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El Bastardo · 10-02-2012, 08:05 PM

The following is an anonymous post. If the original poster would like to reply to any comments, please PM me

So I broke up with my gf of 2 years a while back, and recently I found out from a few friends that she's been talking to and trying to fit in with several girls in my circle of friends. Before we broke up, she's seen/hung-out them a couple of times but has never really taken the initiative to actually be friends with them. And now she's suddenly trying hard to join in the group.

Anyone here have similar experiences where your ex was trying hard to fit in with your group of friends after the breakup? Or something similar? I guess I'm just not quite sure how to approach it, because it wasn't exactly a 'good' break-up.

mr_chin · 10-02-2012, 08:26 PM

So you guys broke up and then after a while, she started hanging out with your circle of friends? If that's the case, then it sounds normal because who doesn't want to network and have more friends?

You don't notice her trying to hang out with them when you guys are together because she's more focus on you. But there are other possibilities to consider such as

1) She wants to get back with you.
2) She just wants more friends.
3) She wants revenge on your ass since it's not a good break up. J/K

Since it's not a good break up, I can imagine how awkward it would be to chill in a group that she is also apart of. The best solution is to just pretend she's just another person in the group, and nobody else. Man it up and talk to her like you would talk to anybody else, and in the end, others will see it that you handled the situation very well.

Also, an advantage you'll have is that it drives a girl crazy when they know there is barrier between you two, and you pretend nothing is there.

dinosaur · 10-02-2012, 08:37 PM

Does she probe your friends about you?
Has she tried to re-connect with you?
Have you asked her about the situation?

Why wasn't exactly a 'good' break-up?

Maybe you should just ask her about it in a non-accusatory way?

Razor Ramon HG · 10-02-2012, 09:02 PM

Do that and you're good to go. Just pretend she's one of the bros, and smile. Smile a lot. That shit always gets inside their head.

MeowMeow · 10-02-2012, 09:14 PM

I've been (sorta)in your ex's shoes before
From my experience, I wasn't "deliberately" trying to be nice to my ex's friends. I msged certain members & was nice to them because we shared mutual interests or because they were my friend's friends to begin with.

But i know thats not the case with everyone. like others said, whether she is deliberately doing it or not, just don't give a shit.
Acting like she doesn't even exist will most likely piss her off if she IS deliberately doing it. If she's not deliberately doing it, she won't give a shit whether you notice her or not.
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k3mps · 10-02-2012, 11:45 PM

In my experience, I was dated a girl that wasn't exactly well like by some other girls, especially the group that me and my buddies were friends with.
There were 6 girls in the group who were basically best friends and were sorta the popular Asian group.
But nonetheless they were friendly girls who were into the partying scene etc.
My gf at the time was the same; if you asked anyone you could've swore she was one of them.
None of them liked my gf or her friend (neither did I tbh).
She would try to be friends with them and talk to them but would never make much progress.
I even got them to hang out a few times and it just never worked out.
She said that if she was going to be with me, she wanted to be friends with my friends.

In my case, she just wanted to fit in with my crowd. When we broke up she broke all contact with my friends lol.
In your case, it may very well seem like she might be trying to reconnect with you or some else but could also be as simple as wanting to make new friends.
You could always indirectly ask your friends by saying "I've noticed ___ has been hanging around you guys more often." or "you guys talk to ____ recently?".
The latter will probably steer you into more details.

kitsune · 10-15-2012, 01:30 AM

As long as you aren't in a position to run into her or hang out, don't think too much on it.
Maybe she just needs new friends.. besides they're girls.
Now if she was trying to coddle to your male friends.. that's a whole new game.

Some girls change their crowd at the drop of a hat. Pay no attention unless it affects you directly.

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miss_crayon · 10-15-2012, 01:08 PM

People are gonna want to be friends with whoever they want to be.

However, I will say the average person would typically back away from friendships with their ex's friends if:

1) they weren't that close to begin with
2) if they weren't super good friends in the first place, there's really no reason to stay in contact besides the "fb friend" saying hi to one another when they bump into one another

I, myself deleted ex's friends unless I knew them from beforehand or actually was friends with them. With the handful (maybe like..2-3) of peeps I met years ago from old bfs, I don't go out of my way to hang out with them or make them my bff. What's done is done and there's really no need for me to stay in contact with someone who I knew from gatherings from an ex 5-6 years ago.