Best Friend to GF/BF?

[Hheidi]

Watch no strings attached then ask her to be sex friends

[Timpo]

a guy and girl can never be just "good friends" or "best friends" eventually one for fall for the other

[November]

Originally Posted by Timpo

a guy and girl can never be just "good friends" or "best friends" eventually one for fall for the other

I disagree. I'm a girl and I have a very meaningful friendship with a guy. I am soo unattracted to him and he has lots of female friends other than myself that he has the same relationship with. He has never shown any signs of interest in me and vice versa, but we know that we can depend on each other to help when we need it. (I.e. Waking up early to pick him up from the drunk tank, or if I'm stranded @ sfu for example, he would drive from richmond just to pick me up).

I also have a boyfriend who is also my best friend. We started dating each other as strangers. I really knew nothing about him but we were really attracted to each other so that worked out. There was a lot of turmoil in the beginning when we were finding things out about each other that we disliked, but 3 yrs later, were quite stable + best friends. Oh, and he's completely comfortable with me + my guy friend's relationship cause he's seen us together and trusts me.

Like one poster said, there is no definate black/white answer. It really depends on your personalities and what you're comfortable with. Some people that are more introverted might prefer to be best friends before dating just because that's the way they are. Nobody here who is telling you 'absolutely have to be best friends first' or 'once you're in the friendzone, you're there forever' really knows what they're talking about.
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[boibuddha]

Originally Posted by Noir

If you wanted her, and could've HAD her, you would've done it. But you couldn't that's why you didn't.

We were watching a movie, then she crossed the "line" and this lead to... As stated earlier by 6793026, it's just like flipping a hamburger.

Originally Posted by Noir

BTW, is that how you look at it to justify your non-pursuit? relationships to you is about "breaking the other person." Therefore its not something you wish to subject a good friend/good person to it.

c'mon dude... let's cut the BS.

I'm not perfect, my wandering ways have lead to trouble in the past so I am avoiding anything resembling a relationship. I do have a bit of a conscience and I choose not to potentially hurt someone I care about.

I see that the relationship forum is your kingdom, your niche Noir. I am not the puppy you assume though; I hope you see the metaphor there.



Back on topic. OP, look at yourself closely and only you can decide if you should pursue a relationship. If you were matchmaking friends, would you RECOMMEND YOURSELF to date your friend? I've cheated before and there's a possibility that I would re-offend; I wouldn't recommend myself to my best friend.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by boibuddha

I'm not perfect, my wandering ways have lead to trouble in the past so I am avoiding anything resembling a relationship. I do have a bit of a conscience and I choose not to potentially hurt someone I care about.

So the only people worthy of your relationship are those who you could care less about hurting? And those who you have great care for and are of good standing with you aren't deserving of your relationship because of your "nature" as a guy?

You know how I can tell how this is just a justification? Because I can poke holes in your logic all day long.

And you know why it's a justification? Because eventually you'll lose her anyways EVEN as a "friend" as her life progresses (whether it be her finding a serious relationship; marriage, or having to relocate for work, etc.)

If this person is really "that" special enough for you to sacrifice your personal wants for the sake of longevity with this person; then there's really nothing more "forever" than marriage is there? Unless she's not that special to warrant that; but if that's the case, if she's not that special, then why would she qualify under your personal rules of "too special to risk relationship with"?


see? Keep going because this is really entertaining for me.

Originally Posted by boibuddha

I see that the relationship forum is your kingdom, your niche Noir. I am not the puppy you assume though; I hope you see the metaphor there.

It is actually, because not a lot of people here can tell it just how it is. That's why you see guys like V.Rossi or 6793026 can just come in, say their 2 cents and pretty much end the thread with that.




Anyways, back to the OP as well, as not to completely derail and to continue contribution:


It is doable as long as she does find you attractive. But based on my experiences, the question isn't about that but moreso:

"If a friend of mine does not find me attractive and the best my white-knight act can get me now is "best friends", will the longevity of the white-knight act eventually add up to physical attraction?

The answer depends on what kind of girl. For girls ranked 8 to perfect 10, most likely not. For girls ranked 1 to 5 = more likely; For girls ranked 6 & 7 it's hard to say, 50/50 maybe?

It's not an exact science but it's a jist.

[Graeme S]

The question of whether or not it's possible is all relative to what kind of relationship you want.

Most of the people who say no are advocates of the 'chase' relationship; the idea that all relationships are formed out of a natural and constantly changing imbalance where each side deliberately withholds something that the other side wants/needs in order to keep this person's attention.

The others seem to be advocates of the 'interdependency' relationships; where two peoples lives need not be separated, and absolutely everything is out in the open and 'ours'.

I know more people in the chase school of thought (myself included), so thinking in any other way is tough for me. Some people are just not comfortable becoming intimate with someone before being friends with or getting to know them through others. Others feel that dating a very good friend is almost a violation of the pseudo-family intimacy that friendship introduces.

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that men are more likely to date a friend than women--for much the same reason as a man is likely to cheat, have a one-night-stand, or do anything else of a similar nature: Men are simply less likely to say 'No'.


For women, socially speaking in a general sense, they have been taught that intimacy (both physical and mental) is something to be spent and built sparingly, that women who spread themselves too widely find themselves spread not at all in the end (if you'll pardon the wordplay). As a result, if a woman suggests some type of liaison, regardless of the man's prior inclinations (assuming a neutral-to-positive mindset) the man is quite likely to say yes.



Long story short: what men want, they only get when the women agree. What woman want, they usually get.
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[The7even]

I'm engaged to my best friend of 20 years.

[miss_crayon]

My parents met when they were children (mom was..6? 8?) and growing up my dad always had a crush on her. They were friendS but my mom never really saw him that way until they both moved to canada for uni. My mom got married when she was 23 so...it took awhile considering he started chasing her when they were in their teens. It's possible to have your bff into your gf/bf/life partner but it can take time for that transition.
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[insomniac]

Didn't work out for me
Still best friends afterwards but started getting awkward and we only talk a few times a month now
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[Lolkai]

But don't u guys find it weird to be treating them as a friend to being more intimate?

[Noir]

Originally Posted by Lolkai

But don't u guys find it weird to be treating them as a friend to being more intimate?

No.

[Supafly]

My ex-gf bestfriend tried to make his move after 8 months......she declined his ass after he bought her a bunch of material things to try and wooo her.....she turned him down then told me....I LOL'D....and this guy seems to like to go after all my ex gfs after I've dated them for a few years....

[mkings]

Most movies and relationships begin like this. Girl tells boy all her secrets, boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. They go on being bestfriends until one of them confesses, sometimes nobody confesses and none of them know what's going, then they give up hope and lose feelings while the other ones still hanging on.

[xilley]

Originally Posted by Supafly

My ex-gf bestfriend tried to make his move after 8 months......she declined his ass after he bought her a bunch of material things to try and wooo her.....she turned him down then told me....I LOL'D....and this guy seems to like to go after all my ex gfs after I've dated them for a few years....

cause you supafly what can you do hahah

[xilley]

. DP