[Confidential] Falling for them TOO fast

[El Bastardo]

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

Hi, everyone..
I have just noticed something odd about my thoughts, and I think, personally, it is affecting me in quite a negative way. The problem is whenever I meet a girl, I get too excited, not that that's bad (maybe it is).. But I "fall" for them too fast, it's hard to explain but whenever I meet someone, I think how perfect they are, and dream about dating her and how the relationship would look like if we have one.

So basically, its a "crush" like if I met girl A last week, I would spend all week (all the time) thinking about her and how I want us to be together, etc. Then, the next week I meet girl B and sort of forget about girl A and move onto thinking about girl B. But when I met girl A for the first time, I try to spend as much time with her as possible, maybe b/c I think it's rare to find a girl like that, but I think it just doesn't work well in the end because the conversations start to get boring, maybe she even gets creeped out?

It's weird, usually I've just brushed this and with some girls I just wanna be friends, nothing more. Is this thought process normal? I don't get it, doesn't seem normal to me.. So confused, what can I do to stop these weird thoughts, I feel like I am "easy" to fall in love, and I hate it. Also, random question but is it's not good to spend TOO much time with her right?

For example I was hanging with a girl yesterday after class for 1 hr-1 1/2? I just didn't want to leave but consequentially the convo got sorta boring and dry, and we had nothing to talk about, lots of silences.. She probably thinks I'm boring now -_-

Thanks for the help!

[dinosaur]

you are confusing lust for love and you are holding these girls to too high of a standard so when they do something 'wrong' in your eyes...you are over it and move on to your next infatuation.

slow down, focus on yourself, figure out what you really want, and realize that you may just be craving attention.

[guddagudd]

It happens to a lot of people at first, just go out there and meet more girls, and you'll stop putting so much attention and focus onto one girl. When you start meeting more people in general, you'll stop putting them on such high pedestals.

[Gerbs]

I know how you feel.

[Mr.HappySilp]

You need the no fap challenege......
Have you dated anyone before? I ask becasue it seems you haven't dated anyone so you are having all these impossible standards for the girls or you are too exicted as soon as one girl start talking to you.
Go slow and meet other ppl at the same time.

[z3german]

I do the exact same thing, and im in a 4+ year relationship with someone who i consider a very serious candidate for putting a ring on.

I just made a thread "Male Minds" yesterday which concerns exactly what I was feeling. You are lucky that you are single that you can actually take action rather than just lay around all day trying to figure out what the fuck does your current relationship mean to you.

Before yesterday I was thinking about this girl all last week, everyday I thought of her, in the morning I think, in class I see her through the corner of my eye, after school (now even) I think about her. Its exhausting, and distracting, yet the difference for me is that I am in a good relationship and you have none.

So my advice, next girl you feel like that dont wait around like a pussy trying to make things work by talking to her constantly etc etc. Fucking take charge, grow some balls, dont talk to her so much so that on the third or so meet ask her out on a date, use those dates to get to know her rather than just getting to know her just as any other friend would. Get rejected? Fuck it! You must be a fairly good looking guy because you said you actually do talk to these girls for at least a week before the conversation dies down, it dies down because shes bored, you have to crawl into those uncomfortable positions so that she can open up more to you.

Once you make one the girls yours, im sure you will forget about other girls for at least a few months. For me it was 2ish years before i felt the lust feeling for other girls, yet im still with her 4+ years later and im feeling the same feelings again. That honey moon stage of the relationship is such a great time, I envy you that you can make it happen right now if you wanted to.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Dinosaur: I get what you're saying, as lust for love. But I think it's a very SMALL form of lust, eg. I don't think sexually about it, it's just those romantic thoughts.. I honestly don't know what I want, I guess, maybe that's why every girl seems perfect to me. And it's not that she does something wrong that I move on, it's just I meet another person and she's "better" than the last one..

guddagudd: It's hard man, especially out here in first year uni.. Making friends is hard enough as it is, let alone meeting women..


Mr. HappySilp: I don't fap dude, and no I haven't dated anyone. I'm too scared to ask girls out on a date, because in the past it always ended with disappointments (rejection), and me being hurt. I'm really scared of getting hurt like I did before...

z3german: Oh I just read your thread, seems you're bored of your gf? You should reconnect with her somehow, cause that isn't healthy right? Or spend time away from her so you miss her? Idk, I'm obviously horrible at this stuff haha.. Wait, wait so what do you mean by "don't talk to her as much"?, I don't talk to her that much tbh.. Cause she's just interested in "meeting new ppl", and I guess I'm just another one of those many people she's befriended. And yeah the date thing really scares me, I have been disappointed way too much as I've stated before and I fear getting hurt again. Haha nah man, I just talked to her for an hour or two constantly but then it started to get really stale, and silent.. Wish I left earlier though to avoid it. This was yesterday, when I met her, didn't talk to her after that. What's the frequency with which I talk to girls, how often/how less? As you said "Not as much"? Lol, I can?! I'm not good with girls as you can see, or else I would be dating by now. But seriously bro, I hope shit works out for you, it always does in the end.

[tiger_handheld]

was a camp councellor at one point in my life and a quote stuck with me -

"kill it before it dies"

ie. Playing tag: end it right after the high point so the kids want to play again because their minds will trigger that happy feeling they had, not the dehydrated/burning in the sun feeling.

I think you can apply it to conversations and dates.

[Mr.HappySilp]

To the OP why does it hurt? Just go out with the girls a few times and see how things are. If there seems to be a connection then ask her out.... if she rejects you then move on.

There will always be times when you feel hurt or sad in a relationship. It might just end like that or it might not. Do you think people who are marry, your parents are always happy and never agure or have any sad monetns when they are togehter? They still have issue but they work together and learn from it.

Let me put it this way.... people appericate happiness becasue they also experience the sad part of life. Don't be scare just go out and meet girls. Have more confident. You never know what will happen.

[JKam]

Originally Posted by z3german

I do the exact same thing, and im in a 4+ year relationship with someone who i consider a very serious candidate for putting a ring on.

Aren't you the one talking about how you want to upgrade from the is350 to an m6? how is that a serious candidate to put a ring on? You shouldn't even think about putting a ring on someone unless you're 100% sure... honestly I think OP has a better world view of relationships than you do..


To OP: If you're just new to the whole social scene, just go with the flow. Be yourself. Who cares if you fall for them too fast? The worst thing that can happen is that they reject you. You're going to get rejected a lot in life (not just in relationships), thats just the way it is.

If you feel the girl is someone you want to date, take a risk! That's how you learn in life. Even if it's not a date, just hang out with them and get a better idea of their personality and you can decide if it's something you want to pursue further.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

I say I'm scared of getting hurt because it just ruins you.. I can't go through that again, it ruins you socially, mentally, physically, in school, in EVERYTHING.. But I guess you're right, I can't let the fear of getting hurt hold me back what if I miss the opportunity to get everything I've ever wanted? I love that saying, "kill it before it dies".. Thank you x10000, tiger_handheld, that really made sense to me. And yeah, quite new to the social scene b/c in highschool I was a shy/awkward guy who didn't go out that much just studied my ass off to get into uni, but now I'm starting to realize that isn't everything. Yeah, I'm seriously thinking about asking her out on a date cause she's similar to me in terms of culture/ethnicity/religion, and I think that will REALLY help to progress it into an LTR since I can get my parents to be cool with it too, hopefully. But for the time being, I need to figure out if she still likes me or got bored from the last time we met... But then again, I only met her once (Wednesday), see her only once a week pretty much so idk it seems rather hard that way, too little frequency of seeing each other. Wish me luck guys! I'll keep updating here, hopefully on my progress, if I make any

[z3german]

Originally Posted by JKam

Aren't you the one talking about how you want to upgrade from the is350 to an m6? how is that a serious candidate to put a ring on? You shouldn't even think about putting a ring on someone unless you're 100% sure... honestly I think OP has a better world view of relationships than you do..


To OP: If you're just new to the whole social scene, just go with the flow. Be yourself. Who cares if you fall for them too fast? The worst thing that can happen is that they reject you. You're going to get rejected a lot in life (not just in relationships), thats just the way it is.

If you feel the girl is someone you want to date, take a risk! That's how you learn in life. Even if it's not a date, just hang out with them and get a better idea of their personality and you can decide if it's something you want to pursue further.

not everyone has an idealistic view on the world, to me 100% is unobtainable, my battle is if that extra 1% is worth the risk of losing my current great relationship. If your relationship is 90+% i feel its worth considering tying the knot.

I appreciate your comments on the OP having a better world view of relationships, but im no relationship EXPERT, but I would say im decent in getting into relationships and this thread is essentially relating to that.

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

z3german: Oh I just read your thread, seems you're bored of your gf? You should reconnect with her somehow, cause that isn't healthy right? Or spend time away from her so you miss her? Idk, I'm obviously horrible at this stuff haha.. Wait, wait so what do you mean by "don't talk to her as much"?, I don't talk to her that much tbh.. Cause she's just interested in "meeting new ppl", and I guess I'm just another one of those many people she's befriended. And yeah the date thing really scares me, I have been disappointed way too much as I've stated before and I fear getting hurt again. Haha nah man, I just talked to her for an hour or two constantly but then it started to get really stale, and silent.. Wish I left earlier though to avoid it. This was yesterday, when I met her, didn't talk to her after that. What's the frequency with which I talk to girls, how often/how less? As you said "Not as much"? Lol, I can?! I'm not good with girls as you can see, or else I would be dating by now. But seriously bro, I hope shit works out for you, it always does in the end.

Not bored with the relationship, but just seeing the grass on the other side and wondering if thats what i really want.

When i said "dont talk to her as much" what i mean is that dont try to get to know her in a day, a week, etc. Save it up, you dont want her to believe you are super interested in her because even if she is interested in you, social constructs just make her yearning for more. The goal is for her to be the one yearning for your conversation.

In university you have to see the world in her eyes. They are always getting creeped on by other guys, I dont know what uni you are in but in UBC its like this. You need to stand out, which is why I like to keep conversations short, get SOME interest, then with that small interest suggest a small, doesnt mean much, date. Doesnt mean much is more of a fib, its to not scare her off on the commitment, but in fact it does mean a lot because it becomes a basepoint for future dates up until the point you officially are together.

My GF goes to university and she always tells me the stories of guys attempts on her, some are pretty funny in which there doesnt seem to be any logic on the guys side. One time this dude bought her a Hello Kitty Swarvoski necklace out of no where. I mean if you really think about it, it is fairly simple what a girl can possibly think. Thinking about the guy, maybe he thought:

-girls like presents
-girls like jewlery
-if i give her what she likes maybe she will like me
-giving this to her will show her my apparent interest, in which she will probably respond. If its a rejection I can say that its not my intention to show my apparent interest, but it was just a gift and it was laying around the house and wanted to get rid of it. (this is what happened, and girls pick up on this idiocy. Like come on! Man up and accept what you were trying to do)

How i see girls look at the same situation:

-Way too much, we havnt even gone out on a date
-why the fuck hello kitty? are you sexist?
-why the fuck this type of gift in the first place? Sexist again? such a big blanket statement over girls.
-what does he expect by giving me this? what does he think some material shit is gonna get him blowed?

Just as an example in how guys thinking and actions can be totally off what they want the girl to see, which is why you have to be careful. I find the more you guys talk predate the more room for error can occur, not only allows more room for error, but more time for other guys to scope in on this girl. Dating is meant to learn more about the person, dont put dating on a pedestal, thinking it signifies "omg i have a gf! we wanna get married!", this view makes it insanely difficult to get dates, and has unfortunately become somewhat a norm among girls. When you ask her out for the first time make sure she understands that your intention is not like other guys (even if it is) you just want this date to be super casual, and see what happens, no commitments or anything just have some fun. Your percentage of getting dates just skyrocketted and i hope it works out for you man!

[604trueno]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Mr. HappySilp: I don't fap dude,

Well here's your problem.

I'm being dead serious man. Either you're lying or you're not comfortable with yourself. Even at my peaks of getting laid I'm still a daily guy.