REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

jameswift · 09-08-2012, 12:35 AM

Long story and wouldn't mind some opinions.

I won't bother with the past however I will mention that I was in a relationship that lasted quite some time. The last few years were on and off and I was not happy. This person has made a very strong choice to break it off and after I was making the effort to try and work it out, they were the one that left.

It was 6 months later that I met someone that I feel very strongly about. We're both over 30 and we've had enough time to know that we want to be together as in have a family and all that kind of stuff.

Here is where things go horribly wrong.

My ex is 100% bent on making my life hell. She wants nothing to do with me but she also wants to make sure nobody else does either. She's made a very strong effort to try and cause trouble.

The issue is that I found out tonight, while logging into my email account, that strategic emails are missing (all of the emails from the current person I've been seeing). Now my ex knows this persons name, where they live, where they work, the conversations we've had along with the personal conversations and of course her contact info.

I'm upset because I know for sure, there will be phone calls/text/emails directed towards the new person and I know exactly what it will be about. It will be designed to break us apart and I know my ex will go as far as to get her friends to make comments, send old pictures of us when we were together, maybe even show up at her work trying to tell her to listen to her and that I'm such a horrible person etc.

It's not so much that I'm worried for this person's safety, but I don't think it's fair for this new person in my life to have to deal with this. She has done nothing wrong at all. She is such a fantastic person and she's going to be subjected to this horrible experience as a result of my past.

Out of love and true compassion, I almost feel like letting go. I don't want this person to be hurt or have to suffer because of me and it sucks a lot.

I'm also scared that while untrue, my ex will find a way to get her way and break us apart. No current partner should have to or want to deal with that kind of behavior.

My ex has already done a lot of very horrible things to make my life difficult including property damage and saying a lot of horrible things about me to business contacts, work, friends, others. Her goal it would seem is to destroy any part of my life that seems to be going well.

I've thought that maybe I should tell the current girl to just tell my ex that we're broken up and that she is not interested in discussing things further if she tries and contacts her but then I'm asking her to lie and then what is that saying about things?

I'm just upset that I finally meet someone that's awesome and then I'm probably going to lose them because of some nuts person who's bent on making my life hell.

She's smart too. Shes the type that would email someone and say "I don't want to cause any trouble but I feel you should know that while you were seeing him, we were still together. I just wanted you to know because I don't want him to hurt you the way he hurt me. He may be nice on the surface but etc etc etc."

Is it an ex so she knows a lot about me and could easily bend the truth to cause trouble. Of course, all of the above would be total BS but how is the new person suppose to feel?

The part that makes me mad is that my ex is the one that broke up with me!! She's the one that said I'm done with you... now she's acting like this and going crazy.

Seriously FML

Prolowtone · 09-08-2012, 02:19 AM

dude... if a girl didnt have feelings for you still, she would have no reason to fuck with your life..... Unless you did something bad to hurt her. So short answer, tell her that she left you regardless of how she feels and that she needs to move on with her life. She will still pull shit for a few weeks but should fuck off if she doesnt get a reaction.

Key thing is to discus this with your current GF so she will have an idea of whats to come.

impulseX · 09-08-2012, 04:58 AM

question....
how does your ex still have access to your account? shouldn't that have been changed when you guys broke up??

Matlock · 09-08-2012, 07:08 AM

^Exactly what I was thinking.

OP - Change your passwords, phone numbers, everything. Sounds like you need to really completely amputate your ex out of your life. No half measures.

too_slow · 09-08-2012, 07:18 AM

Is there any documented proof on the slandering with your business partners? If you can prove that you have lost clients, etc because of her actions, then it may be possible to sue.

vvd · 09-08-2012, 08:15 AM

Definitely tell the new girl what she might be in for so she can decide for herself whether she wants to leave or deal with what might happen.

As for the ex, I agree with the people above. Change your number, passwords, etc. etc. ASAP. I wouldn't worry or do anything else until she makes a move. After all, what you think she's going to do is all speculation. If she does do anything then sit her down and have a serious talk with her. Also, make sure to keep everything that can be used as evidence.

If things get really bad take it to court. Or file a restraining order.

Gridlock · 09-08-2012, 08:50 AM

Ok...correct me if I'm wrong here, but...

There are things that your ex knows that you would not want your current partner to know about. I'm assuming there was a little crossover in dating timelines between the two?

Here's what I've come up with over the years. Everyone thinks that love and hate are a linear path, with love being opposite to hate on a spectrum, and I think this is wrong. I think love and hate is on a continuous circle, with love right next to hate. And as two people start out on their journey together around that circle, and end the relationship, they find that its so easy to jump across to hate because its right there.

I've been in relationships myself. I've wronged people. I've been wronged. First, you need to acknowledge your own mistakes, and accept them. That is the only way to learn from them. And this is key, its the only way to take away their power.

And right now, they have power-over you, over your new girl and over your life. You can't write the crazy ex off as just that-a crazy ex, because the words she can say have meaning.

So what do you do? First, you need to get to a point where you acknowledge that it wasn't her that was a crazy bitch, it was both of you in a crazy relationship. You did things wrong, and so did she. You guys didn't work. You made the college try, and in the end broke up.

And here's the hard part. You need to mean it. If you were kind of dating girl#2(I'm assuming...it doesn't really matter to me) then you need to acknowledge that that was wrong.

Next, you should apologize to the ex. Hey...maybe she's bat shit insane. Maybe she's just hurt. Maybe she doesn't know how to move on. Who knows, who cares. You don't-you are past it. You aren't looking for a victory here remember, and this isn't that one last fight that you want to win. Remember, in step 1, you took ownership for your mistakes and that is ALL that you need to focus on.

And finally, you need to tell your current gf that you were in a crazy relationship and unfortunately, here are the things that are happening, and it could include you. In my past relationship, I made some mistakes-mistakes that I don't want to repeat or have as skeletons in my past.

And what happens?

First, your ex has nothing she can say that is going to accomplish what she wants to accomplish, so her words become spam. Next, you've given her the one thing that she needs, whether she knows it or not-closure. She wasn't the "bitch", and she wasn't alone. And if she feels the need to continue hounding you at that point, then that's her drama, not yours.

And finally, your new relationship is based on a new foundation of truth.

Uncomfortable conversations? Fuck yeah. Better for them? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Soundy · 09-08-2012, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vvd

Definitely tell the new girl what she might be in for so she can decide for herself whether she wants to leave or deal with what might happen.

This. If this girl feels as strongly for you as you seem to feel for her, then she should be be able to decide whether she's up for the fight, or whether she wants you to keep it away from her. Who knows, she may be one of those strong chicks that just loves a challenge from the bitch ex

Either way, don't sell her short - she's probably a lot more thick-skinned than you think. Tell her what you told us about the ex so she knows what to expect.

And like Gridlock says, if you're planning to have a REAL relationship with this person, then you need to be able to tell her everything - the good AND the bad. If you've made mistakes in the past... OWN THEM. If she's the right one, she'll still love you anyway - after all, these things are in the past, they're part of who you are.

Mr.HappySilp · 09-08-2012, 11:25 AM

Tell your current gf about this. And if your ex does do something crazy open a file with the police.

I work in tech support and we have had a few Police requesting our customer's info because there were threats, sexually harassment etc etc through E-mails. I wouldn't say much but some of the incidents sounded like what's happening to you now and I can tell you the police do take these very seriously. That's assuming your ex is sending your current gf harassment E-mails. As for showing up at your current gf's work place well that can be handle by the security guard or again contact the police.

Unless your ex is really crazy she will know to back off when the police is involve.

achiam · 09-08-2012, 10:37 PM

1.) Obtain electronic/paper/video/audio proof of her slander.
2.) Sue for damages.
3.) Profit!

gumnny · 09-09-2012, 05:31 PM

does she has your revscene login ? she probably reading your post and going to fuck us all up whoever responsed

Soundy · 09-09-2012, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gumnny

does she has your revscene login ? she probably reading your post and going to fuck us all up whoever responsed

Maybe she knows people who know people! :noob:

MindBomber · 09-09-2012, 05:53 PM

Your EX's actions remind me of the OP's of another tread, which oddly enough received many thanks: http://www.revscene.net/forums/67320...instantly.html.

What's good for the goose, is good for the gander, right?

I don't know why people feel the need to take revenge against ex's, like ending the relationship isn't enough.

I would be completely upfront and honest with your current girlfriend. You're both mature adults, so she should understand that the ex's actions are completely out of your control and not hold it against you. I'm sure your gf will find the situation frustrating, but unless things escalate even further I don't think it will jeopardize the relationship.

Ri2 · 09-09-2012, 06:36 PM

be upfront with her about this and admit to her if there is anything that you consider that you could have done better in the past situation. admitting your faults can indicate awareness and growth. you have to at least give her a chance to choose and do what she feels is right. by letting go of it right away, you're robbing her of that choice and yourself of the opportunity.

if your new chick likes you as much as you like her, then she will stay.
granted that you're older, she will have a clear idea of what she is getting herself into and will realize her choice to stay is her risk and hers alone.

people make mistakes, we're not all saints. if we were all to swear off dating people who fucked with other people in the past (on or not on purpose), there'd be no one left to date, lol.

good luck!

jameswift · 09-10-2012, 03:48 PM

Thanks for your comments.

I had changed everything from my #'s to my passwords. The problem was I left the window open at my home. They came in, managed to get into the computer and get some information. They also took my car.

When I came home from holidays, my car was gone.

I was going to call the cops and pretty much ruin this person's life. They would have been charged and convicted of auto theft. Not sure if the fact that car is worth a lot of money makes it more serious but either way, it would have finished their life.

I decided I did not want to do this. I did not want to make a huge mess of things and do this. We all make mistakes and when our emotions are running high, we do silly things.

The current gf is fully aware of this as she was the one that said "where is the hell is your car?" I had to sit down and explain the situation.

As for me making mistakes in my previous relationship, I made plenty. I do not make myself out to be an angel. I did a lot of destructive things, lied about a lot of things, and overall just caused a lot of problems.

I learned from it. Moved on and that's that.

There was no overlap between this girl and the last. There was plenty of time. Sometimes people just get pissed off when they see someone move on before they do. I tend to take things VERY hard, go into a mode where I want to kill myself. When I come out of the woods, I'm fine.

Despite all this, I don't really think my ex is a bad person. Our relationship was damaging to both of us and it's for the better we have gone our separate ways.

I have a lot of evidence if I wanted to bury her but I don't. What for? What do I gain out of getting all worked up. I just want to be happy and want the same for her. If I let my emotions run wild it's easy for any of us to act "crazy" or "nuts". Lets face it, emotions are crazy things.

jackmeister · 09-10-2012, 03:52 PM

she broke into your house, jacked your car, read your emails. and you're gonna let that go?

I completely understand you brushing off the slander, but stealing is crossing the line. You should at least call ICBC to get the car...

iam_dan · 09-10-2012, 04:22 PM

i had something similar happen to me.
my ex tried to break my girlfriend and i up.
she did this through trying to become friends with my girlfriend, play the sympathy card, telling her i treated her like a piece of shit, phoned my gf saying she was going to commit suicide, and of course, described our past sex life in detail.

it was pretty shitty to deal with but we're in the clear now. the ex has given up. i forwarned my gf that my ex had planned and her intentions. asides from that, all i did was treat my girlfriend well and was always true to my word.

Glove · 09-10-2012, 04:47 PM

What kinda fuckin women do you people date?

When you guys break up, and the ex starts going bat shit crazy, have you ever tried reasoning with them?

Just ask them why they are trying so hard to mess with your life, whats the point?

Mr.HappySilp · 09-10-2012, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jameswift

Thanks for your comments.

I had changed everything from my #'s to my passwords. The problem was I left the window open at my home. They came in, managed to get into the computer and get some information. They also took my car.

When I came home from holidays, my car was gone.

I was going to call the cops and pretty much ruin this person's life. They would have been charged and convicted of auto theft. Not sure if the fact that car is worth a lot of money makes it more serious but either way, it would have finished their life.

I decided I did not want to do this. I did not want to make a huge mess of things and do this. We all make mistakes and when our emotions are running high, we do silly things.

The current gf is fully aware of this as she was the one that said "where is the hell is your car?" I had to sit down and explain the situation.

As for me making mistakes in my previous relationship, I made plenty. I do not make myself out to be an angel. I did a lot of destructive things, lied about a lot of things, and overall just caused a lot of problems.

I learned from it. Moved on and that's that.

There was no overlap between this girl and the last. There was plenty of time. Sometimes people just get pissed off when they see someone move on before they do. I tend to take things VERY hard, go into a mode where I want to kill myself. When I come out of the woods, I'm fine.

Despite all this, I don't really think my ex is a bad person. Our relationship was damaging to both of us and it's for the better we have gone our separate ways.

I have a lot of evidence if I wanted to bury her but I don't. What for? What do I gain out of getting all worked up. I just want to be happy and want the same for her. If I let my emotions run wild it's easy for any of us to act "crazy" or "nuts". Lets face it, emotions are crazy things.

I think you are pretty crazy. If anyone breaks into my house and steals my car (even just something small) I would have call the cops right away.

There are a fine line between being nice and doing what's best to protect yourself and those you love.

miss_crayon · 09-11-2012, 02:59 PM

Actually, if anything you can report her for harassment if she is gonna be making a scene and putting a bad name out there for you. Maybe get a restraining order against her as it's probably the least you could do if she's stealing your car and shit.

You're right, emotions can be a crazy thing when it comes to bad relationships but she seems like she has zero boundaries as to what is normal angry vs effed up angry. She seems to be in the effed up angry category.

Also, an ex shouldnt be calling, stalking your new gf, reading your emails for that matter. And if you think there's a chance she would go show up at your gf's work/somewhere and tell her lies about you...there must be a reason why you'd even come up with that in the first place.

GLOW · 09-11-2012, 03:07 PM

sorry but if someone breaks in to my house, steals my shit, steals my car...i don't care how much of an ass i was...i'm calling the cops...

lets say 5 years from now you're married, have a little baby, life is awesome. she decides to break in your house while your wife & baby are home asleep or carjacks your wife while your baby is in the car...

your actions or lack there-of, can come to haunt you and those around you that you love down the line...might sound extreme but that's my 2 cents...

gotta draw the line somewhere...for some people it needs to be a bright flashing neon sign that say stay the fuck away. if you're no good for each other you both shouldn't have anything to do with each other - including breaking the law.

Psykopathik · 09-12-2012, 11:56 AM

don't stick your dick in crazy.

OP is not telling the whole story.

She's done all this shit and yet you don't call the cops? feel guilty?

you must have fucked your EX over bad.

Phozy · 09-12-2012, 02:06 PM

...still whipped?

Let me get this right... you're letting her go for stealing some of your info, your car, talked shit about you and your new gf, and who knows what else?

Confront her or call the police.

Matlock · 09-12-2012, 02:59 PM

Uh, wouldn't it be a good idea just to file a police report just in case things escalate and your ex-gf does something even worse?

The only reason to not file a police report would be if you were to enact your own form of justice without involving the law. In other words, something equally or more illegal.

PUPPY · 09-14-2012, 11:41 AM

let me get this straight
your ex broke into your house and stole your car and you decided not tocall the cops?
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