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slammer111 · 11-09-2010, 02:05 PM

Discuss.

Thought I'd start this thread because basically this happened to 2 of my friends (both guys) in the last month alone. One couple was 2.5 years, the other was 4.5 years. Both came out of NOWHERE. And no, my friends are not gangsta wannabes or uneducated bums, but they're definitely not doctors or lawyers. I'd peg them both as "average working class". It really did shake my world as I have been joking all year about who's getting engaged/hitched next, and suddenly Bam this happens.

In both cases above, the girl "ran out of patience" with the guy. One guy rents a place but lives on his own. The other one is in the lineup for the Mechanics program at BCIT but that doesn't start until 2011, so he's just working side jobs here and there. In case 1, my understanding is that the girl was asking my friend why he didn't buy a place yet, and when they can get married etc. Well actually, I heard something along those lines for Guy #2 too.

In my early 20s, the girls always just went for the guy who was more "cool" with the flashier cars or whatever, but now that many of my friends are approaching their 30s (if not there already), oh wow there has been quite a shift in the mentality of the girls they're dating.

I was just chatting with 1 of those friends, and he mentioned that after he recovers, he's only going for younger girls. Says there's too much pressure, especially when he's in the middle of a career transition.

Just seeing what your thoughts/inputs are, or if you have a story to share. And no, I'm not Joe45.

jackmeister · 11-09-2010, 02:14 PM

"Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but she ain't messin' wit no broke nigga"

time to settle, obviously money is more important.

ShadowBun · 11-09-2010, 02:17 PM

yea it totally makes sense from the fitness POV

I mean 30 yr old ladies arent exactly girls anymore. they should be shootin out babies already (as my girl friend would say)

Mainly I think it is because without having a good job nowadays, it is really hard to be living a luxury life at vancouver (and I aint talking about real luxury). OK take for example a couple each making the average 30,000 job. How much are houses in Vancouver now? 700k avg.
Death.

ek1 · 11-09-2010, 02:22 PM

i can understand why the girl is doing what she is doing, but i dont really approve of it. Yes, money is very important when settling down. Although they may be madly in love with eachother, love doesnt put food on the table nor a shelter over your head. And as girls reach their 30's their selection decreases so they may be feeling like finding a "catch" now before its really too late waiting for the current BF to become the catch when it may never happen

q0192837465 · 11-09-2010, 02:27 PM

Girls at that age will only break if there's an alternative on hand. There must be some other guy who expressed interest in them and they jumped ship when the opportunity arised. It's only natural that a woman wants someone who has a career and a future. Love doesnt bring food on to the table and certainly won't pay the bills. Blame God for making women the way they are.

Alphamale · 11-09-2010, 02:32 PM

Tell the whore...

Presto · 11-09-2010, 02:33 PM

Most women start thinking about making babies as they approach their 30s. If they were at that stage, they probably evaluated the guys they were with, and saw a lot of waiting. They probably felt that they needed to settle within a few years, and the guys they were with would, likely, not be able to fulfill any of those desires, anytime soon.

Although there was a future, at least in the case of the guy waiting for BCIT, they wanted something tangible now, and not some potential, that may not even turn out, and there's no time to wait and see.

For us older guys in our 30s, that aren't ready to settle down, the younger girls are where it's at. They like the lovin', and aren't concerned about having kids and starting a family, yet.

slammer111 · 11-09-2010, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by q0192837465

Girls at that age will only break if there's an alternative on hand.

omg that is soooo true.

Most breakups I see, the girl is hooked up again within <1 month, while the guy stays single for months/years.

liu13 · 11-09-2010, 02:55 PM

females want providers, it`s a universal truth in all species

why is this surprising

Mr.HappySilp · 11-09-2010, 03:14 PM

But one have to think how many ppl make it to top? I mean very few will make it. I also blame the way media makes girls think.

Having a family income of 70k is fine. Sure you won't get to buy brand names or get a new LV purse every week. But is doable.

Girls that left their bf like that are just bitches. If they only knew how much money guys spend on them.

gars · 11-09-2010, 03:49 PM

Girls also want stability. They want to know that the guy is striving somewhere. I don't think many people expect a guy in their 20s to have a house (especially not in Vancouver), but if that's not a goal that you're striving towards, then I know a lot of girls get turned off of that. Of course, I don't know what the situation is like with these guys - but I know girls who really just want to settle down and pop them out. And if there is no stability, then they want someone who can provide stability.

It's hard to label women as gold diggers...

Paper · 11-09-2010, 04:26 PM

Tell your guy friends there are more fishes in the sea.

Tapioca · 11-09-2010, 04:31 PM

Girls wanting stability is nothing new; this usually means marrying someone with a higher socioeconomic status. Women are now able to earn as much and in some cases more than the typical guy. However, the supply of men at the top has and will always remain limited. What these women don't realize is that there is lots of competition of men at the top. And there is even a smaller supply from these men who want the same things as they do - stability, family, etc.

Women have a very limited window of opportunity when they reach their 30s: their looks are fading fast and it becomes increasingly risky to have children.

vafanculo · 11-09-2010, 04:57 PM

Plus, they are going to get what's coming to them. Most likely the man with the bigger wallet will see them coming a mile away and have affairs left and right. Then ofcourse, this type of woman won't say a word even if she spots it.

Marriage is like a business transaction in some ways.
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v.Rossi · 11-09-2010, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slammer111

I was just chatting with 1 of those friends, and he mentioned that after he recovers, he's only going for younger girls. Says there's too much pressure, especially when he's in the middle of a career transition.

As if dating the younger girls aren't going to also give pressure, you'll be popping tylenols left and right. Not to mention they're also dumber and less mature.

Those two relationships were on skids anyways. Relationships don't end out of no where, they don't. A girls interest level in you doesn't just drop suddenly overnight, it's your actions that cause it to drop or rise. If the girl had 95% interest in them she would be willing to work around it. That’s the point that you have to understand here. Obviously, she’s not head-over-heels for them anymore - if she ever was.

But the truth is that we do live in an economic society. Yes, being broke is an excuse for the girls to not be with you. But the more important point is that she wouldn’t want or need an economic excuse if she was wild for you. Let me give you this parallel example. When you tell a stupid joke to a woman whose interest in you is 95%, she’ll laugh her head off. If she’s planning to dump you, your joke is just corny. To you Psych majors: It's all Interest Level and only hers matters not yours.

That said, you do have to have money coming in. Women cannot stand guys who are out of work. That’s just the way they’re built. And they have to be built that way because they need to protect the family. To keep a woman satisfied, the more you make, the better.

v.Rossi · 11-09-2010, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slammer111

omg that is soooo true.

Most breakups I see, the girl is hooked up again within <1 month, while the guy stays single for months/years.

That's because men are more emotional than women, women are more sensitive but men are definitely more emotional.

Mananetwork · 11-10-2010, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slammer111

And no, I'm not Joe45.

Why did you leave this till the end? ... Ass, you made me read the whole post

achiam · 11-10-2010, 05:56 AM

Girls who go for successful men aren't "gold diggers" per se. I know many girls who date successful guys but don't spend on flashy shit. Its just the security of knowing there's food on the table.

If she was nearing her family creating time frame, why would she settle for a student if there was a guy who was already working and had his own place?

Sorry, but a modded car/good looks/nice personality/love does not put food on the table for the kids.

gdoh · 11-10-2010, 06:36 AM

i dont think the guy should have to pay for everything a relationship should be give and take and you should split things if the girl expects you to pay for all the bills and pamper her then time to move

Marioo1991 · 11-10-2010, 06:39 AM

Quite often I see girls looking for a guy who makes good money, but I think they should look at the whole package. I know a guy with a wife and kids who makes 100k+, has a sweet home in the west side of vancouver, but always cheats on his wife and is never at home.

I think it means more if they are smart and responsible with their money (not spending all their money on their car and going out) and are trying to start a career.

TheNewGirl · 11-10-2010, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gars

Girls also want stability. They want to know that the guy is striving somewhere. I don't think many people expect a guy in their 20s to have a house (especially not in Vancouver), but if that's not a goal that you're striving towards, then I know a lot of girls get turned off of that. Of course, I don't know what the situation is like with these guys - but I know girls who really just want to settle down and pop them out. And if there is no stability, then they want someone who can provide stability.

It's hard to label women as gold diggers...

You know it's not always the money or even the ability to provide for the woman in a financial sense (in almost all relationships these days women need to and expect to bring in nearly as much if not as much as their hubbies). Often it's that people get stagnant. They're stuck in a place in their life and a woman at 30 is frankly a lot different then a guy at 30. Her bio clock's going BING BING BING she wants to nest, she wants to settle down and she doesn't want a guy who's going to be a second child when she does. And lets face it, a lot of guys in their early 30s think they're men but they're still playing around like boys (and often heavily in denial about it).

I know from the guys side it seems like it's about one thing but ultimately it's not. And I don't think you can assume the girl has always got an alternative lined up, though you better bet she's actively looking for one once that baby clock's started chiming.

Though I note: I don't think renting is a deal breaker by any stretch. It's unreasonable to expect anyone to own property with less then two incomes in this bloody city.

RacePace · 11-10-2010, 08:08 AM

Yeah most people probably won't make it to the top, but at least have some ambition guys, they don't want to see you as being lazy in your 30's or even mid 20's. Otherwise they will be thinking they will have to take care of you and pick up after you for the rest of their life.

miss_crayon · 11-10-2010, 09:57 AM

I can't speak for every female in the world but for me I need someone that has motivation and the goals to improve themselves. I agree with Illuminate 100%. It's not so much the money either, but does he have the ability and drive to do and want more with his life?

Perhaps there's more to the OP's friends stories that he isn't aware about. If the girls are indeed nearing their 30s and ready to settle, it's unlikely they would have stayed with their partners for So long and dumped them out of the blue if it was JUST about the money. Other factors would have included something along the lines of the relationship not maturing to the state they wanted it to be, can this guy equally provide in a marriage/family, etc etc.

Also, even if your friends start going out with younger girls..eventually the same "problems" are gonna stem again. When are we getting married, are we gonna have kids etc.
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urrh · 11-10-2010, 10:03 AM

i'm quickly reminded of that joke about girls going up to the next level in a store b/c they want their guys to have more of whatever.

i say just go for younger girls, no need to worry about all that stability and baby crap that comes with the older ones

Matlock · 11-10-2010, 10:43 AM

...or you guys can find a woman who absolutely does not want children.

Make sure they hate kids.

$$$

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