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sean_wong · 12-01-2010, 01:56 AM

Need advice.

I want to break up with GF asap but someone in her family just died.

Reason for breaking up, irreconcilable differences.

Discuss.

Alphamale · 12-01-2010, 01:57 AM

You're an insensitive bastard.

bcrdukes · 12-01-2010, 02:03 AM

There is never a good time to break up with somebody.

J-Chow · 12-01-2010, 02:03 AM

What's the reasoning for breaking up anyways...?

J-Chow · 12-01-2010, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

There is never a good time to break up with somebody.

unless you won the lottery.

Fobman · 12-01-2010, 02:12 AM

pic of ur gf?

v.Rossi · 12-01-2010, 04:35 AM

Just break up, a death is a death it's life it's inevitable. Dragging the relationship further would only be a waste of your time and hers.
Posted via RS Mobile

asian_XL · 12-01-2010, 04:46 AM

I bet it's less painful to break up with someone who has a family member just passed away.
she won't have the time and mood to deal with you.

family always >>>> bf/gf

TheNewGirl · 12-01-2010, 07:23 AM

I think there's a few big issues.

1. How close is the relative that has recently died?

2. How long have you and she been together and how serious have you been?

If you've been sleeping with the girl for over a year and/or the person is in her immediate family I would suck it up for a month, be supportive but distant (she's going to have a lot of stuff to deal with) then do it.

StampPad · 12-01-2010, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sean_wong

Reason for breaking up, irreconcilable differences.

You said it yourself, its due to irreconcilable differences. Even if its slightly insensitive to do it when she's mourning a loss, the long run.. the sooner the better. Face it, if you've reached this decision, you have either been thinking about it for some time or its just a rash decision... in which case the girl probably doesn't mean that much to you anyway.

As for the girl, it will make her stronger. How do you think she will feel if she finds out you stayed with her out of pity? Besides, the process of mourning can take a long ass time! Are you willing to wait it out if you claim to want to end things ASAP?

604778 · 12-01-2010, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheNewGirl

I think there's a few big issues.

1. How close is the relative that has recently died?

2. How long have you and she been together and how serious have you been?

If you've been sleeping with the girl for over a year and/or the person is in her immediate family I would suck it up for a month, be supportive but distant (she's going to have a lot of stuff to deal with) then do it.

+1

The_AK · 12-01-2010, 03:40 PM

Better off to break up now and let her deal with it. Builds character (lol). Plus you don't want to lead the girl on when in reality you have no intention of being with her. Thats always the worst.

bcrdukes · 12-01-2010, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheNewGirl

If you've been sleeping with the girl for over a year and/or the person is in her immediate family I would suck it up for a month, be supportive but distant (she's going to have a lot of stuff to deal with) then do it.

Being supportive but distant is counter productive for both parties.

$_$ · 12-01-2010, 05:52 PM

Seeing as how you have dated this girl (we're all assuming for a length of time), it must mean that you saw something in her.

I'm also going to assume that you have developed some sort of feelings for each other, disregarding the fact that you have chosen that you want to break up with her.

I'd say be there for her and help her throughout these hard times. If it's really that difficult to stay in a relationship with her, let her know that your girlfriend/boyfriend relationship is over, but you will still be there for her.

v.Rossi · 12-01-2010, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

Being supportive but distant is counter productive for both parties.

Exactly.

Being supportive but distant for a month? We don't know who died, hypothetically speaking say it was one of her parents. You break up now, yeah she'll be sad but she's already sad to begin with. She'll move on easier and forget about you in no time with this recent yet unfortunate incident, in time she'll move on from a death in the family but she'll never forget about that.

You can wait until she starts to feel better about the death with your distant support, but when she's done coping you're going to break her down AGAIN. Just end it, get it over with. Like I said, a death is a death it was the inevitable, and it wasn't you're fault it's the process of life. Yeah, shitty timing but nonetheless you guys have "irreconcilable differences."

She could admire and appreciate you more for being supportive, but you're never going to forget about the reason you want to break up with her, "irreconcilable differences." It'll linger somewhere in your head, dragging the relationship will only make you dislike her more. As a result you're actions will almost feel like an obligation, which isn't right. You're feelings may then be hostile towards her, which also isn't right. There's nothing positive about staying together.

I'm 100% sure she has friends that can help her cope. Of course, a significant other definitely helps in times like this. But that being said, if the idea of breaking up never occured, then yes support her all the way. However this isn't the situation, so the tables turn.

danned · 12-02-2010, 06:05 AM

she would hurt much more than a family member who passed away

TheNewGirl · 12-02-2010, 07:25 AM

I just think if you've been in a long term (and that's why I qualified it) relationship with someone. You can suck it up until they're stable. There's a lot of unknowns here too (which again I qualified). If it's her great uncle then go ahead and dump her now. If it was her twin sister you're dealing with someone who's probably a lot more emotionally fragile and if you have an investment of time and emotion in the person already you can stand to be there for them if nothing else but as a friend until they have at least one foot back on solid ground.

That was sorta my experience when I was in the same situation several years ago.

aznrsx1979 · 12-02-2010, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sean_wong

Need advice.

I want to break up with GF asap but someone in her family just died.

Reason for breaking up, irreconcilable differences.

Discuss.

You haven't given enough info about the situation like others have said.
How long have you been going out?
How serious was the relationship?
Who in the family passed away?
Is she typically extremely emotional or is she pretty stable?

From the sounds of what you've written, you've wanted to break up for a while now. If so, you should've done it earlier. Suck it up princess, wait till things smooth out a bit for her. If you just break up with her now and it's someone in the family that she's close with, it's just a douche move by you and you're just looking for an easy way out.

Phil@rise · 12-02-2010, 10:36 AM

so irreconcilable that you still care about how she feels right now?

tiger_handheld · 12-02-2010, 12:13 PM

totally off topic: Are you feeling the pressure to buy her something nice for Christmas, but you don't have the money?

Last saturday's Vancouver Sun had an article on page A2 (A2 of ALL PAGES!! - i remember because only real important shit goes on A2!!) that said the first two weeks of December are most famous for breakups.

The_AK · 12-02-2010, 01:41 PM

Looks like you're getting a lot of mixed answers here, do what you feel is right and use our responses as guidance.

edit*
and then report back to us

FerrariEnzo · 12-03-2010, 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheNewGirl

If you've been sleeping with the girl for over a year and/or the person is in her immediate family I would suck it up for a month, be supportive but distant (she's going to have a lot of stuff to deal with) then do it.

i think this is very bad. After she starts recovering, your gona slap this in her face, hes gona go crazy!
slowly stop seeing her, like if you usually spend 4 days/per to see her, cut it down to 2 days. next week 1 day, then just call or txt her only after that...

TheNewGirl · 12-03-2010, 08:21 AM

I don't think that's always the case. I think a lot of people change radically when they're dealing with grief and it's a perspective altering experience. Most sane people would be able to appreciate if you've delayed a break up until the body is the ground at least.

Inaii · 12-03-2010, 09:15 AM

Waiting a month but not really being there for them and growing to resent the fact that you're stuck in a relationship you don't want to be in because someone died is retarded. Death happens all the time, it's a part of life. So are break-ups. Time to grow up and get over it.

Mr.Jay · 12-03-2010, 09:27 AM

Unless you plan to be friends, see her afterwards or have a lot of mutual friends I say just do it and get it over with cause if your heart ain't in it there no point in faking it.