Opinions wanted on girl friend moving in..
 

So my girl friend and I have been together almost 2 years. I've owned my condo just over 2 years, and have never had a room mate. My girl friend, a full time student and part time worker wants to move in. In the past i've been kind of hesitant on letting her move in, but i've slowly opened up to the idea since shes here 5 days a week anyways.

Now here is where the opinions come in. This is "my" condo and I want to keep it that way. We've loosely discussed a price she would pay as "rent", but what im worried about is the common law rule. Now I have no intentions of us breaking up, but its always a possibility. Basically I dont want her to get half my shit, if things do go south. I've discussed this with her, and she insists if we did indeed split she would never try to take anything.

Does anyone on here have personal experience with this? If so could you share info, on how I can cover my ass "if" it came to that.

Thanks

My friend did the same thing....and IIRC, as long as her name is not on the mortgage/deed, it is still yours regardless if she has paid you rent.

On the relationship side of things....yes, it is YOUR condo...but don't act like it when she moves in. If she is going to be paying you rent...and moving her belongings in, you are going to need to be flexible and comfortable.

Yes, you always have to think about "what ifs", but try not to let it affect your relationship.

Also, congrats on taking the next step...this should be a happy time for you two :)

I can't offer advice on the legal aspect, but in general, I will never live with a girl (again) unless we're engaged or the ring is coming in the near future. People tend to underestimate how significantly moving in together changes the relationship, myself included, because they look primarily at the time aspect. Time isn't the big issue, sharing bills and the much increased difficulty in ending the relationship is what changes things. If you decide to end the relationship, it's suddenly not a simple conversation, you basically need to evict her. The next few days while she's looking for a place, packing, moving, not fun, a lot of added pressure.

I don't mean to sound negative, just offering my perspective.

^ well, poo.

The fact that she stays over 5 days a week is still completely different from her moving in. If you want it to stay "your" condo, it's going to be difficult when she starts moving all her stuff in. If you want to do anything to your place, you're going to have to take her into consideration too. I'm not saying "don't do it," but you both have to be completely sure and it doesn't sound like you feel that way just yet (I could be wrong).

I don't know the both of you so maybe it could work out. I've had friends who moved in together and have had it go both ways.

As for taking half your stuff... apparently common law spouses can also be entitled to "spousal support" otherwise known as "alimony." Spousal Support In short: it's basically child support... but the child is the spouse and you're paying her so she can sustain the lifestyle she had while she was with you.

It's always good to be cautious and realistic about the possible consequences, but if she says she won't take your stuff and you actually trust her, it shouldn't be a problem. :)

I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks for the prompt responses. Its obviously going to be a big step, but financially it makes sense, and it helps her get out of her current situation at home. We already spend a ton of time together, and have a good relationship. She doesnt plan on bringing a ton of stuff from her parents, as I already have a fully furnished place. I just wanted to get other opinions and such

Thanks :)

How about a trial run?
Ask her to live with you at your conda for a month and see how it works out.

Having her completely move in, then to find out a month later you want to live alone again would be disasterous on both ends...

The 6 month common law thing that is in OP's mind is worrisome. I kinda randomly googled and found from this link

I think one of the keys is to get a rental agreement, and establish that she's a tenant in your condo rather then having a loose agreement in which she could imply that she was assisting you in paying a portion of your mortgage. :) A trip to the lawyer would give you a good idea of what is nessesary.

That said if you're hesitant for reasons beyond the legal aspects then that should be a red flag to you that you're not ready.

make up a "contract"... if shes paying rent, you want to keep it that way... otherwise after 6months, both your titles are "Common Law"

have documents supporting that shes a "tenant"... otherwise if you guys have a bad breakup years down the road, she would prolly want half your shit including your condo... some girls can be crazy...

Thats exactly why this thread was created. Not that I think shes crazy but more or less to cover my ass.

I would get a good lawyer to set up a legal document which states that if you breakup, she gets nothing. Otherwise, if she goes after your assets, regardless who is right, you are going to spend a shit load on $300hr lawyers

I love how we are planning the demise of your relationship.....its so romantical.

Hey I'll give my experience.

So my girl moved in from not being together for 5 months, I was with her just under a year before that, been friends for maybe 4.. Anyways.

She made me food, cleaned up ocassionally, but unfortunately did not meet my standards as someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life (or share my house) with.

To be honest I think moving in is a great idea, if you can't do it, then why are you holding onto it? For the companionship, sex, fear of losing the friendship? I mean moving in is not socially excepted generally speaking unless you have been together for a certain amount of time, BUT I believe ...

that it is the best indicator of whether you should be with someone or not. As soon as you feel like you "love" someone, bam... they should be in your house, maybe even before that. But keep in mind, girls are messy man... and that's one thing I could deal with but going to school 30 hours a week and coming home to a messy house when she sat at home all day, is quite discouraging.

To tell you how the story ended, my bestfriend whom I had a crush on for years starting talking again, and some feelings came back.. She could tell and her mom insisted she leave. Well... nothing happened, but to be honest I felt I got off easy, LOL. I agree with the dude above saying it is like evicting someone cause it is a whole nother deal breaking up once they move in... I was lucky man, be careful still if you are in school and need to focus.. Hard call! I would do it over again though, cause now I can't get sex off my mind.

No.

a lot of girls will use the guy if it gets them out of the parents house.

be sure she's not that type. Especially if you live in DT or something, and she lives in surrey.

Unless this girl is the one you see spending your life with then you should not go through with it....makes it harder on everyone in the end.

the reason why i don't want to move into my gf's place is cause she's going to take me for granted. she's going to expect me to cook and she's going to get by for not cooking and I don't like that.

if she doesn't smarten up and know that just cause I move in doesn't mean i'm obligated to do anything; moving in equal both of us doing things together; it's a joint efforts. if you expect to just have someone take care of you, sorry, i ain't falling for that.

There is NO reason to have a live-in girlfriend.


Other than potentially wanting a long term mate for children, you don't even need to be in a relationship to get steady sex with several young women at a time.

And this is what RS has been dearly missing haha.

Berz out.

have her bring a few essentials and do a trial for 1 month minimum. if you don't want to kill her by then, you're good.

you don't know someone till you've lived with them.

Everything must be equal, chores, cleanup, cooking, finances, etc.

be explicit that it is a TRIAL and if YOU are not happy, seriously, its time to move on to someone else. Sending her away and expecting to be still cool with her is a delusion.

I've lived with 3 people in my relationships.

Since I'm single, that gives you an idea of how all of that turned out!

Logically, it usually makes way more sense to live together, especially if you're both currently out on your own.

You'll save money on rent/mortgage/bills and often food as well. You also think how great it would
be to see each other all the time since you love the other person and see them all the time anyway.

Wouldn't all this be so convenient!

With every good, there is a bad and the bad can be very bad.

If you are like me, and have a very demanding and stressful career, you can come home tired, stressed out
and not in a very social mood. When you come home, there she is, pissed off about the argument you had
last night that you didn't resolve because you were too tired to talk.

She's all ready to talk and you're still tired. Now you've left work, to come home to even more stress. There is
no "I'll call you later" or "I'm too tired to see you today".

I dated someone and I lived in her place. She had a very demanding career and so did I. I'd come home earlier
from work and not feel hungry so I'd destress by listening to music and just taking a bath or something. Then
she comes home, stressed and hungry. She would be like if you're home first make dinner! I just didn't
think about it sometimes, I was too tired and I wasn't hungry anyway. Now I'm a selfish asshole and she wasn't shy
about reminding me while she makes dinner for herself.

Of course, it's a condo so you're tripping over each other when you're fighting. Then I'd end up leaving to cool off for
a few hours at the gym and then maybe see some buddies somewhere. I come back and she's even more pissed
off that I just "walked out".

If you break up, it's a pain in the ass. I've been VERY lucky with this compared with some friends but it is still
a huge bunch of garbage to deal with.

Here is some advice from my experiences and friends as well.

Do not move in with a girl who has not lived on her own first. If she's going from mom and dad's to your place, have fun
with the potential issues you'll be forced to deal with. Often these girls don't know about things like bills (we're not talking
about shopping bills or cell phone bills here either) and some girls at 25 still don't even do their own laundry! They won't
likely be doing yours or if in my case, they will ruin your $400 shirts because "Dry-clean Only" means "Washing Machine
is Okay".

Do not move in with the person unless you can see a legitimate future with them. Don't just get blinded by love and attraction. Look at the situation logically and ask yourself is there the potential for something to happen with this on a permanent basis.
If the answer is no, maybe it's not a good idea.

Set ground rules long in advance and know the person well enough to know if they're the type to stick to it. Who makes dinner
why does the cleaning, who pays the bills, who does what and when? It may sound a little cold but it's a lot better to discuss
and establish this now rather then 6 months later when you're now angry at one another and you consider breaking up over
day-to-day activities.

While it makes sense to move in financially, don't let that be the reason. That is a bonus to moving in IF you're both in a position
to be contributing however if moving in is something to help you save, you're probably financially strapped and you'll now have a
new and exciting thing to both argue about (money and contribution is a huge argument pit).

Decide what you want to do and then establish the rules and see where it goes! It's a big step and the relationship may change,
not for the worse or better, but it will change.

So really then, women are a walking vagina for you.

Quit Whiteknighting bro. We all know you can't fart without your wifes permission...

Berz out.

You know, I'm going to make this a bit bigger than the original topic here, but it relates.

Maybe if guys stopped acting like they are only spending time with a woman to the point of getting her to drop her skirt, they may find that women stop spending time with guys to get them to drop their wallet.

I get called a "whiteknight" when I call myself in a stable, healthy relationship. You know, one with feelings and shit. I myself found the chasing of women and the game of getting them into bed to be draining, and ultimately unfulfilling. If you find it to be fulfilling and (opposite of draining...more filling?), then its working for you, but please don't walk around casting others that don't share in your philosophy into a bracket of people that just don't get it. Sooner or later, you are too old and not rich enough and that list of one night stands doesn't provide the comfort it once did.

This guy wants to move in with his girlfriend, but he wants to be protected. Hot damn! Let's advise him that he could just get laid by many different women quick to put a leg over, because that just seems to tie right in to the subject at hand.