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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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11-06-2012, 09:57 AM
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#1 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
Posts: 55
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| Seeing girl/dinner with ex? advice??
Ok, so broke up with my girlfiend of 6 months about 1 month ago, few days ago she asked if I wanted to go for dinner on this coming thursday, I agreed with the intent of being friends or atleast trying, I had nothing else going on at the time.
Heres where I get lost, since I agreed to dinner with the ex I went for a walk and coffee with another girl, she acually initiated it and we had a great time, was hard to part ways that evening.
Now this is a small town and there lots of mutual connections and I'm not sure if going for dinner with the ex might be bad for future chances with the new girl.
Opinions?
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11-06-2012, 10:03 AM
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#2 | | Zionism gets my shell hard and slimy
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2 things, first of all its surprising how quick things can happen with an ex when you see her again, you guys already have broken the ice months/years ago, know what each other like/want and have a comfort level unparalleled with others. if she invited you to dinner she obviously wants something, if you go for it its up to you of course.
ALWAYS mixing girls up like that is a bad call when people know people, no one keeps their mouth closed so assume one will find out, if one finds out how that will play out might be a bit of a mess and then both are gone.
lose one or lose both.
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11-06-2012, 10:22 AM
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#3 | | reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Vancouver
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I don't think is an issue if you see your ex as a friend. You guys are both mature enough I assume. I seen my ex pretty reguarlly and we hung out like frds but we both know the boundaries so is all good.
In fact my ex always give honest options LOL which is great.
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11-06-2012, 10:37 AM
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#4 | | nuggets mod
Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: richmond
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why did you break up with your ex?
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I searched for truth, and all I found was You
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11-06-2012, 11:18 AM
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#5 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
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Thanks for the advice, I think it's early enough that I can cancel dinner in a gentlemanly way. Quote:
Originally Posted by freakshow  why did you break up with your ex? | I would say we just werent a good match, cummunication was bad and there was things she expected me to change even tho she wouldn't admit it ad alot of things claimed about her personality that I learned wherent true once I got to know her. So basicly once the honeymoon stage was over, eachothers imperfections came out and they wheren't the type that we each where comfortable with.
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11-06-2012, 11:31 AM
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#6 | | MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: vancouver
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don't do it, cancel the dinner and be honest with her about why you cancelled
__________________ Quote: | [03-07, 03:26] Yodamaster - The feeling when you quickly insert without hitting the sides | | |
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11-06-2012, 04:50 PM
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#7 | | Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Richmond
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by nabs don't do it, cancel the dinner and be honest with her about why you cancelled | nabs got it exactly right. fuck the dinner its not worth potentially loosing two girls over.
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11-06-2012, 06:00 PM
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#8 | | Hypa owned my ass at least once
Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Japan
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*sigh. Common noob/RS mistake: Giving girls too much authority over oneself.
Do what you want. Whether that means going to dinner or not.
Now, if you're in a relationship, that changes things. But you're not. So you're allowed to socialize, you're allowed to play the field, you're allowed to test the waters. Secondly, she's unattached. So that means she may be doing (or experiencing) the same complications herself, unbeknownst to you; which at the moment she has every right to.
Don't already assume a relationship behaviour with someone well before a relationship even materializes. Only desperate guys fall into that trap. So all in all, I say "nay" in placing social restrictions on yourself atm. -espcially considering how early in the game you are with this new girl.
Last edited by Noir; 11-06-2012 at 06:05 PM.
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11-07-2012, 07:20 AM
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#9 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
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Id say forget the dinner with the ex. Being broken up with the ex for a month, then meeting for dinner will probably spark up on the spot emotion of your relationship and probably have a soft spot for her. Then as the above posts state you probably will end up losing both in the juggling act.
Been there. Done that.
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11-07-2012, 08:11 AM
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#10 | | nuggets mod
Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: richmond
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I agree with Noir.. dinner is just dinner, and it's up to you.
If the new girl isn't in to you because you had dinner with a girl you went out with for 6 months, then you probably don't want her anyways.
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I searched for truth, and all I found was You
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11-07-2012, 08:49 AM
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#11 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: bedroom
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dude, there is a reason she is you ex. keep it that way.
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11-07-2012, 08:55 AM
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#12 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
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This has really helped me gain perspective, thank you everyone!!
I now feel I should cancel the dinner with the ex because I feel its not beneficial to moving forward, not because of the other girl at this point. Also for the ex's sake, she should be moving forward too, but since we have mutual friends we may still cross paths at social gatherings and such and from my point of view thats ok, hopefully she'll feel the same, but 1 on 1 might not be good idea anymore.
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11-09-2012, 11:15 AM
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#13 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
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Well, ex was there on the wednesday night with a gathering of a bunch of mutual friends, and it wasn't wierd at all, so I decided to do dinner with her the thursday anyways, it was basicly just like hanging out with a good friend, ate, joked and got caught up on stuff and gossiped, no big deal.
Haven't hung out with the other girl again yet, not too sure about her thoughts about stuff anyways, just in for the ride lol.
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11-09-2012, 11:47 AM
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#14 | | Proud to be called a RS Regular!
Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: SFU
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by DevC Well, ex was there on the wednesday night with a gathering of a bunch of mutual friends, and it wasn't wierd at all, so I decided to do dinner with her the thursday anyways, it was basicly just like hanging out with a good friend, ate, joked and got caught up on stuff and gossiped, no big deal.
Haven't hung out with the other girl again yet, not too sure about her thoughts about stuff anyways, just in for the ride lol. | So you basically came here asking for advice, then took none of it.
Bravo! Posted via RS Mobile | |
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11-09-2012, 12:44 PM
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#15 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by supremematt85 So you basically came here asking for advice, then took none of it.
Bravo!
Posted via RS Mobile |  You must be bored.
Last edited by DevC; 11-09-2012 at 12:50 PM.
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11-10-2012, 03:31 AM
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#16 | | Willing to stick a finger in a guys butt for the sake of science
Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: The Hood
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im kind of late to this party but i'm gonna reply anyway.
the way i see it, all things are fair until it's locked down or you guys have had the conversation that you're only seeing each other? or at the very least, a mutual understanding albeit unspoken.
dinner is nothing and that walk/coffee was also nothing.
relax and do your thing buddy. you're single. you're allowed to do whatever the hell you want.
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[19-07, 22:39] dinosaur i have felt up ri2 before
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11-10-2012, 08:00 AM
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#17 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: VAN/RMD/BBY
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next post will be FWB related 
please just use the search function
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11-10-2012, 08:23 AM
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#18 | | I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Shanghai
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Fuck it, life's short, do what you want. If you want to go to dinner with the ex, then do it. If you end up banging and the new girl finds out and is not cool with it, find another girl. No need to explain.
On the other hand, I never really want to see the girls I dump again, no if it was me, I'd call off the dinner =P
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11-11-2012, 08:04 AM
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#19 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
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I would have went if you didn't have the new girl. Things change and you shouldn't do it! Personally I never want to see the EX again
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11-13-2012, 08:16 AM
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#20 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
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Thanks guys, btw, the new girl turns out to be crazy, so thats over with.
New issue tho, I get a text from the ex goes like this...
ex- hey, how are you?
me- Good, How are you?
ex- I've been okay. Can I ask you something?
me- Sure
ex- Just out of curiosity, are you finding it easy to deal with the breakup? Like, it doesn't make you sad/upset, or you're not thinking about it, or anything like that?
I have been unable to answer that text for a couple days, no idea what to say? I did try a no contact thing for a couple weeks after the breakup to avoid questons like this, but it was impossible with how small this town/social circle etc is, so I resorted to just riding it out, but now this ugh.
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11-13-2012, 08:23 AM
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#21 | | Proud to be called a RS Regular!
Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: SFU
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inb4 "should i get back with my ex"
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11-13-2012, 09:17 AM
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#22 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: May 2005 Location: #604
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by DevC Thanks guys, btw, the new girl turns out to be crazy, so thats over with.
New issue tho, I get a text from the ex goes like this...
ex- hey, how are you?
me- Good, How are you?
ex- I've been okay. Can I ask you something?
me- Sure
ex- Just out of curiosity, are you finding it easy to deal with the breakup? Like, it doesn't make you sad/upset, or you're not thinking about it, or anything like that?
I have been unable to answer that text for a couple days, no idea what to say? I did try a no contact thing for a couple weeks after the breakup to avoid questons like this, but it was impossible with how small this town/social circle etc is, so I resorted to just riding it out, but now this ugh. | No words to describe. Here's a picture!  
__________________ Quote: | [17-03, 09:23] Amuro Ray is it normal for my dick to have things growing on it? | Quote: [15-05, 13:34] FastAnna You guise are like diet coke and I am the mentos
[15-05, 13:34] FastAnna Incredible. How easy it is. | Quote:
Originally Posted by murd0c I'm scared of spiders... When I see one I toss my cats at it | | |
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11-13-2012, 09:31 AM
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#23 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: May 2010 Location: Kelowna
Posts: 55
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Should I go put on my hotdog flame suit and expect it to be well cooked
when this is done lol
I am far from the best with relationships so my questions might seem funny, but I'm not trolling lol
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11-13-2012, 10:00 AM
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#24 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: bedroom
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so...lets just summarize here:
You solicit RS for advice about having dinner with your ex. Everyone who responds shouts a resounding "NO" but you ignore the advice you were given and went ahead to have dinner with her thinking that we didn't know what we were talking about and you knew better. Now, everything we all said would happen has happened.
Congrats buddy!! I wouldn't suggest starting a new thread titled, "My ex wants to get back together. What should I do?" because you are clearly on your own path to life drama.
Enjoy the ride!
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11-13-2012, 10:08 AM
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#25 | | Zombie Mod
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There's a good reason why your ex is your ex. Keep it that way.
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