[Confidential] Need some advice
 

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.



Been going out with this girl for almost half year now. I'm in the early 20's and so is she. Everything's been going great, and we get along great. All the problems that arise, we face together and get through them. I do have this one problem that's been bothering me quite a bit. One day she took a nap back at home after coming home from school, and I was using her laptop. Her msn messenger signed in automatically, and I saw myself (offline) and this other girl (one of her close friends) on her list. I clicked on her name, and in the conversation it showed the previous messages. They were talking about planning for halloween, and all that and shortly before, they were talking about the things I've done that the gf thinks is wrong or dumb. So I got curious, I kept reading back until I got to around the time we started going out. I found out that at the time, she liked one of my other friends, but my friend wasn't interested in her. So instead she chose me because I liked her. After I kept reading, I saw something that she wrote which worried me. She said the guy (friend) was her lust in her dreams, etc. Her friend said that it was wrong to think like that, but I still feel uncertain. I know it was wrong to keep looking into the chatlogs, but curiousity killed me. Now I'm wishing I never opened that chatlog. She deleted the guy off her phone couple months ago, and doesnt talk about him anymore with her other girlfriends. But I do know she facebooks him every now and then. Should I be worried? Did I get in the way between her real feelings? I'm certain that I'm in a good relationship right now, and things are going great. We're really really close now too. Maybe it was just before? Or I could give it some time? Please help if you have any ideas =(

I just popped over this new one, so I'll give you quick 2 cents.

These are things you can't really worry about. Despite it being your friend that she WAS interested in, in the end, you are the one she chose. There will always be other people that your significant other will look at and lust over. It's up to you to show them that you are the whole package and the one she should be with...regardless of what happens in the past or future.

IMO, in the end she is with you and not him...isn't that enough?

don't throw a brick straight up, u'll regret it

a persons feelings can change overtime (which i'm assuming hers did with you). face it, everyone you've ever dated has liked someone else before you--doesn't matter if it was someone you didn't know or someone you did know. the thing you have to focus on is that was the past.

as for your gf complaining to her friend about stupid things you do..i wouldn't take it to heart. it's normal to have annoyances with the s/o and it's only natural to complain to a friend about it. it doens't mean she likes you any less.

trust is the foundation of a relationship, without it..it's not going to work.

Dont hold the past against someone, especially your girlfriend. It would be different if you had read she cheated on you or something and she was confessing to her friend about it.
Like everyone said she chose you so dont worry about it

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any posts in this thread please feel free to PM me


I remember she said in the chatlog when we first started going out: "Sigh, I have 0 chance with (my friend) now." Then her friend goes, well you have your bf now! etc..

Then two months after we started going out, she said "(my friend) was supposed to go dinner with us today, but he was too busy apparently with his work so he couldn't make it. I wanted to see him but oh well."

After that, there's no more talk since the last 3 months.

^If they don't talk anymore then don't worry. Don't even bring shit up over some stupid MSN chat log, lest you wanna ruin what you've got right now.

ruin what ? i dont think theres much value in their current relationship... if the girl was all over his friend, and OP was just there to be the lifeboat... what makes you think in the future OP's gf won't find someone else and quickly dump OP if that guy liked her back? foundations are really important in relationships... you need a secure base to hold all the shit that comes through in a relationship

I don't think that the circumstances of their relationship make it worth opening a can of worms like snooping through GF's msn chat logs. Just because it turns out that he was the second choice at the time they started dating doesn't mean he will always be a second choice to somebody else. For all we know, OP's girl may have grown to love OP more than her lust for OP's friend.

We don't know the full story, and as far as I know OP's girl deleted the guy off her phone, and hardly talks to him at all. I think that means a lot. She might have been going through her own internal struggles tearing her feelings between OP and his friend, or maybe she just decided to go with OP for convenience, but as long as OP can tell that she sincerely loves him now, he shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Can't convict a person if they haven't done a crime.

Nothing you can do short of dumping her (NOT telling you to do this!) about the situation. Obviously you can't talk about it.

If the girl hooks up with your buddy in the future, sorry dood, the 2 of you weren't meant to be. If she stays with you, you are meant to be. :)

like what others said
she chose you in the end
feelings change all the time
i mean who knows the OP might have feelings towards another girl

if u guys dig eachother its all good

and no one is perfect

girls always whine and bitch about their bf no matter how good they are LOL

Women bitch and whine about everything.

its true that she chose you in the end. she chose you because you were the second option/lifeboat/whatever.

what got me thinking about this situation is: the girl didnt like the op much, if at all, in the beginning 2/3 months. the girl sounded like she was depressed that she can't get the first guy.

this sounds wrong (at least in the beginning). the relationship may be fine now, but it just got me thinking.

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

Thanks for the opinion guys..

I forgot one thing: she also mentioned how (in the beginning first couple months) that "she just thinks he's cute, that's all."

And for being a lifeboat, I'm not sure if I was one, but I was there for her when times weren't that great. And I don't know if she had any feelings for me in the beginning, maybe a little but now I think it's going fine.