REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

murd0c · 10-23-2011, 02:03 AM

I would honestly go for the first. You already know each other and your feelings are still there. Just think are you willing to be able to ask your self "WHAT IF" down the road if it doesn't work with the 2nd one?

xmisstrinh · 10-23-2011, 09:15 AM

i don't like that the first girl only told you her feelings for you after she knew you started dating the second girl.

melloman · 10-23-2011, 09:52 AM

Something to think about OP..

With the new girl who you met 5 weeks ago you have nothing to lose if the relationship fails.

With the friend, if things go bad. You lose a lover, and a friend.

Really up to you in the end, if you think the friend is worth the leap of faith. Go for it.

!e.lo_ · 10-23-2011, 10:36 AM

^that's what I was thinking too.

Losing a friend sucks. Losing a lover sucks.
Losing both at the same time, horrible.

Which one makes you smile more, makes your heart feel like it's going to beat right out of your chest. Which one do you wish you woke up to?

Zyzz · 10-23-2011, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BT

This..... Is the reason why nowadays guys don't need to get a gf in order to get laid. All these sluts can't keep their legs closed even after they have a bf. Girls also use this excuse when they treehop from guys to guys.

I'm always lolwut whenever girls tell me i gotta go to my bf in the morning.

El Bastardo · 10-23-2011, 12:04 PM

The following is a reply from a different anonymous Revscene member, not the original poster

Hi, i didnt wanna make a post on the actual thread cause its kinda private...
anyways i was just in the same situation actually im still in the situation. tell whoever to go for the crush cause I did and even though the 2nd chick is hotter I feel that its more awarding and just better for me that i went with my crush (liked her for 2 years)

TOS'd · 10-23-2011, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TOS'd

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is some good advice.
Posted via RS Mobile

EDIT: stick with the new/current girl. The crush only told you the feelings were mutual because she cant have you and you said she told you this at a club mixed with alcohol(from what i recall).

Drow · 10-23-2011, 01:22 PM

Having reciprocal feelings after she found out abt u and ur new steady chick? What a coincidence
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El Bastardo · 10-23-2011, 03:48 PM

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

So I had a talk with the friend today, cards on the table and all. Turns out she didn't know I was seeing somebody, just miscommunication at the club on Friday. Good to know it wasn't a case of jealousy/want what she can't have.

Went over how long she's had the feelings for, and if they were legit and not confused by something else, and it sounded like they were real. She's had feelings for awhile as well but was never entirely sure if it was reciprocal on my end, so she kinda ignored... Until several months ago when we had a 'moment'. She said that it was something she hadn't felt before with anybody else, and that it was as if "time stood still, as cliche as it sounds".

I went over everything on my end, from how long I've had feelings for her to the situation with the current girl, and just saying it out loud to myself and not just thinking it over in my head, made me realize I would be completely foolish to base my decision entirely on logic and reasoning and not listen to my gut and my heart. I do find the friend more attractive than the new girl, too.

I have a day or two to think things over as the new girl is out of town, but I think I have my decision.

cctw · 10-24-2011, 01:24 AM

to the OP..if you're going for the crush..please end things with the new girl before you start with your crush or it might get complicated down the road if the new girl finds out =/

bman1828 · 10-24-2011, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BT

LOL following that logic, neither is right. Cause if the second is right you shouldn't have any more feelings for the first one; right?

It sounds like you don't know wat the fark you want. IF possible, try to date both and than decide. Just be upfront about it. If not I would go for the new one.

!Yaminashi · 10-24-2011, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bman1828

IF possible, try to date both and than decide.

That's guaranteeing he'll end up with nothing. They definitely arent just gonna wait around for him and say "sure just let me know if you want me or not"

tiger_handheld · 10-24-2011, 11:00 AM

so what is your decision. please post reply using pictures

Powerslide · 10-24-2011, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tachycardia!

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member
... Until several months ago when we had a 'moment'. She said that it was something she hadn't felt before with anybody else, and that it was as if "time stood still, as cliche as it sounds".

Did you feel it too?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tachycardia!

I went over everything on my end, from how long I've had feelings for her to the situation with the current girl

I do find the friend more attractive than the new girl, too.

Decision seems obvious to me. Go with this girl. She's more attractive AND it looks like you've already developed depth with her. Now both of you are also aware of feelings for each other. Let us know what you decided.

optiblue · 10-24-2011, 05:56 PM

Tough call~ take my advice with a grain of salt or whatever, but I made it a personal choice to never date anyone from work, and also never any of my friends. There's a reason why you two were only friends and never got together for such a long time. It may work out in the movies and may sound like a good idea right now, but rarely does it ever end well. When it goes sour, you lose both the new girl and the friend. If you stick with the new girl, you'll always have that friend

It may seem like you're "deep" with the first girl since you've known her longer, but in a short amount of time with the new girl, it seems like you've grown together much faster.

Excelsis · 10-24-2011, 06:08 PM

You can't predict the future, anything can happen. Also, yeah everything goes faster in the beggining like a big flame, but that could also burn out easily. I'm sure you'll make a good decision

Noir · 10-24-2011, 07:45 PM

I know you're looking for guidance and all, but there are some things internet (or anyone else for that matter) can't help you with.

Things like this, sometimes its not good to approach with logic and over analyzation. You just have to dig deep and go with your gut feeling.

There's no amount of explanation that can get you the best answers here as anybody can paint anybody (1st or 2nd) girl on a better light than the other; because everyone else is devoid of knowing each girl personally and in depth, other than you. Go with your gut feeling and learn to trust yourself.

lime56 · 10-24-2011, 09:09 PM

you know what... fuck the personality etc

which one would you fap too?

pick that one.. then no more fapping

STEVE JOBS: Oh yeah, and one more thing.....

dinosaur · 10-24-2011, 10:52 PM

i have been in a relationship with my bf for 3 years now....we were good friends for 7 years...sometimes becoming more than "just friends" works out to be the most amazing relationship.

i had been in other relationships and never understood how people would call their SO their "best friend" as well...now I totally get it.

Good luck!

bman1828 · 10-25-2011, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by !Yaminashi

That's guaranteeing he'll end up with nothing. They definitely arent just gonna wait around for him and say "sure just let me know if you want me or not"

^ So after one date are you in a exclusive committed and monogamous relationship? At the end of the day, it depends on our own personal beliefs and preferences. Thats why i said IF it was possible and everyone is aware of the situation.

Furthermore, I never said to date both long term with the intent on being a player. I am talking about getting to know both of them better and than decide. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing more than one person at a time in the beginning stages and everyone knows about it. How else do you know? You educated yourself with as much information as possible. For example, if you were shopping for a new car, would you buy the first car you saw or would you do your research, compare, test drive and narrow down your choices?

!Yaminashi · 10-25-2011, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bman1828

^ So after one date are you in a exclusive committed and monogamous relationship? At the end of the day, it depends on our own personal beliefs and preferences. Thats why i said IF it was possible and everyone is aware of the situation.

Furthermore, I never said to date both long term with the intent on being a player. I am talking about getting to know both of them better and than decide. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing more than one person at a time in the beginning stages and everyone knows about it. How else do you know? You educated yourself with as much information as possible. For example, if you were shopping for a new car, would you buy the first car you saw or would you do your research, compare, test drive and narrow down your choices?

I never said after one date its automatically a monogamous relationship. Look at it this way, if either girl found out he was "dating" what would that say to them?

I think most females would think "ok, he's not that serious about me and he's testing the waters." Therefore causing her to possibly lose interest/rethink her decision.

Your intentions sound great, but your logic is flawed. Cars do not have feelings, these girls do and as far as we know they both have feelings for the OP. I'm sure everyone here knows what it's like to have the person they want go for someone else and it's not a good feeling. Hence why I said these girls aren't going to just bend over backwards for him and wait for him to choose.

MrGoodbar · 10-25-2011, 10:08 AM

If someone makes you an option, don't make them your priority.

Choose quickly because the saying above is a two way street. They'll lose interest and if the new girl finds out that she's become an option, you'll end up souring things over with both. I agree with Yaminashi.

OP be a fucking man an make a decision. Toying with girls will make them hate you. No one likes to have their feelings fucked with.

bman1828 · 10-25-2011, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by !Yaminashi

I never said after one date its automatically a monogamous relationship. Look at it this way, if either girl found out he was "dating" what would that say to them?

I think most females would think "ok, he's not that serious about me and he's testing the waters." Therefore causing her to possibly lose interest/rethink her decision.

Your intentions sound great, but your logic is flawed. Cars do not have feelings, these girls do and as far as we know they both have feelings for the OP. I'm sure everyone here knows what it's like to have the person they want go for someone else and it's not a good feeling. Hence why I said these girls aren't going to just bend over backwards for him and wait for him to choose.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrGoodbar

If someone makes you an option, don't make them your priority.

Choose quickly because the saying above is a two way street. They'll lose interest and if the new girl finds out that she's become an option, you'll end up souring things over with both. I agree with Yaminashi.

OP be a fucking man an make a decision. Toying with girls will make them hate you. No one likes to have their feelings fucked with.

Insecurity is natural in matters of the heart. It leads to fear and most people run away from it.

Your making quite a few assumptions. We don't know the people involved and what they would do. Will the girls understand? maybe.. will they step up their efforts for him? maybe.. will they give up? maybe.. Will they fight for him? who knows? Thats why i said to each their own.

I know for me, I would step up my game for the person i want. plus I would want the person i want to know if they really want to be with me. I don't want to be the second choice or the fall back guy. I won't walk away from something i want. Yes, things don't always go as plan and there are inherently some situations where we fail or lose. At the end of the day, we are most accountable to ourselves and what makes us happy. Since, everyone wants different things. We can't live our lives trying to keep/make everyone happy. If we do, it often leads to our own regret........

joolee · 10-25-2011, 12:31 PM

Personally I agree with what Yaminashi had to say. Too bad I can't thank him on the post at the moment, lol. I don't have any sort of advice to give but choose wisely and be upfront about it. I would hate to know I was second choice.

If I was interested in someone that person gets all my attention. I don't find the need to test the waters with somebody else at the same time. I like focusing on one person at a time.
Posted via RS Mobile

Powerslide · 10-25-2011, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bman1828

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing more than one person at a time in the beginning stages and everyone knows about it. How else do you know? You educated yourself with as much information as possible. For example, if you were shopping for a new car, would you buy the first car you saw or would you do your research, compare, test drive and narrow down your choices?

I'm with Yaminashi here:
if you know what kind of a car you're looking for and you get in and test drive one that has everything you want, why do you need to go drive a bunch of other cars? Would it be because you're unsure of what you want? It could go on forever - you could try 100 cars and say "well there still COULD be a car out there that's better for me." Gotta know what you want a bit more and trust it. I'm not saying buy the first car you ever drive, but I'm sure OP has at least a bit of prev. relationship experience here.

When you research a car you narrow it down to a few, then test-drive in that spread. I agree that the problem with the analogy here is that cars are not people, and people can walk if they know you're just test driving