[Confidential] Picking up where we left off

[El Bastardo]

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


The history between myself and this girl goes back some 6 years now.

We were friends 6 years back and spent about a month hanging out together. During that time we became more than friends but it did not last. We both had so much going on in our lives that there was just no time to make it all work out.

After this we lost contact until recently.
We have hung out for a day and it was just like everything was picked back up where we were so long ago.
Of course there has been changes in both our lives since then but the feelings I had came flooding back to me.

The issue I am having is weather or not I should follow through with the feelings I have or just let them pass.

The reason I ask this is because this girl I'm interested in now has a kid and that adds a whole other dynamic to the relationship and lifestyle. I have no problem with a child in the relationship. I love kids and hope to have my own some day.

What should I do?

[vafanculo]

I'd say becareful.. She's got a kid, so she may want to stay with you for the wrong reason this time around. ie, security.
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[!Yaminashi]

I agree with the above. Especially if she got ditched after she got knocked up

[TheNewGirl]

I'm a single mom I will give you the following advice:

1. We are not made of glass. You really don't have to treat her differently than anyone else you would date. Which I hope would be respectful and mindful that she has a life outside of dating you.

2. While some moms want security, most single moms that I have met are fiercely independent. Stubbornly so even.

3. You don't have to go all in right away. You can "date" and find out if you guys still click and if you would like to go further with things. There is nothing wrong with this and what's the worst that can happen? You answered your what if and she's gotten some grown up time away from her kid. Both of you can leave that better from where you started.

4. Don't assume you know what being a single parent is all about (you might not but be mindful many of the men this girls dated probably have). Let her unravel her life for you at her own pace and let you into her life as she will. Don't be offended if she keeps you out of her home life until she's ready and such.

5. DO NOT try and be some white knight or savoir for her. My biggest peeve is guys who show up and are like 'oh I know how to parent I have younger siblings, I baby-sat/worked with kids/what ever, I know what my parents went through, I get that it's hard and I'm all on board'. This may seem romantic and white knight-ish but 1. every single mom has heard this too many times and all of them have failed if she's still single. and 2. it makes you sound woofully naive and even LESS ready to be involved in that part of her life.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

I honestly don't think she is looking for someone to fill in her life simply for security.
She is a very strong person and she is doing great on her own right now.

You both may be right but is does not seem that way and right now I'm taking it at face value until I have a reason not to.

[Noir]

Do it. If you're feelings are actually legitimate.

But if you're in it for selfish reasons, then take a pass because you may not only end up disappointing the girl, but a kid as well.

[scottsman]

6 years have past and so what you felt together then may be completely different now. Only spending 1 day together is not enough to see where her life is at. It could be great for a week/month/year but if your both not in it for the long haul then there is no point.

Having a child shouldn't be an issue but you should ask yourself if you are ready to give up a lot of things in life and pretty much step into a father role. What is the relationship with the ex/father of baby?