit.
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The only ocean creature you can call yourself is the giant squid. He's the destroyer of ships, and the eater of seamen. At least you share one of those traits. -Hypa
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06-29-2009, 08:02 AM
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#40 | | Even when im right, revscene.net is still right!
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^^ I'll have to agree with The7even and to add to that... I believe there is a lack of communication between all parties... with wife to husband and friend to friend... problems and insecurities and miscommunications are caused because each one of you is misinformed... if you were all on the same page and were all talking to each other and aware of each other then perhaps there wouldn't be such a problem. If you all can't be comfortable with talking to each other then it won't work... Her husband is an extension of her life and just as you have respect for her, as long as he's supportive of her, taking care of her and keeping her safe and happy then you need to respect him as well. Marriage brings 2 people together to live their lives as one... respecting her is also means respecting her family. That's just my take on the whole thing..
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Originally Posted by SkinnyPupp When you fuckers lose your virginity, you will learn to appreciate the beauty of natural women. For now, stick to your magazines and porns where all the bitches are shaved to keep the crabs under control ;) |
Last edited by Osaka; 06-29-2009 at 08:08 AM.
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06-29-2009, 08:20 AM
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#41 | | Hypa owned my ass at least once
Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Japan
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Originally Posted by The7even Heres the deal.
Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.
So here is some advice for ALL of you.
If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.
You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.
Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.
If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.
No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.
I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit. | TBH, what does the OP expect when he's asking a forum populated by people who just graduated adolescence.
Nonamehustla is bang on and the OP's gotta get his own thing going on. People change, people move on. Doesn't mean you're any less of a friend. Just because she moved on sooner than he did doesn't mean he gets to bitch what a poor friend the chick is.
Oh well, I figure the OP will clue in once more and more of his friends get married.
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06-29-2009, 09:12 AM
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#42 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Burnaby
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^ THANK you The7even what I've been saying the whole time. People need to grow up and move on...
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06-29-2009, 10:55 AM
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#43 | | RS Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: GTA
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Originally Posted by nonamehustla Not to be harsh or anything but get a life and hang out with someone else. | Quote:
Originally Posted by willystyle How does hanging out with a married woman equates to not having a life?
Go fuck yourself. | LOL! Sensitive much? 
Seems like you're looking for reassurance more than anything else.
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Originally Posted by Badhobz Yeah. Typical Mainlander Barbie doll.
Her car even smelled nice. Like a mixture of luxury perfume and a hint of
.. vag ? Fish sauce ? Something a bit dank | | 
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06-29-2009, 11:43 AM
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#44 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Richmond
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Both of you are in the wrong- end of story. Doesn't matter if you're playing with Lego or fucking each other on your little dates- Points is you guys are lying and hiding secrets. That's enough to break the trust between their relationship.
If you know all of this then you know what the right course of action is- If you don't, do society a favour and don't ever have kids. You're probably gonna teach them stupid things and they'll just be a hazard to society.
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06-29-2009, 02:54 PM
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#45 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: van
Posts: 1,067
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pics or it didnt happen.
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06-29-2009, 03:27 PM
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#46 | | VLS Pet Forum Mod
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Langley, BC
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To the op: this friend is using you. By not introducing you to her husband she is keeping a part of her single life alive. Personally I would not want any part. Unfortunately being caught in a lie she turned around and attacked you. If she's not mature enough to stop using secret guy friends to keep her husband doting on her then I would walk away, slowly with your hands out in front of you.
Personally I don't see a problem with hanging out with the opposite sex who is married. I do however make sure that my guy knows who these men are. Most of them he is now friends with as I make sure to introduce him to them. I do go out with them on occasion for coffee, dinner, walks, etc. but my other half knows. On the other end though I can see where her hubby is coming from. I have been in a similiar situation, except the other person wasn't a school friend (it was someone he met when we were broken up).
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Mother of MisFit.
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06-29-2009, 08:55 PM
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#47 | | NEWBIE ACCOUNT!
Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Richmond
Posts: 16
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theres nothing wrong with hanging out with her just because she's married. But, being her best friend, if you knew shes sneaking around to hang out with you, you shoulda been the first person to tell her what she is doing is wrong. You should be trying to help her marriage... And if you ever pressured her to hang out with you, then you are just lame~
but it concerns me that he's been around for 8 years and you guys hvnt all become frnds... I mean if you're her best frnd. i'll have to agree with what was said before about her using you to feel single and side with those who say you should back off~
Last edited by np3player; 06-29-2009 at 09:03 PM.
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06-29-2009, 10:51 PM
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#48 | | WOAH! i think Vtec just kicked in!
Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Yaletown
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Hanging out with friends of the opposite sex that are married is fine. The problem I have here is hat she's been with her husband for so many years and it doesn't sound like he's gotten close any of her guy friends. Did she have any male friends at the wedding then?
It sounds like it's just been a lack of communication and trust issues from the beginning. She should have introduced you to each other in the beginning if you 2 are so close. What's made matters worse now is that by hiding it, she's been doing this behind her husbands back. Regardless what you 2 are doing, whether it's dinner or just hanging out, it doesn't look good when he see's she's getting texts on her phone for dinner from a guy he really doesn't know much about.
I've gone to dinner, gone shopping and worked out with female friends that are married or engaged, but not often. I've also met their fiances or husbands so we all know each other. There are boundaries, even if you 2 are the closest of friends, she's going to spend more time with him. If you still want to be friends with her, then give her some time and then apologize for overstepping the boundaries and that if she still wants to hang out with you then she's gonna need to talk to her husband and that you'll try to respect her time more.
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06-30-2009, 04:38 AM
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#49 | | I keep RS good
Join Date: May 2001 Location: Cosmos
Posts: 28,661
Thanked 5,539 Times in 1,502 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by The7even Heres the deal.
Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.
So here is some advice for ALL of you.
If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.
You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.
Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.
If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.
No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.
I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit. |
I agree with this completely.
once you're married, it's another stage in life, and relationships change.
just like relationships change from elementary to highschool to college to work life, and to married.
with marriage comes sacrifice, and the sacrifice is always personal life. ALWAYS.
and i truly believe that people are so "individual" now that they don't want to sacrifice any of their personal life, thats why marriages fail. individualism never works unless you're a super hero. hah.
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06-30-2009, 04:46 AM
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#50 | | The "You'd Know" Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Home
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Given the questions the OP has asked lately, he needs to get some common sense and get this priority straight.
After your friend's married, never give off the vibe that you are wrecking their house.
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Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. | |
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