REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

nosaj · 12-24-2010, 07:09 PM

i was with my ex for 2.5 yrs and she had been pretty honest with me and stuff...until the last few months of the relationship i could just sense something was diff. she first said it wasnt me and said she was trying to focus and figure out her life/ future and blah blah blah...and a month later i busted her lie and she finally admitted that she got bored of me and was seeing someone else. so all i can say is....if a girl changes her heart, it could be at anytime...so be prepared.

i would say theres no need to tell her u love her for now...i mean its pretty obvious? if you keep trying to tell her that it might annoy her...remember to give her space

if you really want to send her a txt...just make it simple and be like "Merry Christmas to you and your family, take care...miss you."?

nosaj · 12-24-2010, 07:11 PM

and one more thing....why not just fuck this for now and drop it aside...might as well get the most out of the situation and enjoy christmas? life is short man

BoostedBB6 · 12-24-2010, 07:24 PM

I was planning on asking this girl to get married on the 12th of this month. Not just something I can drop at a whim. If I could I would but not that easy unfortunately.

Right now I'm just glad that there are people out therethat I can bounce my problems off of and see what they think. I really do appreciate everyones comments and opinions. It helps the whole thought process along.

I hope you are wrong about seeing another guy. I really don't even see when she would have had any time. Between work, school, and me there was no time for anything else.

I guess I wait and see. Trying to enjoy some time with the family over Christmas hoping that it brings some comfort because right now it sucks.
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ruthless · 12-24-2010, 07:29 PM

my suggestion would be to send her the merry Christmas message...merry Christmas hope everything's going well blah blah, love ya.

chouchou · 12-24-2010, 07:42 PM

Mm... Keep the text generic, happy spirited... Don't put any lovey dovey crap in it. Let her know you're thinking of her, but saying "I love you, miss you, want you here right now etc." prompts a response that she might not be ready to give.
If she doesn't say it back, you're tempted to believe that she doesn't love you anymore. If she does, then you're head over heels believing that you have her back in your arms. You're asking for a response in which you just gave her time to think about. Don't bring it up!
In my experience.. In times like these, a message from someone you're thinking about always bring about a smile.. But unfortunately, what's in the message can really alter one's train of thought!

Good luck, and for what it's worth Christmas is around the corner, go out, call up some old friends, chat, have some fun. Isolated in a room by yourself on a day like this will likely push you to do something that you'll regret: saying the wrong thing, sending the wrong message, giving her a reason to say no.

!Yaminashi · 12-24-2010, 08:26 PM

I agree with the others, keep the msg short and sweet.
Its pretty obvious that you love her. Reminding her never hurts, but its not necessary (right now) in my opinion.

Hopefully things turn out in your favor, good luck!
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cheapskate · 12-25-2010, 06:28 AM

I haven't read the whole thread but to me it seems the problem is with the OP's thinking. A good life is not about the vacations and holidays or whatever, its about having a great time doing the small things, day in and day out. The OP seems not to understand this and tries to compensate with expensive gifts/vacations. I may be mistaken, but this is the impression I get from the OP's posts.

OP: If your GF comes back, maybe try to work on making every day a "vacation" and live in the moment instead of always putting things off for some magical moment in the future. Good luck!

dhari · 12-29-2010, 09:08 AM

is she back tomorrow?
whats your plan Stan?

Death2Theft · 12-29-2010, 10:36 PM

The best thing you can do is get a clear definition from her, flat out ask her are we seeing other people or not? If she says no that means she's still into you. If she says she is unsure then make the decision for her and say yes, because she has a vagina she wont want to be the bad guy and break your heart directly. So instead she will indirectly say "i dunno/maybe" if you accept that answer as a man well you need to grow a pair. If she really was "ever" seroius about marrying you she would say "no I dont want to see anyone else" and just needs some time off.
She needs to respect you and you need to be in charge. I know far too many guys who have worked more and more and more hours so that the gf/wife can afford to buy more and more shit, yet in the end they complain that the man doesn't spend enough time with her and winds up cheating on him while he is working himself to an early grave trying to please her. You absolutely cannot buy your way to a fix here.

I'm sure in the five years you've been together you've been way too complacent and you may have no clue how to talk to a new girl. Asking a girl what her opinion is on your dilema would be a good way to start a conversation without alot of awkward silent pauses because it's something everyone can relate to.
Of course you wont do what I say and wind up wasting more precious time waiting on her. Feel free to update the thread. I'll be expecting to post a "i told you so".

BoostedBB6 · 12-30-2010, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheapskate

I haven't read the whole thread but to me it seems the problem is with the OP's thinking. A good life is not about the vacations and holidays or whatever, its about having a great time doing the small things, day in and day out. The OP seems not to understand this and tries to compensate with expensive gifts/vacations. I may be mistaken, but this is the impression I get from the OP's posts.

OP: If your GF comes back, maybe try to work on making every day a "vacation" and live in the moment instead of always putting things off for some magical moment in the future. Good luck!

Not at all. I personally have no want for the expensive things in life. I'm most happy when we just spend time together (ie. see a movie, go for a nice walk ect ect).
I'm more than willing to work on whatever needs work but I need to hear her input on what doesn't work for her or where she feels let down.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhari

is she back tomorrow?
whats your plan Stan?

She is staying for new years with her family because she hasn't had a great time (thinking about all of this and not spending much time with the family).
We talked for a bit a few days ago and she is going to come over to my place when she gets back to Vancouver and we are going to talk.
From what I can see she wants to make things work but she is scared that she will hurt me again like this.
So my plan is pretty open ended right now. Pretty much spend some time with her and talk about everything that is on her mind.
I always tried to get her to do this with me before but she keeps her feelings bottled up a lot because she thinks its a burden on me rather than let me help her. Need to get her out of that if this is going to work tho.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Death2Theft

The best thing you can do is get a clear definition from her, flat out ask her are we seeing other people or not? If she says no that means she's still into you. If she says she is unsure then make the decision for her and say yes, because she has a vagina she wont want to be the bad guy and break your heart directly. So instead she will indirectly say "i dunno/maybe" if you accept that answer as a man well you need to grow a pair. If she really was "ever" seroius about marrying you she would say "no I dont want to see anyone else" and just needs some time off.
She needs to respect you and you need to be in charge. I know far too many guys who have worked more and more and more hours so that the gf/wife can afford to buy more and more shit, yet in the end they complain that the man doesn't spend enough time with her and winds up cheating on him while he is working himself to an early grave trying to please her. You absolutely cannot buy your way to a fix here.

I'm sure in the five years you've been together you've been way too complacent and you may have no clue how to talk to a new girl. Asking a girl what her opinion is on your dilema would be a good way to start a conversation without alot of awkward silent pauses because it's something everyone can relate to.
Of course you wont do what I say and wind up wasting more precious time waiting on her. Feel free to update the thread. I'll be expecting to post a "i told you so".

Well for starters we have already talked about that. No we are not seeing other people right now. I don't want to and she doesn't want to.
I don't work hard to buy her expensive things. We live a comfortable life but nothing extravagant. She has never been the girl that wants all the expensive bags, cloths, ect ect.
I have talked to many women about this. Past girlfriends, friends, ect and they all think that giving it time is the only thing you can do right now if you want to stay in the relationship.
As for not doing what you "say", last I checked I asked for opinions not instructions. With an attitude in life that your way is the only way you will not make it far in the areas that count.

Death2Theft · 12-30-2010, 06:23 PM

What I meant was dont make the same mistakes others have made, not my way or the highway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FDTT

Not at all. I personally have no want for the expensive things in life. I'm most happy when we just spend time together (ie. see a movie, go for a nice walk ect ect).
I'm more than willing to work on whatever needs work but I need to hear her input on what doesn't work for her or where she feels let down.

She is staying for new years with her family because she hasn't had a great time (thinking about all of this and not spending much time with the family).
We talked for a bit a few days ago and she is going to come over to my place when she gets back to Vancouver and we are going to talk.
From what I can see she wants to make things work but she is scared that she will hurt me again like this.
So my plan is pretty open ended right now. Pretty much spend some time with her and talk about everything that is on her mind.
I always tried to get her to do this with me before but she keeps her feelings bottled up a lot because she thinks its a burden on me rather than let me help her. Need to get her out of that if this is going to work tho.

Well for starters we have already talked about that. No we are not seeing other people right now. I don't want to and she doesn't want to.
I don't work hard to buy her expensive things. We live a comfortable life but nothing extravagant. She has never been the girl that wants all the expensive bags, cloths, ect ect.
I have talked to many women about this. Past girlfriends, friends, ect and they all think that giving it time is the only thing you can do right now if you want to stay in the relationship.
As for not doing what you "say", last I checked I asked for opinions not instructions. With an attitude in life that your way is the only way you will not make it far in the areas that count.

BoostedBB6 · 12-30-2010, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Death2Theft

What I meant was dont make the same mistakes others have made, not my way or the highway.

Ok, cool. Sorry I took that totally out of context.
But I hear what you were saying. That was the first thing that came out of my mouth when she said she wants a break. I'm not doing a "Friends" episode here haha.

So here is the down low on the whole sitch-eh-ation here.

Just had a quick convo over txt with her tonight. She is getting back on the 3rd of January and she wants to come and spend the night at my place to talk and whatnot.
I told her that if she is leading me on just to make herself or me feel less then things are going to be a whole lot worse. She agreed and said that she is not leading me on . She wants to see me and talk to me, in person not over dam txt's. She wants to touch me and spend a night with me to see if she has feelings there still.
I told her if that is what she wants to do I can give her that but no more. I have thrown all my cards on the table here and I cant do anything more at this point to convince/change/say anything that makes things different.

So here is my question.
She is spending the night, which most likely will lead to some for of sex (break up or make up, hopefully the second one). I don't want to make it awkward for her but at the same time I don't want it to seem like I don't want it to be something special.
What should I do? Do I do the candles and rose pedals on the bed with music?
To much? Not enough?

Either way this goes I want it to me a very special night for us. I'm not going to fight what happens but I want to remember the night for the rest of my life be it making up or breaking up.

Any ideas on what to do?
Ladies share some of your most wanted fantasies here! I need some amazing material to pull this off like I want to :P.

I just realized something, when this is over I wont have anything to post about anymore. That so sucks. You guys have been a huge help with all this even thought I don't know any of you personally I have to say thanks because you have guided me through this amazingly tough time.

!Yaminashi · 12-30-2010, 09:02 PM

You know her best so use your judgement here. If you think she'd appreciate the effort of everything you mentioned go for it. Just dont make it seem like you're trying to set the mood just for sex.

Maybe have a nice dinner set up so that can be an easy way to transition into your serious talk?

Just let things flow, thats all you can really do. I dont think anything else would benefit you at this point, you've already done so much.

Death2Theft · 12-31-2010, 07:50 AM

Eh why the hell not throw it all in and make it special, what do you have to lose? Even if she gets weirded out or frigid you know you tried your best. It will make it easier to move on knowing you have no doubts if u did the best u could. Makes no sense to hold back now just incase she makes u feel like a dumbass.... you'll be questioning yourself forever.

BoostedBB6 · 12-31-2010, 08:31 AM

I want to go all out but I don't want it to seem like I am doing all this for sex or something. That's the furthest thing from my mind right now.

She will be coming over later, so dinner is out, she said she is having dinner with her mom.
Worst part is I had to move back in with my dad because we lost the apartment we were going to grab so we don't have anywhere private to talk or spend time alone that is comfortable other than the guest room.
Tried to find another place for me but my old place was already rented out and its hard finding something that quick.

I hope she understands that I'm doing my best. I hope this works.
Totally fucked if it doesn't :P

Is it bad I'm jealous of what she may or may not be doing over new years? I imagine that she will be doing something with her little brothers or cousins there but who knows.
I hate that feeling because I'm not the jealous type!

TheNewGirl · 12-31-2010, 08:45 AM

I highly recommend a quiet coffee shop, some where you can tuck into a corner booth and be able to talk comfortably. It'll give you some privacy but being in public tends to people people from getting irrationally emotional which is often for the best with those kinds of conversation.

Vale46Rossi · 12-31-2010, 09:06 AM

I think you should just end it off at a hotel, more safe than your old mans place if you want some privacy.

In the end best wishes and good luck!

BoostedBB6 · 12-31-2010, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheNewGirl

I highly recommend a quiet coffee shop, some where you can tuck into a corner booth and be able to talk comfortably. It'll give you some privacy but being in public tends to people people from getting irrationally emotional which is often for the best with those kinds of conversation.

Don't know many places open late tho. 11:30-12 ish in the PoCo area.
If things don't work out she will want to pick up a bunch of her stuff as I have a lot of it that was at my place.
Waves is the only place I can think of in this area that will be open and has a place to sit and talk. I just want it to be comfortable for both of us and she hates to air out personal stuff in public.

Quote:

Originally Posted by StevenDuang

I think you should just end it off at a hotel, more safe than your old mans place if you want some privacy.

In the end best wishes and good luck!

I will think that one over. I want it to be romantic but at the same time be no pressure on her to do anything she doesn't want to.
Any suggestions for a nice place, either close to the North Shore or Port Coquitlam?

Vale46Rossi · 12-31-2010, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FDTT

Don't know many places open late tho. 11:30-12 ish in the PoCo area.
If things don't work out she will want to pick up a bunch of her stuff as I have a lot of it that was at my place.
Waves is the only place I can think of in this area that will be open and has a place to sit and talk. I just want it to be comfortable for both of us and she hates to air out personal stuff in public.

I will think that one over. I want it to be romantic but at the same time be no pressure on her to do anything she doesn't want to.
Any suggestions for a nice place, either close to the North Shore or Port Coquitlam?

If you don't mind driving downtown try Breadgarden good atmosphere.

BoostedBB6 · 12-31-2010, 10:00 AM

I will go anywhere for this girl. I don't mind driving at all I just don't know how she will feel about it.

I wont hear from her till she is back in Vancouver. Should I just plan it out and let her know what we are doing when she gets here?

Vale46Rossi · 12-31-2010, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FDTT

I will go anywhere for this girl. I don't mind driving at all I just don't know how she will feel about it.

I wont hear from her till she is back in Vancouver. Should I just plan it out and let her know what we are doing when she gets here?

That sounds good at least have a plan then change up anything on the spot if she has better ideas

Drow · 12-31-2010, 04:25 PM

people want what they can't have. remember.

saucywoman · 12-31-2010, 05:28 PM

If you guys want time alone to talk and have her spend the night but you're with your dad I'd say rent hotel room cause then you don't have to worry about anyone else. If you do break up you might be bummed you shelled out the money tho. Maybe run it by her so she knows its for you two to have privacy and not just sex.. I hope it all works out
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BoostedBB6 · 12-31-2010, 06:17 PM

Ok I'm thinking the Pan Pacific Hotel would work for us as she is still close to wherever she needs to be and I can take the 4th off if need be.
Ideally I would like it to work out so we could spend the whole day together but I don't know how her work is scheduled for this coming week.

I was thinking I would get a nice room there so we could have the night to ourselves and really talk things out.

I'm hitting the mall tomorrow to pick up some new cloths as i don't want to show up in my usual duds.
Do you think a nice bottle of whine would be a good idea?
If it is my only issue is that I don't drink hardly at all so I wouldn't know what a nice bottle of wine even is :P.

How does that sound? We have the evening to ourselves with some wine and good conversation?

I just don't know when to run this whole idea by her to see if she is ok with that. I'm almost 100% sure she will be ok with it but I don't want to be bugging her.

RunningFree · 12-31-2010, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FDTT

Ok I'm thinking the Pan Pacific Hotel would work for us as she is still close to wherever she needs to be and I can take the 4th off if need be.
Ideally I would like it to work out so we could spend the whole day together but I don't know how her work is scheduled for this coming week.

I was thinking I would get a nice room there so we could have the night to ourselves and really talk things out.

I'm hitting the mall tomorrow to pick up some new cloths as i don't want to show up in my usual duds.
Do you think a nice bottle of whine would be a good idea?
If it is my only issue is that I don't drink hardly at all so I wouldn't know what a nice bottle of wine even is :P.

How does that sound? We have the evening to ourselves with some wine and good conversation?

I just don't know when to run this whole idea by her to see if she is ok with that. I'm almost 100% sure she will be ok with it but I don't want to be bugging her.

Does she like reds or whites?

If she's not a heavy wine drinker, you could pick up a shiraz... generally a lighter red with a fairly fruity taste with a clean finish. If she's into whites, you could go with a gewürztraminer... a german table wine thats a little sweet with clean bright finish. You could also do an ice wine but I find them a little bit too sweet. Another idea is a rosé (pron. rosay)... a white wine thats sort of pinkish due to grape skin contact. A bit sweet, a bit tart.

Also you don't have to spend a fortune for a good wine. There are lots to choose from... grey monk makes a nice gewürztraminer.

Oh, and if you're planning to go white, get to the room early to put it on ice.

Good luck!