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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ironforge
Posts: 170
Thanked 37 Times in 12 Posts
Jealousy
Being a jealous guy, i over think really easily.. It all began almost a year ago, i was picking up my GF from university and usually we would hold hands while im driving, but this one day she would always let go of my hand and use two hands to text. Its not that common for her to recieve texts constantly or for her to text constantly. Didnt really bother me much, just shruged it off. We decided to eat at red robins on broadway and oak. while ordering, waiting for food, she still couldnt keep her hands off her phone. so i finally asked her, who is she texting? she then told me it was someone she met today Being herself, when she saids "someone" it usually means a guy. So i was pretty pissed that she rather spend her time texting this guy and not spending time with me when i sacarficed my time to pick her up... We had a huge arguement and eventually we solved it.
Next week or so, she would do this again on the way back from university, but this time not as constant. She was hungry so we got take out from and i asked her if anyone asked for her number today as a joke.. She then said yes and gave him her number so that lead to another arguement..
fast forward
last week she woke up late and rushed to work. She texts me saying shes hungry and im like make something small to drink or eat at work. I dont know why, she then flipped and said she'll text me later...i was only trying to help.. anyways today we were just talking about random stuff and that it seems like she treats her friends better than she treats me (including the first guy she gave her number to at university). shes denies it so we went over her texts with that guy from university and on that same day she got pissed at me cause she woke up late, she was having a friendly chat with him about sending food to her thru the phone......
that got me really worried and overly jealous and for some reason i just got concerned since school was starting for her again. I tried to ask her not to give out her number so easily, but it seems like it was really hard for her to not. we eventually came to an agreement that if its only school related since in university, u need to depend on other people to pass the course?? Being the jealous guy i am, i went further into details and brought up the first guy she gave her number to. i remember one of the texts on the first day was like asking where she lives and what shes eating for dinner.. so i asked her if that was "school related".. eventually she admit she was looking for friendship too.. then her excuse about not spending time with me during that drive to red robins & while waiting for the food was because texting a "new" person is really fun.. So i asked her if im boring and shes like " no,u are fun, but just texting a new person is more fun"...how fun could it be unless theyre flirting?.. right now im scared and jealous that shes going to make more "guy" friends and treat them better than she treats her own bf and possibly lead to more than jsut friends.. And she has hid stuff from me before, but never cheated on me or flirted with another guy. Should i be concerned and worried or not??
you just need to trust her and not overthink if you want this relationship to work, if this jealousy can't be controlled and you stop trusting her then you might as well end it here because there is no real relationship without trust
This seems really bizarre to me. Would your gf mind if you started asking random women for numbers and texting them? Whether or not your gf talks to these men for school or friendship, I seriously doubt that those men have the exact same objectives and nothing more. If it's only for school, then sure, but a man asking a random woman for her number just because he only wants to be friends and nothing more? Okay.
your girl is just keeping her options open. There is really nothing you can do, being jealous and overprotective isn't gonna make her stop. She is either gonna dump your ass or do it behind your back anyways.
Just ignore her, work on yourself make her see that she already has the best option there is and she better treasure it. Know your bottom line and make sure she knows your bottom line if she dare to hit it than make sure you live up to your words.
A girl does not like someone who is so over protective. You might as well keep her in a box for yourself. Learn to sway away from being the jealous type. Improve on yourself when she isn't there and stop being so easily bugged about the smallest things.
Not being to hold her hand and you have such a big reaction. What if she said no to sex? What would you do?
Relax, don't be so concerned and definitely don't overreact
Remember, if you can't trust her, at least trust yourself.
Uve already stated that it bothers u when she gives out her number that easily to new guys, and that talkin to them about none school related stuff isnt cool. But shes continueing to do so, so ur only option is to trust her now cause the jealously thing is only gonnna drive her away and make her mad at u in turn. Everyone knows those guys only intention is to get into ur gfs pants, thats obvious. Personally what i would do is try and treat her alil better and either fake talking to another girl or do it for real and see how she likes it. Cause imo shes already crossing the line alil bit by flirting with another guy over txt cause it may lead to something.
has your gf made sure to point it out that she has a bf? that's my question and as said up above, the flirting is a big nono, no matter what she says about it being fun..
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You Can't Change What You Don't Acknowledge
reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
Join Date: Mar 2004
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LOL she is keeping her options open. Why would any girl or anyone just gives their phone number out to random guys/girls lol. If it is her classmate for project then I don't see an issue.
What you need to do is don't be so over protective. Dont keep texting her. Like only text her once every few days to make plans, don't answer her text right away. Show her that you have a social life without her. Also sometimes let her text you first. Girls are like that the more you ingore them the more they want you.
who the fuck do you think you are by saying who she should give her number away. That's just epic gay of you and hey, even your title says JEALOUSY, maybe you need to ask us how to SOLVE your jealousy issues instead of being so hard on your gf?
what you DO have a right to be mad is how she treats you. The ONLY thing you can tlak about is "I do not feel comfortable when we are having dinner and you're fucking texting"
it's rude and it's disrespectful. You on the other hand hvae to not text also.
lastly, stop being the good guy in the relationship, have her DRIVE, have her MAKE you food also. The day you stop being her bitch maybe the day when you get some attention back.
who the fuck do you think you are by saying who she should give her number away. That's just epic gay of you and hey, even your title says JEALOUSY, maybe you need to ask us how to SOLVE your jealousy issues instead of being so hard on your gf?
what you DO have a right to be mad is how she treats you. The ONLY thing you can tlak about is "I do not feel comfortable when we are having dinner and you're fucking texting"
it's rude and it's disrespectful. You on the other hand hvae to not text also.
lastly, stop being the good guy in the relationship, have her DRIVE, have her MAKE you food also. The day you stop being her bitch maybe the day when you get some attention back.
Her BF, chill out bro. This sort of thing I feel is allowed in relationships, I don't see it as a jealousy thing... more like a code of relationship conduct, either way, she has agreed to it. I myself don't set these sort of limits, but I feel it's understandable.
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You Can't Change What You Don't Acknowledge
You need to start giving less shit about who she meets at school.
She needs to start learning some etiquette when she hangs out with you. Texting a guy is not the problem. Its that she is pre-occupied with her phone while she is out having dinner or whatever with you. I consider that rude and disrespectful of my time.
Just reading from what you wrote though, it seems like she only seeks you for food or ride?. When you replied with "go cook yourself", she goes apeshit? All of while she is having fun texting with other guys...
I'm not sure if it is you being jealous so much as it is her being pretty damn rude.
Yeah, you may have some jealousy 'issues', but I don't necessarily think that is the problem here. I seems that she is being a little disrespectful of you and your relationship. Although I am not a proponent of arguments, instead of focusing on you being jealous, focus on her being rude and disrespectful.
This is what I've gathered from reading your post:
1) She's keeping her options open
2) She clearly doesnt give a shit about what your concerns
3) She doesnt give a shit about your time together
4) She hasn't let any of the dudes she's met know she has a bf
If a girl is obviously keeping her options open and then LYING to you about it, is that the sort of girl you really want to be spending your time with?
She can't be that naive and actually believes this dude wants her number so they can go shopping/study together.
In my honest opinion, you should save yourself the trouble and get rid of her.
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[19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
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[19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
Unfortunately, you need to be more casual about your relationship. You need to do this for two reasons:
1. By not crowding her and being 'over protective', it'll ease up the tension in the relationship so you guys can work on more important stuff.
2. You won't be as hurt when she leaves you.
edit: after re-reading the part about the 'steak through the phone', she's either a) stupid and naive, or b) evil. That's flirting, and she should know it.
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I searched for truth, and all I found was You
eventually she admit she was looking for friendship too.. then her excuse about not spending time with me during that drive to red robins & while waiting for the food was because texting a "new" person is really fun.. So i asked her if im boring and shes like " no,u are fun, but just texting a new person is more fun"
That says it all right there.
Rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful. Do you want your SO to treat you like that?
if you cant trust her what the hell is the point of being with her. give her space, don't be overbearing. Let her do as she wishes but just don't be too spineless to break shit off with her if she is in fact going beyond just texting other guys.
This girl is bad news. I don't think she's cheating on you ..yet. She even gave you a heads up, and said she likes talking to new guys becauses she's bored, and its exciting. Well guess what.. Those are the exact same reason a woman cheats, especially after being married.
I get the impression she is a cheating time bomb. If start talking to women with the intention of making her jealous, that will backfire. When push comes to shove, she knows your weakness (jealousy) and she will kick you in the balls with it.
She obviuosly doesn't respect you as a bf, as she's doing things which she knows bother you.
There isn't a clear cut way to handle her. I would focus on yourself. Workout. Make new friends (females - but don't tell her. She obvs has no problem not telling you).
Also, learn to distance yourself, for when and if that day comes, you can brush her off your shoulders and move on.
She also sounds like a spoiled girl that craves attention. If you ignore her on purpose, and to 'teach her a lesson', this will also backfire. She doesn't respect you, and pretty much has you wrapped around her pinky.
Picking a girl up, making her dinner, giving her the world, nothing wrong with that. IF the girl deserves it.
If I were in your shoes, I'd man up, and start working on a plan B.
reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 10,645
Thanked 2,191 Times in 1,131 Posts
I hate it when ppl text during dinner.
I went to a speed dating event once, and there is this girl who just keeps texting. Doesn't care about the guys that's she is chatting with. When it was my turn the first thing I ask was "Do you find talking to other ppl while texting to be rude?" LOL So she wasn't really happy about it. But hey you are there to meet new people, texting to your friends alll night isn't exactly meeting new ppl and I can't beleive the guys put up with it......
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ironforge
Posts: 170
Thanked 37 Times in 12 Posts
Sorry if i didnt make it clear, but shes only giving out her number to people in her class who ask. Also she actually does let other people know that she has a bf, well thats how we solved the first arguement by telling her to let them know shes taken.. And the way she talked to that guy about the steak, she saids thats how she talks to other friends including some girls. It may not seem like flirting to her but to me it does. Also i do not plan on talking to other girls to make her jealous and stuff. Please dont say "get rid of her" or "dump her" because i really love this girl and i would do anything to keep us together. I hope she would do the same too. So thats why im here asking for help and seeing what ur thoughts are so i can improve and stop being jealous.
You can't stop being jealous because that who you are as a person.
I think it's unrealistic to think you can change someone's behaviour while in a relationship. People change by themselves and not as a result of prodding by someone else.
You seem to be inexperienced when it comes to relationships - you may think you love this woman, but I think you're infatuated because she is likely physically attractive. It's hard to withdraw, but at your age and considering that you're in school, the majority of women are attractive and fun to be around. You just need to find one that is attractive and wants to be in a relationship on your terms.
Sorry if i didnt make it clear, but shes only giving out her number to people in her class who ask. Also she actually does let other people know that she has a bf, well thats how we solved the first arguement by telling her to let them know shes taken.. And the way she talked to that guy about the steak, she saids thats how she talks to other friends including some girls. It may not seem like flirting to her but to me it does. Also i do not plan on talking to other girls to make her jealous and stuff. Please dont say "get rid of her" or "dump her" because i really love this girl and i would do anything to keep us together. I hope she would do the same too. So thats why im here asking for help and seeing what ur thoughts are so i can improve and stop being jealous.
Spoiler!
i'll be straight up honest with you. it'll be a matter of time before she leaves you. how do i know? i was in a similar situation. not detail for detail, but close enough.
she begins the constant back and forth flirt texting because she's interested, or he shows interest, or both. even when you're around, she'll do it, because she can't get enough of it. why? because she's actually interested. she won't notice what she's doing until you point it out to her. immediately she'll defend herself. telling you they're just friends, blah blah blah. but the moment you point it out, security system activates and she's slightly more cautious. which is why you've noticed she's done it a little less, but is still continuing. it upsets you, but by now you kinda get the hint that something is going on.
of course when you talked, she'll tell you that she told them she has a bf, but is that her exact words? or did she twist it in a way that has her options still open? think of it this way, all she has to do is tell you that they're just friends, to try and get you to relax. i mean, she has you already, so its not like she has to fight to keep you around. she can just say the right things to keep you strung on. (ie. i'm hungry, come drive me. and you do. if you say something like make something to eat, she immediately gets mad, because thats not the treatment she's used to) and on the flip side, she can flirt all she wants with the guy, and get to know them, and gauge just how much this other guy will do for her, how much happier she is, and basically, fully explore that option while twisting the whole "i have a bf" line, to sounding like maybe "oh i'm seeing someone, but its not serious" or maybe "we're on a break" or something that gives that guy some hope that if he plays his cards right, he'll get her. its a win win for her because during this phase, theres 2 people giving her all this attention.
with you being unhappy, and "insecure" about this, you're just digging yourself the grave. because inadvertently, you're pushing her away, because from the way it sounds, she's bored, nothing is "fresh" in the relationship. nothing to keep that spark going. which is why she says "you're fun. but he's funner to talk to" she stroked your ego by confirming to you that yes you are fun. but if you really look at it... she's saying that you've gotten boring and this new person is more interesting. the more you try to hang onto her by restricting her, the more she'll want to break free, making it that much easier for this other guy or guys.
what can i suggest to you? well, i'll be honest, when this kind of thing was happening to me, i kept trying to hang onto her, kept trying to keep her happy, but soon, you'll notice when its futile. so the only thing that i can really suggest, is to get ready to let it go, because from the sounds of it, she will leave you sooner or later.
(this is just me comparing the signs i see in your original post and what i've experienced. good luck, but stay strong. the more you bend over backwards for her even when she's not paying much attention to you, the more it'll hurt. you can argue that well if you don't try she's as good as gone, but the way i see it, she's already halfway there)
sorry long read
edit : adding tl;dr
op situation similar to my own situation that happened.
-she shows interest in someone/someone shows interest in her/combination of both
unconcious of her actions, continues even in your face
-when you point it out, she defends self, making excuses and security tightens
*you then notice she does it less, but still continues. you get the hint somethings up
-she assures you the guys know she has a bf, and anything to calm you down because thats what you want to hear
*reality: she might twist the words around to keep new guy at arms length and holding on
**reason: she has you. but she also has him. she has nothing to lose, everything to gain. you're both strung onto her
-jealousy digs your grave. you're pushing her away.
*the more you hold onto her in a jail, the more she'll want to break free
-its futile. give it up. she'll leave sooner or later.
*from sounds of it, she's already halfway gone
-harder you try, more it hurts
-don't try, nothing changes.
-op in a lose lose situation with how the girl is treating him
Women that absolutely always need to have something fresh and exciting will be single forever. Like I said before, real women know what they want and understand a relationship takes work to last, not skittles and flirty text messages.
You need a woman. Not a girl.
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Quote:
[19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
Quote:
[19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
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