[Confidential] Feeling like crap
 

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

I slept with my friend recently and I feel like the biggest piece of trash. It isn't because I'm starting to fall for this person but because of the reason I did it. My ex and I broke up months ago but I can't seem to forget about this person. (I want to be gender neutral in this post) My friend and I have been been flirting and having sexual tension since the first time we ever met (2 years ago) and we finally gave into those temptations. I havent had sex in months and I have been heating for osme. The sex was fucking amazing, mindblowing if you will...but at the end of it I just felt like shit. All I could think about was what I had with my ex and it got so bad that I almost freaked when my friend slept/laid on my ex's pillow, just because "my ex" used it. It sounds completely psycho and stupid but the feeling didn't sit well with me. I know it wont ever work again with my ex and I am trying to move on (believe me) but there are these memories thats hindering and it is making even casual sex not fun. Maybe it's the fact that I'm no longer in that phase of my life where fun is just "fun" and I'm lookign for something more serious? Id on't know. And no, I am not 19.

What should I do?

Have a threesome with her and your ex!

guys, be serious.

look, you just got out of a relationship, you will of course feel like crap b/c feelings for the ex is still there.
there is nothing much that you can really do but get your mind off of things, such as working out, joining recreational leagues, hanging out w/ friends, etc.

time will heal.

Do it some more with this friend. It would make the first time doing it with them not as bad. And maybe you will fall for him/her/it?

atleast you know you have a conscience.

in all seriousness, maybe taking a step back and being single for awhile will enlighten you and put things in different perspectives. When your relationship ended, you lost something else within you. Take the time to find it again, and don't rush into things.

i think you just feel bad you could bring yourself to move on... im guessing maybe ur ex is still kinda hung up on you and you have feelings still too? just give it time, maybe drop the sex for now

if you're a guy, now you've learnt what it's like to have meaningless sex, learn from it.

if you're a girl, now all your friend's friends know, learn from it.

if you're a guy, and you decide to go single for a while, don't fuck your friends, pick girls up, and learn how to ween them off or just kick them out, we all have our needs, girls should know that by now, they shouldn't be surprised when its time to leave.

if you're a girl, learn to keep that shit under the carpet or you'll be labeled a slut regardless of what real facts are.

As for the sex, it happened. It's in the past. Get over it. Make sure you both understand that. Then apologize for using him/her, because it sucks to find out later from another source that you threw aside friendship to indulge your own needs.

Unless you know there is no potential for anything further, step back from the relationship for now until you're sure you are past your old flame. For the time being, realize that you're damaged goods and that any new relationship shouldn't hinge on the fact that the new "person" is second rate.

Reminds me of that episode when Ned Flanders brings up a girl to his bedroom and asks her not to lay on his wife’s side because it's preserved hahah.

If you know it won't work out with your ex, let things go. It's like a collection of junk at home we call saving memories, they just needs to be thrown out. Once you take those steps, you'll move on with your life.

Ulic gives great advice :thumbsup:

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member


Everything you guys have said, I know what you're saying and I've been dealing for months with this issue. I've went on trips with friends, worked countless overtime nights and everything imaginable. I know the steps to make myself feel better and move on but the thing is it is hard to do. I can put on a happy face infront of my friends and family but deep down I know that is not how I actually feel. As for Chronic604? that said there might be feelings there..no, my ex made it clear that they do not want to be with me any longer.

With my friend, I could like this person but I choose not to only because this person is not the committing type. We had a conversation prior as to what the sexual relationship would be and it's just sex. That's fine, I am very clear with myself when the cards are laid out infront of me.

Looking back, this was a mistake and ..I don't even know. I just hate myself right now.

so you can't get over ur ex. like i said just give it time you'll be fine

im gna guess you're a girl... guys aren't as inclined to feel guilty after sex. (understandable if you're still thinking about ur ex) but yo... its just sex.

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

Quote Chronic604. What if I told you I am bi? Would your advice change? I know how you can assume I am a girl (maybe I am) with the emotional attachment shit but I don't believe guys out there/here would not be as "emotionally inclined" to feel guilty. Sex is just sex, I hear ya but once you hit a certain age and status in your life as to where you wanna be..it's different. Fun doesn't include what fun use to be (random sex, binge drinking, getting high etc). Maybe it's because you're young(er) but ....it's different/ Any older members here hear what I'm saying?

Date your friend.

Anon,

Everyone is different and it looks like you're wanting support and understanding more than advice. It's true, guys do tend less towards post-sex guilt, but it does exist for us as well.

But you can't dismiss what he's saying just because he's an annoying young punk. His points are valid (if ill-expressed). "Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels." Deal with it. It sucks now, and it'll continue sucking for some time. If you can't deal with fucking other people, don't. If you don't feel like dating others, don't.

But don't expect everyone to agree with what you're thinking/feeling. If you're feeling what I think you are, not a great number of people have felt what you have, or acknowledged feeling like that. There is nothing you can "do", you just have to wait.
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most guys wouldn't find what i said to be that offensive. if a guy asked for advice he would want advice, not emotional support... thats what your girls are for ;)

guys defend their actions with logic, women with emotion(how they felt at the time)

men age like fine wine... most older guys still enjoy "random sex, binge drinking, getting high" (if thats their thing) unless they're tied down

so im pretty sure ur female... ur getting older and society tells u to be mature, find a man and settle down... fuck it, let go of your fears and do what makes you happy

^ agreed.

What's been done has been done. If you even find casual sex to not even be fun then just don't do it. Simple as that. I don't know if you will agree but I think going on dates will perhaps make it better. Why I say this is because it is in human nature to be curious. Going on dates and meeting new people will spark curiosity back into your life. The feeling of wanting to know more and more about someone will replace your thrive to reminisce about your boyfriend. But meeting new people doesn't mean sleeping with new people.