REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

TheNewGirl · 06-06-2012, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason00S2000

There is NO reason to have a live-in girlfriend.

Other than potentially wanting a long term mate for children, you don't even need to be in a relationship to get steady sex with several young women at a time.

There is definitely no reason for a woman to live with you.

rsx · 06-06-2012, 02:35 PM

I wouldn't let her pay rent, just let her chip in with groceries, dinner etc. I had gf moved in and that was pretty much the arrangement. Chores were pretty much even but if I'm super busy, she's more than willing to organize the closet and fold all my clothes on the floor.

The little annoyances get amplified a bit, so be aware of that.

Jason00S2000 · 06-06-2012, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gridlock

You know, I'm going to make this a bit bigger than the original topic here, but it relates.

Maybe if guys stopped acting like they are only spending time with a woman to the point of getting her to drop her skirt, they may find that women stop spending time with guys to get them to drop their wallet.

I get called a "whiteknight" when I call myself in a stable, healthy relationship. You know, one with feelings and shit. I myself found the chasing of women and the game of getting them into bed to be draining, and ultimately unfulfilling. If you find it to be fulfilling and (opposite of draining...more filling?), then its working for you, but please don't walk around casting others that don't share in your philosophy into a bracket of people that just don't get it. Sooner or later, you are too old and not rich enough and that list of one night stands doesn't provide the comfort it once did.

This guy wants to move in with his girlfriend, but he wants to be protected. Hot damn! Let's advise him that he could just get laid by many different women quick to put a leg over, because that just seems to tie right in to the subject at hand.

Let's be honest.

The modern man only needs the modern women for reproduction.

Marriage is a contract that tries to provide a level of security in that contract, for reproduction.

If you don't plan to reproduce with a woman, there is NO POINT to having a girlfriend. Just have fuck buddies and be free, enjoy life!

Gridlock · 06-06-2012, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason00S2000

Let's be honest.

The modern man only needs the modern women for reproduction.

Marriage is a contract that tries to provide a level of security in that contract, for reproduction.

If you don't plan to reproduce with a woman, there is NO POINT to having a girlfriend. Just have fuck buddies and be free, enjoy life!

I'm just going to send that on over to the good folks at Hallmark and see what happens. I picture that text over a picture of penguins cuddling.

Nothing says I love you more than reminding a person that they are around for you to fuck, and if you want to stay around-breed.

Jason00S2000 · 06-06-2012, 04:55 PM

What would the point of love be without reproduction?

It's just a pleasant, fleeting feeling without meaning or purpose

MindBomber · 06-06-2012, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason00S2000

Let's be honest.

The modern man only needs the modern women for reproduction.

Marriage is a contract that tries to provide a level of security in that contract, for reproduction.

If you don't plan to reproduce with a woman, there is NO POINT to having a girlfriend. Just have fuck buddies and be free, enjoy life!

How would you respond to a person who enjoys the companionship of females, therefore desiring relationships, whether romantic or plutonic, with them. That would give females a purpose beyond reproduction in a males life.

A relationship doesn't necessarily imply a loss of freedom, if it does, you're doing it wrong to begin with.

saucywoman · 06-06-2012, 05:23 PM

Please let's keep this on topic guys

Yes i agree with your argument points against Jason but its taking away from the ops dilemma

westopher · 06-06-2012, 10:35 PM

Unrelated to the last change of topic(which I can see both side of, just depends on what you want from life) if you see the relationship moving forward, and want to take the next step, you will have to live together eventually assuming the end goal is marriage/a family of sorts. If you are seriously considering moving in, its a good time to test if the relationship is worth continuing. Me and my gf just moved in together about a week ago, and its turned a good relationship into a much more organized and even better relationship. I wouldn't consider the belongings being a factor, if they are yours, they are yours.....people can't just take your shit due to a break up, there would be a lot more to it.

FerrariEnzo · 06-06-2012, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turbo E

be explicit that it is a TRIAL

These trial things NEVER work... they either beg to stay or extend the trial over and over.. then your doooomed...

a contract stated that you are "renting" your place to her... tell her NOT to start buying shit too for YOUR place... once she starts buying all these girlie things "to make your place feel like home" BS, tell her to GTFO....

jasonturbo · 06-07-2012, 06:40 AM

Just a side note, I recently fired my GF of 4 years, we had lived together for about 3.5 years in the interest of saving on bills.

We split everything 50/50 but I make about 4x what she does, now that we're done she is quite bitter and trying to get me to pay her out for... "her contributions" which she cannot define.

Thank god for the difference between marriage and common law otherwise I would be fucked lol.

So anyway, all I am going to tell you is this, unless you truly believe that you and your GF have a great chance at starying together forever, and you reeeeeally love her.. don't do it.

You're better off getting another roomate if you want to save money IMO lol.

Edit: Oh and my ex also said that she would never try and take my shit hahaha. Play it safe, get a cohabitation agreement and you're good, but even then you need to be aware that even with the agreement in place, a couple years down the road she can still come after you, especially being a FT student. Just be careful.

My situation is ... interesting. I already have a lawyer who tells me to pay her nothing, I initally wanted to settle with her by paying her 10k but she seemed to think 50k was more reasonable, now she will likely get nothing, and can take me to court for all I care.

Tapioca · 06-07-2012, 06:47 AM

What if you move out of your condo, rent it out, and you and your girlfriend rent another dwelling together so you can try it out? If things go sour, then at least you won't have the awkward situation of trying to kick her out of your condo.

I think losing "stuff" is the least of your worries. Your condo is the most important thing and at least you'll get to keep that if you rent another residence together.

gdoh · 06-07-2012, 07:19 AM

is there a way around the common law thing so you dont get fucked if things go sour and she wants to take you stuff??

Noir · 06-07-2012, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheNewGirl

I think one of the keys is to get a rental agreement, and establish that she's a tenant in your condo rather then having a loose agreement in which she could imply that she was assisting you in paying a portion of your mortgage.

A trip to the lawyer would give you a good idea of what is nessesary.

That said if you're hesitant for reasons beyond the legal aspects then that should be a red flag to you that you're not ready.

Fuckin' hell RS is seriously becoming the worst place of either relationship or social advice.

That's a big NO! on seeking legal counsel in regards to your relationship.

As for the dilemma, time to grow a pair and roll the dice. There's no amount of caution or safety netting that will ever ever keep your life from being mistake free.

Z3guy · 06-07-2012, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinosaur

I love how we are planning the demise of your relationship.....its so romantical.

you must love your rose coloured glasses....shit happens more often than not when you are dating, I guess protecting your personal assets is dumb.

Noir · 06-07-2012, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z3guy

you must love your rose coloured glasses....shit happens more often than not when you are dating, I guess protecting your personal assets is dumb.

Why not go all the way and have every girl you date sign waiver forms?

The concept of a relationship is all about sharing. Sharing your things, sharing your life, sharing your experiences. That's what a successful relationship is, and if a successful relationship is your ultimate goal, I have no clue how you're going to achieve that when you set the foundation of your relationship based on what your own individual lines are that the other party cannot or may not ever cross.

Despite having dated X amount of years, if the OP is hesitant about sharing signficant life elements with her current girlfriend, I think it already speaks volumes about where the relationship stands within his life; it speaks more than the length of time they've spent together.

Z3guy · 06-07-2012, 07:55 AM

^ sure you are right.........let me know how you are doing in 5yrs....

Gridlock · 06-07-2012, 08:10 AM

Honestly, I don't think you are off base in having this discussion before making a big change.

Let's see...people(not just women) get stupid about money. Yeah, we may not be talking million+ penthouses here(I say that fully knowing that a million dollar home in Vancouver is a step above roach infestations but whatevs) but if its on the table and a relationship goes sour, it becomes something to fuck you with.

Next, how many of us have had a live-in situation go south? I've had one, dino has had one...I think a lot of people have. At the end, you want to crash out and get it done as quickly as possible. Here we have Jason with a girl thats looking for a handout.

And that conversation that says " hey, the house is yours until we get married. If we break up I'm just going to move out, no questions" is going to become an extremely faint memory when you get drunk and fuck her sister one night, video tape it and share it on revscene and she finds out(planting seeds lol).

With my ex, we rented, and we quickly divided mutual purchases and it was still awkward as hell. I would recommend to anyone to make that process like a band-aid..get in, get the job done and get out.

There is something about watching your ex's eyes quickly shrink wrap in tears as the apartment starts to develop that empty space echo that really affects your ability to pivot a sofa out of the room. Especially when you have to ask her to lift her ass off it so you can move it.

I'm still mad about that...I had told her specific times I was moving so she could stay away, not sit there and watch.

Tapioca · 06-07-2012, 08:11 AM

I get where Noir is coming from, but this is a different time. It's a dog eat dog world out there: many of us are me-first type of people. It's not right, but it's just the way it is.

Stuff isn't a big deal, but your primary asset (your residence) is. There are no ifs ands or buts. Once you tie the knot, then yes, you have to be all-in and be prepared to lose everything.

Noir · 06-07-2012, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z3guy

^ sure you are right.........let me know how you are doing in 5yrs....

I've been married for 3 years.

Before that I've survived other relationships that ranged a span of 1 or 2 years before those ended and things still turned out fine. So there you go.

On another note: You can't be too cynical about life, you can't be too jaded. People detect that shit and it looks like baggage when your in the dating scene; and baggage counts as a notch against anyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tapioca

I get where Noir is coming from, but this is a different time. It's a dog eat dog world out there: many of us are me-first type of people. It's not right, but it's just the way it is.

Stuff isn't a big deal, but your primary asset (your residence) is. There are no ifs ands or buts. Once you tie the knot, then yes, you have to be all-in and be prepared to lose everything.

Me too. In fact, I'm probably more self-centered and selfish than most around here growing up. The thing is, you know how you know when you have a healthy relationship and a great partner? Your "me-first" attitude gradually disappears.

To be honest, I get where you all are coming from too. And if the problem is not that the OP is some damaged guy with trust, relationship, and possession issues, then it then begs the question, what kind of girl does the OP have if after having 2 years and going that the OP still feels a great need to be prudent.

jasonturbo · 06-07-2012, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gdoh

is there a way around the common law thing so you dont get fucked if things go sour and she wants to take you stuff??

Common law does not legally entitle one spouse to the other spouses assets, it's not like marital assets which are divided equally (In most cases). Same goes for the debts, unless of course you both signed for the debt in question.

Common law after three years or with a child, can be grounds for spousal support but the spouse needs to establish an entitlement to spousal support, and income disparity alone will likely not lead to an order to pay spousal support.

For me, I split my bills with her, did not support her, and we have virtually no shared assets since I bought everything.

Also be careful if you let your spouse drive your vehicle, it can be considered a family assets and even if she did not contribute to the purcahse or maintenance of the vehicle, it is possible that she can claim entitlement to it.

Married or Common Law Marriage? What Happens after Breakup: Divorce, Child Custody and Child Support

The above is a nice summary of the difference between married and common law separations.

jackmeister · 06-07-2012, 08:57 AM

Is it true that what you bring into a marriage can't be split?

For example, guy brings in 3 cars and a house, girl brings in nothing, but split their expenses. Shit hits the fan and they split. Does the girl get interest in the assets brought in?

Edit: damn, took too long to post.

jasonturbo · 06-07-2012, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackmeister

Is it true that what you bring into a marriage can't be split?

For example, guy brings in 3 cars and a house, girl brings in nothing, but split their expenses. Shit hits the fan and they split. Does the girl get interest in the assets brought in?

Edit: damn, took too long to post.

Lol yes it's true that assets acquired before the relationship can be omitted from the general division of marital assets BUT...

The spouse may claime against these assets in the event that they have maintained, improved, or otherwise enriched the assets.

IE: Say you own a condo, she moves in, helps you do renos, she will have a case based on the time/money she spent on improvements in your fully owned condo.

dinosaur · 06-07-2012, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z3guy

you must love your rose coloured glasses....shit happens more often than not when you are dating, I guess protecting your personal assets is dumb.

it was a fucking joke, relax dude!

cdizzle_996 · 06-07-2012, 09:21 AM

In the end it doesn't really have anything to do with helping with bills, or my "stuff". I've owned my place in Abbotsford for a few years, I've renovated, and fully furnished it myself, it needs absolutely nothing. With that being said if it were to ever go sour, I wouldn't want to "pay her out" or her have a chunk of some thing she didn't Pay for. I've paid nearly 40k off my mortgage and done 15k in renos.

This whole thread has gone above and beyond where te original question stemmed from.

melloman · 06-07-2012, 10:06 AM

@cdizzle: An honest opinion, let her move in. Make her sign a simple contract just simply stating she will not demand cash payment or any material payment if the relationship were to go bad.

Really is anything else needed? There are some crazy people in the world but you've been with her for some time, so you think the crazy would've showed abit by now right? I'm just saying..