El Bastardo befriends a scammer

[El Bastardo]

At my job we use Microsoft Office Communicator, a MS Exchange-based chat program called "Lync" which is notoriously unreliable (at least here it is) so a lot of us have a Tillian account as a backup. Well, I was sitting here working away when I get a chat request from a girl named "vannessa808". I usually tell those people fuck themselves right away but I was waiting for a script to complete before I could proceed with what I was doing at work so I decided to chat a little bit. Heres what happened next.





vannessa: hello dear
are u there?
me: i'm pretty sure you're not misa campo
vannessa: why do u ask
Me: thats her in the picture
vannessa: where do u know her?
Me: so whats the hustle here? you're gonna get me to sign up to a cam site? you're going to get me to western union you some cash? you want me to click on some affiliate link?
i just want to know what the game is today.
vannessa: then show ur pic
Me: i'll make you a deal. you tell me what the hustle is and i will help you improve it. as someone who you're trying to hustle and isn't buying it. i want to help you help yourself
vannessa: WAT DO U MEAN BY ALL THAT
Me: ok so you're trying to get me to send some money to west africa or something. thats fine. heres how you hook the next chump because its not gonna work on me
find a pic that isn't an obvious model shot. just search on facebook for some pretty girl whos so in love with herself that she takes a million public pictures. pull something off instagram if you have to.
then you need to pick a better name. something with a number in it, like a date. vanessa.95. that way folks look at that and say "Oh man, thats 18 years ago. this chick must be 18 and ready to party"
next, improve the english skills. i get that its not your first language but consult with someone about cleaning up your grammar. you only need to know a few key phrases in order to rope some chump into sending you cash. put them in a text file and just copy and paste them into the chat window
and don't be afraid to flirt right from the start. get some lonely idiot on the line right away.
and this is most important:
have a good reason for adding some random guy to your messenger list. i'm just some guy at work right now so i have no idea why you added me. it put me on guard right away. not a great way to milk money out of me
don't say "i saw your profile and thought you were cute lol" because everyone knows that line
i want to see you succeed here. i want you to scam some dumb horny jerk out of money. thats why i'm trying to help you.
vannessa: HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: i get that its hard living in a third world country. you've got the constant risk of aids and war and all that
but thats no reason to be lazy when you're trying to scam some moron. you need to keep your game tight, son
vannessa: WHY NOT SHOW YOUR FACE
I CAN SEE U ARE A COWARD
Me: aw come on man, lets drop that
you know that ain't gonna happen
just be real right now
tell me this: where are you located?
vannessa: GHANA
Me: ok cool. so its probably pretty late there right now. you're getting people in the middle of the day. you want to get them at night when they're tired after a long day at work and not thinking right
so get up earlier in the morning when its about 8 or 9pm in north america and thats when you start messaging folks
vannessa: THAT ENDS OUR CHAT
Me: Good luck, brother
vannessa: NO MORE MESSAGE
Me: okay thats cool



This is where I waited a couple of minutes to see if I could goad him into talking to me more.




Me:So why'd you pick the name Vanessa anyway?
vannessa: I LIKE THAT NAME
Me: thats cool. i see you picked the username vanessa808. thats good. just tell folks you're from hawaii.
thats the hawaiian phone area code
vannessa: ARE YOU A SCAMMER OR YOU VE SCAMMED BEFORE
BEEN
Me: no. but i've had people try to scam me a whole lot. i've seen the game played so many times i try to help other people improve what they're doing
the idea is that you want to come across like you're a real person. that picture is very obviously a model. if you pic someone's facebook picture i have a higher chance of believing you.
vannessa: OK
Me: and when you add someone say "Didn't we meet at that party last month? I couldn't find you on Facebook but someone gave me your Skype name"
vannessa: OK
AS U SAID,WE ARE IN THE THIRD WORLD WHERE JOBS ARE NOT EASY TO COME BY
ITS NOT OUR FAULT
Me: yeah i understand that completely. and theres a lot of money that people have in western countries that they spend on stupid things like phones and tvs that they don't need. if you can get a little for yourself then thats fair. its just money they might not miss
vannessa: I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF
I WAS INTRODUCED BY A FRIEND
IN THE GAME
Me: have you ever scammed anyone? has it worked before?
vannessa: I AM NEW IN IT
Me: ok well you're gonna do just fine. get as much advice as you can from people who do well at scamming and i'm sure you'll be making a good living before too long.
vannessa: ARE U ADVISING ME TO DO IT?
Me: Well I'm saying you have to be realistic. If jobs and money are hard to come by in Ghana then you have to do what you have to do.
vannessa: OK
CAN WE BE FRIENDS?
Me: Sure man. Absolutely.
vannessa: THANKS









He went off shortly after that to hunt a wilderbeest or fight in a civil war or whatever they do in Ghana. If anyone wants to make a new friend I suggest adding vannessa808 to Skype and saying hello.

[fliptuner]

vannessa: I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF I WAS INTRODUCED BY A FRIEND IN THE GAME

BTW, when are you picking up that rad?

[snails]

if I get scammed by this bitch im keying your car!

[jeedee]

tl;dr

need cliffs OP

[Gridlock]

You operate on a different level. A funny, funny level.

[murd0c]

Originally Posted by jeedee

tl;dr

need cliffs OP

Don't be a lazy ass and spend the 2mins and actually read it.

[El Bastardo]

Originally Posted by jeedee

tl;dr

need cliffs OP

Ghana scammer tried to scam me via Skype. Made a friend instead. Also got scamming protips from me.

[murd0c]

You love shit like this, I do miss the great stories you had when you were working at the sex shop

[Gridlock]

Originally Posted by jeedee

tl;dr

need cliffs OP

In a world of reposts of reposts of things that were found on reddit or 4chan and posted here for some thanks, we must always respect something that is so important on the internet, it is almost sacred.

Original Content.

We owe it to those that create to take 10 fucking seconds out of our day and read the shit. It's funny.

[El Bastardo]

My original buddy disappeared RIP

Got a new one today.

Agnes: Hello
Me: Hullo thur
Agnes: How are you?
Me: just fune you
Agnes: am also fine...
Me: wunderful
Agnes: can u tell me more about ur self
Me: i'm a 48 year old disabled man who lives with his elderly mother. i am a registered sex offender but don't let that stop you from talking to me, sweetie
Agnes: what do u do for living?
Me: I get a check from the government every month and return bottles and cans for money to get high with
Agnes: do u livined in ur own house
Me: I live in my mother's house
Agnes: why not having ur own house
Me: I cannot get a job because I am a registered sex offender
Agnes: what is the mean of that
Me: It means I was caught by the police doing something I shouldn't have with someone who wasn't old enough or conscious enough or untied enough for me to say what I was doing was okay. But she wanted it, I swear
Agnes: are u new to skpe
Me: Yes I heard about it when I was walking through the mall following some teenage girls. They were talking about it and I wanted to meet them so I signed up
Agnes: hmmmm
Me: where are you from
Agnes: gh
Me: what is gh
Agnes: Ghana
Me: Is that near Alabama?
Agnes: no
Me: oh okay. near china?
Agnes: is in africa
Me: oh are you a negro?
Agnes: africa
Me: negro?
Agnes: bye am going to sleep
Me: plz talk to me

[snails]

can we just be best friends! forever?!

[murd0c]

the negro comment is great!! I honestly love this shit, I so have to meet you in person one day and buy you a beer or two.

[twitchyzero]

can't believe you didn't teach vanessa808 "asl?"

[fliptuner]

Originally Posted by murd0c

the negro comment is great!! I honestly love this shit, I so have to meet you in person one day and buy you a beer or two.

You buy him a beer, he buys you a ruftini, same same.

[tiger_handheld]

this is gold!

can you find out their game next time? What do they want cash, passport, drugs?

[murd0c]

Originally Posted by ICE BOY

You buy him a beer, he buys you a ruftini, same same.

Where's Lomac when you need him

[fliptuner]

Originally Posted by murd0c

Where's Lomac when you need him

Gives a whole new meaning to:

Spoiler!

[El Bastardo]

hamza.seidu3 (the scammer referenced in post 10) on Skype is back.



Agnes: why
Me: I'm lonely
Agnes: i want a man who can take good care of me and love em as well
Me: I can do all of that. You betcha.
Agnes: not true
Me: That hurts my feelings. How do you know I can't take care of you?
Agnes: how can u take care of me tells me
Me: Are you a pirate? You talk like a pirate
Agnes: what
Me: I think we're mis communicating. Tell me about yourself
Agnes: am from sout africa but now in Ghana
Me: What do you do for a living?
Agnes: student and u
Me: I receive regular money from the government and I sell methamphetamine as well.
Agnes: okay.. am lookign for a man who is honest,care,trust and love me as well
Me: okay i can do all of that. can you send me a picture of yourself?
Agnes: can u see my pic profile
Me: Yes i can
Agnes: send me urs
Me: ok



Agnes: waiting
Me: what do you think
Agnes: you look soo nice (h)(h)(F)(hug)
Me: i'm glad you think so. so why can't you find a man in ghana?
Agnes: i dont like them
Me: thats too bad. what are you studying?
Agnes: science
Me: thats cool. are you smart?
Agnes: yes
Me: so what will you do when you are done school? where will you work?
Agnes: i would like to be a nurse
Me: that is very noble. tell me more about yourself.
Agnes: i have
Me: you have what? two pairs of socks with holes in them? you have a wart at the end of your nose?
Agnes: i cant
Me: why not
Agnes: i cant
Me: okay. what would you like to talk about?
Agnes: teh future
Me: what about the future. tell me anything.
Agnes: hi
Me: hi
Agnes: so what are u doing now
Me: thinking of you
Agnes: hmmmmm
Me:
Agnes: would u like me to visit u in canda
Me: yes i would
Agnes: If i have my passport and everything correct i can come but dont have money to do that
Me: how much do you need?
Agnes: 500$
Me: how do i get the money to you?
Agnes: i will give u a bank details and u got to the bank send the money through the bank details to western union
Me: ok sounds good. give me the details please
Agnes: NAME: AYIMAN ISSHAK
COUNTRY:GHANA
CITY:KUMASI
ZIPCDOE:+233
BANK:WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
Me: is your name ayiman isshak?
Agnes: THE DETAILS I WILL USED TO RECEIVE THE MONEY
Me: ok when will you get it?
Agnes: if u send it tomorrow.. and u came and give me the information and then i go to the bank to recieve it
Me: ok pls go to the western union tomorrow to pick it up
Agnes: U HAVENT SEND ME THE MONEY
Me: by tomorrow i will have sent it. you will go tomorrow and get on a plane tomorrow?
Agnes: yes..
Me: What is your phone number so I may confirm you received the money?
Agnes: I dont used phone
Me:
Agnes: i lost my phone ..so i dont used hpone
Me: do you want me to mail you a phone to use?
Agnes: how
Me: please give me your mailing address and i will send you my old iphone. i have recently updated to the new iphone so i have this iphone 5 i do not use
Agnes: FLOWER.PRETTY57@YAHOO.COM
Me: your physical mailing post office mailing address please
Agnes: u are sending it through DhL
Me: yes
Agnes: i will send u that tomorrow
so try and send me the money
Me: please send me your address too
Agnes: tomorrow... ui will send u so if u send me the money....and send me the information in my mail i will mail u that
Me: okay sounds good to me
Agnes: so what time will u send it and mail me the information
Me: what time is best
Agnes: u send it early in the morining so i can go to the bank and receiev e it and go to make the passport
Me: that sounds fantabulous
Agnes: so... here is my emaill... FLOWER.PRETTY@YAHOO.COM
IN CAPITAL LETTERS
Me: will it go to the wrong person if i don't put it in capital letters?
Agnes: yes
Me: oh noes i don't want that
Agnes: am going to sleep now
Me: sweet dreams

[El Bastardo]

While I was chatting with the above person someone else added me on Skype. nimohantwi2

Nimoh Antwi: hello
Me: hello
Nimoh Antwi: how are you doing
Me: i am doing well you?
Nimoh Antwi: i am also doing good as u are
i am nimoh from vanuaty fatherland and father died there so mum,sis and i have nowhere to go rather to come back to motherland ghana so after sometimes mother also died so now i am staying with sis and we are on our own and i am a second year science student and you
Me: wonderful it is nice to meet you please tell me more about you
Nimoh Antwi: thats what i can tell for now and what do you do for living if i may ask
Me: i am quite wealthy i work for a bank
Nimoh Antwi: oh ok then thats good and am very happy to meet and if i may ask are u married
Me: i am not married. are you married?
Nimoh Antwi: no i am also single with no kids
Me: What great fortunate luck we have found each other then.
Nimoh Antwi: can we exchange pic if you dont mind in e mail
Me: what is your email address?
Nimoh Antwi: here is my e mail phranciscaosei@yahoo.com
byeee dear see you tomoro
Me: okie dokie
Nimoh Antwi: byeee

[snails]

[mos_skeeto]

scammer turns out to be hot model. marries OP and has 5 kids. op and scammer grow old together and one day "HAHA SCAMMED"

Just kidding, enjoyed reading the chats

[Zedbra]

Love the original content! Waiting for the next chapter.....

[Gridlock]

Am I the only one rooting for Agnes to succeed in taking all EB's money? I'm reading along and thinking, "no! Too soon Junior...don't start talking about money yet"

They had a story on Dr.Phil(don't judge) a few weeks ago about scammers and this woman shipped off some 50k to some "Sergeant Moose" that she was in love with with pictures of some guy ripped off of Myspace...like come on people! They didn't even make up a last name and took his nickname off the patch on his uniform!

I read these things and think these people deserve it. Congratulations, you may donate to Kony 2012, but also donate 50k to fund terrorism.

[dinosaur]

Google is looking about for me:

goo.JPG

[El Bastardo]

I really tried to get a physical address out of this one. I was planning on using that street address to befriend another scammer, pretending that I was aliceadu and I was going to give them advanced scamming techniques if they sent me money through the post. Its a shame it didn't work.

I wanted to come off as someone so goddamned obnoxious that a scammer would have to be wildly desperate in order to keep talking to me. Alice jumped right to the chase so I have to "respek dat".



aliceadu50: hello
Me: holla holla get dolla
aliceadu50: how are you doing today my dear
i speak ENGLISH
Me: I speak English too, playa. Straight up Queen of England style yo.
aliceadu50: please i am Priscilla n u
Me: Well my slave name is Troy but my soul name is Trae-d'wan. You can call me T-Money
aliceadu50: ayd how aold are you u
Me: Old enough to be makin dat cheddar but not too old I can't barumpabump all nite long y'know what i'm sayin'
aliceadu50: lol
wat is ur occupation?
Me: Straight hustlin'
aliceadu50: ayd
r u on whatsApp
Me: ayds? nah I ain't got no ayds. i wrap dat. kid free since 2003. RIP little da'mandaran
not on whatsapp
aliceadu50: u r nt serious
Me: i'm serious about aids and whatsapp. serious like a heart attack
aliceadu50: ...........
Me: so whats up witchu?
aliceadu50: kul n yhu
Me: i'm chilazin. its like chilaxin but a little more laid back.
aliceadu50: please can u send me some money
Me: fo what? and what do i get in return? a true balla gotta get a return on investment. dats how dat game werk
aliceadu50: i will do anything u want after helping me
Me: how much u need?
aliceadu50: 300 dollars
Me: whats ur address
aliceadu50: are u really serious dear...because i need it urgently
Me: u got a mailing addres?
aliceadu50: yh
Me: what is it
aliceadu50: oh be truthful will u send the money?
Me: word is bond. ride or die. bad boys for life
aliceadu50: lol
Me: straight up. send me your address and you gonna get sumfink in da postal
aliceadu50: naa u will send it though Western Union money transfer
Me: i'm pretty sure i won't. dats insecure. govement be jackin' my shit all the time
aliceadu50: how come
Me: becuz dey can't hustle like me. dey wanna lern
aliceadu50: so cant you send it
Me: yu'll get it thru the postal mail. saul goodman
aliceadu50: naa sending it throgh the bank is faster
that one is less than 30 mins
Me: postal is safer. i'll put a rush on it. dem fedex and dhl folks do delivery for me same day. gimmie dat addr
i'm'a kick u a little extra cash for yo trubbles
aliceadu50: naa dear
i dont have any postal address
Me: what u don't want some money? i'm'a hook you upppp
no postal address? u don't have a home? do u live ina box?
is it a big cardboard box that a refridgerator came in?
oh shit son. u should sell ur computer and get a house. house is much better
aliceadu50: all you need to do is to go to de near by bank and transfer de money thats all dear
Me: they got fees and shit. a true nigga don't pay no fees
aliceadu50: naa u can reduce my money n use some to pay that fees
Me: whatchu need dis moneys for anyway
is it to buy a new cardboard box?
aliceadu50: my dear my mum is on the sick bed now and my father to is dead...
so there is no one to solve this problem for me
Me: yo moms prolly got sick from living in a dang box. dats yo prollem right thurr
aliceadu50: yup
Me: so if i wanted to send u money how do i do?
aliceadu50: i will give you a detailsd for the money

NAME: ALICE ADU
COUNTRY: GHANA
CITY: KUMASI
BANK: WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
ZIPCODE: 00233

Me: what wil i get in return on dis investment? pretend i'm jim cramer and dis is mad moneyz
aliceadu50: any thing you will prefer my dear
Me: anything?
aliceadu50: yh..... after helping me to solve this immediate problem i will also do anything that pleases you ok
Me: ok. i'll send u the money an i want u to send the money right back. dats exactly what i perfer
can u do dat?
aliceadu50: ok ....i will ...n i promise on that
Me: go now. da moneys is waiting. hit me back if da guvment stole it
aliceadu50: lol....
and what is de details to withdraw it
Me: i put a special password onnit. u gotta tell it to dem when u get dere
aliceadu50: ok
Me: da password iz:
aliceadu50: so send it to me here
Me: "This is a robbery"
aliceadu50: lol
Me: dey'll know what it means
aliceadu50: u r nt serious
Me: yeh no1 else wuld send dat password so u kno its legit
jus go up to da man and say "I got moneys here fo me. I need to witdraw it."
And when he ask for dem details say "This is a robbery" and da transaction will go thru
dis is more secure than da postal mail fo sho.
aliceadu50: fuck
Me: legit
ride or die
bad boys for life
aliceadu50: bliee dhat
is straid
Me: fo sho
aliceadu50: huh!!!!
real GEE for lyf
Me: truth. truth.
aliceadu50: confirm,
Me: confirmed




No word from Agnes. RIP Agnes.