[Confidential] Depression help?
 

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know.

Hi,

I am not sure, but I think I am going through major "depression" right now. At first I just thought it was just a normal depression that will go away; however, it has been with me for approximately half a year.

I did some research online, and I believe I have most of the listed symptoms. I do no know what I should do right now. I do no want to see my family doctor for personal reasons.

My symptoms have been growing stronger and stronger, and now I feel like I cannot cover it up anymore. Before (3 months ago) I will force myself to go out and socialize. However, yesterday afternoon I did not feel like doing anything but just hide away in my room and think about all the failures in my life and failures in the future. Whenever I am alone, I feel like I am a failure and I cannot do anything right. (Technically it is not just a feeling. I cannot succeed in anything that I put out 110% effort. Maybe because my expectation is really high?)

I wanted to suicide many times lately because of things not going so well for me in my life. The only reasons why I am still holding on is because I know my parents will be really sad if they see me go. I even thought about whether I should leave a letter on my desk before I suicide, or I should just suicide and not tell anyone about all the pain I am going through.

I have been getting angry really easily over stupid, little things that before I would have just ignored.

I always get this heavy feeling on my chest, and when I do get this feeling, I feel like I cannot move.

No one else knows about this, since I recently just realized how depress I am lately. I am really good at hiding in my feelings and acting happy around people. I am not sure if this is just a some random depression or something that will stick with me until I seek attention.

Will this painful feeling go away when i straighting things in my life?

What should I do? Is it possible for me to just walk into a psychiatrist without getting a referral letter from my family doctor?

If you don't want to go see your GP, go to a walk in. I believe a counsellor is the only person you can see without a referral (or paying out the ass for it). But either way, you need help and you need it now. Especially is suicidal thoughts have entered into the picture.

I went through this a few years ago, so please feel free to pm me if you'd like. Sometimes talking to someone who's been through it can help :)

these feelings will all go away you need to push through it and you will become a better person once you do

if your expectations are to high then you need to start trying to reach them and you will get there, like one of my good friends told me, Rome wasn't built in one day it takes time

i suggest getting started in mma it will teach you to become a better person or even just some form of output to help cope and find the balance in your life

I highly recommend you go to your GP & get both a prescription for anti depressents and a referal to a talk therapist. If you wish to go straight to therapy with out involving your doctor, I recommend you contact SHARE family councilling, they offer affordable councilling services (assuming you're in the Lower Mainland).

You can not push through chemical/clinical depression and if you've had any thoughts of suicide you need to get proffessional help ASAP.

I've had a history with major depression and a degree in psychology. If you would like some more resources I can probably dig some up for you, please feel free to pm me, but ultimately it's vital you seek help sooner than later and please ignore gdoh.

You can also go here: http://www.needcrisis.bc.ca/html/other_resources.htm and http://www.crisiscentre.bc.ca/ For a list of BC crisis hotlines.

Just letting everything out helps out a lot. Either find someone to talk to or if you dont want to use your account on here just make a new one and post away. A couple months ago I went through something similar when I realized that I was becoming an alcoholic. I got that under control but I was still some down about it. Didnt really want to talk about it with my family or friends so I made a post. Actually made me feel better.

Failing isn't really bad- Just think of it as another step to succeed.

If you're being depressed about your failures, learn to accept them. Everyone fails.

I think OP's problem is a little deeper than he/she realizes. Suicide doesn't usually enter the picture unless there is something VERY wrong. Which is where the GP/Counseling comes in.

Not everyone can "push through it". Some people will need extra assistance (such as counseling or anti-depressants), whereas some people (such as myself) can get by with simply speaking to friends about it. But people have to understand that anti-depressants aren't for everyone. I tried them and it only made things worse for me, so in order to get proper treatment, you need to be diagnosed properly. Mine is a simple chemical imbalance, but if I don't take care of it properly, it can get really out of hand.

So for the OP, I would stress going to see a doctor or therapist asap (like thenewgirl suggested). They can help you figure out what sort of depression it is and how best to treat it.

Not to say you shouldn't seek professional help (it sounds like you should), but physical activity helps. Go to the gym, lift weights, go for a run. Finding something you enjoy doing and get satisfaction in also helps. And I don't mean anything destructive (binge drinking, spending money, buying unnecessary stuff)

Until you've gone through it, or are close to someone who has, you simply won't understand what clinical depression is.
When you have depression, it's not like being sad. You can't just push through it, and it won't just blow over by thinking happy thoughts. It's a real problem that requires real solutions, usually in the form of counseling, drugs, or both.
The ignorant will say that you just have to suck it up, or do things to take your mind off of it, but the truth is, if you are really depressed, you need more than that.

Please refrain from posting in this thread unless you have experience with things like BPD, Bi Polar, Depression, etc.

Freakshow, I don't think just a "This post is thanked by:" thanks you enough for that.

So I thank you again.

OP: http://youthinbc.com/ also has a 24 hour hotline + chat room with volunteer councillers + email help. They may be able to refer you to some clinical resources or at least be able to talk/type you through some of what you're going through now.

And OP, I know it's hard to take the first steps to getting help but as cheesy as it sounds, it does get easier and better. When you start to get yourself help you reclaim control of your life and that heavy weight, it gets a bit lighter. Hang in there buddy.

Conan O'Brien is right...physical activity is awesome
since the weather is so nice now...just get outside and take a walk...

also, instead of focusing on the negatives, think about what you've accomplished in life...try to of ways to push the negative aspects out of your life..nothing comes easy and you have to want a change and work hard for it..

+1 on activity. grab your mp3 player and go for a walk / run / bike / roller blade whatever.

I had to do a research on deperession for a project at school.
Most people that become depressed usually have something gone wrong like drinking or a bad breakup. It seems to trigger the depression but all you really need to do is go to a doctor and get them to prescribe some anti-depression pills.

i know how you feel, i am going through it right now too. counseling and talking to friends didnt work for me. it wasnt chemical so im not gona take drugs making it possibly worse. i believe the only way to beat this is with acceptance. i havent accepted myself yet and thats why i feel depressed. as soon as you fully accept yourself and what your life has become then you can crawl out of that abyss. Its really hard but thats what i think the solution is. you have to truly accept that life is unfair and it usually doesnt go the way we wanted it to. pm me if ya wana chat, your not alone

+1 on contacting a couselling service like SHARE.

I went through a bout of depression when single parenthood, anxiety and lack of activity temporarily made me lose my perspective on life. I was constantly under pressure and always worried about things going wrong or that things weren't progressing as they should be, that it prevented me from moving forward, even a little bit at a time. Even the smallest tasks became hard to do and I was feeling hopeless all the time.

I did a really good job of covering it up and constantly told myself I could control my depression/anxiety instead it controlling me. I had too much pride to seek help until I told a trusted friend and she made me realize that I would only be doing myself a favour by getting things sorted out and finding help.

I went through several sessions at SHARE in Coquitlam and the counsellor gave me his perspective on what I was going through - it was an eye-opening experience. It's a lot different when someone who has no involvement in your situation hears you out and gives an opinion. I put a lot less stress on myself after that but I still had adverse physical symptoms caused by anxiety.

I was prescribed an anti-anxiety med and after my system loaded up, I felt like I was another person. I wasn't so worried, my outlook was positive and my energy level was great. I continued on my med for several months and could tell that if I went off it for a day or two, my feelings of anxiety would come back. I didn't want to rely on these pills but also knew that I wasn't ready to get off them. Long story short is after I was on my med for 3 years, I decided I was in the right frame of mind to wean myself off. It actually took me around a year to be completely med-free.

That last pill I took was over 3 years ago and to this day, I don't rule out the fact that I might fall into a situation where I might have to go on it again. I'm still not where I want to be in life (I don't think anyone with any type of goals really is) but I do what I can to get there and don't beat myself up about it - just work a little harder tomorrow and try to stay focused.

I would advise against taking prescription drugs...they force your brain to produce more serotonin, which makes you feel good short term but fucks you up in the long run because you run out of it..
Also, some people find that they get more depressed when they are on anti-depression drugs

http://www.quality-nutritional-suppl...serotonin.html
http://www.womens-health-questions.com/serotonin.html

another fact that many people don`t know: serotonin is made in the brain and in the gut..so your diet is really important

I don`t agree or like everything the author says, but this may give the OP more options:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/undergr...ith-julia-ross
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/undergr...ith-julia-ross

Actually this is NOT how SSRIs work. Most don't impact seritonine production at all. SSRIs are what are call Selective Seritonine Reuptake Inhibiters. I could explain how this works in detail but it would take pages. The long and short of it is you have an axon, one side makes the seritonine, the other side has little receptors for it. The making side releases the hormone into the channel between the two and some (not all) of it locks into the receptors on the receiving side. After a period of time the creating side 'reuptakes' or sucks back the seritonine in the channel. People with Clinical Depression often aren't for what ever reason responsive to the seritonine thier body makes so SSRIs slow Reuptake to give the body a slightly longer period of time to make the connection on the recieving side.

Also, yes, some people do yes react badly to anti depressents. Typically this means they've been misdiagnosed. Or they're young. There are specific anti depressents that shouldn't be taken by anyone under 21 (Effexor in particular, which effects more than just seritonine). There are others which are well tested and proven safe for youths.

There are a PLETHORA of other diseases and illnesses that create depression like symptoms. This is why it's important to go to a doctor and be screened for them. A short list includes:

Thyroid problems
Anxiety Disorders
Bi Polar Disorder
Diabetes
Attention Deficit Disorder
Celiac Disease
Chronic Fatigue Disorder
Cancer
Various Personality Disorders
High Blood Pressure
Heart Disease
Insomnia (can be both a cause and a symptom)
Eatting Disorders
Poor Nutrition
Substance Abuse
Addiction


And that's not an exustive list. This is why it's important not to self medicate/treat but to go to a medical practitioner and be properly screened so that you're treated for your actual real problem.

^Post Traumatic Anxiety is also another one.




I don't know how many times I could thank you for saying those words. Nobody understands the darkness that you're submerged it. You can't just "get out of it" as much as some people would like to tell you. Unless you've gone through it yourself, you do not know how bad it could get.


To the OP, the fine line of when you know you have to see a doctor is when it's effecting your daily life. You also need to find support. This is what I've learned from depression/bi-polar depression over the years:

1. As much as you want to push those people away, let your voice be heard and step back. But don't push them away and not say anything as to why.

2. Don't kill yourself. It might seem like the best idea at the time, but know that those feelings will pass and you WILL regret it. If you love the people around you enough, you wouldn't want to put them through such pain and misery as to losing you and all the memories you guys have shared throughout the years be they good nor bad and the lessons you've learned from them.

3. Go soak up some sunshine. Let it's warmth take over your body and melt the anger,sadness away. Fell it burning away like dense smoke from your body. Breathe in the sunshine. This was a method taught to me by someone and found that it was the only way that really helped at times as oppose to other things they told me to try.

4. It's definitely a mixture of different things to get you out of depression and sometimes it'll relapse. For me, anti-depressants didn't work, talking didn't help but it was talking to the right people and having the right people listen and figuring out the root of your problems. But learning to channel my emotions helped. Being communicative afterwards with loved ones help as well. Finding your trigger points. Accepting and letting people know that you're insecure. And the big one for me and surprisingly was alternative meds, I went to see a Chinese herbalist and they were able to give me a reasoning for my depression and gave me herbs for them and it helped. I was surprised but you know what, it helped and I'm still here. Alive.

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

Thanks for all the great advices, but my main question still has not been answered: is there a clinic that is covered by BC Health Care where I can check if I actually have any sort of depression?

Again, I do not want anyone that I will see more than once to know about this situation. I do not want to be treated differently or have everyone act abnormal around me.

Since I will probably see my family doctor in the future for any health issues such as cold, flu, etc. etc, I do not want her to have any kind of record of me being depressed.

Right now, there is absolutely no one I can trust 100%. Even my closest friend might accidently leak out this situation if I had told him. There is no guarantee in life.


I am still not 100% convinced that this is depression.
Recently, I did something really really wrong and I have been worrying since then. All this worrying caused me to think of other things (such as all my failures) in my life.
Coincidently, my sadness exponentially increased since I did the wrong. I wonder if there is any connection.


I would like to have an actual test done before I jump to any conclusion.

As "The NewGirl" wrote, you should try to get screened for the above mentioned diseases/illnesses. You can probably go to a walk-in clinic and get a referral.

Counselling at the SHARE Society, whether you're clinically depressed or not may, at the least, help you figure out what your options are as far as doctors, clinics, testing and couselling. If you decide to go in for counselling, IIRC, the cost is minimal and may even be income based (ie. free for unemployed/students). I stress that they're not there to judge or ridicule you - they're just out to get you the help you need...period.

Whatever you decide, the worst thing you can do is nothing. Your health should always be your number one priority. Without it, you can't expect yourself to move forward. If you want/need to take care of others, do well in school, have a career or achieve any goals, your health is your foundation - protect it.

you need medication, see a doctor soon

You can go to a walk in clinic and get screened for all the things I mentioned. This will be covered by your BC Health Care. Yes. I implore you to do this ASAP.

Councilling is not covered by MSP but is often subsidized depending on where you live, if you're a student, and so on and so forth. SHARE for example subsidizes Tri city residents (as it's funded by the involved cities). Contacting the crisis line (which is 100% anon) they can put you in contact with the appropriate support for your situation.

medication is not always the answer

I'm not going to be ignorant and say that you should try to "will" yourself out of it - people who are recommending this have never dealt with clinically depressed people. I will say this: you're doing yourself a huge disservice by not reporting this to your family doctor.

Your family doctor is crucial to your overall health and he should be the first person to know about your symptoms. Your family doctor needs to know these things in case you have other health problems down the road (i.e. he can do better diagnoses.)

I will say emphatically that doctors are required to keep your information private and they are the only people you can likely trust.