REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

asian_XL · 09-23-2012, 11:16 PM

Father and his family topic here, so I will post here instead.

My dad and father-in-law are not car enthusiast, but somehow they like to keeps all the old shitty vehicles.

My dad
87 Carrera (rust and won't start), 92 Protege (leaky brake), 94 C230K (just fixed the broken tranny), 96 Nissan Serena (broken CVT), 02 735iL (not insured).

My father-in-law
15 motorcycles (bought them used), 4 cars

They are both in their 60s, for sure these cars are part of their memory where they grew up with them. We are not really appreciated them owning all these vehicles as they are taking up space and very expensive to keep it registered (remember we are living in HK). My dad, in particular, has his own daily commuter already, so these are just his "toys". I mean, if he knows how to keep them in good condition, we won't complaint about him keeping these toys, but some of them are quite dangerous to be on the road. Such as the brake master cylinder on the Protege is leaking, and the tranmission on the C230 doesn't go to 2nd gear frequently etc.

They go mad everytime we talk about getting rid of these cars, it is hurting the family relationship. What should we do really? Are all men in their 60s become more stubborn?

Sky_High · 09-23-2012, 11:20 PM

Does that mean you're in your 40's...give or take?

asian_XL · 09-24-2012, 03:00 AM

and the next question will be are u a virgin?

seriously...
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toyobaru · 09-24-2012, 07:15 AM

Sounds exactly like my ex gf's dad. he constantly kept buying old rusting pieces of crap cars for cheap thinking he could fix them. He thought he was a mechanic and criticized everyone else when he didnt have the qualifications to be a mechanic. btw he was also a compulsive hoarder.

yray · 09-24-2012, 08:35 AM

where do you store the cars in hk

dinosaur · 09-24-2012, 08:59 AM

Unless these cars (the dangerous ones) are being driven on a regular basis, maybe you should just let them keep them. Yes, it may be expensive and they are not being maintained, but is it worth tearing the family apart over. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if they keep them....it makes them happy. When it comes time that they are no longer here, will you be happy that you had them get rid of their cars, or that they were happy?

If this is specifically a financial issue and your family is struggling to keep them, try having a serious and rational conversation about it. Sit down with them and let them know it is causing hardships. Don't say, "this is stupid, they are too expensive, just get rid of them, who cares, etc...". Tell them you are struggling....ask them if they would be willing to let go of some of them. Tell them you would be very appreciative if they would, etc.

As people (some) get older, some times they try to hang on to everything they have for fear of losing memories and the ability to make decisions. Don't make this harder on them that it needs to be. If you are concerned for their safety, tell them in a heartfelt way. You love them and you do not want to see them get hurt, etc...

But, if they are not being driven and it isn't driving you to the poor house to keep them....just let it be.

GLOW · 09-24-2012, 10:41 AM

maybe there's another reason for keeping them, have you talked to him about it without making him mad or attacking him for keeping them?

i knew a guy with an older bmw that was having some mechanical problems and it was starting to become costly to maintain. i asked the question why keep it, time to move on (he's got the cash so it's no problem)

it was the car his dad taught him to drive manual on (his father already passed away) so it had sentimental value to him.

Mr.HappySilp · 09-24-2012, 11:14 AM

Dino always have good advice...... I say have a chat with them. Maybe get rib off a few at a time.....

Or you could pay for thier trip out of HK for a few days and then call the junk yard remover to remove them while they are gone.

Spoon · 09-24-2012, 11:29 AM

If he's using his own money, I'd just shut up. It's HIS MONEY.

I'd expect the same treatment when I drop money on things he deems stupid as well.

Nanaki · 09-25-2012, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asian_XL

My dad and father-in-law are not car enthusiast, but somehow they like to keeps all the old shitty vehicles.

They are both in their 60s, for sure these cars are part of their memory where they grew up with them.

They go mad everytime we talk about getting rid of these cars, it is hurting the family relationship. What should we do really? Are all men in their 60s become more stubborn?

Is it your money going into keeping them there? You're asking them to give up what they seem to love because you seem to think of them as clutter. If its merely an inconvenience to store / insure just deal with it.

They obviously have an emotional attachment to them, so until it becomes an issue with keeping the lights on or food on the table i really don't see the problem.

SumAznGuy · 09-26-2012, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nanaki

Is it your money going into keeping them there? You're asking them to give up what they seem to love because you seem to think of them as clutter. If its merely an inconvenience to store / insure just deal with it.

They obviously have an emotional attachment to them, so until it becomes an issue with keeping the lights on or food on the table i really don't see the problem.

It's a fine line between letting them keep what they have emotional attachment to and being a hoarder. In this case, in my opinion both have crossed the line.
One of the car's may be the first car he bought or was given to him by his deceased parents, but to have 5 cars where only 1 of them is legal is drive is excessive. The other person is worse with 15 bikes all bought used and 4 cars.

I can understand if the cars/bikes were dream vehicles of theirs when they were young and now they have the means to aquire their dream vehicles, but AsianXL is right about it being excessive.

At some point if they refuse to listen and it isn't a health or safety hazzard, then you may just have to let sleeping dogs lie and let them have their "toys" and just enjoy the time you have left with them. Life is too short to let such trivial things come between everyone.

Ulic Qel-Droma · 09-26-2012, 01:47 PM

lol that's gonna be me when im 60 man.

objects have a lot of sentimental value to me.

unless its like draining a lot of money from them and affecting the family just let them keep their toys.

i have stupid toys missing arms and stuff that i refuse to throw away. yet they just collect dust at my parents house. i have like every video game box ive ever bought ever. piled up in the corner of some room. lol i refuse to throw them away.

whatever... as long as its not hurting anyone its okay.

inv4zn · 09-26-2012, 02:22 PM

I'm still in my twenties, but I've learned that sometimes (especially with family) it's much more beneficial to let things slide, especially if they're a difference of opinion.

That way when the things that really do matter come, you're much more open to a discussion, rather than fighting due to negative emotions from the past.

As a lot of people have said, if it's not a burden to you in a realistic way, it's probably better to let them be. And if it is a burden, this is the time to be genuine and honest, leaving out the aggression and frustration.

Nanaki · 09-26-2012, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SumAznGuy

It's a fine line between letting them keep what they have emotional attachment to and being a hoarder. In this case, in my opinion both have crossed the line.

Are all of these "toys" in the living room? Do they have to jump over them to get into bed? Can't get to the sink because there's a bicycle in the way? Now THATS hoarding, a jammed pack garage full of things is not the same thing.

twitchyzero · 09-26-2012, 07:42 PM

people have to realize OP lives in hk...where space may be a concern

not everyone lives on a ranch in Aldergrove

Noir · 10-01-2012, 06:31 PM

Enjoy this moment where you think you know better than your elders. Because one day, you'll have your own kid telling you what you can or cannot have, or tell you what you can or cannot do with your own money, or property.

Yes there's a fine line between collecting & hoading but IMO, there's also a fine line between people who say "they're trying to help you" vs "people who just want you to do what they want you to do."

IMO, leave your old man alone. You're a grown man who "should" have his "own" space anyways where you can do with it, whatever you want to do with it, just like your old man is doing whatever he wants with his own place.

Psykopathik · 10-10-2012, 01:52 PM

father in law: pretty much nothing you can say unless you are paying or hes living @ your house.

your father. ask him if these are so special why not take better care of them instead of letting them rot? perhaps take a whole bunch of photos of him and the cars as a compromise to get rid of them. he still has the memories and can look back fondly at photos. you can't force them to do anything. they will give it up when they are ready. if its not impeding your and their lives, let it be.

my dad kept an old Volvo in the back yard for over 12 years. never drove it. kept putting gas in it, a new stereo, new batteries. tires etc. warmed it up a few times a year.

my friend offered to buy it for a grand.

years later he just let a wrecker take it for $100. WTF?

i-vtecyo · 10-10-2012, 06:40 PM

imo 5 is a bit too excessive but Like what others said, maybe thoes cars have sentimental value. If he really loves it and thats one of the things keeping an old guy happy, i wouldnt try to take that away from him.

Phil@rise · 10-10-2012, 07:10 PM

Sounds like enthusiasts to me. Maybe not by your definition of enthusiasts but they are enthusiastic about keeping their cars so that by default makes them enthusiasts. I own quite a few cars myself some not touched or driven in months sometimes they go years but they are my memories and my damn cars lol.

LookitsMarkA · 10-10-2012, 08:04 PM

help him to get them all running on a decent condition.

so he will realize its a bit expensive. if he gets it running, yay more working cars.

if he doesnt want to fix...
show him what he could potentially get from fixing his cars/ selling it. try not to use the "selling part"
say all your cars could worth this newer camaro or mustang and it could be your very nice toy which "i admire" the most
"imagine seeing you and mom in that convertible!" . etc

positive attitude wins - mostly.

!SG · 10-14-2012, 08:53 AM

good freakin luck!

it was an absolute challenge to get them into a car that would suppositely make life easier for them only to get a back lash of "its too complicated, whats with all this english, why not symbols on switches!"

my answer. "they dont make crank windows dad, the dials are still there, but like the tv remote at home, they are a little bit too far to reach so you just give up and continue not to use it at the risk of continuing to watch the same tv show, if you absolutely want one, we can fly you down to a third world country, which i think you can still bring your own "little round chair" as your driver seat"