REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

El Bastardo · 07-20-2012, 09:11 AM

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

Here's the deal: I'm 20 and I've never in a relationship. I've always felt unconfident about myself because I'm a little chubby (you can't tell if I'm not shirtless, usually) and I didn't know how. So I've never asked a girl out and never had the intentions to because I thought I'd always get rejected. Since then, I've been getting into shape, being more confident in general, and feeling good about myself for the first time in a long time.

Right now, one of my best friends' (girl) friend (girl) is someone that I want to ask out. I've met her a few times and we've all hung out, but we're not really close. So she's, in my opinion, at that perfect distance of friends but not too close so it wouldn't be that big of a loss if we don't end up together and it would be very awks. She's real nice, kind, sweet and pretty, completely innocent in her mindset (can't read sexual innuendos for the life of her), and single (YES).

A few problems:
1. My best friend is someone who has told me we should go out twice, I kissed her (a lot) at a club once and was grinding like mad with her, and we also had sex (got whiskey dick). It's been 2 years since the day she last told me to try to date, but I said no (no confidence, even at that point because I didn't want her to see my naked body). Would it be weird if I asked the girl out even with this history? They're best friends, but they're pretty close too.

2. First time asking anyone out, so I've got no game. I sort of have an idea on what to say and what date to do, but I don't know how I would ask her. Should I call her up, wait until we all hang out (it wouldn't be too long because my friends are friends with her too), or some other way? I really don't want to overthink this, but I want to do this right.

3. Oh, and she's white and I'm Asian. That's gonna set me back right?

nabs · 07-20-2012, 09:30 AM

I think you should think of your friends feelings, if she truly is your best friend you should look past asking her friend out because it seems your bestie does like you more than a friend. It will just hurt her feelings and ruin your relationship with her.

I don't think the asian/white thing is a problem anymore in today's society so theres no need to worry about that.

Just be confident about asking any girl out, you don't have to worry about getting rejected, I am chubby too, well fat, and I always think of it as a 50/50 thing, 50 percent of the girls will say no. I don't think body type makes too much of a difference unless you are overly obese, or are very socially awkward.

Put yourself out there, its the only way to learn.

InvisibleSoul · 07-20-2012, 09:45 AM

I'm thinking if she's your best friend, given your history, you should clear it with her first before asking her friend out.

dinosaur · 07-20-2012, 09:55 AM

Why is the world do guys think they need to "have game" to ask someone out?!

Walk up to her/call her...whatever, and say, "hey, I was wonder if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee some time?". Her, "ummm, sure!". You, "Great! How about Saturday afternoon? Like, 2pm?".

Done.

Don't worry about the little jelly belly, don't talk about your lack of confidence, and don't spend the time worrying what she is thinking.

Fake it till you make it.

neggo · 08-01-2012, 02:00 AM

Confidence and assertiveness is key. As dinosaur has implied, it really isn't rocket science and all it takes is a few words. Women are notorious for complicating things but guys are too, especially when it comes to approaching girls.

Also, keep doing what you are doing in terms of fitness. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

MG1 · 08-01-2012, 03:53 AM

Just be who you are. Plain and simple. Be honest and tell your best friend your intentions and your true feelings. She ain't much of a friend if she doesn't understand. You will never find out until you try and will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't.

Grim · 08-01-2012, 08:55 AM

if u think u can't, you've already lost the battle!
if u think u can, u can.

sort it out with your best friend first.

toyobaru · 08-01-2012, 09:57 AM

Personally heres my opinion to this...
Confidence is something you need to stand out. As Berz would say doesnt matter how fat you are if you have charisma and confidence ladies will fall for you regardless of size. Plus if all she really cared about was how you looked is this a girl you want to start a relationship with?

As for the best friend, Id tell her front up you have a thing for her friend. If she has a problem with it well what friend is that. Most friends should want their friends to be happy. I say go for it. Relationships are always about taking risks, dont make it something you regret not doing.

Gridlock · 08-01-2012, 10:02 AM

I'm going to put this out there, for all to learn from.

In caps.

Bold.

Maybe italics.

THE ONLY PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR 'WHATEVER' ISSUE(CHUBBY, SHORT, CURLY HAIR, MISSING A TOE) IS YOU!

I went with italics.

You can wear your 'jelly belly' like a shield, hiding behind it or you can just be you. If she doesn't want to go out with you because you aren't her thing(she likes athletic guys) then: her loss. Move the fuck on.

If you are going to sit there and mope about it for 3 months, and let it get into your head, then that's YOUR issue, not hers.

Yeah, there are women that have to have a guy that makes a certain amount of money, or look a certain way, or drive a certain level of car. You know what we end up calling these women? Bitches. You know who ends up with them? Douchebags. You know what happens to their relationships? Chaos.

You know what happens when we meet a woman and she isn't interested because you don't meet some criteria in her head? We thank them for making it easy to spot them.

Now...flip side. You know what women can sniff out in a guy a mile away? Lack of confidence. So if you are hiding behind some issue that YOU created(in your case, your belly) and are meek and shy because of it and approach a woman staring at the floor saying, "i...umm...would...if you are interested, maybe...um...only if you want to and its TOTALLY ok if you...um don't...." that's not having a 'lack of game' that's being a moron, and THAT is the reason she says no.

I would, the next time you are hanging out, sit next to her and simply say, "we've hung out a few times, and I have a lot of fun. I was wondering if you would be interested in just the two of us going out. Soon" You aren't interested in your friend, so why let her cock block you. The girl says yes or no. If she says no, then deflect with something so obviously stupid to make it funny.

Sample dialogue:

You: ask. Point blank. And look her in the eyes.
She: says no. She'll deflect with a bs reason...the freindship, awkward with the mutual friend...whatever.
You: Cool. So how about the olympics hey! That's some real running and jumping out there.

Done. One women out of 50 that you'll interact with. 49 to go.

Durrann · 08-01-2012, 12:57 PM

^^ bomb!!!! agreed

FerrariEnzo · 08-01-2012, 02:46 PM

you want to be careful about your best friend's friend type situation. It can be a good thing or be your worst thing.

Best thing is that you can ask your friend what this girl likes and what not..
Worst thing is that if you guys have a bad break up, she will be put in a bad spot between you guys...

Your going to get rejected many times over your course of life, will this mean your NEVER going to ask someone out..
You will only gain the confidence after you get rejected over and over (I dont mean asking the same girl over and over)

v.Rossi · 08-01-2012, 10:36 PM

If she's white and your asian, don't think it'll set you back. Just don't have an asian mentality and say fuck in every sentence, but rather just a normal human being conversation. Leave the murse at home too.

Westernized chicks dig guys that can hold a conversation, well.

A good way to overcome your fear is to change the perspective to your favor. You're afraid of rejection here, where there are men out there fighting for our country. They're afraid of stepping on a landmine, while you're afraid of "sorry let's just be friends." Your fear now looks pretty petty, despite how much you think it's ever so frightening. That way it's not hyped up with pressure for you, but more like "meh, at least I didn't die from shrapnel."

A good way to lure her into a date is open ended questions about her. Chicks love talking about themselves, find what she does or likes to do. Seem intrigued, it works better when you genuinely care heh, and then word it to make it a mutual activity that you can possibly do together really just to get her number.

Confidence is subjective. If you can see yourself with her, then you can see yourself with her. Again change your perspective, when asking a chicks number instead of thinking how am I gonna get her number? Think, so what am I gonna do with that number once I get it. (Obviously, call, but you're thinking a step ahead and already foreseeing. Being ahead of the game is well, nice).

Confident persona with a hint of cocky, win. Cocky as in a smirkful/sarcastic humor presented in a non-hurtful classy way.

The more you talk, with hands, lips, etc. the more comfortable you'll be with the other party. Also remember, you don't wanna be the guy that agrees to everything. I can tell you a Scion XB looks like a circular car, I don't expect you to go "haha, yeah it kinda does." If you don't agree, don't fucking agree. Speak your mind it's how conversations are made, and you appear remotely interesting. It's why nice people are rather annoying sometimes, they agree to everything. Again, keep in mind of being open-minded(chicks also dig) and keeping conversations classy.

You hear men complaining that women don't appreciate a nice guy and prefer to be with jerks. Women are drawn to strength qualities in men first. Sensitivity and sweetness is appealing when added as dessert, but an entire meal of cake frosting is nauseating.

JulyZerg · 08-01-2012, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by v.Rossi

If she's white and your asian, don't think it'll set you back. Just don't have an asian mentality and say fuck in every sentence, but rather just a normal human being conversation. Leave the murse at home too.

Westernized chicks dig guys that can hold a conversation, well.

A good way to overcome your fear is to change the perspective to your favor. You're afraid of rejection here, where there are men out there fighting for our country. They're afraid of stepping on a landmine, while you're afraid of "sorry let's just be friends." Your fear now looks pretty petty, despite how much you think it's ever so frightening. That way it's not hyped up with pressure for you, but more like "meh, at least I didn't die from shrapnel."

A good way to lure her into a date is open ended questions about her. Chicks love talking about themselves, find what she does or likes to do. Seem intrigued, it works better when you genuinely care heh, and then word it to make it a mutual activity that you can possibly do together really just to get her number.

Confidence is subjective. If you can see yourself with her, then you can see yourself with her. Again change your perspective, when asking a chicks number instead of thinking how am I gonna get her number? Think, so what am I gonna do with that number once I get it. (Obviously, call, but you're thinking a step ahead and already foreseeing. Being ahead of the game is well, nice).

Confident persona with a hint of cocky, win. Cocky as in a smirkful/sarcastic humor presented in a non-hurtful classy way.

The more you talk, with hands, lips, etc. the more comfortable you'll be with the other party. Also remember, you don't wanna be the guy that agrees to everything. I can tell you a Scion XB looks like a circular car, I don't expect you to go "haha, yeah it kinda does." If you don't agree, don't fucking agree. Speak your mind it's how conversations are made, and you appear remotely interesting. It's why nice people are rather annoying sometimes, they agree to everything. Again, keep in mind of being open-minded(chicks also dig) and keeping conversations classy.

You hear men complaining that women don't appreciate a nice guy and prefer to be with jerks. Women are drawn to strength qualities in men first. Sensitivity and sweetness is appealing when added as dessert, but an entire meal of cake frosting is nauseating.

This guy is good! Lol

LSF22 · 08-02-2012, 12:18 AM

^^

best post

/end

Not really racist! · 08-02-2012, 12:22 AM

welcome back v rossi

Durrann · 08-02-2012, 09:31 AM

v rossi back from vacay..lol

SolidPenguin · 08-02-2012, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

3. Oh, and she's white and I'm Asian. That's gonna set me back right?

I can tell you for a fact, that no, it won't.

But your lack of self confidence will. The other points that have already been posted is very good advice for you so I wont repeat them.

But just get the "I wont be able to do that" mentality out of your head. That's the only thing stopping you, and what have you got to lose?

v.Rossi · 08-02-2012, 06:56 PM

I forgot to mention chicks compete, if you're hoping to date her bestfriend you could potentially jeopardize their friendship. I don't know you're ego may get a good kick out of two chicks wanting you at the same time, but it'll get messy and crazy, and overall probably short-lived. In the end, simply not worth it.

If it's a bestfriend helping a friend, different story. You slept with one of them and she's still hanging around from 2 years ago. Friend or bestfriend or fuck buddy, you two kissed, grind, had/have sex, etc. I'm not hinting any indirect exclusiveness here, but actions speak louder than words. She has higher interest in you more than you do her, so like whatever doesn't mean you have to change hell no. What i'm trying to say is, there are plenty of other fucking fishes in the sea man.

If it was a chick friend helping another chick friend, different story. Don't make one friend jealous of another friend... In my cold heart something tells me that that's just wrong.

Drow · 08-02-2012, 08:29 PM

haha whiskey dick.

on a srs note, start working out

El Bastardo · 08-03-2012, 01:21 PM

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Is making a speech bad or good because I think I'm over preparing. But I'm going to do it. Let me know what you think:

We've hung out a few times, and I have a lot of fun. I was wondering if you would be interested in just the two of us going out. I know a lot of guys ask you out and they're usually douchebags but you've seen me at clubs and I don't randomly kiss or grind with random girls or go picking fights. I'm no Tom Daley, but I'm a nice guy who's a little obsessed with food, funny and sarcastic. Top five words I'd describe you is: kind, honest, generous, funny and easygoing. Other guys would say pretty and cute, but that's just icing on the cheese cake. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think this would be a good idea, but what do you say to coffee and maybe a donut? Soon.

nabs · 08-03-2012, 01:23 PM

making a speech is weird (especially describing her to herself is creepy), you are definitely over thinking it. just go up to her and ask say hey, i like hanging out with you, wanna go out?

don't get your expectations too high... expect the worst, hope for the best.

JKam · 08-03-2012, 01:53 PM

no one really puts icing on cheesecake...

seriously though, the speech is weird and not conversational at all.

etodac · 08-03-2012, 03:57 PM

Show up at her door and ask her out, minus the speech.

lowside67 · 08-03-2012, 04:39 PM

Shy about making the first move? Do the NAKED MAN and no words are necessary...

DanHibiki · 08-05-2012, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by v.Rossi

If she's white and your asian, don't think it'll set you back. Just don't have an asian mentality and say fuck in every sentence, but rather just a normal human being conversation. Leave the murse at home too.

Westernized chicks dig guys that can hold a conversation, well.

A good way to overcome your fear is to change the perspective to your favor. You're afraid of rejection here, where there are men out there fighting for our country. They're afraid of stepping on a landmine, while you're afraid of "sorry let's just be friends." Your fear now looks pretty petty, despite how much you think it's ever so frightening. That way it's not hyped up with pressure for you, but more like "meh, at least I didn't die from shrapnel."

A good way to lure her into a date is open ended questions about her. Chicks love talking about themselves, find what she does or likes to do. Seem intrigued, it works better when you genuinely care heh, and then word it to make it a mutual activity that you can possibly do together really just to get her number.

Confidence is subjective. If you can see yourself with her, then you can see yourself with her. Again change your perspective, when asking a chicks number instead of thinking how am I gonna get her number? Think, so what am I gonna do with that number once I get it. (Obviously, call, but you're thinking a step ahead and already foreseeing. Being ahead of the game is well, nice).

Confident persona with a hint of cocky, win. Cocky as in a smirkful/sarcastic humor presented in a non-hurtful classy way.

The more you talk, with hands, lips, etc. the more comfortable you'll be with the other party. Also remember, you don't wanna be the guy that agrees to everything. I can tell you a Scion XB looks like a circular car, I don't expect you to go "haha, yeah it kinda does." If you don't agree, don't fucking agree. Speak your mind it's how conversations are made, and you appear remotely interesting. It's why nice people are rather annoying sometimes, they agree to everything. Again, keep in mind of being open-minded(chicks also dig) and keeping conversations classy.

You hear men complaining that women don't appreciate a nice guy and prefer to be with jerks. Women are drawn to strength qualities in men first. Sensitivity and sweetness is appealing when added as dessert, but an entire meal of cake frosting is nauseating.

I love this analogy! I may have to borrow it some time dude!