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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
lol why do all the guys here insist on going to the gym after the breakup, only to bump into the ex at a later date to show her whats up?
shouldnt you be going to the gym during the relationship to keep your partner attracted to you? not get shredded after a breakup and give the next girl false advertisement when you stop working out after you start dating.
and why would you care what your ex thinks later down the road? just forget about them
^ When you're in a relationship, you have less time to yourself. Something usually has to be sacrificed and it's often personal fitness. The whole notion of "relationship weight" doesn't exist for nothing.
I'm lucky enough to work close to the seawall and have showers in my building. Many others are not so lucky. Imagine commuting, taking care of a bachelor pad, a possible pet, cooking, and all of the other stuff that normally requires attention... Then add a significant other on top of that who may live across town, works different hours, has a different lifestyle. There are only so many hours in the day.
Not to thread jack, but the OP's story is identical to mine.
I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs.
We shared laughs and sadness throughout the years. The first yr was the greatest, i still remember every moment of it. From the first day we met, and from the first time I told her "i want to grow old with you" eye to eye.
The past 1.5yrs it was a struggle, and i felt that our prime time was over. I somewhat for saw that this day would come but I just didn't know when. It was like a time bomb ready to explode.
As for me, I take shit. I literally eat shit... I take all the shit and just sweep it under the rug. Unfortunately I guess the rug finally got too full and when someone eventually stepped on the dust collected for 1.5yrs, its all coming back out.
Im dropping off all her stuff back to her place tonight, and I don't know if I should discuss or just drop and go.
Yesterday I took a day off work for once.. its been too long since i had a day off. It was all quiet and i finally had time to think to myself. I kept asking, maybe it's me... Maybe it's because I was no longer the romantic guy I use to be; always stay at home, trying to save money, never really going out...
I know she wants to go out from time to time, but my work schedule is literally mon-sat; and since its my family business and im the only son, i feel obligated to take some baggage off my fathers shoulders. He is getting old, and i need to grow up. So the past year or so i focused my work strictly on work and I had explained that. Thought she understood.
She did, she would whine from time to time, thats about it.
So i concluded it was mainly my fault for losing her, for not being there, for not giving her the attention she wants. I gave her what she wanted, but I wasnt able to give her what she needed.
For some reason today I woke up, cleared and out of my sobbing. The little voice inside of me told me to check our phone statement. Her phone is under my name, and so i did.
Unfortunately i found and saw things I completely did not want to see.
for the past 2 months on, shes been calling this person constantly... the phone time ranges from 5-10mins, 15-25mins, sometimes even 60-90 mins. Everyday.
I highlighted the times she called me in green, compare to that number in blue.
sadly, the 4 page long statement was mostly cover in blue...
I confessed her this morning asking who that number was.. she told me it was a close friends number who is having marriage problems with HER husband.
However, i lost will and called that number.
I asked for that girls name * lets pretend its Jane*
I asked for Jane, and the guy sounded confused and said wrong number.
Right then and there, my heart shattered like a mirror dropped from a 10 foot ceiling.
Its broken, and left in pieces.
Luckily i read over this thread, and a fellow RS'er gave an example, " just leave the broken pieces and walk away "
Tonight as i try to man up, and not show any weakest. I know im going to just drop it off, clear out the phone thing and pack my things and go.
Sorry for thread jacking, but i really needed to let it out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by !Yaminashi
Maybe I'm just super exhausted after the gym, but I failed to see the reason why you guys broke up. Was it because you were working all the time?
That's a pretty shitty reason on her part man. You deserve better than that.
A real woman isnt going to leave you just because you're out making money. Obviously she was being selfish here. IMO none of this is your fault, its hers. If she failed to realize that relationships arent all rainbows and smiles, she's gonna be in for a bumpy ride.
that sucks bro, and im pretty much in the same boat. but lets be honest, the moment you saw that number, you knew. there really was no need to ask and be even more hurt. most of the time, when i girl leaves you despite how long you have been together and how many great memories and what not, its because they're interested in someone else. i've seen it happen way too often so thats my opinion anyway. just hang tough, do what you do, and before you know it, you just don't even think about it
Please keep your calm and composure, and refrain from committing an assault/battery. Ask for your phone back, drop the belongings.. and go call up your boys for some beer/wings..
Dropped off the box and changed the phone etc.
Had a long talk, and asked who that guy was.
Overall, I'm certain now my feelings can rest in peace. Took the time after to go home, shower and Dota2 with a couple buddies.
Long story short, she explained to me who he was and oddly enough I do believe what she was saying. I know a bullshitter when I see one, and after being with her for 2.5yrs im confident to say the facts she told me was not a lie.
Not wanting to share too much personal space here, but the main reason why she broke up was because she was stressed between me and her mother. Both her mother and her sister's marriage failed, which puts her in a bad spot. We are different in terms of nationality and her mother did have some what of a torn stuck in her towards me. Aside from that, there are other reason I do not want to list out.. *and please, no racism jokes..*
I respect my parents more than anything, so i completely understand her PoV. She told me from the start she would still be with me even if the mother disagree and she still remember what she said. She just needs time as so do i.
But I'm not perfect myself, Im not ripped or so you guys would call "sick kunt" lol
I lost my romantic side, and I mostly do stay home to relax. My personality is simple, you say you want this, I will get you that. however, i'm not the type to give out little surprises because I just dont know how to, or what to do.
She felt we're drifting further and further and watching her tear up and say, "i wish you took me out more" was like a falcon punch to the face, which i deserve.
We agreed we will still be friends and we know if we somehow get back together in the future, we know we're meant for each other. Until then, I will focus on my work, my fitness and my health as she will focus on her studies and quality time with her mom.
Im not going to doubt her on what she said, cause in the end she did love me and she was there for me when i was at my lowest. She was there to pull my back up, and not only that; she was there for my family as well.
Being angry over something is not me, anymore.
Whether or not those are lies, i no longer have the heartache and i will continue to show her respect cause she was once my lover too.
call me stupid, but i think im happier the way im seeing it.
and besides, she never asked much.
our anniversary, we went out for churches chicken. we trip to ikea for 50, now 75cent hotdogs.
the most expensive thing i got her was an inexpensive laptop she really needed, cz her old one was a PoS that i couldnt even stand. lol
Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.
Make the effort and take the risk..
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Whether or not those are lies, i no longer have the heartache and i will continue to show her respect cause she was once my lover too.
Beta words right there.
Of course you're not going to doubt her, you still have feelings towards her and she just doesn't want to hurt you more than she has. She has done the minimal amount of damage to get herself away from you and will now proceed to find herself a suitable mate. Why was she calling that other guy in the first place? Anyways, best advice is to cut contact so she doesn't cloud your judgement and relocate your testicles.
You'll thank me after (wish my friends gave me this advice)
__________________
I'm so stance my roof rack got a roof rack
I'm gonna have to agree with glove here. She got teary because she wished you took her out more? That's bullshit.
I'm sorry but the amount that a couple goes out has nothing to do with how close they are or how good their relationship is
im sorry, but that is the BIGGEST crock of shit I have ever heard. Do people still spew that garbage?
all that says to me is,
I wish you took me out more = spend more money on me, take me out, court me, me me me
I need time = was not ready to be monogamous with one dick
still be friends = less guilt for her
some day get back together = even less guilt for her by stringing you along
maybe its meant to be = come on dude... read between the lines here
obviously that other phone number is her solution to the money and cock points.
Stop talking to this girl, she has zero respect for you
dude....dont be so harsh. some times you don't need to hate your ex.
they only people that KNOW their relationship is them...can't judge it.
my 9 year relationship broke-up b/c he cheated....i could have got batshitcrazy, but i didn't whats the point? some people just move on quietly. i dont hate him. i never will hate him. whats the point?
im sorry, but that is the BIGGEST crock of shit I have ever heard. Do people still spew that garbage?
all that says to me is,
I wish you took me out more = spend more money on me, take me out, court me, me me me
I need time = was not ready to be monogamous with one dick
still be friends = less guilt for her
some day get back together = even less guilt for her by stringing you along
maybe its meant to be = come on dude... read between the lines here
obviously that other phone number is her solution to the money and cock points.
Stop talking to this girl, she has zero respect for you
you must be very jaded.
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Put this on your profile if you know someone who has died of
Cancer or whom maybe suffering from it.
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Just toss all the bullshit aside and be realistic,
im surprised so many guys here have no clue how to interact with women.
I think its totally fucked up to
- want closure from some chick that dumped you
- remain friends with a chick who had another guy on the side while dating you
- get hung up over a woman after only a year or 2 of dating
- then feel guilty that she told you she wanted you to take her out more
- THEN tell you to stay friends
am I alone here? this is beyond retarded
where the hell did all the balls go?
cant believe there are mid 20's 30's guys out there that actually take that shit
^ vagina ain't that easy to come by for some guys so they hold on to whatever they can get. The balls get dropped the second she touches it. Not saying this the case for the guy... but in some cases.
Glove, i agree with you completely.. and im lying if i told you im not grieving or pissed off at the situation.
But im not going to ruin my days by being pissed off about something, and instead try to see a brighter side.
I work for my family, so my mood can affect them too. Its not right to bring down the crew just because one guy is having a shitty day.
Buddy.. I know how you feel.. exact same situation but i'm slowly getting over it.
To be honest I still have her number on my phone and I didn't delete the photo's of us.. funny one of my friends busted me looking at an old pic haha (got the biggest for shame look from him)
BUT you know what? I'm working harder at work.. Loaded up on protein, eating 4-5 meals a day, and hitting the gym every other day.. I know some people think its cliche to hit the gym and stuff after a break up but I Personally need it... I'm starting to feel better about myself. I've set goals and things I want to achieve within a certain time frame.
I cant bring myself atm to delete everything.. but for some reason I have this feeling once I hit my goal.. Ill be able to cut all of it loose.
All in all.. Take the time you need man..
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by getalove
i took a shit in the shower and i tried to use my heel to push it down the drain
Not to thread jack, but the OP's story is identical to mine.
I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs.
We shared laughs and sadness throughout the years. The first yr was the greatest, i still remember every moment of it. From the first day we met, and from the first time I told her "i want to grow old with you" eye to eye.
The past 1.5yrs it was a struggle, and i felt that our prime time was over. I somewhat for saw that this day would come but I just didn't know when. It was like a time bomb ready to explode.
As for me, I take shit. I literally eat shit... I take all the shit and just sweep it under the rug. Unfortunately I guess the rug finally got too full and when someone eventually stepped on the dust collected for 1.5yrs, its all coming back out.
Im dropping off all her stuff back to her place tonight, and I don't know if I should discuss or just drop and go.
Yesterday I took a day off work for once.. its been too long since i had a day off. It was all quiet and i finally had time to think to myself. I kept asking, maybe it's me... Maybe it's because I was no longer the romantic guy I use to be; always stay at home, trying to save money, never really going out...
I know she wants to go out from time to time, but my work schedule is literally mon-sat; and since its my family business and im the only son, i feel obligated to take some baggage off my fathers shoulders. He is getting old, and i need to grow up. So the past year or so i focused my work strictly on work and I had explained that. Thought she understood.
She did, she would whine from time to time, thats about it.
So i concluded it was mainly my fault for losing her, for not being there, for not giving her the attention she wants. I gave her what she wanted, but I wasnt able to give her what she needed.
For some reason today I woke up, cleared and out of my sobbing. The little voice inside of me told me to check our phone statement. Her phone is under my name, and so i did.
Unfortunately i found and saw things I completely did not want to see.
for the past 2 months on, shes been calling this person constantly... the phone time ranges from 5-10mins, 15-25mins, sometimes even 60-90 mins. Everyday.
I highlighted the times she called me in green, compare to that number in blue.
sadly, the 4 page long statement was mostly cover in blue...
I confessed her this morning asking who that number was.. she told me it was a close friends number who is having marriage problems with HER husband.
However, i lost will and called that number.
I asked for that girls name * lets pretend its Jane*
I asked for Jane, and the guy sounded confused and said wrong number.
Right then and there, my heart shattered like a mirror dropped from a 10 foot ceiling.
Its broken, and left in pieces.
Luckily i read over this thread, and a fellow RS'er gave an example, " just leave the broken pieces and walk away "
Tonight as i try to man up, and not show any weakest. I know im going to just drop it off, clear out the phone thing and pack my things and go.
Sorry for thread jacking, but i really needed to let it out.
It does sound like she's a unsure of the breakup and that the logical part of her brain is telling her to break up with you, perhaps for making her feel too inadequate due to your work schedule and some other practical reasons such as the parents thing.
Unfortunately for you, in these situations you don't want to backpedal, which you seem to have already done so. The problem here is built in a paradox. Guys always fuck up in this situation because they try and recover rapport TOO QUICKLY. It only breaks attraction which makes it EASIER for her to rationalize the break up.
If you apologize a thousand times and tell her you “didn’t know what you had till you lost it,” you give her too much hand. For a girl, a break-up is infinitely easier to deal with if she has self-affirmation. She WANTS you to miss her, to be broken, to feel like you can’t live without her. It will bother her if you’re confidently moving on with your life. And if you GIVE her that pleasure of knowing you have been broken, she will be satisfied and it will be unnecessary to come back to you
Whoever retains the power position in a break up (whoever cares LESS) will ALWAYS find it easier to deal with the break up.
If you want her back, try giving her 3 to 6 weeks to miss you, use jealousy, and then BLAM; meet up with her randomly one day and hit her with “you’re stupid, I always loved you,” and then walk away for another week. This type of intense vacillation between dubious pretenses + ultra love is the type of roller coaster she needs to go through. And beneath it all must be the looming threat that you’re moving further and further from her grip. The FEAR OF LOSS MUST BE THERE, OR THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO DRIVE YOU BACK TOGETHER.
Buddy.. I know how you feel.. exact same situation but i'm slowly getting over it.
To be honest I still have her number on my phone and I didn't delete the photo's of us.. funny one of my friends busted me looking at an old pic haha (got the biggest for shame look from him)
BUT you know what? I'm working harder at work.. Loaded up on protein, eating 4-5 meals a day, and hitting the gym every other day.. I know some people think its cliche to hit the gym and stuff after a break up but I Personally need it... I'm starting to feel better about myself. I've set goals and things I want to achieve within a certain time frame.
I cant bring myself atm to delete everything.. but for some reason I have this feeling once I hit my goal.. Ill be able to cut all of it loose.
All in all.. Take the time you need man..
DUDEH~ I Feel ya man...I didnt get busted by my friends though when I was looking at some old pics of me and my ex lolol...I know I will remove the photos one day...but now is just not the time yet....GL to u man~ gonna hit the gym now hahahaha
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
: Just kiddin man. Appreciate the up-front-ness of your comments. Not a lot of that going on nowadays.
