Why Men Marry Bitches.
 

***WARNING: LONG READ***
Coles: important parts have been bolded for you lazy readers :p

has anybody ever read this?

i recently purchased this book by the same author who wrote "why men love bitches."
i can only read this book in small doses because while it's a good laugh, i find the undertone of this book and the real message insulting.
i'm starting to notice alot of books designed to empower women about the topic of relationships and men is basically a bunch of crap.

books like these teach women that they are never in the wrong and that it's always the guys' fault for being a slob, mean, cold, etc. therefore, we cannot change them and we should immediately kick them to the curb without looking back and find someone who matches us perfectly in every way.
for women who actually listen to these sort of crockpot books and do this, good luck with that and good luck with life.

they never address the fact that everything has a consequence. and that while there are a bunch of douchebag guys out there, most guys aren't really like that and what they do are just reactions to women's actions.

let's face it, some girls are just batshit crazy but the men get the fall for it because it's media like that, that suggest to women that there is someone who is your match in everyway and you'll never have a fight and love is easy.
there are always a lot of outside variables that may affect the partnership/people's feelings. personally, i think these books are written hypothetically speaking that everyone in question has had a happy childhood, stable family life and hasn't been heartbroken in the past.....which is generally unrealistic.

that being said, love and relationships are the exact opposite of easy. some days you're going to love each other and some days you're going to have to work on it. it's not about changing the one you're with or silently manipulating him to be someone you want him to be, it's about finding someone worth sticking it out with and the ability to COMPROMISE.

if women learned to stop pointing fingers at men and blaming them for our own personal issues then maybe they wouldn't react at us in a negative way. men don't like to hear "you did this wrong.." thus resulting in them being defensive and never listening to us...then girls bitch about it and now the guy is blamed.
girls should realize men have feelings too, no matter how much they try to hide it.. and when their ego is being attacked they will defend it with what they can.
so instead of saying "you did this wrong blahblah what's wrong with you?!" and emasculating them, treat your man with respect and calmly let him know how his actions made you FEEL. afterall, that's why you're having this conversation with him to begin with right?
don't use fighting/aggressive words and statements because this will CAUSE him to react and the cycle will continue.

as much as we want men to be able to successfully talk about their own feelings about things and admit their faults, women must be able to do that first...monkey see, monkey do (no offense, guys) and in order for us to do that, we must first ACKNOWLEDGE that not all men are evil and set out to destroy us and that sometime, most of the time (depending on who you are) maybe it was something YOU did that made him act in a way you didn't appreciate.
men are not perfect but neither are women.

Always reflect on your own actions/reactions/statements/tone before you run to your girlfriends and bring them the sob story about how your guy is such a jerk. we all know, some women just love to victimize themselves.

some people might ask "well why do I have to be the first one? why don't they do it first?"
Women, you don't have to be a "bitch" to be considered a strong respectable woman. A strong woman is defined by her character and her ability to assess themselves, acknowledge if there is anything about her to change and own up to her actions FIRST before putting all the blame on guys.


Instead, learn how to appreciate men for their good actions and show it instead of focusing on all their faults and how to change them. Stop thinking that you only have 2 choices: to CHANGE him or leave him.
Realize that you can only change YOURSELF and hope that it inspires others to look at themselves in the same light.

Just my 2 cents, feel free to add any thoughts :)

Side note: I'm not saying all men are blame free and all women are "crazy bitches" or that I'm perfect either..I'm still working on my own faults. I apologize if I seemed like I was generalizing men/women or if I offended anyone. I know it's a long read soo sorry for that too and thanks for reading! Haha:haha:

Coles?

Berz out.

there's a warning!!!!!!! and i bolded the more important statements so even the lazy ones can read too ;)
my paragraphs aren't even that big :(

Pretty good read, some of you women should take notes :p
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yay! thanks ;)
:ratedb:

No point reading this. Ulic's advice are much worthy.

meh thanks for your input anyway :)
if you don't support women ceasing to be men hating manipulative bitches and learn to be appreciative and positive towards men... well to each their own ;)

interesting

good read

I thought it was a good read too since I know someone like that :)
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x2 good read

Good read but I know it's not going to change some women.

I've seen some women who's upbringing made them what they are. Unfortunately some women grew up being overly princessed by their parents and over 18 years from child to adulthood have them convinced that their special in a way that's above her peers, and the world revolves around them and therefore the world must adjust around them and never the other way around.

This also in addition to the re-inforcement by guys who would do anything to get in a woman's pants. True story. And sometimes when the roots are as deep as that, I believe it's a lost cause.


But on the major, I find women to be reasonable.

so true.

its the revolution and the free rights shit
nowadays loads of women thinks they are the shit and blame men for everything -.-

doesn't really matter because pussy costs money while dick is free

Yes, i guess it's meant more to inform and possibly inspire similar behavior/attitudes. most women are very reasonable but i'm noticing that these books/messages have been targeted at young females all over the world. that we must be put on a pedestal and men must fight for us as a prize because we are angels sent down from heaven to make your drab little lives more enjoyable, crap like that. it's a bit annoying really..and definitely more challenging to reinforce positive attitudes towards men if a majority of women would rather spend their time being condescending. more challenging, but not impossible.

from a personal experience, i've been verbally/physically abused by an ex boyfriend when i was younger. but growing up with a brother and almost all male cousins, etc. i know how to hold my own in a confrontation/standoff. i was getting put down daily/getting into domestic disturbances at a time i was supposed to be having slumber parties with my girlfriends watching LOTR then gushing about boys.

so i can totally understand when women dig deep into instances like that. with similar negative experiences, there is always pain, fear and shame. pain from the verbal/physical/mental assaults, from having that validate your self worth. fear from wondering if it'll happen again or if the next guy will be worse. shame for letting something like that happen to you, not having the smarts to run when you had the chance. i had to do many a soul searching to be able to forgive myself and to forgive him (we have been best friends for about 6 years running and have never gotten into another violent confrontation) ..and with the right mentality/attitude, it was possible for me to do.

if someone like me, with a history like that, can adapt to this sort of positive thinking, i think other women can too. i'm still young so i am still constantly soul searching, assessing myself and changing my actions where necessary.

though it's true for some women, that their upbringing/experiences with men made them who they are.. it doesn't have to be this way if they realize that. everybody has a choice...easily, she can choose to have her experiences/roots control her, or to be more self aware and to control her actions/words, which will be a rough, patience testing journey.
ultimately, it is her attitude that will reflect this type of strength and her actions/reactions that will define her.

thank you for your opinion by the way, much appreciated :)

Lori Gottlieb's piece in the Atlantic is a better piece of advice for women:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...arry-him/6651/

(She's taken this piece and expanded it into a full-out book.)

If more men acted towards women the same way men act on the internet, I think the world would be a much better place.

don't fully agree, but an interesting look from a different perspective.

As someone who use to buy a shitload of self help books because I didn't understand why my relationships never worked out..you will realize these books are useless. Everything they teach you , you learn yourself as time goes on (and usually more powerful than some book). The older you get (and this goes for both males and females) you stop caring about having someone else "validating" you because you are confident and more comfortable in your own skin to know when to admit you're wrong or be more patient with relationships . Also, If you don't like yourself or self improve (mentally, emotionally, even physically) it's hard to love someone else when there's "hidden" resentment with yourself.
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you wanna talk to pedophiles while they're on the toilet?

the title seems a bit misleading... why men marry bitches... ? If you were a decent man with something to offer, why would you even consider marrying a bitch and having to put up with that shit?

many stubborn women resort to being an unreasonable bitch as a means of asserting themselves... a lot of guys who lack self esteem or brains will unconsciously subdue to this behavior which further validates it OR they will quietly grow more and more resentful and bottle their emotions (which saves the effort and stress that comes with confrontation)

I think hard wired gender differences account for much of this phenomena as it seems women have a wider range of high lows

I'm not saying you should be a pushover, but if you want your man to respect you, you have to be able to put yourself in his shoes and understand his perspective, and vice versa

I duno how I can relate the following to this topic, but you guys are creative enough to find some relationship between these two.

enjoy:


God: Who hath grazed from the tree of knowledge?
Adam: Someone ate from the tree?
God: The tree of knowledge.
Adam: Yeah, wow. Uh... that's just... wow. I don't know what to say.
God: Do you know something about it?
Adam: Well, I did notice something the other day, but...
God: But what?
Adam: Never mind. I shouldn't have said anyting; you probably wouldn't be interested anyway.
God: C'mon, tell me! You have to tell me, you can't do that!
Adam: Do what?
God: Say you know a secret and not tell me! Just give me a hint.
Adam: Well, okay. Now, I'm not saying Eve ate the apple, but let's just sat the she has been talking to Satan alot lately.
God: Get out!
Adam: Yep. They've been talking about lots of things. Temptation, bearing false witness, possibly fruit. Oops, here she comes.
Eve: Hey, guys.
Adam: Hey, Eve. So did you hear about the tree of knowledge?
Eve: No, what about it?
Adam: Someone ate from the tree.
Eve: What? That's terrible. Any idea who did it?
Adam: No idea, do you know anything?
Eve: This is the first time I've heard about it.
God: Don't make this difficult. I know you've been talking to Satan.
Eve: I don't know what you're talking about. Who told you that?
God: I have my sources.
Eve: I swear to -- you -- that i didn't eat the apple!
Adam: Listen, God, I have a confession to make: I ate the apple.
God: That's very nice of you, Adam, but you don't have to defend her. You've been a great help already.
Eve: Adam, what did you tell him?
Adam: I don't want to get involved. This is between you two.
God: Just come clean and we can move on.
Eve: It wasn't me!
God: Then who?
Eve: I don't know! Jesus!
God: Oh c'mon now, he hasn't even been born yet, that's the best you can come up with?
Eve: No, not Jesus the proper noun, I meant like "Jesus!" the exclamation.
God: Now you're being facetious. I'm tired of playing these games. Since you won't fess up, I have no choice but to damn your gender.
Eve: But--
God: Damned.
Eve: Adam, tell him!
Adam: I'd like to help you out, Eve, honest, but my hands are tied on this.
God: You can start by making seventy-five cents for every dollar a man makes.

I guess the moral of the story is, not why men marry bitches, but why women are bitches. HAH!

Honestly, as far as all this goes, it's not so much about the whole bitchiness thing, it's much more about setting limits and goals and all that. In a lot of soft wishy-washy relationships, couples don't really talk. And when couples do "really talk" it's almost always in a negative way. Why is it that doing something for the other person and being nice suddenly makes them more giving? It's because they're suddenly getting what they want! But then comes the problem--if you're always giving, you never end up with any kind of need or desire to improve or make the other person happy, so you end up in this cycle of 'nothing is good enough'.

Being nice is good, but you just as often have to set limits and be demanding. It's not at all about being a bitch for either the girls or the guys--it's totally about being realistic. You want something? Tell them. You're not getting it? Try giving something they want. That doesn't work? Deny them something they want.


The essence is that every relationship is some kind of give and take--nothing is perfect. Sometimes you can get what you want with honey, sometimes with vinegar.



Oddly enough, the truth is that you get more flies with malt vinegar than you do with honey. Go figure, huh?