The weirdest (funniest) car stuff of 2010

[cococly]

Forget television. Some of the strangest stuff out there comes courtesy of the automotive world.

For the past year I’ve been reading owner’s manuals, attending auto shows and checking press releases to find these gems. Whether they’re odd translations, companies covering their legal butts or errors in judgment, they’re always good for a raised eyebrow:

Getting to know you. In a speech in Detroit last January, Toyota USA chief Yoshi Inaba described a recall as “an opportunity to reconnect with customers in ways we haven’t before. . . ”

Three degrees of separation. Mitsubishi Outlander’s new seat fabric is described as “reminiscent of Alcantara” — a brand name for synthetic suede and, in other words, cloth pretending to be cloth that pretends to be cowhide.

And we expected otherwise? When you’re using Bluetooth in a Honda and “when French is your currently selected language, you can give voice commands in French.”

Unless you can reach the pedals from the back seat. Chevrolet Equinox warns that the rear-seat entertainment system “is for rear seat passengers only. The driver cannot safely view the video screen while driving.”
You said a mouthful. Hyundai Genesis Coupe warns that “carrying hard or sharp objects on your lap or in your mouth can result in injuries if an airbag inflates.”

Copywriter without a clue. Volkswagen’s dictionary-devoid U.S. website offers a description of the United Gray Metallic paint available on the GTI: “It’s not black. It’s not white. It’s blight.”

Why Wile E. Coyote should not be your mentor. In January, a 62-year-old Michigan man seeking a “rocket-launch effect” while sledding filled a car muffler with gasoline and gunpowder, strapped it to his back and lit it. Somewhat unsurprisingly, his next ride was to the hospital.

And you know this how? At the Toronto Auto Show in February, Chrysler unveiled the Fiat 500, complete with a leggy and mini-skirted model alongside. Company president Reid Bigland then introduced the car by saying, “It’s trendy, stylish and youthful and, like Antoinette, a lot of fun.”
Going out with a bang. Following discontinuation of the Hummer brand, a dealer in St. Louis, Mo., cleared out his inventory by including a shotgun with every new Hummer purchased. The dealership had already offset the lack of vehicle customers in 2009 by dedicating half the showroom to firearm sales.

Looks good to me. Infiniti warns that taking the FX through a car wash that uses acidic fluids might cause the vehicle’s plastic parts to crack, which “could affect their appearance.”

Locked and loaded. BMW X6’s manual warns, “Do not lock the vehicle from the outside if persons are inside, because unlocking from the inside is not possible without special knowledge.”

Remember when you make driving. Lexus GS 450h’s automatic cruise control comes with this warning: “If the brake actuator does not operate, do not follow other vehicles closely and avoid downhill or sharp turns that require making.”

You can’t see me. In March, California rescinded a ruling that would have required all new vehicles to have special solar-reflective glass, which reduces air conditioning use by lowering the interior temperature of cars parked in the sun. The glass could potentially affect the performance of electronic devices, including GPS-monitoring ankle bracelets on convicted criminals.

Safety first! To “ensure the optimal protective effort of the airbags,” the BMW Gran Turismo recommends that you “do not remove the steering wheel.”

It’s not a patio. Suzuki Kizashi warns, “Do not put your body weight on the roof around the sunroof such as by sitting on it.”

Diesel dentist. In July, the OPP responded to reports of a tractor trailer “all over the road” on Highway 402. When they pulled the driver over, they discovered he’d tied a string between his tooth and the roof of the cab and was trying to hit a bump to yank the tooth out.

The rest prefer being lost. A U.S. map data company surveyed drivers and found that only 70 per cent said they wanted the most current road information in their navigation systems.

Get back. Mazda2’s manual advises that “In position R (reverse), the vehicle moves only backwards.”

Lost in the lagoon. In October, a Kingston woman following directions from her GPS unit drove into a swamp, where she stood on the roof of her flooded car for an hour before being rescued.

Because you’re running over your barbecue. Subaru Legacy warns that when operating the backup system, “If smoke comes out or you smell a strange odour, stop using the rearview camera immediately.”

Source: http://www.wheels.ca/reviews/article/792952