Dealing with a friend who is Bi-Polar

[thegentleman]

My friend and I have an odd friendship that was constantly on & off for about 7 years now and I've always had to take our friendship in doses.We even dated for a couple of months (nothing serious) 2 years ago, but that didn't go too well. She had trust issues and my friends didn't get along with her.

During our friendship I always knew what she was going through, all her troubles with family, friends, boyfriends, school blah blah etc etc.. I' would stop talking to her for a couple of months then she would text me because something tragic happened and she had no one to talk to. She doesn't have any close friends, I've seen her go through different groups but she would never stay close with anyone. She's developed a negative reputation throughout the years, of being "bitchy" or constantly lying and exaggerating her stories. I keep our friendship on the down low, don't like to be seen in public together, because I would get the "Wtf? You still talk to her?" Kind of bullshit from everyone.

I've always been there for her when she needed someone and I've always been straight up with her. We started talking again recently this year and I told her that I didn't want to be around her negative aura. (I was basically tired of being that shoulder to cry on) Last month we we're having lunch, she was telling me more about her problems and such, and I literally told her "You are seriously FUCKED UP in the head." She replied "I know..I swear I think something is wrong with me." In my head, all I could think was this girl is fuckin crazy and I don't want to hear her shit. So I stopped talking to her AGAIN.

She texted me during the weekend telling me that she found out something about herself that she could only tell me because she was embarrassed. This was when she told me her doctor diagnosed her with being Bi-Polar - Mania Depression. This would explain a lot of her behavior (mood swings) in the years of me hearing about all her problems.

Now, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to be around all her emotional stages but I feel like I'm obligated to because I'm her only friend. She is actually pretty close to being admitted into an institution.

What CAN I do? What SHOULD I do?

[dinosaur]

If she was diagnosed, does that mean she has started medication and maybe therapy?

I know a few who were diagnosed and began medication...it took a while to find the right medication and to get everything under control, but after they were stable again.

Mental illness is brutal...its brutal for the person, and brutal for friends and family. It is a long process for it to be under control. Are you willing to stand by her if she is being proactive about it?

IMO, if she is seeking help (medication & therapy), it may be worth it to have a great friend at the end. If not, there isn't much you can do....you will not be a bad person if you distance yourself from her as she is the one who needs to take control.

[thegentleman]

I'm pretty sure she said she was taking anti-depressants and she consults a therapist twice a week.

One more important thing I may add, every time we're around each other I feel like there is some type of unfinished attraction that may have lingered on from our previous dating attempt..

I want to be a friend, but I think it may lead on to more than that which I don't want.

[Glove]

I used to have a buddy who was bi-polar, in the end it wasnt worth my time hanging out with him, so I cut him out about 5 years back.

may sound mean but, yolo and I cant be wasting time babysitting an adult.


in your situation since she is female, unless you are consistently getting bi-polar crazy person sex, then cut her out, dont feel guilty man, your life is your own, not anyone elses.

but again, if she be wanting the dick a lot, keep her around.

[GGnoRE]

Originally Posted by Glove

in your situation since she is female, unless you are consistently getting bi-polar crazy person sex, then cut her out, dont feel guilty man, your life is your own, not anyone elses.

Wouldn't hurt to keep in touch once in a while

[spideyv2]

I know some crazy bish who claims to be bi-polar, when she's really just an immature idiot.

[k2_alpha]

Which ever route you decide, you must follow it 100%.
If you are going to be there for her as a friend (or more) you have to be there thick and thin.
If you want to cut contact, then there should be absolutely no communication.

Mental illness is tough. The decision must be definite. That is the only way you and her can move on.

[thegentleman]

This is such a tough decision. I've always been the one to put others feelings before mine. But this year I started to become a little selfish and started to consider my own, and 2012 has been the absolute best year for me so far. Everything about my life has been positive.

Right now I'm considering just doing my own thing and keep some distance, I won't pursue any interactions first and let her come to me for anything, whether it be guidance or the dick.

Basically do what I was doing before I guess. But is there anything I should be worried or I should know about this mental disorder? I've done some basic research. I do want her to get better.

[dinosaur]

Only she can make herself better. I don't think you should worry about her situation...it doesn't appear that she has contributed a lot to you.

It also sounds like you are wanting permission to let the friendship go....I imagine you may feel a little guilty about distance yourself, but you are not in her life to fix her.

It is okay to walk away, dude. I think maybe you should move on.

[Razor Ramon HG]

Never keep a relationship with someone out of obligation or pity.

[thegentleman]

I never felt guilty about cutting her off before, but now this disorder is kinda like a curve ball. We'll see how things progress in the next couple of days to weeks. I haven't seen any of the erratic behaviour yet. But she has told me her angry ventures.....

[2damaxmr2]

Steer the fuck away from bi-polar chicks.

[Ri2]

It's okay to step back and let the relationship go. If you feel that you can't positively contribute to the situation due to your history then just leave it. As much as it may seem or feel like you're the bad person, you're just doing what's best for yourself and nobody can blame you for that.
I think that everyone is responsible for how they show up and the kind of energy that they project into the world and onto others. If she's always complaining, upset, sad, etc. and talks about it all the time without making a conscious effort to be positive, other people can only piggyback her issues for so long. Sometimes it takes some tough love and solidarity for people to really check themselves and become aware of the things they do/say and how it affects their relationships.

That being said, I went through a recent episode of depression/anxiety. During my episode, my best friend tried to commit suicide and the responsibility of saving her was on me because I was the only one she communicated with prior the attempt. I did what I had to do and while I made sure she was alright and kept in contact the next couple of days, I had to step back from the situation. It wasn't that I didn't want to be there for her, I did. But I had to take care of myself before I could have taken care of her. If I was there holding her hand every step of the way, was I helping her move forward, or holding her back? It's her journey, she had to learn on her own.

I feel that if you weren't her emotional pillow, then she would really have to deal with her issues herself..which is what she should be doing anyway. How she handles that with you out of the picture, is entirely her own choice. Having nobody to bring down to her emotional level, she'll be forced to find help and look for alternatives.

Also, we don't do things for people we love and care about because we feel obligated to... that only leads to resentment which is detrimental to the well being of your relationship anyway. we do things because we genuinely want to.

[thegentleman]

I was always the "go-to" person to talk to because I never judged and I always had good advice to give. I guess you could say I was the "nice guy." I gave that up a couple of years ago because I was tired of wasting my knowledge and advice to people who wouldn't even use it.

I even told this girl, honestly I'm not the same person you used to know. I don't want to hear your crap, I don't want to hang out because you're "sad." I don't want to be brought down to your level.

She's been hinting to me that she's wanting to hang out, but I've been shrugging her off making other plans. I'll probably make some plans in a week or so with her to see how she is. If all I can feel is a negative vibe then I'm out.

[instantneedles]

Yes, there are times when you have to step back and withdraw from a relationship. However, from reading what you just wrote, i can definetly tell that she is a very important person in your life, or you wouldnt be in a state of contemplation in the first place. I am in no position tell you what to do because im not the guy experiencing it firsthand, but what i have found to be true of everyone is that having one more friend is better than losing a friend. Even if things might not work out in a friendship/relationship, it is your positive energy that keeps the engine going. In the end, you will be the one pondering on the loss of a friend you have known for years. Stay true to yourself, and give all the positive energy you have to make things work. Remember, humans feed off each others emotions. At the end of the day, there is something to be learnt from everyone, so never think too quick when deciding to cut ties from someone altogether.

If you want her to be a friend of yours, you shouldnt have to feel bad for letting people know about it. If they care so much as to have a doubt in your personality or of your potential as a friend, then fuck them, you dont need em. Last thing you need is to be judged on something you feel like youre doing right. ESPECIALLY your friends. You know, people in the medical field have a way of overexaggerating psychological/emotional disorders, but the truth is, we're all human and we all go through different stages. Everyone is on a rollercoaster ride of their life and everyone will have ups and downs on a regular basis. Theres noone that can disagree with me on that. She needs you there because you are important to her also, so dont take that for granted. A homie will always be a homie.

[mk1freak]

let's back up here. are you sure this isnt even one of her 'episodes' where she's exaggerating whats she's going through because she wants you to not leave her hanging? this could be seen as "i'm pregnant" kind of situation just to make you feel how you are feeling. ESPECIALLY since you said she texted you the info, easier to lie to someone when you dont see them face to face.

Mind you if she genuinely is diagnosed with bi-polar, she would be referred to a mental health team if she's in west end then west end MH , coquitlam has Tri-cities mh team. or east vancouver has strathcona mental health , new west has e.fry and so on. who would assign her a psyche doctor AND a caseworker. If she needs the help and you are willing to help her I can provide you a number of resources and ways to access mental health services in the lower mainland since I work in the field. PM me with any questions.

hope things work out for her, but your own mental health should take priority.

[Jason00S2000]

Originally Posted by thegentleman

She replied "I know..I swear I think something is wrong with me." In my head, all I could think was this girl is fuckin crazy and I don't want to hear her shit.

I'm bipolar.


It's really only manageable once you know you have it. It is actually an incredible gift to be able to think and feel at levels higher and much lower, than most people. Many of the most brilliant people throughout the ages have been known to be bipolar or suspected to be by historians.


The #1 thing I can say about bipolarism is that your career or job MUST accommodate your moods, or you're fucked. That's why many pornstars are bipolar, for example, and musicians, actors...

[GLOW]

Originally Posted by Jason00S2000

The #1 thing I can say about bipolarism is that your career or job MUST accommodate your moods, or you're fucked. That's why many pornstars are bipolar, for example, and musicians, actors...

is what we see in the pr0n the bi-polar crazy person sex that glove is talking about?

[thegentleman]

I went out with her last weekend and I hated everything that came out of her damn mouth. It wasn't much negative, just she's very conceited, princessy, and close minded.

/end friendship

[Jason00S2000]

Originally Posted by thegentleman

I went out with her last weekend and I hated everything that came out of her damn mouth. It wasn't much negative, just she's very conceited, princessy, and close minded.

/end friendship

Let's see a pic, I love bipolar chicks, I can bring the manic out of them and have crazy fun

[denham]

I am type 1 bipolar and I just wanted to throw my opinion into the mix, mostly regarding whether people decide to abandon someone because they are bipolar, or be there for them. For me, the only thing that's got me through is the support of friends and family. It's easy to say you've got to get through this on your own, but there are times when it's simply not possible, and that you can even put your life in danger. When I went into my first manic episode I felt fantastic. So much energy, no need for sleep or food. I suddenly felt like I knew it all, and was very talented at everything I tried. After a few days of no food and no sleep I was driving around in my car in a really bad state, yet still I felt super confident. I could have easily got into an accident, but fortunately I didn't. It took my family noticing what was going on to help me, and take me to hospital, where I stayed for 3 weeks. While in there all sorts of crazy shit went on in my head, and again it was my friends and family that really helped me through this.

Having said that, it's up to you whether you stick around and help, or back away. If it's too much strain on you to really be there all the time for someone, you definitely need to get some space, no doubt about that.

I see some posts kind of talking down to people with bipolar, and it kind of bothers me, because people with bipolar are just the same as everyone else, just with something that can mess with our minds now and then. We all have our issues, some more severe than others, and this is just one of those things we need to find the strength to deal with.