[Confidential] Commitment issues?
 

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.


I recently got out of a 11mo relationship. The girl was completely into me but I found I couldn't get myself to like her the same way/level. We never fought or argued, but to a certain degree, I just felt "comfortable" but never "infatuated". I tried giving it some time, and when the feelings didn't develop, I decided not to waste anyone's time and pulled the plug.

Since then, I have talked to several friends about this, and while most agreed I did the "right" thing, one thing came up that I had never considered: I was just too inexperienced to know what I want, and that I simply need to play the field more.

FYI, this is my 1st serious relationship ever, at 11 months. My next closest one was 4 years ago, and lasted 4 weeks.

With that said, I feel like a bit of an a$$hole for doing this to a girl who I think was almost ready to marry me (not trying to brag, just stating the fact). So anyways, I need some insight on whether I did the right thing, and what I should do for the future, both short and long term. Also, should I have contact with this girl? If so, when? I think she's a totally great person, and in terms of personality we're 95+%. I just don't think we're compatible as bf/gf.

You did the right thing.

As for keeping contact, as long as every party can keep cordial, I don't see what's wrong with retaining another friend.

In the future, I wouldn't worry about it. Just because you couldn't take the plunge on this one doesn't mean you will be incapable with others. This situation is very subjective to many variables:

* your current situation
* the type of girl you're currently with
* her current situation
* etc etc.

And depending on the combination of variables, the result will vary accordingly.

may be you should call her and tell her what you told us, get some closure if that helps

Also, if you don't feel it then you don't feel it. If you try to work it out it and get married, it won't last long.

I agree with what the above 3 posters have said. You did the right thing. Dont feel bad for yourself, if you were to stay with her then you would have been doing both of you a great disservice

what's her reaction when you told her to break up?
and is she still going after you right now?

I don't think any girl would be happy with your decision, but hey, some girls are fine with that and they move on.

if i was in the girl's position, i would want you to be as honest as you are in the post and explain to me why you felt it wouldn't. i would still be heart broken but the honesty would help.

+1 to all the above posters. you have to be really really open and let her know it wasn't anything to do with her or the relationship, it was just your feelings/commitment levels.

I agree with the above

make sure she knows the real reason why. that way she won't be heartbroken and clueless at the same time

ready to marry you after 11 months? cmon man

^ whats wrong with that? I kno tons of couples who've dated for like 10-12 months and got engaged then married wasting no time

I think you were right in taking off
It could have been much worse in the long run, you spared each other many problems.

if you think she can handle the truth, tell her...but if you think she can't
then perhaps you can come up with something else to say

marriage is not the end goal to a relationship... taking more or less time is not wasting time or being more efficient... its not like the shortcut to get to work faster by-passing the highway..


for the OP... sometimes it requires a strong emotional attraction to make somebody committed... in this case you just didn't find it in this girl... don't worry though its not like your the only one doing it.. everybody has their moments...