Rejection of a Friendship

[Nintensity]

Originally Posted by Jsunu

So what had happened between the falling out at your birthday to when you sent the catching up text? Were you guys just ignoring each other up to that point?

Nope, we weren't ignoring each other, I was moving on with my life since I got my car, i'm moving out next month, I got a full time job. And i'm usually out with friends during evenings weekends. Life is awesome where I'm at right now, I couldn't be much happier at the moment... without a girlfriend... but I know having one would be just another hole in the wallet. But the thought of her was always in the back of my mind. Short text messages exchanged, here and there. because I ever since that incident on my birthday, so I kept it distant for a reason. Sure I might have feelings but i'm just fine with being friends.

I only like her as a friend, and nothing more now.

Originally Posted by !Yaminashi

I think for now you should apologize and leave the ball in her court. If she chooses to not let it go then thats her loss not yours.

Another good thought...

[Nintensity]

Originally Posted by Timpo

sometimes...when a girl tells you she doesn't wanna be friend with you anymore, it may not be her saying that.

you don't know what happened that night, after you guy hung up the phone...maybe her boyfriend was bitching at her or something depending on how much of an asshole or insecure he is.

a lot of boyfriend do say crap about their girlfriend's male friends, telling them not to hang with them, blah blah blah

That message that I got... didn't even look like she wrote that message to me. The ENTIRE time i've known her for the past 5 years, she always wrote messages (MSN, Facebook, text messages) like a kid... but this time I kinda doubted her message because it looks like NOTHING she would write.

[Ikkaku]

agreed with gudda and yaminashi

from her message, she seemed highly offended by what you said so... either a) there's something you said that you don't remember, or trying to hide or b) she had feelings for you/treated the friendship as unusually important so she was highly sensitive towards your words.

Sometimes friends treat birthdays as very serious events, and exclusion may indicate to them that they are not as good of friends as they may have imagined.

[TheNewGirl]

You know, there's a way to break up a marriage, or with a boyfriend, but there's no socially acceptable way to dump a friend.

You've been friend dumped.

It's possible that from the girl perspective she views you as still having feelings for her she doesn't return and doesn't want to deal with. Or maybe there's something else but the end result is the same.

[Timpo]

Originally Posted by Nintensity

That message that I got... didn't even look like she wrote that message to me. The ENTIRE time i've known her for the past 5 years, she always wrote messages (MSN, Facebook, text messages) like a kid... but this time I kinda doubted her message because it looks like NOTHING she would write.

Then don't believe it until you actually see/hear it.

those facebook messages, text message, etc...maybe her boyfriend told her to write it, or he even wrote it.

You know you highly doubt that she would write something like that unless she was pressured to do so by someone.

What's the possibility of that message being written by her? NOT 100%.

You got a message from her, that's a fact... however it may not be the truth.

[Timpo]

Originally Posted by guddagudd

If she minded THIS much, I'd say at the time maybe she had feelings for you. Either that, or you were so drunk, you said something more than what you can remember.

of course she did...hanging out for 5 years.

a guy and a girl can almost never be just a "good friend" or "best friend" eventually one for fall for the other.

[GrapeDrink]

Originally Posted by Nintensity

That message that I got... didn't even look like she wrote that message to me. The ENTIRE time i've known her for the past 5 years, she always wrote messages (MSN, Facebook, text messages) like a kid... but this time I kinda doubted her message because it looks like NOTHING she would write.

lol that is probably because back then you guys were friends? and now she wants to make it clear you guys are not anymore so thus the serious tone in her message, like if she woulda replied all kid while saying she didn't want nothing to with you anymore, you would probably miss the point

[Psykopathik]

6 billion people on this planet and you're concerned with one...

move on, nothing to see here.

[Timpo]

Originally Posted by Turbo E

6 billion people on this planet and you're concerned with one...

move on, nothing to see here.

6 billion?
let's say roughly half of them are women...so 3 billion.

and if you meet each woman every 1 second, it would take approx 95.129 years to meet all women in the world.

[ConCho]

Originally Posted by Nintensity

Cho... true-that. Move on. If she has no intention to stay friends, then I shouldn't waste MY TIME and MY EFFORT time on something that won't even turn out positive in the end. Honestly, at this point, it will feel as if i'm forcing her back into friendship. But fuck, if she doesn't value the things that we ever did in the past, then fuck it. move on. Just that message right there made me realize that she doesn't give fuck all about it anyways.

(Cho.. you know me personally, so for the sake of this, just keep it between us. I really appreciate it!)

She probably does/did , but I still believe that there is still something there . If she really hated you wouldn't it be better not to even "know" you and ignore or not send you a message at all ?

My way of processing this is just take it slowly , see if you can fix the cracks and try to start new again , it's a suggestion and it may take a long time , but if it's worth it to you to keep that friendship , theres no problem with trying right ? But I really think she does care , even though it's not a lot .

Good luck , I understand how you feel .

[jtanner_]

Just lightly skimming the thread and keeping it anon...

While I honestly think the more sensible course of action would be to simply move on and try to forget about it, I don't think I could personally do that. For me, if she were ever at some point an important friend to me, I would definitely make the effort to touch base with her regarding whatever actions I may have done in the past to make her upset… Especially if (and more based on your situation) it appears that she has misinterpreted my initial intentions or if my words were to have just come out wrong.

Regardless of the outcome, I would want that opportunity to at least explain my actions and to get a better understanding of where she stands about it.

Best of luck with how this turns out bud.

[white_guilt]

How old are you guys? Whole situation seems very immature from both parties. Not insulting you, OP. You're young and there's plenty more heartache to follow , but in the grand scheme of things, stuff like this happens when we're <21.

[cho]

they're 20/21 ish

[darkfroggy]

Originally Posted by LiquidTurbo

Hell, if girl did that to me regarding my gf, I'd defriend their ass too.

You really have no play here other than genuinely apologize. If she accepts, great. If not, move on.
Posted via RS Mobile

Isn't it rude to bring people over who were not invited? If the guy wanted her BF to come along, he would have done so.

[Nintensity]

Originally Posted by white_guilt

How old are you guys? Whole situation seems very immature from both parties. Not insulting you, OP. You're young and there's plenty more heartache to follow , but in the grand scheme of things, stuff like this happens when we're <21.

I don't think age has any relevance to this situation. Friendship is something that I truly value. I appreciate the things friends do for me, and same for friends when I do things for them. Girl or not, I value friendship on a higher level of hierarchy than others because I believe that there's nothing better in life when having people by your side when you need them. No, I don't mean USING them, but being able to appreciate each other's actions for what they have given you.

I no longer have feelings for this girl, only on a matter of friendship level that we had previously agreed. I never said I hated the BF, I just never really cared much for him in the first place, but asking to bring the bf last minute the night of the event, itself, is just generally disrespectful.

But yes, truly respect your opinion, however I believe something like this coming my way would not classify as myself being "immature". She gave me a serious response, and i'm just going to believe that it was her that wrote me that message because honestly, it wasn't the BF to have told her to write that Facebook message. What does he think? That i'm going to make her fall in love? This is immature in itself, plus he's 23. I'm sure he wouldn't have made her write that message in the first place.

Anyways. I'm just going to call her later on in the week and just say apologize before moving on. I have no intention to bring drama forth on this issue, I just needed a way out of this. It's more realistic that I do move on and live life.

N

[Psykopathik]

you can't be friends with girls. Either you want to bed them or are just socializing with them because its the polite thing to do.

so you don't like her boyfriend. as her boyfriend, you know he is included as a package deal. you can't invite one without the other, and sure as hell she isnt going to your birthday party without him.

you made her choose between him and you. you lost, there was never any question. That kind of ultimatum from someone she's not even dating, is bound to drive a wedge in your friendship. the boyfriend wins over all.

un-inviting someone from an event is devastating emotionally. Especially without any CLEAR explanation. Too much left unsaid and inferred.

if you value her as a real friend, apologize FACE TO FACE and walk away. she will come back if you're worth it. If she doesn't come back, she wasn't really a friend.

[freakshow]

Let's say that she does accept your apology, it'll still never be like your old days. Even if you do start hanging out more, it probably won't be good for either of you. And this is in the best case.

[Nintensity]

Originally Posted by Turbo E

...if you value her as a real friend, apologize FACE TO FACE and walk away. she will come back if you're worth it. If she doesn't come back, she wasn't really a friend.

Thanks Turbo!

Originally Posted by freakshow

Let's say that she does accept your apology, it'll still never be like your old days. Even if you do start hanging out more, it probably won't be good for either of you. And this is in the best case.

Never saw it this way. Now that you mention it, I do see it coming. Thanks, bro!

Anyways, Mods, please close this thread. I've made my decision already.
And to everyone else who's contributed their ideas to this thread, thank you all! I appreciate everyone's time to lend me a helping hand

N

[k2_alpha]

before i close the thread, I want to give you a small warning.
if you are going to apologize and explain your actions, make sure you tell her everything; including the fact you have a crush on her.

on one hand, it gives her more insight and more meaning behind your apology. on the other hand she may distant herself even more as she currently has a SO.