REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum


Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-20-2012, 12:21 PM   #1
Official Texas Ambassador
 
El Bastardo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,333
Thanked 5,671 Times in 1,324 Posts
[Confidential] Did I blow my chance?

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

So I've been really into this girl I met on a project we were working on. We new we had chemistry but she told me right away she had a boyfriend. I respected that but I kept in contact with her...and we were texting A LOT. Until one day we met up and I went up to her and something was different; she kissed me. I found out that she had broken up with her boyfriend, and she was able to be with me...I was ecstatic.

She eventually stayed over and we had an AMAZING time. We were really into each other. But if I could say one thing about her, was that she was a little shy and prudish. Which was fine, I just wasn't used to what she was comfortable/not comfortable with. And it was hard to tell when she was being coy and playful, and actually not liking what we were doing. It all seemed similar to me.

So the next day we both went together to this wrap party for the project. Everyone knew I was into her, and people weren't surprised to see me with her. She had mentioned to me prior, firmly but nice, "don't be all over me at the wrap party", and of course my instinct was of course I wouldn't, I had no intention to and that would be weird and way too inappropriate.

So at the party, we sat next to each other, and talked and laughed together and with friends. At one point under the table I put my had near hers, and she grabbed it. I made a point not to grab hers in case she was uncomfortable. I ended up resting our hand on her leg, and that was the extent of it.

So towards the end of the night, she had to leave, she was ill and hadn't slept in a couple days. I understood she had to go, but I walked her outside where she was leaving with a friend.

This is where I feel shameful. I went to hug her goodbye and my hand just naturally went near her bum, which I thought was just a quick and playful thing to do, which I was doing plenty of the previous night. We also weren't in view of anyone in the party so I thought she might want to kiss a bit before she left. It was a new relationship, and I was really into her. We kissed a couple times and then she left, even though a couple times she said no and "I have to go".

It seemed when she left she was just like "oh, silly you, I have to go but I wish I could stay" and not "you made me really uncomfortable". I knew that she had to go, but I admit I wanted her to stay a bit too long, and I couldn't tell where the coyness ended and the actual discomfort began. Rather I wasn't paying attention.

And now I feel like a complete fucking scumbag who is clingy and womanizing and and idiot who won't listen to women.

Since then, I didn't hear from her all the next day, until the evening, and we were texting as usual, asking about each others day. Then I brought up my behaviour and apologized, and she admitted she was pissed off that night...especially just been getting out of a relationship with a total douchebag. We chatted a bit about it, and she appreciated my admission to fault and apology, and ended by saying things were fine.

I didn't hear from her at all yesterday after sending a text in the middle of the day just saying hi.

Now I feel like a total douchebag. I feel like she talked to all her friends about this who are telling her to run. The thing is, I know I'm not a bad person, and I admitted that I was out of line. But now it almost feels like in admitting that, that it provoked her to mull it over even more, and make up her mind about me before I even get to see her again.

I fucking hate texting about shit like that, and I can't stand that I haven't been able to talk on the phone or see her in person to discuss this. I'm in unbearable self-torture and depression right now and I don't know what to do.

I really like her and I know she was really into me. I feel like I let her down, and blew my chances. I'm so ashamed.

__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1 View Post
She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face.
El Bastardo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 12:49 PM   #2
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
Spoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: VAN/RMD/BBY
Posts: 2,594
Thanked 1,022 Times in 450 Posts
Don't act sticky/needy. Unfortunately, that's the exact vibe you're giving.
Spoon is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 07-20-2012, 01:06 PM   #3
Zombie Mod
 
Presto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Langley
Posts: 9,879
Thanked 5,166 Times in 1,550 Posts
You didn't blow your chance. You just caught her on the rebound, and she wised up.
__________________
Romans 10:9
Presto is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 07-20-2012, 01:24 PM   #4
I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Langley
Posts: 3,903
Thanked 3,221 Times in 1,214 Posts
If grabbing her ass is the real reason she doesnt want to see you anymore then you're better off. On a side note it amazes me how fast women can jump into something new after just breaking up with someone else.
MarkyMark is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 07-20-2012, 01:27 PM   #5
Ri2
Willing to stick a finger in a guys butt for the sake of science
 
Ri2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The Hood
Posts: 357
Thanked 253 Times in 103 Posts
Unbearable self-torture and depression? How much Drake have you been listening to lately?

Calm down.
You already texted saying hi. Let her come to you now (if she even wants to)

Maybe she isn't hitting you back cuz the sex and/or mouth wasn't right?
No hard feelings....... just part of the game.

It's tricky getting involved with people who just got out of a relationship..... you have to give them their space and do your thing. Be realistic about who you are to them and have no expectations because that is where your disappointment will stem from. Their actions speak louder than their words.... if they are active in your life, it's because they genuinely want to be.

Otherwise, keep it at she stayed over, you had a good time aaaand on to the next.
__________________
[19-07, 22:39] dinosaur i have felt up ri2 before
Ri2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 01:35 PM   #6
My homepage has been set to RS
 
dachinesedude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Richmond
Posts: 2,222
Thanked 1,207 Times in 432 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Presto View Post
You didn't blow your chance. You just caught her on the rebound, and she wised up.
^this

ive seen this a few times before, unfortunately you made a move way too soon, the next guy she goes out with will be the real deal sorry man
dachinesedude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 01:54 PM   #7
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: bedroom
Posts: 3,112
Thanked 3,492 Times in 1,176 Posts
I'm sorry.....why did you apologize? I don't think you did anything wrong.

Sounds like she is playing games and seeing as she just broke up with her boyfriend, I think you should just back off...if she is in to you, she will come to you.

Last edited by dinosaur; 07-21-2012 at 09:33 AM.
dinosaur is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 07-20-2012, 01:55 PM   #8
How I Mod your mother
 
!Yaminashi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,688
Thanked 977 Times in 477 Posts
I agree with above. I also think that if she's upset you wont let her leave or whatever she should say something. I hate when women pretend like nothing is wrong but hold it against you secretly.
__________________
Quote:
[19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
Quote:
[19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
!Yaminashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 02:05 PM   #9
無敵
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,319
Thanked 406 Times in 150 Posts
Like everyone else has been saying. Just give her the space for now, your post does sound a bit clingy and needy like some have already said.
Especially just coming out of a relationship, she might just be looking for a rebound to keep her mind off things.

You played your hand, now it's up to her to respond and decide what she wants to do. There's no point in waiting around for someone if they're just playing games.
__________________

muteki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 02:13 PM   #10
Ask me about killing a hobo and dumping his body in the river
 
EvoLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: YVR/PG
Posts: 617
Thanked 255 Times in 128 Posts
well i dunno if its your first or not ... atleast you didnt ask her online and never talk to her again until she found someone else.........
__________________
[18-02, 21:40] ICE BOY please come over and wrap me in your foreskin.
[18-10, 14:35] ZN6 Evo if you here: Say what your heart feels, cause those who matter don't mind, and those who mind shouldn't matter
[26-07, 14:46] ZN6 I gonna nibble on your scrotum

93 honda civic si (RIP)
2010 Evolution X (RIP)
2000 GMC Yukon XL SLT (RIP)
2003 GMC Yukon XL Denali (Overland build

2019 Kawasaki Ex 400(Summer Daily)
EvoLove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 03:01 PM   #11
vvd
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: BC
Posts: 143
Thanked 87 Times in 29 Posts
Like everyone has said, it sounds like you were a bit too clingy and you may have scared her off, to be honest. If she's not contacting you or anything on her own, chances are she might just be waiting for whatever you have between you guys to die off. If you message her or try to contact her any more you'll probably start to become a nuisance.

Sorry, bro. That sucks considering it sounds like you're really into her.
vvd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 03:14 PM   #12
My homepage has been set to RS
 
Teriyaki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,242
Thanked 1,386 Times in 547 Posts
Quote:
I hate when women pretend like nothing is wrong but hold it against you secretly.
This. Bad sign right there. Not to discredit how amazing she really might be but that is something to be aware of.

I agree with most others on this. Give her time. You've already shown her your cards, nothing left to really do except for let her to come back to you if she sees something there instead of being that quickie she had as a rebound.

Don't be clingy moss or else you'll end up as "that creepy guy that I went out with once. never again"
Teriyaki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 03:47 PM   #13
Revscene.net has a homepage?!
 
Glove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,243
Thanked 1,619 Times in 378 Posts
where the hell is jason's reply? well if he isnt gonna say it then I will,


Beta.

agree with the rest, relax man, you care too much, stop caring, a lot more and a lot hotter women out there
Glove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2012, 08:11 PM   #14
Need to Seek Professional Help
 
AW607's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Richmond
Posts: 1,006
Thanked 1,283 Times in 196 Posts
Trying to think of a fishing analogy but I can't
Just gotta lay back and not dwell on it too much. If she cares and knows you're better, she'll come back; but in the meantime just think of all the other options that are out there for you
AW607 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2012, 12:55 AM   #15
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: van
Posts: 125
Thanked 21 Times in 13 Posts
her rebound man....
heero78 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2012, 08:18 AM   #16
Banned By Establishment
 
Gridlock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: New West
Posts: 3,998
Thanked 2,982 Times in 1,135 Posts
This isn't an alpha/beta thing...and holy hell, I'm getting sick of that go to term(no offense)

It's a rebound thing. I don't think most people get the problem. So here's my theory.

It's not like a waiting period to buy a gun. There is no standard 3 weeks you need to wait before you can go and get yourself a new relationship. The amount of time needed is different for everyone.

What I have noticed, is that rebound people make the following mistakes:

1. Blinders.

I'm looking for someone completely different from my ex. You fit the bill. However, you have about 50 other things that don't work AT ALL, but I'm wearing blinders because that ONE thing that's different is really important, until I've done my waiting period and suddenly those 50 things are going to be as annoying as shit.

2. Transference

"My ex was always groping me and touching me, acting like a douche and making me feel like a trophy/property."

So that's him, right?

Wrong.

You make one bad move and suddenly you pay for his crimes. You didn't make one bad touch...you're the same douche! ALL men are assholes.

Oh. And we aren't in that same long-term relationship where I couldn't express my feelings, no, we just started, so I can feel free to let you hear ALL about it.

3. Bittersweet Memories

Was I too hasty? Maybe I should return his call? She just wants to hang out...as friends.

After a little time goes by, that ex that just had to go doesn't look so bad. She apologized. He said it will be different this time.

You are dropped as a bad experiment while officially single and they go off happily into the sunset. Or until the end it for real this time.

Before you get involved with someone that just recently got out of a relationship, these are the things that you need to think about.

I suspect that you touched a few nerves, but I don't think it was your crime.

If you acknowledge where it may be coming from, I think you'll do better to dissolve the issue than just a blanket apology.
Gridlock is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 07-22-2012, 12:20 AM   #17
Official Texas Ambassador
 
El Bastardo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,333
Thanked 5,671 Times in 1,324 Posts
The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Some really great support and advice, I appreciate all this guys.

My biggest frustration with all of this is that I can't TALK to her. Whether it be on the phone or in person for a bit, just to COMMUNICATE and talk things out. I'm learning quickly that it is not her style and it's annoying. She's hiding behind the comfort of text messaging; the ability to carefully construct every word and sentence ahead of time, and convey a certain tone through script. VERSUS just talking in real time and allowing conversation.

In my last relationship, I laid down the law about texting anything other than hello or flirting...as soon as it gets serious, it's trouble. But because this is a new thing, I haven't even had the chance to talk about that yet. Ugh.

So yesterday we texted a bit, some small talk here and there but otherwise seemed fine. She suggested maybe after work today we would meet up. So all day today, I had a great day on the water, and expected to hear from her. I checked in, asked what she was up to and she did the same. Then I mentioned coming by her work like we discussed. Aaaaaaand...NOTHING.

Yeah I'm getting pissed off, and I'm hurt. I know many posts of great advice here were to "not care", and I hear that, I do. I've done that in the past with girls, but I know it's because I wasn't into them as much.

This girl and I had an existing friendship, that evolved into something more, and really led believe something was going on. I'm not new to relationships, I've had many. I'm older now and I know what I want, and when things feel right. And to me it just doesn't make sense why the hell she ceased or limited her contact with me after on small incident that is underwhelmed by all the great things we talked about and said to each other the night before.

Gridlock, your post was very informed, and I think you hit it with Transference. All she needs is her girlfriends to hear her mild complaint to blow it out of proportion and make a direct link from her ex to me.

It's hard to not care when I'm led to believe one thing, and not that I'm TOLD something else; it's that COMMUNICATION ENDS and I'm left hanging, with my own mouse wheel of thoughts in my head that send me into dark places...
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1 View Post
She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face.
El Bastardo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-22-2012, 03:12 AM   #18
Say! Say! Say!
 
Razor Ramon HG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Japan
Posts: 15,228
Thanked 3,209 Times in 1,394 Posts
Ok, it's a wrap.

Fuck it.
__________________
Quote:
Owner of Vansterdam's 420th thanks. OH YEAUHHH.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 89blkcivic View Post
Did I tell you guys black is my favourite colour? My Ridgeline is black. My Honda Fit is black. Wish my dick was black........ LOL.
Razor Ramon HG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-22-2012, 03:15 AM   #19
rb
Network Admin Team
 
rb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 5,506
Thanked 1,532 Times in 534 Posts
I kinda know how you feel. You've been pushed away and you feel like its your fault but she wont give you a proper explanation. However, her texts are enough to keep you hanging around. Sorry man, she just might be crazy and her ex is probably one happy and relieved man right now. Leave the pieces on the floor and just slowly walk away.
rb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-22-2012, 04:38 AM   #20
Hacked RS to become a mod
 
SkinnyPupp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sunny Hong Kong
Posts: 52,224
Thanked 23,776 Times in 8,170 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkyMark View Post
If grabbing her ass is the real reason she doesnt want to see you anymore then you're better off. On a side note it amazes me how fast women can jump into something new after just breaking up with someone else.
Considering she was texting him "A LOT" while she was still with the other guy, I am not that surprised.

Seems like she likes to test the waters, even when she's in a relationship.
SkinnyPupp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-22-2012, 07:37 AM   #21
Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
 
BossFrancis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: LB Central
Posts: 847
Thanked 422 Times in 140 Posts
OP yeah it sucks these days, the modern age with technology. There was this girl I liked and she was like the same, she didn''t like talking on the phone and it was a tad bit awkward face to face. Texting really leads to nowhere so if you're into her maybe drop by her workplace unexpectedly in a non creepy manner and have lunch or something and talk this over or get her to be more comfortable around you.

P.S. I liked grabbing her ass part
BossFrancis is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:04 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
Revscene.net cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of Revscene.net