Quarter-life crisis

[CorneringArtist]

As much as I want to make up an excuse, I could never make up an excuse THAT bold. I try my best to be straight up with people, but lying my way into a vacation is both risky for me financially despite living at home, and throws the other apprentices I work with under the bus by overloading them if I leave. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of the status quo, and really there's nothing I can do about it.

Spoiler here for serious issue (please PM if you would like to address it).

Spoiler!

I'm going to be perfectly honest, and say that if things stay the way they are now, especially the part where I've never been in a relationship, by the time I turn 30, I have strong feelings of committing suicide as by that point it would feel like I completely wasted my life. It's a morbid thought, but I'd rather die young having lived an unfulfilled life than suffer well into old age.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by CorneringArtist

I try my best to be straight up with people, but lying my way into a vacation is both risky for me financially despite living at home, and throws the other apprentices I work with under the bus by overloading them if I leave. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of the status quo, and really there's nothing I can do about it.

Regarding money, there's always options. Do you drive? Do you have any loans? Savings? You mentioned in your previous post you could afford a trip. But regardless, unless you have lots holding you down, (which you shouldn't, seeing as you still live with your parents) there's no excuse. You're either hoarding money and never spending it, or you're too worried about buying stuff that's not going to matter 5 years from now. Few of my friends work at a grocery store for minimum wage, and they were still able to go on a long trip around Asia.

You need to stop thinking about other people and start thinking about yourself first. It's your life. Lets say one of them gets a job offer for 4x the pay. You think he's going to stick around just because it's more work for the rest of you?

If you're not happy, there's always something you can do about it. It's just up to you to do it. If you want a change, you have to make a change.

[bloodmack]

I was like this just a few months ago, but then something snapped in me and i decided to do something about it. I've been living on almost nothing for the past year, watching my buddies make the big bucks slowly started to inspire me to try living again. I went straight to college after i graduated from HS and I think it was probably the worst decision I've ever made. Now that I've grown up a bit more I find college to be a lot more valuable than when i went right out of HS. I seem to be more attentive and caring about what I get out of the program. What keeps me happy is knowing that when I finish in October I can find a career, not a job, but a career. People who say money doesn't buy happiness, have never experienced money. I think the best thing for anyone whose in this situation is to not be envious of others around you, but to be inspired.

[sdubfid]

Originally Posted by CorneringArtist

As much as I want to make up an excuse, I could never make up an excuse THAT bold. I try my best to be straight up with people, but lying my way into a vacation is both risky for me financially despite living at home, and throws the other apprentices I work with under the bus by overloading them if I leave. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of the status quo, and really there's nothing I can do about it.

Spoiler here for serious issue (please PM if you would like to address it).

Spoiler!

I'm going to be perfectly honest, and say that if things stay the way they are now, especially the part where I've never been in a relationship, by the time I turn 30, I have strong feelings of committing suicide as by that point it would feel like I completely wasted my life. It's a morbid thought, but I'd rather die young having lived an unfulfilled life than suffer well into old age.

Ask your boss for the time off and tell him the reason straight up. You are human not a machine. You are probably a hard worker since you care about your co-workers. If you boss won't give you the time off then you are not valued and should start looking for other jobs. How is it any different if you were in a car accident and were off for a month. Your co-workers won't hate you.

I booked my tickets first. Came in the next morning and told my boss I won't be here for 3 weeks in june. He said no problem, didn't even ask for a reason. Whats the worst that will happen? Lose your job?

[BaoTurbo]

Most of the stuff on that list I was going through already when I was 19. I grew up is a Chinese conservative view family yet I am a true CBC. I have chinese values as well, but I also have western culture in me. It bugs me every single time my parents tell me "why are you so useless, not being able to go into university". I have been called useless, piece of shit, idiot, lazy, smart, no one will hire you, no university will accept you, no one will be with you by my parents or relatives throughout my teen years.

I resulted in smoking to relieve stress. Not a lot but about from a pack every 3 months, to 1 a day now. Nothing much, but my parents object it very much; I could care less. There were a lot of times when I felt so stranded and lost in this world, like nothing really belongs to me and everyone in the world turned their back on me. From grade 8-12, I had a password on my computer so my parents could monitor and control my usage to a point where I had 1 hour approx usage a day. It wasn't until after grade 12 i figured out I could hack my own computer by using the time I have on it searching on Google. So I did and they stopped after that, resulting in even more arguements and battles to a point where I was thrown out almost.

As we grow older as well we tend to have less friends. My group of high school friends were the ones I had left after I graduated and also most of us had each other, but their mentality is still in high school. 4/5 friends are in Langara including me and then it was all guys as well. No problem there, but when there's absolutely nothing to talk about, it was time to find stuff to shit on each other to stir things up. Things were made up and many laughs were had but we basically made laughing stocks of each other just for that night to survive. It was stupid.

I have an older mentality and I see things pretty far. I like talking to adults and having friends older than me because they have much more knowledge and things to talk about other than a bunch of friends from high school that never left high school. I have a girlfriend now which made things better but that was the only thing that made my life great. It was because my girlfriend was someone I can actually call my own and my very first at age 20.

Jobless now as well going to university after I transferred I really wonder if I should really stay and pull through or quit like the many others around me. Sometimes I really wish I had a group of older trustworthy friends around me I can grab a coffee with anytime anyday and talk about whatever we want to get off our chest. So much I could talk about over a coffee and a smoke. Too bad that day has yet to come....

[Djiban]

I am experiencing everything that is on the list at the moment. FML.

[46_valentinor]

Originally Posted by BaoTurbo

Most of the stuff on that list I was going through already when I was 19. I grew up is a Chinese conservative view family yet I am a true CBC. I have chinese values as well, but I also have western culture in me. It bugs me every single time my parents tell me "why are you so useless, not being able to go into university". I have been called useless, piece of shit, idiot, lazy, smart, no one will hire you, no university will accept you, no one will be with you by my parents or relatives throughout my teen years.

I resulted in smoking to relieve stress. Not a lot but about from a pack every 3 months, to 1 a day now. Nothing much, but my parents object it very much; I could care less. There were a lot of times when I felt so stranded and lost in this world, like nothing really belongs to me and everyone in the world turned their back on me. From grade 8-12, I had a password on my computer so my parents could monitor and control my usage to a point where I had 1 hour approx usage a day. It wasn't until after grade 12 i figured out I could hack my own computer by using the time I have on it searching on Google. So I did and they stopped after that, resulting in even more arguements and battles to a point where I was thrown out almost.

As we grow older as well we tend to have less friends. My group of high school friends were the ones I had left after I graduated and also most of us had each other, but their mentality is still in high school. 4/5 friends are in Langara including me and then it was all guys as well. No problem there, but when there's absolutely nothing to talk about, it was time to find stuff to shit on each other to stir things up. Things were made up and many laughs were had but we basically made laughing stocks of each other just for that night to survive. It was stupid.

I have an older mentality and I see things pretty far. I like talking to adults and having friends older than me because they have much more knowledge and things to talk about other than a bunch of friends from high school that never left high school. I have a girlfriend now which made things better but that was the only thing that made my life great. It was because my girlfriend was someone I can actually call my own and my very first at age 20.

Jobless now as well going to university after I transferred I really wonder if I should really stay and pull through or quit like the many others around me. Sometimes I really wish I had a group of older trustworthy friends around me I can grab a coffee with anytime anyday and talk about whatever we want to get off our chest. So much I could talk about over a coffee and a smoke. Too bad that day has yet to come....

i've been through exactly what you have been though but just not as severe regarding the family part. my mother use to always go back to hong kong and say there for a couple of months to a year when i was approx grade 5-7ish. it was at that time that i basically marked my territory at home, showed people i was independent. my parents understood that and let me be but i can guarantee that my aunts and uncles look down on me. they even told their kids that im a bad boy because I RIDE A MOTORCYCLE!!!! told them they shouldn't communicate with me because im a bad example.
my parents love me, i know that, but deep down i don't feel like im at home when im at home. and because i lost all friends in one night, vancouver itself doesn't feel like home anymore.

if you ever need someone to talk to, give me a shout!

[Hondaracer]

no offense but alot of you people seem to just strive to live up to expecations of others rather than live the life you want to live

and travelling within Canada/US doesnt really do much to show you how "the world" is, although i'm sure it is an enlightening experiance for people who have done little travelling, there are much better people in this world than north americans.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

no offense but alot of you people seem to just strive to live up to expecations of others rather than live the life you want to live

and travelling within Canada/US doesnt really do much to show you how "the world" is, although i'm sure it is an enlightening experiance for people who have done little travelling, there are much better people in this world than north americans.

Depends what the "life you want to live" is.
If you're happy with your job, relationships, schedule of life experiences, and so on, all the more power to you.

"Quarter-life crisis" is a depression people get, when they feel like they haven't accomplished enough at their age (in this case.. usually twenties-ish), or their quality of life is not what they hoped it would turn out as. We're just trying to be supportive here.

I don't think anyone considered travelling Canada/US to be travelling "the world"...

[Hondaracer]

at 30 you have alot of time to change your situation, it's pretty bleak to be looking at it with such a negative attitude regardless imo

[Tapioca]

Having just turned 30, here are some thoughts:

- Have fun, but pay attention to your health and fitness in your 20s. At about 26-28, your metabolism starts to slow down. It amazes me how many people who drink, smoke, and party too much look like utter shit 5-7 years my junior.
- Many of you will start to lose hair. Don't be afraid of baldness - start shaving your head instead.
- Take advantage of your university/college years because once you start working, your opportunities to meet people greatly diminish.
- Travel.
- Date women and try to date lots of them. Date women outside of your comfort zone and have fun with them. Some of my more conservative friends didn't date around much in their 20s and now at the age of 30, the majority of the good women are gone.
- Don't bother investing in real estate. You should be mobile in your 20s.
- Move out and live the life of a bachelor: find a place down in the West End, Yaletown, etc. There's not a better time in life to enjoy this lifestyle.
- Prepare to lose friends due to no fault of your own. People grow apart - it's just a fact of life.
- And finally, spend your 20s learning how to be a man and a true gentleman. You'd be surprised how many man-children there are in this city.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

at 30 you have alot of time to change your situation, it's pretty bleak to be looking at it with such a negative attitude regardless imo

Depends on what your plans were. Some people planned on being married before 30, having kids, buying a house, whatever. It's just the realization that their lives are not where they hoped it would be.

It's not a negative attitude by choice, it's a type of depression.

Of course there's always time. That's why we're trying to get people to wrap their heads around the realization that if they want to do something, do it now.

Originally Posted by Tapioca

1. Don't bother investing in real estate. You should be mobile in your 20s.
- Move out and live the life of a bachelor: find a place down in the West End, Yaletown, etc. There's not a better time in life to enjoy this lifestyle.

2. Prepare to lose friends due to no fault of your own. People grow apart - it's just a fact of life.

3. And finally, spend your 20s learning how to be a man and a true gentleman. You'd be surprised how many man-children there are in this city.

Completely agree with Tapioca.

1. One of my family friends has always dreamt of living in a bachelor pad/studio/loft, whatever in Yaletown/downtown. He got so caught up with "never rent, only buy" that he never got to experience that true urban lifestyle.

Now he's 32, married, with a kid on the way, living in an average Vancouver special. He's still planning on maybe renting one with his wife and kid in the future, but obviously it won't be the same.

His advice to me was "Enjoy your youth. Don't worry too much about being a grown adult. There's plenty of time for that when your youth is over."

2. I'm in my early 20's and have already experienced this. I had maybe around 15 people who I considered my close friends. Now I'm down to about maybe a handful.

3. Man-children.. This made me LOL. But it's absolutely true.

[dachinesedude]

out of this whole ordeal, the worst is having the feeling of "is that it?"

having life on cruise control is driving me crazy believe it or not, i had waaaay better mood when i was still in university with 2 part time jobs and tons of debt, life was just different, i loved the feel of not knowing what to expect the next day

getting advice from the family sux too, i was called an idiot for wanting to quit my job and move to asia, lol i mean i know where they are coming from, finding a good job is hard these days, but its still something im strongly considering

travelling is great no doubt, i do it a lot, but you will have to get back to reality eventually, that first day back from a 2 week vacation, worst feeling ever! to me travelling is just a band aid to temporarily cover up your miserable life, the underlying problem is still there

im a quarter thru that "4 hour work week" book, interesting stuff, def caters to entrepreneurs, does have me thinking of that route though, hmm now what to preneur...

or maybe i'm just complaining too much, #firstworldproblems

[Tapioca]

Another point I would add is that if you get caught up in comparing yourself to others around you, chances are that person or group of people are dealing with the same types of questions as you and live lives that are just as full of drama. You have to get past the front that people put up.

I would apply theories in physics (conservation of energy, relativity, etc) to life in general. If someone appears to have it all, chances are that they really don't. A person could be making good money, but have health conditions, or issues in his family. Or a person could spend of his spare time travelling, but it's really just a means for him to escape something nagging him at home. Or a person could be the director of various organizations, but have trouble actually maintaining genuine friendships. There are people who manage to do it all, but these people are anomalies, particularly if they're in their 20s.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by dachinesedude

or maybe i'm just complaining too much, #firstworldproblems

Sometimes I think about this too. "Maybe I'm just whining. I should be happy I have food and shelter, let alone a car and a high paying job."

But remember - ultimately, it's your life. If you're not happy, you're not happy. Doesn't matter why. It's how you got the "quarter-life crisis" in the first place. No one but yourself has the right to judge what makes you happy.

I know lots of people who quit their 6 figure unfulfilling jobs for a lower paying job that they actually enjoy. Or quit their jobs because of sabbatical requests that got declined, and took a year-long trip around the world.

You only live once, and you're only going to remember the things you did do, not the things you didn't. So if you want to do something, find a way, and go do it.

[wyuzz]

Wow this thread pretty much nails the coffin for me with i can check at least 85% off the OP posted. I turned 25 five months ago where i am currently working at a seasonal job where i dont see myself advancing anytime soon. You can say I'm pretty lucky considered myself being employed compared to a few of my friends that are still desperately searching for a job. But working two part time seasonal jobs plus a part time retail job last year, I only managed to make a little over 25k and this is coming from a recent college grad. Sometimes I wondered if I'm in the right field and that spending three years in college was a bad idea.

Despite the shitty feel I get from time to time, I always try to find ways to make myself more productive (happy?) by join classes such as muay thai and bbj since im a big fan mma. Another method I find to help is traveling, like others mentioned traveling especially to a country where you don't speak the national language. I went to Cuba for a week and I had a blast since it was my first time there, all the anxiety and worries were gone. It was also a challenge to start conversations and pick up chicks at the local club especially when they speak little to no english at all so i had to use my translator app on my phone which gave them a chuckle. Damn I think i need a beer now...

/end rant

A some what related article: 11 things you need to know at or by 25

[bcrdukes]

Just had dinner with an old friend 2 hours ago.

Said friend worked at a high tech firm (you use their products) making $200k/year. Tried to take his own life 4 times over the past 7 years. Owned almost every recent model M car and had a kick ass Yaletown condo.

Sold everything, moved back with his parents, quit his job and is now working with children who have mental and physical disabilities for $35k/year. Hasn't been happier in his life.

Who knew, eh?

[Ri2]

I'm in my early 20's. My friends range from a few years younger to many years older. I'm used to hanging around an older crowd, that being said, I have seen many of my friends go through this. A lot of them were in long term relationships (6+ years and some were engaged). It was highly unfortunate that for some of them, it affected their relationships in ways that caused breaking off engagements and losing people that they've had in their life for so many years.

I have a certain viewpoint on this. I noticed that my friends that this happened to were stuck in a routine. Their job, everyday schedule, even relationships had routine to them. They were comfortable and thought "this is my life." They make good money, they have good education and own their own places. They have decent cars that get them from A to B and can afford insurance and maintenance and still live quite comfortably. They always felt that something was missing, but could never pinpoint what exactly it was. Also something that they have in common, they have passions for things that they didn't pursue due to financial influences. Usually these are artistic things, a majority of my friends are highly visual individuals (art, drawing, designing, etc.) or even something like travelling. I think it's because we live in a society where money rules everything. The mentality is that if you're at a job that you love but is financially difficult for you, you're urged by others (verbally or nonverbally) that you should pursue another job where financial stability is more realistic. When we were young, we had dreams like being a doctor, astronaut, painter or writer. We tend to forget these dreams if they are not within our realistic financial spectrum.

My sister, for example, is amazing with visual projects, like she puts in work hard and it turns out incredibly well. She couldn't afford to go to college because she got married to my bro when she was 23. In our culture anyway, if you're a female and not a nurse, you ain't doin shit with your life. She started at her last job as a data entry clerk and because of her ability, she kept pitching ideas to her manager until she was able to create her own position with the company doing what she loves. Even doing this, she was feeling unfulfilled, but the job paid the bills. My brother does what he loves, working 2 jobs to pay the bills but it's something he's passionate about for the time being. She ended up going to a women's seminar in LA for 3 days and it literally changed her life. She gathered up the courage to quit her job and saved just enough money to give herself time to really explore her passions. Now she's involved with 2 AMAZING women's organizations that came at exactly the right time for her. We believe that it has to do with her choices, she opened up her mind and thus, her world to a place of opportunities and success and attracted that energy towards her and received it. If she was still stuck with her previous company, she says that she would still be at square 1, lacking purpose and drive in her life. Her and my brothers marriage has been the best that it has because they constantly support one another to pursue what they want.

People chase money and mistake it for a form of happiness. But then, they get so caught up in the chase, that they forget what living is really about. They do a job because it serves them well financially but their fire/passion/spark dims with each year...until eventually it just burns out. Our beliefs form our reality, especially about money. If we view it as an obstacle for our happiness then it becomes a roadblock that over the years with the expenses of daily living grows and grows until it creates a shadow on your life. That being said, if you believe that money is what's stopping you from being happy, NO amount of money will ever make you feel content because that will be the limitation that you have created for yourself. In other words, you'll always be chasing that unicorn, hoping for a better picture to show off to your friends, if that makes any sense.

I find that our quarter life crisis or even mid life crisis. is a way of your body finally releasing the negative reactions that your (at the time) seemingly well decisions have induced. Your body, mind, spirit/soul, is reminding you "hey buddy, there's a whole world out there, why aren't you out experiencing it?" They are turning points of your life, meant to be chances to reevaluate your situation and become aware of areas for personal development. Your life is meant to be one of constant creation and change. We all have our individual talents and strengths for a reason. We shouldn't feel shame towards are weaknesses' and instead feel grateful for the opportunity to hone our skills and create more strengths for ourselves. We're faced with so many negative messages (daily news being the #1 offender) that we don't notice that our mindset is changed and influenced everyday. If you REALLY listen to the thoughts that run through your head everyday, what's the ratio of positive to negative thoughts? Is there at least one thing in your life that happens everyday that you are GENUINELY happy about?

Meditation is based on the notion that "thinking" is a manifestation of our Ego. Our Ego is the false self. It's the part that wants and desires and finds shit to bitch about on the daily. It's similar to how a dog loves a chew toy, just wants something to work on. Our mind is meant to be a tool, used when needed then put down for periods of relaxation. It really is an art nowadays to just revel in "Being". I have periods of this, after some meditation, that no matter how shitty my life gets, I'm just in a state of bliss. I'm happy simply because I am and have no external influences (created by our Ego and therefore are false anyway). Even using words like TRY and ATTEMPT have negative connotations that people are often unaware about. These words give the opportunity for failure, failure is associated with feelings of negativity and falling behind. Be aware about how often you might say the word "try" or even "I just don't have the time", now replace it with positive phrases like "I am" and "I have time/I will make time".

Some books I would suggest:
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
The Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh

Personally, I love writing. It's been my biggest passion of all time, besides wanting to become a doctor. I started reading medical textbooks at a really young age. I don't have the funds to go to med school and I fucked around a lot in high school. My parents live paycheck to paycheck but somehow our family is still happy. It's hard because growing up I never had a lot of things that most people were lucky to have and I started having to work really early. I never give up on my dream of someday become a doctor and becoming an author on the side. Recently withdrew from school due to depression/anxiety, and got some help. Now I have job opportunities coming up for me in my field, in the meantime to make money for tuition to finish my nursing program. My choice to be a nurse has been my own, I've fought with my WHOLE family about this. I'm the type of person that if you're in my ear harping on about what's best for me, I can't actually figure out what's best for me. I like to learn on my own and it's usually the hard way. I am grateful for my familys' continued support, especially when I was going through a rough period, trying to assert myself as an adult and intellectual individual. My long term goal is to keep upgrading and with help from my regulatory bodies, get financial help to enter med school. My choice to become a doctor has entirely been made on the fact that I love people and I love helping people. When I was going to school, I had one of the highest GPA's in my class, simply because it was something I was truly passionate about. I'm meeting one of my favorite authors on Thursday who just happens to be a doctor/clinical professor at UBC and a writer on the side. I'm looking more into getting a lot of my written pieces published and to get involved with spiritual growth and personal development groups, hopefully as a writer. I'm putting myself out there and I've been blessed with more and more opportunities. I made the choice to acknowledge my feelings of dissatisfaction with my life(however shameful it is to admit that you have a problem and need help) and instead of waiting to "GET LUCKY", I started searching out and creating my own opportunities. I visualize success in my future on the daily and therefore, rid myself of any doubt that will hold me back. I do what it takes because I make my own luck.

If you go on meetup.com, there are multiple groups that specialize in certain interests. There are groups for physical activity, personal development and growth and appreciation for the arts. You need to surround yourself with positive, like minded people who are willing to do what it takes to succeed in their passions and thus, flourish in life. Use the resources that we are so lucky to have, internet, library, networking, etc. to BE that person that you've always wanted to be. Stop trying, start being. Discover what you really love and you WILL be successful. Same as PJ, if anyone wants to collaborate ideas on books, energy, meditation or anything, feel free to PM me

[PJ]

tl;dr







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..

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JK

Anyways, Power of Now is a great book. It's a little broad and vague, but I guess that just leaves it open for people to apply it to whatever they want. This would probably be the next book I'd recommend after 4-Hour Work Week.

@Ri2, it sounds like you have everything on track. Good to know there's people pulling themselves out of these depressions and not just hoping it'll go away.

[Ri2]

Originally Posted by PJ

tl;dr
JK

Anyways, Power of Now is a great book. It's a little broad and vague, but I guess that just leaves it open for people to apply it to whatever they want. This would probably be the next book I'd recommend after 4-Hour Work Week.

@Ri2, it sounds like you have everything on track. Good to know there's people pulling themselves out of these depressions and not just hoping it'll go away.

Jerk jk!
I'll read your first suggestion for sure.
Thanks and yup, it's definitely a process, but without phases like this, how would we ever learn anything? Am just grateful to see some like minded people around, it's always great to learn from one another!

[Meowjin]

Originally Posted by PJ

I was never the best at spending time with my parents, but recently I've been getting more comfortable with just hanging out with them and watching tv or cooking or whatever.

I am 100% sure I will regret it if I don't spend more time with them. What better time to start than now, right?

Growing up I had constant anxiety because I never had a strong parental figure raising me and I lost my mother from a young age. Now that I'm older I find alot of comfort spending time with my godmother just sitting on the couch and watching tv with her.

I tell people everyday how good they have it, they just never agree with me.

With regards to this thread. It never really happened to me, because I was always blessed with great paying jobs, and I always constantly switched and joined different communities. Now that I'm getting older, i'm buckling down and trying to find a career that I feel comfertable doing for the long haul and that will allow me to take care of myself better without a constant fear of feeling "trapped".

3 years ago I decided it was enough, quit playing WoW/neckbeard games, focused more on my personal health and started looking at possible career options. At the same time I would set money aside to see the world and take a more active role in my hobbies.

Now my goals changed and Im hitting the gym hard, working full time and go to school full time. Ontop of that I network myself out to as many groups as I can.

I hang out with nerdy people some days, club douches others, play sports on the weekend.

I live by the mentality of never getting comfortable. The minute you get fucking comfortable is the minute you don't want to strive for better in your life.

I think a really important thing that people get anxious about is personal relationships. It doesn't have to be about being with a girl to share your experiences with but being with people who have different interests and don't sit at home doing nothing.

And dukes comments about setting goals is really really important. Stop comparing yourself to others, start working on your own damn life, and stop thinking like money is the end of the world.

edit: might add one more thing. most people on RS have some type of higher education and have attended Post Secondary.

They sell you a false future, a fake lifestyle and pretend that life all this rosy.

The minute someone graduates and begins to realize that you have to work a 9-5, that you won't be travelling to exotic locations (i love this one, so many programs such as conservation/business try to promote the "jets" lifestyle) and you are now working in a field that has very little advancement. This belief is pushed to us through popular media (for example, an engineer loves watching megastructures and assumes that he will work building massive buildings all over the world when the reality is he will most likely be stationed in one city his whole life).

Ever since I returned to school I can't believe how many spoiled and "generation of entitlement" kids there are.

These are the kids that usually crash the hardest.

You don't deserve a house, you don't deserve that awesome job, you don't deserve those grades, you don't deserve that hot girl, you don't deserve that meal at the resteraunt.

You DESERVE to work hard TO GET THOSE THINGS.

As for the lonliness aspect of it, that is something I battle everyday, and the best advice I can give you is get disconnected from the computer.

The people that exist behind the screen are not your real friends. You'd be suprised how much getting a cup of coffee with a friend can make you feel good about yourself.


edit: EVEN MORE

There are 2 different types of stress coping mechanisms. The reason I bring this up is because all the quarter life crisis is is unnecassary stress.

In psychology we learn that when we are faced with a problem or a stressor we deal with it in 2 ways

The one approach is "Problem Based Coping"

Essentially you are attacking the problem at the root. Example: You are not doing good in a class. You decide to talk to the teacher and ask how to improve your own grade. He offers himself to tutor you, and in return you get a better than average grade.

While not an immediate relief, these people live healthier and better lives according to my psyche book.

The other approach is "Emotion Based Coping"

Using the same Example:

You are not doing good in a class. Instead of seeking assistance to find out why you are not doing good, you console in a friend who tells you "school is hard and just try better next time". You feel slightly better and go on to fail the course with the intention of retaking the class.

THIS IS DENIAL. These people are shown to live SHORTER lives, and be more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety, and be underachieved.

I think this is the longest post I've ever wrote on RS.

[Excelsis]

Originally Posted by dachinesedude

out of this whole ordeal, the worst is having the feeling of "is that it?"

having life on cruise control is driving me crazy believe it or not, i had waaaay better mood when i was still in university with 2 part time jobs and tons of debt, life was just different, i loved the feel of not knowing what to expect the next day

getting advice from the family sux too, i was called an idiot for wanting to quit my job and move to asia, lol i mean i know where they are coming from, finding a good job is hard these days, but its still something im strongly considering

travelling is great no doubt, i do it a lot, but you will have to get back to reality eventually, that first day back from a 2 week vacation, worst feeling ever! to me travelling is just a band aid to temporarily cover up your miserable life, the underlying problem is still there

im a quarter thru that "4 hour work week" book, interesting stuff, def caters to entrepreneurs, does have me thinking of that route though, hmm now what to preneur...

or maybe i'm just complaining too much, #firstworldproblems

Plan more goals, short term and long term

Depression and crisis is just another step towards our progression in life, if you get through something bad then at the end you're going to say "wow i went through that, now things seem so much easier", on the other hand if you're stuck in you will remain stuck unless you change.

People remain in this stage when they don't change, because if something it will either remain at that level or lower if nothing is done about it. At various points in your life you'll try to achieve things you've never done before and to get there you've got to change, that's all it is..

It's just about never stopping, once you achieve your ultimate goal you keep moving forward and staying hungry... just like video games, why are they so fun? because you have constantly new things to do and achieve, but when you max out everything it gets boring.

We live in the game of life, and really the cliche "life's what you make it" is really what it is, there's no luck involved, it's all based on our decisions and experiences.

[dinosaur]

I hit all of this around 29-ish...now I am 31 and still going through it. I rollercoaster between loving my life and hating my life. Some times I look around and I realize I have no idea what I am doing and feel that I am so trapped, I want to scream. Everyday is different, but the same. I have no real future plans and few goals that are only obtainable alone (some required an SO). I feel like I am completely lost control over everything and those feelings are so overwhelming some times it is like a punch to the gut.

My life got completely flipped inside out b/w 2008 and 2010 and I think I have yet to still process any of it as I just flipped the robot on to make it through it. I HATE HATE HATE talking about it with people as I feel like I come off as some whiny bitch who is acting selfish and needs to realize there are bigger issues in the world. I saw a shrink for 2 years during that time and felt immense guilt for taking up someone's time....and time away from anther patient who could have really used it. It DID help me understand some shit, but I mostly stopped because I did not want to feel like a whiny bitch anymore.

I get so tired of the pressure....I don't work hard enough, I don't work long enough, I didn't make the right decision, I'm not caring enough, I don't see my family enough, my house isn't clean enough, I don't have enough goals, I don't have any children, I am not married, I don't own a big house, my career isn't good enough, I don't see my friends enough....I never feel like I have accomplished "enough". I "should" be doing more....this is a big thing to me...I "should all over myself". Even now....I should be doing something else than typing out whiny sentences while feeling sorry for myself.

I guess what I am trying to say, I agree with most here....I guess we all go through it....some of us just hide it better than others.

I am hoping it goes away soon.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

I HATE HATE HATE talking about it with people as I feel like I come off as some whiny bitch who is acting selfish and needs to realize there are bigger issues in the world.

I am hoping it goes away soon.

A lot of people look at it from the "there are bigger issues in the world" or "first world problems" perspective. Personally I think that makes us feel more guilt than happiness. The point of life is to be happy, right? So I just threw away that perspective altogether. No good comes from it. You are responsible for your own life. No one is responsible for yours, and you are not responsible for anyone else's.

Yeah, I'm grateful for everything I have. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop moving forward and striving to reach my goals. No one has the right to judge what makes you happy, or your personal goals but you. If you want a Ferrari, work towards your Ferrari. If you want to feed kids in Africa, go feed kids in Africa. Everyone's goals, motives, and pleasures are different.

And I don't mean to patronize.. but if it hasn't gone away in the last x amount of years.. what makes you think it's going to go away now? Remember, if you want a change, you have to make a change. Keep doing what you're doing, keep getting what you're getting.

[Excelsis]

Guilt isn't an emotion, it's a bunch of thoughts wired into your mind that you can't express

You have to think if it is truly your fault, is it? Or the other way around if you should be doing something and you should start doing other things

Try writing a letter to all your friends, and in that letter vent all your emotions and frustrations about your life and what's happening, write about yourself as well and think what should i be doing.. When you finish writing you can keep the letter or throw it away, what matters is, is that you go through every single one of your problems and start solving them