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12-14-2009, 12:59 AM
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#1 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Richmond
Posts: 2,345
Thanked 736 Times in 159 Posts
| Shitting while penis half erected (semi nfw)
Quote:
Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...
As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....
At that point things get even worse...
The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....
I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...
she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???
At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!
I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"
I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...
she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..
I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.
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12-14-2009, 01:02 AM
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#2 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Richmond
Posts: 4,780
Thanked 2,543 Times in 840 Posts
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is he retarded. can't he just fucking hold his dick in the toilet?
what is he like 12 inch long?
the fuck
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12-14-2009, 01:18 AM
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#3 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: May 2007 Location: New West
Posts: 3,160
Thanked 1,341 Times in 557 Posts
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12-14-2009, 01:26 AM
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#4 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Zerg
Posts: 959
Thanked 32 Times in 10 Posts
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HOLY FUCK THIS IS HILARIOUS LOL
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12-14-2009, 01:29 AM
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#5 | | Ask me about how I answered the question "How fat is TOO fat?"
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,132
Thanked 4,122 Times in 1,141 Posts
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hahaha that would SUCK if you were in that situation
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db7 5AT - RIP Quote:
Originally Posted by toyota86  the guys over at lambo vancouver said there are 60-70 pre-orders already. don't quote me though. | | |
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12-14-2009, 01:48 AM
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#6 | | Hacked RS to become a mod
Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sunny Hong Kong
Posts: 52,357
Thanked 23,817 Times in 8,191 Posts
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What the fuck must this guy be high on to come up with that shit! I want some!
Actually wait, I don't.
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12-14-2009, 03:08 AM
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#7 | | RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Richmond
Posts: 4,658
Thanked 171 Times in 62 Posts
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that is freaking awesome!!!
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12-14-2009, 06:19 AM
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#8 | | ESKETIT
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: EASTVAN
Posts: 23,300
Thanked 9,648 Times in 2,303 Posts
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lol EPIC FAIL  | |
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12-14-2009, 06:33 AM
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#9 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,138
Thanked 1,323 Times in 579 Posts
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Haha, doesn't look like he's peeing. Looks like he's jacking off and cumming all over the place.
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12-14-2009, 07:03 AM
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#10 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 129
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
hahahhahaha
dayum his ass is fat
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12-14-2009, 07:09 AM
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#11 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 622
Thanked 23 Times in 16 Posts
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Awesome. I really hope that story is true.
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12-14-2009, 07:12 AM
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#12 | | Fathered more RS members than anybody else. Who's your daddy?
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 24,753
Thanked 11,514 Times in 4,905 Posts
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Well, it's hard for people who are hung to take a shit. Cock hits/smears on the toilet all the time, so you have to hold it up and out of toilet whle taking a dump.
I suggest a pee bottle like the kind they use in hospitals.
Plus, taking a pee while errect is not supposed to be possible.
__________________ Quote: |
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Dirty look from MG1 can melt steel beams.
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12-14-2009, 08:02 AM
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#13 | | Hacked RS to become a mod
Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sunny Hong Kong
Posts: 52,357
Thanked 23,817 Times in 8,191 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by 89blkcivic Well, it's hard for people who are hung to take a shit. Cock hits/smears on the toilet all the time, so you have to hold it up and out of toilet whle taking a dump.
I suggest a pee bottle like the kind they use in hospitals.
Plus, taking a pee while errect is not supposed to be possible. | You have that problem too? Just the thought of having it scrape the bowl is just.. UGH
Peeing while erect is totally possible. Peeing while coming is what's not supposed to be possible.
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12-14-2009, 08:04 AM
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#14 | | Rs has made me the woman i am today!
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,066
Thanked 634 Times in 142 Posts
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OMFG!!!
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12-14-2009, 08:06 AM
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#15 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: 604
Posts: 1,049
Thanked 160 Times in 80 Posts
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Originally Posted by 89blkcivic Plus, taking a pee while errect is not supposed to be possible. | Haven't you ever peed with morning wood?
Or maybe in your old age, you've forgotten what morning wood is? 
(no disrespect intended, it's just too easy!)
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12-14-2009, 08:18 AM
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#16 | | JDMEK9Mod | DogWhisperer
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Richmond
Posts: 14,373
Thanked 5,278 Times in 1,634 Posts
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12-14-2009, 08:28 AM
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#17 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 16,142
Thanked 627 Times in 368 Posts
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wtf tats some fucked up shit
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12-14-2009, 08:44 AM
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#18 | | I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,556
Thanked 26 Times in 12 Posts
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hahahaha that was the funniest thing ever. I feel bad for that guy hopefully the girl wasnt hot.
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"Make love not war, condoms are cheaper than guns"
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12-14-2009, 08:49 AM
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#19 | | Hacked RS to become a mod
Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sunny Hong Kong
Posts: 52,357
Thanked 23,817 Times in 8,191 Posts
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.... Why would you feel bad for the guy? It's just a stupid funny story  | |
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12-14-2009, 09:05 AM
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#20 | | Circle Stick Square Mod
Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 4,934
Thanked 249 Times in 114 Posts
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lol wtf funny read
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12-14-2009, 09:08 AM
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#21 | | OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Coquitlam
Posts: 5,324
Thanked 3,782 Times in 1,242 Posts
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hah, this made its way around the forums quickly
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'16 Ram 1500
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12-14-2009, 09:13 AM
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#22 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 451
Thanked 53 Times in 22 Posts
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Damn that was funny. I can't stop laughing.
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12-14-2009, 09:37 AM
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#23 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: May 2001 Location: 604
Posts: 16,870
Thanked 605 Times in 200 Posts
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love the drawings
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12-14-2009, 09:50 AM
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#24 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: 604
Posts: 1,095
Thanked 508 Times in 91 Posts
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA what great thing to start off my day with LOL
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12-14-2009, 09:57 AM
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#25 | | Media Officer / MOD
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: vancouver
Posts: 28,073
Thanked 5,751 Times in 1,724 Posts
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LOL awesome drawings
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