Single vs Being "Alone" / Rushed Relationship (MY STORY)(LONG READ)

[Qmx323]

This one goes out to all of you, whether you are single or in a relationship.

I got out of a relationship some time ago with a really nice girl, because we had "few" things in common... To be honest, it was a rushed relationship. Had I not been an idiot and gotten to know the girl more, maybe it never would have happened. During the "Honeymoon" phase, things were great.

However a few months after, the differences started to become magnified. We would go out to eat, having very few things to discuss; other than commenting on the food; or on a long drive, we would have times of silence. I see some couples out there like this, just eating rather solitary and making small talk; However I also see couples whom by the time they eat their first bite of food, its already cold!

I envy and respect those couples, having an SO that's not just your other half, but also your bestie, your BFF. Someone who you could talk to for hours... yet also not just be a good friend.

This isn't to say that I did not enjoy her company. In fact looking back, I feel incredibly guilty for the way I would treat her sometimes.

This brings me to my next point. I supposed what happened below is Karma, coming back to bite me in the nuts.

I met a girl, back during the summer (She approached me, actually :O). We hit it off. We were "in sync", we both loved EDM and hip-hop. We even bumped into each other at a rave and shared an unbelievable experience. We were both into fitness, and my interactions with her just seemed like everything I wanted in a relationship.

I made it clear that I was interested in being more than a friend... She seemed receptive. We met up and just cuddled and watched a bunch of movies until the wee hours of the morning. I thought I had it going well for me. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I wake up to a text from her. I'm not gonna go into detail about exactly what, but basically the message was "I'm not into you that way, lets just maintain a platonic relationship."

I was... flustered. I was confused, angry, disappointed, yet glad at the same time. Confused because I thought we were progressing well. Angry because... well shit, you could have told me earlier. Disappointed that after 5 months of awesome interactions and what I thought was great chemistry; that I end up friend zoned. Yet, I was glad... relieved more like. It felt like I no longer had the pressure of "impressing" her.. or have to "chase" her.

How could I continue a platonic relationship with her? Clearly I want to be more, yet I don't want to just cut her out of my life. I just don't feel like I could ever be just "Friends" with a girl that I have feelings for. Maybe I'm unable to let go of my feelings.

Only time can tell.

So how many of you guys out there, have friends of the opposite sex that you have had feelings for? Or even still harbor some romantic feelings for? How do you deal with that?

If you read this, thank you. I just had to rant a bit.

[mb_]

How did I deal with it? Time. And avoiding her. Shit was never going to be the same again and I couldn't just pretend nothing happened. Really hurts to get friend zoned like that. It's been nearly 3 years and I still think about it once in a while.
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[ShadowBun]

If there's one thing that I learned from all my past experiences... it's that "just do it" and leave no regrets.

If you think there's a future or heck, if she makes you happy, do it.
If you think even have the remote idea of wanting to date a girl, make it happen. Life is too short.

IMO.

[PiuYi]

moved 3000km away (just kidding, i moved but not for her)



honestly though, it helps if you're super busy... find a new hobby or work and just bury yourself in it, i mean REALLY bury.... i find i don't think of her, or much of anything, now that i'm in my 'zone'

[Fafine]

at least you didnt get one of these



just laugh about it and call it her lost.

[Marshall Placid]

Happened to me a few times with a few women.

When you are "friend-zoned", you are out of luck.

It is hard to get out of the friend zone.

Better to avoid her TOTALLY than to stay friends with her.

If you stick with her as a friend, hoping to become her boyfriend, it will be very tough and painful.

On the other hand, if she is a person you think you have a good connection with, and can envision having a long-term relationship with, you can step up your game and chase after her in a very, very persistent way.

Your call, but it's going to be tough!

Good luck.

[E.D.C.5]

You are right, its difficult to still be friends with someone when you still have feelings for her. You need to keep your mind off of her and in order to do that bury yourself with a new hobby. Hang out with your friends, and just keep your mind away from her.

good luck.

[Not really racist!]

whatever you do don't waste ur time trying to get outta the friendzone

it ain't happening.

no contact is the only option for full recovery, it works

[Lamboda]

Sharing a story:
So I met this girl let's just say T through volunteering. Now this was 2 years ago, back when I was in second year university. We hit it off, she was completely talkative, very friendly and flirty. I liked her. I liked her a lot. We talked frequently on the phone, we had a blast during dinner, we liked the same things (clubbing at that time). Then she kind of faded out, I don't know what went down but she started becoming colder. It was then to the point where I was desperate and tried making plans with her and she would flake every time. That's where I left it, after having met her for about 3/4 of a year, we stopped talking altogether.

I couldn't get over her. Until a year later. I would think back to all the fun times we had, moments we shared, experience I had. I had a slight epiphany. Throughout this whole situation, I was meeting other people. And it's so hard to find people you click with. Everyone's in a clique and it's very very hard to invest all the time and energy into people and it takes two to build the friendship or relationship.

So I sent a message to her on Facebook. "Hey it's been a while, let's catch up". That's all it took. We went out for dinner and really just caught up in a flash. She has a boyfriend now and I no longer like her. We talk about the same stuff now and she's in my close circle of friends (still building the bond).

TL;DR, My premise is that it's difficult to find people you click well with, while you're just being yourself. From my experience is that sure having a lot of "facebook friends" is great, but what's even better is having less really close people who are there for you. My story is an example of that. It's a lot easier to connect with people with similar interests. What I would do is that I would still build that connection with them, because you never know when you're going to be in need of a friend.

[Ri2]

Been on both ends of this. With my guy friends it was seriously painful to let them down and tell them that I didnt feel the same way, but I'd rather hurt someone with the truth than make them happy with a lie. Ive always left the status of the friendship in their court, if they can get over it and not hold a grudge I will be fine. I only flip out if it starts coming out in subtle ways as a guilt trip.....I hate that shit.

But I too have been friendzoned by people I loved dearly and I've survived. Maybe I said some snarky shit and seemed like a bitch at times, but the ones I'm really friends with always understand in the end.

You always just gotta keep in mind everything happens for a reason and the people you come across in your life are there to teach you lessons. Always take away something positive and better yourself, be open and accepting of what comes and good things will happen. If you're a Negative Nancy, then...realize that your misery is your own fault. You always have a choice to turn your relationship/friendship into a positive support system. I dont believe in that Butthurt "Oh I Cant Be Friends With You Now" bullshit... because if its like that.... your basis for a friendship was never really strong in the first place.

[6793026]

Sorry, if it's been 5 months and you're cuddling... that's fooked up and I don't blame her for that. she's probably posted on the same board here complaining that she's dealing a guy that doesn't put out after 5 months.

Usually after 5 dates you'll determine if YOU get friendzoned or you friendzone them.

I just friendzoned a chick, and it FELT great. She wasn't that into me and she just didn't flirt so instead of being super focused on her.. FUCK it... we just weren't compatible and i ddn't wnat to make the same mistake twice for dating the wrong girl.

[PK-EK]

I myself not willing to accept the fact that girls like assholes (yet I know it works very well) Have always been a super nice guy to girls that I have interest in. And over the years I have been "friendzoned" by EVERY girl that I have chased.
Now I'm at the stage in my life where I dont GIVE A SHIT anymore.
I don't try to express my feelings to that girl, instead I just keep our friendship the way it is.
It kills me inside but its something I learned to live with.
I guess I'm just not "boyfriend" material

Currently I've been really close with a Girl friend that I've known since grade 6
I've seen ever relationship shes ever had. but at the time; we didn't talk.
Now we talk every day. and whenever I feel like I'm falling too deep with her I:
-stop talking to her for a while
-do something asshole to piss her off
-distract myself and chase another girl

seems like this is the only good thing I can do.
I don't want to wreck what we have and gamble at something that might happen

50% of something is better than 100% of nothing

[kwy]

Originally Posted by 6793026

Sorry, if it's been 5 months and you're cuddling... that's fooked up and I don't blame her for that. she's probably posted on the same board here complaining that she's dealing a guy that doesn't put out after 5 months.

Usually after 5 dates you'll determine if YOU get friendzoned or you friendzone them.

I just friendzoned a chick, and it FELT great. She wasn't that into me and she just didn't flirt so instead of being super focused on her.. FUCK it... we just weren't compatible and i ddn't wnat to make the same mistake twice for dating the wrong girl.

Nail on the fucking head. Don't cry about getting friend zoned if you weren't direct. You have to make it clear what you want and go after it. Fast.

[Qmx323]

Heres the thing

We only met up twice after initial meeting.

Busy schedules for the both of us and yes, I have thought of this as why this happened in the end.

Buttfuck it, whats happened is happened

[MasonJar]

You were "friendzoned" because you treated her like a friend. You may have SAID you wanted more, but you never acted on it.

Let me tell you what happened:

-You meet this awesome chick.

-You and her have immediate chemistry and spend a kick ass night together at a rave.

-She can't stop thinking about you and you can't stop thinking about her.

-You and her begin to hang out on the regular. Conversation is great, the chemistry is there, you want her and she wants you.

-You invite her over to "watch movies" and.....you watch fucking movies. You "cuddle" on the couch...and watch more fucking movies.

-You tell her over and over...you make it clear you want to be more than cuddle-buddies but you NEVER ACT ON IT!

-Girl goes home every night thinking, "what the fuck!?"

-Girl meets new guy who isn't a pussy.

-You get a text tell you are just her friend.......because you never acted like anything more.

She didn't "friendzone" you, man. You friendzoned yourself.

Chicks dig guys who are aggressive. If they wanted to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, they would buy a dog.

[MasonJar]

Originally Posted by Qmx323

Heres the thing

We only met up twice after initial meeting.

Busy schedules for the both of us and yes, I have thought of this as why this happened in the end.

Buttfuck it, whats happened is happened

Wait....you only got together twice in 5 months!?

ffs man, what did you expect?

If you were THAT into her, you would have driven to the moon to see her. And that, is what she was thinking and why you will never be able to "buttfuck it".

[CorneringArtist]

Somewhat similar situation over here happened to me. Met (admittedly) via online dating, hit it off on the first date, hung out at her house often (cuddling with movies,etc.), taught her a few things about cars, but was the type that wanted to take it "slow". I understood at the time, but didn't want to be overly aggressive about it. When I did try to escalate beyond friends, it got shut down pretty quickly. Rather than try to salvage it, I just cut off physical contact and now we just chat once in a while through Facebook. Lesson learned there.

[MasonJar]

Just as an FYI...

If a chick is on an online dating site actively pursing relationships and after meeting you breaks out the, "I want to take things slow" on you....she just isn't that into you but does not know how to tell you.

"Take things slow" is a euphemism for, "I am hoping you bore of waiting and move on so I don't have to be the dick to break it off".

[Tapioca]

Originally Posted by PK-EK

I myself not willing to accept the fact that girls like assholes (yet I know it works very well) Have always been a super nice guy to girls that I have interest in. And over the years I have been "friendzoned" by EVERY girl that I have chased.
Now I'm at the stage in my life where I dont GIVE A SHIT anymore.
I don't try to express my feelings to that girl, instead I just keep our friendship the way it is.
It kills me inside but its something I learned to live with.
I guess I'm just not "boyfriend" material

50% of something is better than 100% of nothing

The whole idea that girls like "assholes" is oversimplification, IMHO. Women (and no, I don't mean the spoiled princesses who are girls) like guys who act and live as MEN, not assholes. Being a man is not about treating women badly; it's about respect - respect for yourself and for the woman you're dating, sleeping with, etc. Based on what you've written, you don't seem to have respect for yourself which is why women don't seem to be attracted to you.
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[Iceman-19]

Pretty sure she thought you were gay. Movies + cuddling = its already in, you just have to put it there.

[2 n r]

I don't need you to bold important words for me

but in all seriousness, i have nothing constructive to add

[stewie]

I met a really hot girl at a bar a few years ago. Bar was packed and my friends had a large table and we only had 5 ppl when it could fit 10, so they asked to join.

Hit it off with the girl, gave me her number, and just like that we started seeing each other. They weren't dates, but it was like being in the friend zone with success of getting out in arms reach.

We would text non stop, see each other almost every other day, hell we would even make out quite a bit...figured things were progressing quite fine.. Then one night we went to a bar with friends, we drank...and ended back up at my house. We had sex and all I could think was "victory!!!!".

Wake up, we go for breakfast, eat and talk, drop her off at her house and as she's getting out she just says "we need to clear up that last night shouldn't have hallened, we were drunk and I can see you nothing more than a good friend, and even though we kiss, that's just something I do when I feel in the moment".


How'd I deal with it? Cut her out of my life. Simple as that. Then moved on. Sucked because I put so much time and effort into her...but oh well
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[BoostedBB6]

Originally Posted by Tapioca

The whole idea that girls like "assholes" is oversimplification, IMHO. Women (and no, I don't mean the spoiled princesses who are girls) like guys who act and live as MEN, not assholes. Being a man is not about treating women badly; it's about respect - respect for yourself and for the woman you're dating, sleeping with, etc. Based on what you've written, you don't seem to have respect for yourself which is why women don't seem to be attracted to you.
Posted via RS Mobile

100% TRUE! I use to get that a lot from friends who would see me being an "asshole" but when I explained it to them they seemed to view it differently.

I will never allow someone to disrespect me, in any way. If I am you will most certainly hear about it.
It's about being confident in who you are and what you stand for.

I am not the best looking or most successful guy out there and I have been asked many times "how did YOU get someone like THAT?", the answer is being confident and respectful, even if that paints you as an "asshole" sometimes.

[mr_chin]

Originally Posted by stewie

I met a really hot girl at a bar a few years ago. Bar was packed and my friends had a large table and we only had 5 ppl when it could fit 10, so they asked to join.

Hit it off with the girl, gave me her number, and just like that we started seeing each other. They weren't dates, but it was like being in the friend zone with success of getting out in arms reach.

We would text non stop, see each other almost every other day, hell we would even make out quite a bit...figured things were progressing quite fine.. Then one night we went to a bar with friends, we drank...and ended back up at my house. We had sex and all I could think was "victory!!!!".

Wake up, we go for breakfast, eat and talk, drop her off at her house and as she's getting out she just says "we need to clear up that last night shouldn't have hallened, we were drunk and I can see you nothing more than a good friend, and even though we kiss, that's just something I do when I feel in the moment".


How'd I deal with it? Cut her out of my life. Simple as that. Then moved on. Sucked because I put so much time and effort into her...but oh well
Posted via RS Mobile

May I ask you, do you still have her number?

If I can be in friendzone and still have pussy and kisses here and there. Let me in bro.

[kkthind]

Originally Posted by stewie

I met a really hot girl at a bar a few years ago. Bar was packed and my friends had a large table and we only had 5 ppl when it could fit 10, so they asked to join.

Hit it off with the girl, gave me her number, and just like that we started seeing each other. They weren't dates, but it was like being in the friend zone with success of getting out in arms reach.

We would text non stop, see each other almost every other day, hell we would even make out quite a bit...figured things were progressing quite fine.. Then one night we went to a bar with friends, we drank...and ended back up at my house. We had sex and all I could think was "victory!!!!".

Wake up, we go for breakfast, eat and talk, drop her off at her house and as she's getting out she just says "we need to clear up that last night shouldn't have hallened, we were drunk and I can see you nothing more than a good friend, and even though we kiss, that's just something I do when I feel in the moment".


How'd I deal with it? Cut her out of my life. Simple as that. Then moved on. Sucked because I put so much time and effort into her...but oh well
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DOESN'T MATTER, HAD SEX