Originally Posted by jeedee
***awaiting v rossi's answer*** Posted via RS Mobile
Sorry boys, have been busy lately.
What I'm about to suggest, very few will agree with me on this but here's my opinion on what you should do.
Drop both, these women are humans not cars where you browse and compare specs as well as pros & cons. Then go back for a test drive with one and then try again with the other. No man likes being an option when it comes to a chick he desires, works both ways. Women just have more options than men, the more attractive she is of course the more options she has. An attractive man without any confidence or game is still just a lonely attractive man. Good does not come to those who wait.
Anyways, I'm suggesting drop both because if you choose the new girl. You will resent her whether you agree with me or not, you will. She put you through this dilemma/situation and you just won't forget about it, you may move on about the idea but it'll be buried somewhere within your head. You will resent her and that's just not healthy to start a relationship with. You'll probably compare her to the first girl as well, things she did, how she reacts to situations, etc. You choose the first girl, the intimacy won't all be there.
You two have been friends for a long period of time, I've said this before and I'll state it again. Use the ABC strategy, Always Be Closing. I don't care if you're on CNN or CBC network being aired and viewed by millions, always close. Get her number, wait a week, set up a date on a monday - friday or sunday, but not saturday. There's reasons behind that, but that's irrelevant and I won't go into depth about it.
Call of course, don't text (anyone else find that new generations are cowarding behind screens? it's their comfort zone and when you're comfortable it's excruciatingly hard to get out of that zone).
Anyways you two have spent too much time together as friends, your view for one another won't be the same as when you two met. Whereas if you two had hooked up from the get-go, things would be more intimate, sincere and sentimental. Now you two are friends, you know she likes you etc. It'll boost your confidence, don't feel ashamed about that as you shouldn't be but the interest won't all be there.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to come off as a Debbie Downer. there are times where people have jumped from the friend track to the boyfriend track but that's a very very very low statistical fluke.
Tonight, through a series of text msgs and events, I spoke with the crush/friend, and found out that the feelings were reciprocal, but also had found out about me and the new girl and that I had feelings from her from a 3rd party. However, another friend brought up a good point that what if she is only interested because I am not available?
This paragraph here gave me a mindfuck while reading, I just got off work and am fatigue. It's probably just me being the person I am and just misreading it, but I'll try and interpret the whole fiasco the best I can.
First, there's so much communication going on between you and your 'friend' as you can see, that the cat's out of the bag now, yippy! This is childsplay, you don't need to confess shit all about each others interest level, actions are clear enough. You don't go out for dinner with someone you can hardly tolerate or have absolutely no interest in, it wouldn't make sense. Some feministas do it for the free meal, but us men will come out as the bigger person and not follow within their footsteps. The fact that she admitted her feelings to you screws with your head, and do you know what that's called? PLACEBO EFFECT
The idea is planted in your head, and day by day that idea will grow. You'll start to overthink things, and start to wonder about her more. Is it you actually wondering? Fuck no, it's your ego.
Hey you hungry? Nah, couple minutes goes by.... Yeah I am hungry actually. You weren't hungry, you were just thinking about food to the point where you got hungry. If I never mentioned hunger, you would have never thought food and the idea would've never grown and so on.
When you were available you two were friends, now that you're semi-available she's interested. Human nature, we want what we can't have. It's worse with women as they say, Kitty Kat's Kompete. Of course she's more interested in you now, someone else wants you. You just upped yourself a couple points.
It's why when you have a gorgeous 'friend' go out with her, kinda like a sidearm accessory that would be her. When she's walking, talking, laughing beside you. Ten other chicks now recognize you because you have value, you're valuable, they want to know what's the big idea about you. By all means, don't be afraid to collect numbers from others while with the friend either. Afterall you're just friends, you don't need their approval right? You don't go rejecting numbers while you're out with your buddies right? Friends are just friends. If they get offended then they're either uptight or were interested in you and you were oblivious about it all.
Went over how long she's had the feelings for, and if they were legit and not confused by something else, and it sounded like they were real. She's had feelings for awhile as well but was never entirely sure if it was reciprocal on my end, so she kinda ignored... Until several months ago when we had a 'moment'. She said that it was something she hadn't felt before with anybody else, and that it was as if "time stood still, as cliche as it sounds". |
I went over everything on my end, from how long I've had feelings for her to the situation with the current girl, and just saying it out loud to myself and not just thinking it over in my head, made me realize I would be completely foolish to base my decision entirely on logic and reasoning and not listen to my gut and my heart. I do find the friend more attractive than the new girl, too.
I have a day or two to think things over as the new girl is out of town, but I think I have my decision.
Okay, no chick is ever confused not since Eve and the forbidden apple. You can't determine what a chick wants by asking them directly, if you do they will mislead you. Unless they have high interest in you, but you said it "sounded real" and that just ain't gonna cut it, if they have high interest in you, you'll know damn fucking well she wants you. Her actions will show it not just verbally, when they like you they make it easy for you. "Sounded real" doesn't sound like it was made easy, you had to use your judgement instead of thinking damn... this chick really fucking likes me.
You went over everything on your end, HEY LOOK! That placebo effect looks like the seed was planted well, because it seems to be growing as you're thinking of more and more ideas. Oh look, you've even got a deadline of 1 to 2 days! That definitely sound like you're overthinking everything (refer back to the food example). You also mentioned that the friend is more attractive, like I said if you go with the new chick you'll start to resent and compare one another. But like I also stated in the beginning, these are chicks not cars(unfortunately, jk lol) and you can't go comparing pros and cons.
Anyways in conclusion, I say drop both. Get your head screwed on and cleared up, learn to love yourself before any chick first. Then meet new chicks, not pick up where you left off with these old ones as that may be easier as you've gone through the formalities and are comfortable with one another(told ya, getting out of comfort zone is a hard one). However, something tells me you're not going to listen and choose between one or the other. Because you have two chicks(options) and your confidence is boosted over the ceiling. If you must choose, I suggest choosing the first one.
Whatever happens happens, just remember you win some you lose some. Dating is a numbers game.
If you lose both, you'll be down but when you're back up. You'll be a smarter, stronger person, we learn from our mistakes... sometimes it takes a little longer for others.