[Confidential] No physical intimacy, what to do?

[Noir]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

[I]
Not a chance. I love this girl and sex means more than just getting off to me. I would not be able to live with myself if I were to do that to her.

That's romantic... and noble. That being said. If by any chance you're planning to spend your life with this person. Good luck living a life of sporadic sexual activity.

Sexual voracity (or lack there of) isn't something you can fix for someone else. It's something innate within her that she has to fix within herself. Everything you do will be band-aid fixes at best.



Thirdly, if she doesn't fix it, it doesn't matter how romantic you are, or how noble you are. You will crack. And if she's smart she knows that ANY guy devoid of any sexual maintenance, will crack.




TBH, I don't feel bad about the concept of cheating. Guys have a need that only girls can provide. If they cease to provide this elementary function, then they are useless. Kind of like how guys, we in society are tasked to be the breadwinners. And if we as the breadwinners neglect to provide our women with their elementary needs such as food, shelter, warmth, etc... you can bet wedding vows be damned.... they'll be entertaining other suitors. If they can help it, these women aren't going down to the gutter with you.


Of course, this goes against the romanticism of "love" and "together forever" and all that "unconditional" crap... but what I just explained... is far more real than that fairy tale fantasy crap we all were brought up to believe as how this whole love & relationship thing works.



So the point is, there are 2 parties in a relationship. Each participating party both have their responsibilities within a relationship. When one party starts neglecting their share of their responsibilities within the relationship... well, the consequences ultimately really is the neglectful party's fault. Just pray that the "neglected" party has a long string of patience... but even that has an end and is bound to crack.

[dinosaur]

Ok, I've already jumped in to this thread and shared my POV...this is more in regato Noir and some of the dudes who have responded here and in others like it:

If guys don't fuck...they don't die. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship (I could like a broken record), but some of the thoughts and feeling that you guys have about blowin' you load, is a little funny...but kind of sad. You speak about think it is food and water. I dig that some of you are hovering in you 20 yo batter-brain boner phase right now, but I can promise you that should you not have sex ever...starting today...you wiil be just fine. It will suck...it may hurt a little...lose some sleep...but you will not die.

Point being? This mentality that if the SO or whomever does not put out, the dude will "crack" and fuck a cheerleading squad, is bull shit. You will not have this "need to fuck anything that walks" feeling forever.

Having no sex drive...or simply not wanting to engage is sex with you SO, is rarely ever about sex.

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

Originally Posted by Noir

Serious answer:

If you have no intention of letting her go, and she has no intention of upkeeping her maintenance obligations, I would just get some on the side. Just play it safe when you're getting someone else to scratch your back.

Originally Posted by Noir

That's romantic... and noble. That being said. If by any chance you're planning to spend your life with this person. Good luck living a life of sporadic sexual activity.

Sexual voracity (or lack there of) isn't something you can fix for someone else. It's something innate within her that she has to fix within herself. Everything you do will be band-aid fixes at best.



Thirdly, if she doesn't fix it, it doesn't matter how romantic you are, or how noble you are. You will crack. And if she's smart she knows that ANY guy devoid of any sexual maintenance, will crack.




TBH, I don't feel bad about the concept of cheating. Guys have a need that only girls can provide. If they cease to provide this elementary function, then they are useless. Kind of like how guys, we in society are tasked to be the breadwinners. And if we as the breadwinners neglect to provide our women with their elementary needs such as food, shelter, warmth, etc... you can bet wedding vows be damned.... they'll be entertaining other suitors. If they can help it, these women aren't going down to the gutter with you.


Of course, this goes against the romanticism of "love" and "together forever" and all that "unconditional" crap... but what I just explained... is far more real than that fairy tale fantasy crap we all were brought up to believe as how this whole love & relationship thing works.



So the point is, there are 2 parties in a relationship. Each participating party both have their responsibilities within a relationship. When one party starts neglecting their share of their responsibilities within the relationship... well, the consequences ultimately really is the neglectful party's fault. Just pray that the "neglected" party has a long string of patience... but even that has an end and is bound to crack.

lol, i think we finally agree on something. the potential for a friendship has grown by an exponential amount. hahaha...

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Ok, I've already jumped in to this thread and shared my POV...this is more in regato Noir and some of the dudes who have responded here and in others like it:

If guys don't fuck...they don't die. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship (I could like a broken record), but some of the thoughts and feeling that you guys have about blowin' you load, is a little funny...but kind of sad. You speak about think it is food and water. I dig that some of you are hovering in you 20 yo batter-brain boner phase right now, but I can promise you that should you not have sex ever...starting today...you wiil be just fine. It will suck...it may hurt a little...lose some sleep...but you will not die.

Point being? This mentality that if the SO or whomever does not put out, the dude will "crack" and fuck a cheerleading squad, is bull shit. You will not have this "need to fuck anything that walks" feeling forever.

Having no sex drive...or simply not wanting to engage is sex with you SO, is rarely ever about sex.

no we don't die. but there are some things that are worse than death.

thats why guys go out and commit rape and do other crazy things. they usually aren't getting any, or what they arent getting is actually worse than death.

if some magical divine powers at be prevented me from ever having sex again... you can be sure im going to do something stupid. i'd probably try to go become a full out monk.

but then that's like telling a woman that no one will ever be attracted to her or like her or love in in any way shape or form. the woman wont die.

but im sure she'll fucking commit suicide.


you see the difference between sex and food/water is....

i'd gladly give up food and water if my body didnt require it to "live". lol you know how much time and effort i'd save by not having to cook clean eat and shit and piss?
food and water are hardly lifes pleasures. lol. more like a fucking chore you have to do multiple times a day just to live.

where as i wouldn't give up sex even though i don't require it.

men have killed for a lot less than sex.



for the OP. lol... listen to noir and me. your loyalty to this girl is blind and hurting only yourself.
only you feel the guilt you carry if you cheat on her.

if one day she turns her back on you and dumps you, you're gonna sure as hell wish you fucked other girls on the side.
or at least got yourself a fuckin fleshlight and some really awesome 3d porn.

you're burdening yourself with your own thoughts and rules.

and yeah... there's probably something wrong with the relationship, from my many experiences... a girls legs should open automatically, or she should initiate if you don't.

either that or she's become a prude.

prudes are exceptions. they're just fucked in the head.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Ok, I've already jumped in to this thread and shared my POV...this is more in regato Noir and some of the dudes who have responded here and in others like it:

If guys don't fuck...they don't die. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship (I could like a broken record), but some of the thoughts and feeling that you guys have about blowin' you load, is a little funny...but kind of sad. You speak about think it is food and water. I dig that some of you are hovering in you 20 yo batter-brain boner phase right now, but I can promise you that should you not have sex ever...starting today...you wiil be just fine. It will suck...it may hurt a little...lose some sleep...but you will not die.

Point being? This mentality that if the SO or whomever does not put out, the dude will "crack" and fuck a cheerleading squad, is bull shit. You will not have this "need to fuck anything that walks" feeling forever.

Having no sex drive...or simply not wanting to engage is sex with you SO, is rarely ever about sex.

Vmec is that you?

I hate to make it sound so elementary but.... you're a girl. Of course you're going to think this way.



But let me just burst that bubble. You don't know how us guys work, you can't relate how us guys feel, and most importantly, you don't know what's best for us. Yet you sound firmly like you fall into the category of the girls that think they do.

TBH, I don't really think highly of the opinions you pimp out. And those are: the opinions and advices that is based on the textbook societal moral compass.

It's so easy, everyone knows it, and they're shallow. It shows a lack of thought and understanding because despite being the traditional concepts being and widely understood and accepted... why are they rarely followed? Why is it so hard to follow the rules?

Why? because it doesn't take into account the humanistic variables that plays so much importance. You think you get us? That little blurb you just quickly wrote shows how little you actually understand.




(BTW, I'm not taking a shot at you personally. you probably may be a nice person. But I am taking a shot at your "conservative" opinions")

[bcrdukes]

Originally Posted by Noir

Vmec is that you?

*Off Topic* - Good God, I haven't seen that moron's name in such a long time. But rest assured, dinosaur is NOT Vmec.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Originally Posted by ek_noob

if intimacy is ur issue. i believe that u should try something out of the ordinary. she's prolly really used to everything u do that its become like a routine for her..

honest advice, do some research.. read about what pleasures a woman and how a woman thinks then apply it to ur woman as appropriately as u can..

im not even lying when i say watch porn, research on different positions, find out her fantasies..

if NONE of these work, ... then its either that she finds u physically repulsive or she has lost her sense of pleasure and libido

This is what I have been thinking but to be perfectly honest, I feel very nervous around her to experiment in a sexual way.
From what she has told me she likes it when I take control. Just grab her and go sort of thing, but it can be intimidating to do so and I always feel like I need to wait for the right time. Being we both have pretty busy lives it can be hard to find "the right time". But I know that this is something I have to deal with and get over. Going to give it a try this evening and see how it goes.

Originally Posted by Noir

That's romantic... and noble. That being said. If by any chance you're planning to spend your life with this person. Good luck living a life of sporadic sexual activity.

Sexual voracity (or lack there of) isn't something you can fix for someone else. It's something innate within her that she has to fix within herself. Everything you do will be band-aid fixes at best.



Thirdly, if she doesn't fix it, it doesn't matter how romantic you are, or how noble you are. You will crack. And if she's smart she knows that ANY guy devoid of any sexual maintenance, will crack.




TBH, I don't feel bad about the concept of cheating. Guys have a need that only girls can provide. If they cease to provide this elementary function, then they are useless. Kind of like how guys, we in society are tasked to be the breadwinners. And if we as the breadwinners neglect to provide our women with their elementary needs such as food, shelter, warmth, etc... you can bet wedding vows be damned.... they'll be entertaining other suitors. If they can help it, these women aren't going down to the gutter with you.


Of course, this goes against the romanticism of "love" and "together forever" and all that "unconditional" crap... but what I just explained... is far more real than that fairy tale fantasy crap we all were brought up to believe as how this whole love & relationship thing works.



So the point is, there are 2 parties in a relationship. Each participating party both have their responsibilities within a relationship. When one party starts neglecting their share of their responsibilities within the relationship... well, the consequences ultimately really is the neglectful party's fault. Just pray that the "neglected" party has a long string of patience... but even that has an end and is bound to crack.

I do understand what you are saying but I am sexual driven as a person so it is not the most important thing. I'm sure if I was deprived completely I may have those thoughts but I will not be in a relationship with someone and go outside of the relationship to fill my needs.
If I feel that it is that important to me I would not be in the relationship to begin with.
It is not like I am being deprived completely, just a drop in frequency and its bothersome as I apparently have a high sex drive (which is made more so by the fact that she is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING!!)

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Ok, I've already jumped in to this thread and shared my POV...this is more in regato Noir and some of the dudes who have responded here and in others like it:

If guys don't fuck...they don't die. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship (I could like a broken record), but some of the thoughts and feeling that you guys have about blowin' you load, is a little funny...but kind of sad. You speak about think it is food and water. I dig that some of you are hovering in you 20 yo batter-brain boner phase right now, but I can promise you that should you not have sex ever...starting today...you wiil be just fine. It will suck...it may hurt a little...lose some sleep...but you will not die.

Point being? This mentality that if the SO or whomever does not put out, the dude will "crack" and fuck a cheerleading squad, is bull shit. You will not have this "need to fuck anything that walks" feeling forever.

Having no sex drive...or simply not wanting to engage is sex with you SO, is rarely ever about sex.

Your right, we wont die but the act of sex (despite what some men will tell you) is more to fill an emotional need than a physical need. The physical need can often times be handled by guys without the need of a female partner (rub and tug) but if you are in a relationship and you have an emotional connection with the person, sex only pulls that bond together further. The lack of it will put space in there can cause a feeling of distance and sadness.
Depriving your man of sex is more than just depriving him of getting of, its leaving his love tank on empty.....left long enough he will start to look for other ways to feel loved.

Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma

lol, i think we finally agree on something. the potential for a friendship has grown by an exponential amount. hahaha...




no we don't die. but there are some things that are worse than death.

thats why guys go out and commit rape and do other crazy things. they usually aren't getting any, or what they arent getting is actually worse than death.

if some magical divine powers at be prevented me from ever having sex again... you can be sure im going to do something stupid. i'd probably try to go become a full out monk.

but then that's like telling a woman that no one will ever be attracted to her or like her or love in in any way shape or form. the woman wont die.

but im sure she'll fucking commit suicide.


you see the difference between sex and food/water is....

i'd gladly give up food and water if my body didnt require it to "live". lol you know how much time and effort i'd save by not having to cook clean eat and shit and piss?
food and water are hardly lifes pleasures. lol. more like a fucking chore you have to do multiple times a day just to live.

where as i wouldn't give up sex even though i don't require it.

men have killed for a lot less than sex.



for the OP. lol... listen to noir and me. your loyalty to this girl is blind and hurting only yourself.
only you feel the guilt you carry if you cheat on her.

if one day she turns her back on you and dumps you, you're gonna sure as hell wish you fucked other girls on the side.
or at least got yourself a fuckin fleshlight and some really awesome 3d porn.

you're burdening yourself with your own thoughts and rules.

and yeah... there's probably something wrong with the relationship, from my many experiences... a girls legs should open automatically, or she should initiate if you don't.

either that or she's become a prude.

prudes are exceptions. they're just fucked in the head.

Like I have said, it is not like I get none. Hell, most of the time she is the one to jump me or tear off my cloths. It has just become less frequent and causes me to have thoughts.
Over the past few months she has been emotional drained from he family issues (her side not mine), been taking on more work and overall being more stressed. She has told me numerous time that she hates the fact that she doesn't feel up to it "tonight" and then the next night jumps my bones.
I guess she is hard to read, but stress, being tired, and emotional exhausted all play a roll in how she feels. I can understand that because I am the same way. I'm not thinking of sex when I have a serious issue in my mind, hard to flip the switch.

Regardless of what you may think, if it ends I will not have wished I cheated on her. There is no benefit for me to go out there and cheat. Only going to cause hurt for more people. If I'm that desperate I will just rub one out.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

[I]
I do understand what you are saying but I am sexual driven as a person so it is not the most important thing. I'm sure if I was deprived completely I may have those thoughts but I will not be in a relationship with someone and go outside of the relationship to fill my needs.
If I feel that it is that important to me I would not be in the relationship to begin with.
It is not like I am being deprived completely, just a drop in frequency and its bothersome as I apparently have a high sex drive (which is made more so by the fact that she is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING!!)

My understanding from you is that the reason why the drop of frequency is such a concern because you think it might be a continuing trend.

Because I assume that once a relationship passes its honeymoon phase and starts to settle, and the natural drop in sexual frequency is within your tolerable levels, I don't see why you would be concerned.

Yet here you are. no?



Oh and BTW, you don't have a high sex drive. You're just a man and pardon the french but we're all horndogs. It's just that... some hide it better than others, or some are ashamed of it and deny that it's all a part of us. Or maybe just like women, society & culture has it engrained in our heads to not to admit we're highly sexual creatures. edit: or that the acceptance that we're highly sexually charged beings is an admittance that we're primitive and uncivilized.

[brokentelephone]

Either shes cheating on you or isn't attracted to you for whatever reason or she has a terrible sex drive (and this will not get better).

Buy her a set of knee-pads and some redbull or move on.

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member



Over the past few months she has been emotional drained from he family issues (her side not mine), been taking on more work and overall being more stressed. She has told me numerous time that she hates the fact that she doesn't feel up to it "tonight" and then the next night jumps my bones.
I guess she is hard to read, but stress, being tired, and emotional exhausted all play a roll in how she feels. I can understand that because I am the same way. I'm not thinking of sex when I have a serious issue in my mind, hard to flip the switch.

you didn't care to mention any of this earlier...

uhhh don't you think that's a super high contributing factor? lol

sounds almost normal... if you're super stressed out and tired and over worked... you're not gonna have sex lol.

you're gonna just PTFO and sleep.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Originally Posted by Noir

My understanding from you is that the reason why the drop of frequency is such a concern because you think it might be a continuing trend.

Because I assume that once a relationship passes its honeymoon phase and starts to settle, and the natural drop in sexual frequency is within your tolerable levels, I don't see why you would be concerned.

Yet here you are. no?



Oh and BTW, you don't have a high sex drive. You're just a man and pardon the french but we're all horndogs. It's just that... some hide it better than others, or some are ashamed of it and deny that it's all a part of us. Or maybe just like women, society & culture has it engrained in our heads to not to admit we're highly sexual creatures. edit: or that the acceptance that we're highly sexually charged beings is an admittance that we're primitive and uncivilized.

I'm concerned because of previous experiences.
I have been in 2 other long relationships (4 years and 5 years). In those sex was NEVER a problem. 6-7 times a week. I know it was when i was in my teens and early 20's and people change that way so I understand that.
I just feel a distance when there is no sex in the relationship for more than a few days (3-4 days). I find I get cranky, things that wouldn't bother me do, and things that mean nothing any other time are a good reason to have a fight. Sounds stupid, I know, but I cant help how it makes me feel.
We talked about it when we started dating, for her it was 2 times a day for me I was ok with 1 time. For a while it was nuts, I was a rabbit. But now life seems to have normalized out and other things have taken up her mind.....I suppose its normal I just hate the distant feeling.

Originally Posted by brokentelephone

Either shes cheating on you or isn't attracted to you for whatever reason or she has a terrible sex drive (and this will not get better).

Buy her a set of knee-pads and some redbull or move on.

No cheating....she has no time in her life to cheat at this point even if she wanted to.
Shes still very attracted when time presents itself.....often end up randomly on the floor somewhere in the house.
Knee pads....hmmmmmmm haha

Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma

you didn't care to mention any of this earlier...

uhhh don't you think that's a super high contributing factor? lol

sounds almost normal... if you're super stressed out and tired and over worked... you're not gonna have sex lol.

you're gonna just PTFO and sleep.

I did mention that she had a lot on her mind with personal issues but I was concerned that that may not be the only thing that's effecting this. Not a lack of chemistry or desire to be physical.
For me, I can be stressed, half asleep and missing a leg and still have the want and find the energy to get it on. Guess everyone is made different.

[ek_noob]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member




This is what I have been thinking but to be perfectly honest, I feel very nervous around her to experiment in a sexual way.
From what she has told me she likes it when I take control. Just grab her and go sort of thing, but it can be intimidating to do so and I always feel like I need to wait for the right time. Being we both have pretty busy lives it can be hard to find "the right time". But I know that this is something I have to deal with and get over. Going to give it a try this evening and see how it goes.

so how'd it go??