[Confidential] Can't start moving on

[!Yaminashi]

You have to work at it, but when you're putting in effort FOR your partner it isn't a relationship anymore. If she was in a rut and was having a hard time at work or something, yeah be there for her and support her. But if your relationship is based on what you're doing for her all the time it's better to cut your losses IMO.

[dinosaur]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

I noticed everyone is telling me to move on and just let it go.. my OP may have given the idea that she is a horrible person or something.. but in my perspective she is that girl.. the one you will regret for life if you ever let her go... (before our break up, my friends/family would always say how we looked good together, how our personalities matched, and shes a keeper)...
To be honest, I don't want to just throw it all away with out giving a fight... I feel like I haven't done enough or anything at all to try keep us together... atm all I really want to do is at least try to do something... I know its probably 99% going to fail but I know I would rather fail trying then not trying at all...

I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship.. but if one person is rocky or cant pull things together.. isnt the other person suppose to support/try to work it out for them? (Take 2 people to work, but sometimes one person needs to be stronger to make things work right?) ... Am I crazy for thinking/feeling like this...

Also thanks for all the advice/response's.. really appreciate it.

STOP!!

Re-read the responses to the OP and keep reading them until you stop your emotions from looping back to the above.

You are only 2-3 weeks out of a 2 year relationship. This will go on for a few months. During those months....pay a friend to slap you every time you mention wanting to work it out.

She ain't the one dude...trust me. When you find the one...there won't be anything about you that she wants to change.

[miss_crayon]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

I noticed everyone is telling me to move on and just let it go.. my OP may have given the idea that she is a horrible person or something.. but in my perspective she is that girl.. the one you will regret for life if you ever let her go... (before our break up, my friends/family would always say how we looked good together, how our personalities matched, and shes a keeper)...
To be honest, I don't want to just throw it all away with out giving a fight... I feel like I haven't done enough or anything at all to try keep us together... atm all I really want to do is at least try to do something... I know its probably 99% going to fail but I know I would rather fail trying then not trying at all...

I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship.. but if one person is rocky or cant pull things together.. isnt the other person suppose to support/try to work it out for them? (Take 2 people to work, but sometimes one person needs to be stronger to make things work right?) ... Am I crazy for thinking/feeling like this...

Also thanks for all the advice/response's.. really appreciate it.

We never said she was a horrible person, but just someone that isn't right for you.

And seriously, do NOT even run those thoughts through your head about how "everyone" thinks you 2 are so good together etc etc. Of course personalities are gonna match, he/she is a keeper, but the question is...is he/she right FOR YOU? Having a lot in common with someone is not out of the ordinary....it just means you guys are compatible perhaps on a friendship level..but it takes more than just "compatibility" to make a relationship work. YOu don't love all your female friends right? I mean..I'm sure you guys are friends because there are common interests and they too are good people right?

If you want to "try again" that's up to you. But people here aren't giving you advice if they didn't know first-hand from experience what will happen. Your ex isn't going to magically change her mind when her mind is already made up on this relationship (which is over).

And you're right, sometimes it does take the other person to be more strong when in times of need/support. Clearly..she doesn't think this way so why even bother?

My suggestion is: delete and block her from your fb, phone, twitter, ANYTHING. The last thing you want to do is find her out partying with some guys/friends, having fun, while you're at home sulking. Just let it be, if she wants to contact you..she has your number and ways to find you. And if she doesn't....then she doesn't.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

To be honest, I don't want to just throw it all away with out giving a fight...

I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship.. but if one person is rocky or cant pull things together.. isnt the other person suppose to support/try to work it out for them? (Take 2 people to work, but sometimes one person needs to be stronger to make things work right?) ... Am I crazy for thinking/feeling like this...

Excuse me if this is harsh, again. But going back to the "teeter-totter" metaphor. She hopped off her side already. At this point, no matter how much you jump and jump, you're just gonna land on your ass, with no one on the other end to push back.

We don't know the whole story, and it really depends on the situation. But from your OP, it seems like she doesn't want it to work out. Or she'd still be lingering and calling/texting you still.

It's tough, but from what you're telling us, it may be time to move on. You never know, maybe somewhere down the road you'll meet again. But as it stands now, it doesn't make sense to wait. There's a lot of self-betterment and life experiences waiting for you still. Don't get too hung up on this.

A side question, is this your first "real" relationship?

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Originally Posted by PJ

A side question, is this your first "real" relationship?

Yes? not first girlfriend.. but first time i've told someone I "loved" her.. I don't throw that word around a lot...

[SupraTTturbo2jz]

goin thru same thing bro, sometimes, stuff just happens and u can;t really control what happens. Right now you're going through the 5 steps of grieving which is similar to someone passing away. Its normal to be depressed and tear up a bit but thats what makes u human. I can say, you're depressed and can't let go because u dont have a certain answer from her even though she doesnt want to be with u, u just think maybe theres some kind of hope, maybe the situation will change if i say this or that.

My advice, just cry it all out, ur not a "pussy" or "girl" for doing that. Even the worlds toughest man cries, hell one of my close friend is the toughest person i know in this world and he cries. It helps. it does suck when u think of them constantly 24/7 no matter what u're doing but remember this, u got over your exes before. This is the same thing, youre just in this because all the chemicals in your brain built the emotions. Remember back to the day where u didnt know her and could care less.

concentrate on work, working out, games and u will start to feel better. Dont even contact her no matter how hard and tempting it is. Its been 2 months for me and im getting better but yea, im still going through the same shit as you. The girls dont care about us and they play mind games to confuse us. Do the same because they arnt worth it. Theres a nice girl out there for u and u will be the nice guy out there for that girl thats been waiting. U guys just havnt met yet. Take this as a lesson and say fuck it. Its hard, but once u get past that phase, its gonna be smooth sailing.

[SupraTTturbo2jz]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

I noticed everyone is telling me to move on and just let it go.. my OP may have given the idea that she is a horrible person or something.. but in my perspective she is that girl.. the one you will regret for life if you ever let her go... (before our break up, my friends/family would always say how we looked good together, how our personalities matched, and shes a keeper)...
To be honest, I don't want to just throw it all away with out giving a fight... I feel like I haven't done enough or anything at all to try keep us together... atm all I really want to do is at least try to do something... I know its probably 99% going to fail but I know I would rather fail trying then not trying at all...

I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship.. but if one person is rocky or cant pull things together.. isnt the other person suppose to support/try to work it out for them? (Take 2 people to work, but sometimes one person needs to be stronger to make things work right?) ... Am I crazy for thinking/feeling like this...

Also thanks for all the advice/response's.. really appreciate it.

i learned the hard way, u can't force urself to help when the other person doesnt feel the same. sometimes it does more damage than good and drive the other person away.

[Gridlock]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

I noticed everyone is telling me to move on and just let it go.. my OP may have given the idea that she is a horrible person or something.. but in my perspective she is that girl.. the one you will regret for life if you ever let her go... (before our break up, my friends/family would always say how we looked good together, how our personalities matched, and shes a keeper)...
To be honest, I don't want to just throw it all away with out giving a fight... I feel like I haven't done enough or anything at all to try keep us together... atm all I really want to do is at least try to do something... I know its probably 99% going to fail but I know I would rather fail trying then not trying at all...

I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship.. but if one person is rocky or cant pull things together.. isnt the other person suppose to support/try to work it out for them? (Take 2 people to work, but sometimes one person needs to be stronger to make things work right?) ... Am I crazy for thinking/feeling like this...

Also thanks for all the advice/response's.. really appreciate it.

^^This^^ is the problem you are working on right now.

You post, and in your mind, people don't get it so you come back and say "guysss, you aren't getting it man, she is WORTH the chase"

There can be a case for fighting for it and not letting go. In my mind, that's usually a break-up at the end of, or during a period where someone has been inattentive, or stressed or just not there. Could also be when you go through a life change, and start to re-examine everything.

Then there is "dude its over", and I don't know why man, but this is "dude, its over". I just have that feeling. Call it experience. Call it, I've broken up with more people than have broken up with me.

I think its the way that you are convinced that there is something you can do to change her mind. That if you can just do more to please her, then it will work.

I remember once, a life changing moment in relationships. I had, as mentioned, broken up with a girlfriend of 6 years. I'm kind of getting back in the groove of things and re-notice a girl at work. I had seen her many times before, but never really talked to her. Anyway, she's by my desk, and we're talking casually and someone else is there and then she goes. It hits me.

Baby. I AM FREE.

So, I go outside and ask her out. She says yes. I smile to myself. Here is a girl that is the exact mofo opposite of the ex. Alright..shit's coming together.

OMFG. This chick was nuts. And I bought in. Lapped that shit up. I started later than she did, so, it was convenient(for her) for me to bring her a coffee when I came in in the morning. Some stupid half-caf, low whip lightly salted, braised caramel turkey motherfucking thing. We go out a few times and then one day she's laying there and says that she feels I don't respect her enough.

And that awesome to hear. Word for word, this is what she says, "I should be up here(motions up high) and then everything else(as her hand cascades down the pedestal) then you. I want a guy that when its raining out, he throws his jacket in the puddle to save my feet. Opens every door all this stuff.

Oh, I wasn't into sports. Couldn't do much about that for her.

My favorite! I picked her up one night and it was snowing. I said, hey, do you mind driving, my car sucks in the snow. Like really bad. Unsafe. Die in a fire bad.

"Can't do it"

Ok, then can we drive your car?

"Can't do it. I don't let anyone drive my car"

So, off we go at 10kms per hour slip sliding all over the road there and back. It's fine.

Anyway, this went on for awhile, and I just felt like I was never there. Never good enough. If I hit one bar, then there would be another challenge to work on.

Turns out, she was dating another guy the whole time. She went away for work, rumors went around that she got engaged, people asked me about it, I said no.

I was wrong.

The challenges were her comparing me to this other guy. As if I was being measured up to someone else. Because I was. Who is more worthy?

My point here is...its a futile effort. You can't convince someone that you are the right man for the job.

Take away what you want, but I would think LONG AND HARD before you picked up that phone saying, "baby, I'm ready to work on this".

Sidebar:

The summation to my story. K, so she was a bitch, right? When I quit, she came to me on my last day and we were talking. I asked her point blank and she said that yes, she was seeing this guy the whole time. That's why a few times that I thought were "assumed date instances" such as, I don't know, new fucking years I was left out. He was there.

So, as I basically say "have a nice life" I stop, and say:

You know, I kind of have to thank you. I started opening car doors for girls when we go out, and its really been eye-opening to see the results when I <<dinosaur censor>> the shit out of them. What I really like to do is make them feel like they are up here, then there is 50 feet of crap, and then me down here.

You were educational.



Oh, and I year after I quit, she was fired. Guess someone came to the same conclusion I did, that she was talking out of her ass.

[melloman]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

pay a friend to slap you every time you mention wanting to work it out.

You can contact me through PM for my services.

[cecilia]

Go work two jobs or longer hours, now time pass by So fast every time I think of SO I just say to my self "ah good times, Oh well"

[westopher]

Almost everyone goes through this once in their life. The first person you fall in love with, people always assume that its the last person you will fall in love with. The break up happens, and it feels like the end of the world. Then someone else will come along and you will think "man, why the fuck did I get so worked up about that girl before?" When I was 24 I broke up with my serious girlfriend of almost 5 years. We had our first kiss when we were 14, and were on and off since we were 15. When it was over I was the same way, there were so many "what if I did this" thoughts, but it just didn't work. Best thing I ever did was just accept that it was over. 2 years later, we are friends again, I have a new girlfriend who is hotter, younger, smarter, more easy going and all in all a better girlfriend. Better things are on your horizon man. You are young, go have some wings with your friends.