Domestic Violence

[underscore]

^ the problem is a lot of people want special treatment, not equality.

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

12 players in the NFL still currently playing under pending domestic assault charges, or charges that have been already layed and awarded suspensions or settled out of court since 2005

I can't remember what team it was, but a couple years back an NFL team had more players arrested/being charged than on the bench.

[BillyBishop]

The Huffington Post ran an interesting and thought-provoking article a few days ago on this very topic.
In it are six detailed interviews of women who explain why they didn't "just leave".
Each of those interviews addresses one of six themes: isolation, love, fear, family, shame, and money.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5805134.html

It is by no means a complete answer to our questions but it certainly stirred me.

Originally Posted by fourthavenuecafe

Domestic violence is not complex; it is just wrong.

It definitely is wrong on several grounds but that does not mean that it cannot be complex. The phenomenon of violence, especially how victims respond, is, as the above article elucidates, very complex.

[multicartual]

Originally Posted by BillyBishop

?Why Didn't You Just Leave??<br><small>Six Domestic Violence Survivors Explain Why It?s Never That Simple</small>

It is by no means a complete answer to our questions but it certainly stirred me.

From Nicole:

"I met him in college in the early ‘90s. He was the captain of the football team. From early on, he was very controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive."

In other words, he was a stud. Her panties were incredibly wet for his dominance.


I read the stories and they are all pretty much black and white. Dominating men who didn't give a shit what the women thought.

The women enjoyed the sex and domination, when it got too much they took action. If they had been bored of the guys? The relationships would have broken off naturally.

[parm104]

Originally Posted by murd0c

... if I saw that in public I would call the cops because I would be afraid if I did something to him it might come down on her when they are alone later.

If you step in, she may get it from him afterwards as a result of your action but if you call the police on him that won't or is less likely that he will come down on her when they are alone later?? I don't see your logic there.

Not stepping-in in public is a cop-out...I can make 100 excuses why not, I only need 1 reason to help.

I deal firsthand with women who are in abusive or dangerous relationships everyday through Family Law practice. I see women who are ordered by the court even not to see a particular man and are told that he is dangerous for her well-being but more importantly her child's well being. I have seen court imposed sanctions on men who are threats that prevent them from seeing or knowing where the "victim" lives and works. Yet in a short period of time, to my surprise (not so surprising to me anymore), the client always ends up being back together with the abusive spouse. Even with all the safety precautions in place, support remedies dispersed, some people are desperate for another, regardless of the way they treat them.

[will068]

Originally Posted by parm104

If you step in, she may get it from him afterwards as a result of your action but if you call the police on him that won't or is less likely that he will come down on her when they are alone later?? I don't see your logic there.

Not stepping-in in public is a cop-out...I can make 100 excuses why not, I only need 1 reason to help.

I deal firsthand with women who are in abusive or dangerous relationships everyday through Family Law practice. I see women who are ordered by the court even not to see a particular man and are told that he is dangerous for her well-being but more importantly her child's well being. I have seen court imposed sanctions on men who are threats that prevent them from seeing or knowing where the "victim" lives and works. Yet in a short period of time, to my surprise (not so surprising to me anymore), the client always ends up being back together with the abusive spouse. Even with all the safety precautions in place, support remedies dispersed, some people are desperate for another, regardless of the way they treat them.

Just to add to that...

There was this incident I remember I few years back in Richmond that was posted in the local news. Young couple (early twenties) was arguing in a car. Apparently, the man became physically abusive in public. A witness stepped in to help the woman. The Witness was beaten up by the man (no shame in getting beaten up for a noble cause right ?)

Here's the kicker: when the cops finally arrives, the woman sided with her man. Almost as if blaming the Witness for trying to save her. Anyways, this was in the news and there were charges against the man. But hey, it's Canada, laws are extremely lenient - so the man got away with a miniscule charge for assaulting his significant other and the witness.

[Hondaracer]

Thats why it never pays to help others you don't know.

[multicartual]

Originally Posted by will068

A witness stepped in to help the woman. The Witness was beaten up by the man (no shame in getting beaten up for a noble cause right ?)

In the future, nobody will intervene as we will all be trying to be the first to upload the beating to YouTube or World Star

[Sid Vicious]

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

I completely echo that sentiment in regular society. Terrible when it's going on behind closed doors and with women who can't get the help they need or are too scared to seek it out

However, I find the whole NFL situation kinda gross and it really almost does a disservice in shining light on the subject. In almost all these cases it's virtually the same story, multi millionaire pro athlete who came from nothing shacks up with some "hood" bitch and all of a sudden there's issues? No..couldn't be.. A couple people who are used to living below the poverty line now have millions of dollars at their disposal and there's problems? Let alone the lifestyle that comes along with being a pro athlete.

their is close to 1700 players in the NFL, so even with 12 domestic violence arrests thats just .7% of the players.

domestic violence isnt endemic in the nfl its a society wide problem as a whole.

[vudooca]

Pretty related horrific stuff here:
Teenage girl's horrific injuries after ex-boyfriend 'breaks into her bedroom and attacks her with knife' - Mirror Online

[BoostedBB6]

I have stepped into a few situations where men were being violent.

One was when I worked at Chevron many many years ago. I was helping a disabled man get his tires topped up and I heard a guy yelling. I look up and he is holding a woman head and yelling at her next to a phone booth. He then starts to smash her head into the phone booth.
I yelled at him, he stopped and came up to me like he was going to do something so I knocked him right out.
Cops showed up, said he had a "history" and took him off. The girl was unwilling to say anything to the cops.

Second time was in a brand new "nice" apartment complex I moved into. Guy was beating the hell out of his gf (sounded like she cheated) but I could hear his punches hitting her face from the complete opposite side of our floor (12 units between us and him). I went down there and knocked on his door with a bat, he came out swinging and was dropped just like the first guy.
Cops show up, haul him off as he has a "history" and she takes off. When they find her she says "she fell down and does not know what they are talking about".
This happened over a year ago. We moved away from there soon after this happened. A friend of ours called us one day last month and told us there were signs and writing all over the windows in "red" saying things like "he beat me and killed me" "save me" "help". They called the cops and reported it.

From my experience, when you step into it you better be read to take on whoever it is who is doing the physical abuse and even when you do chances are not much will be done about it. The women tend to be to scared to deal with it and say anything because the men will be let out with a warning soon after being arrested and come back to take it out on the women.

That being said I would still do just the same as I did then. I cant sit there and watch someone take a beating who is incapable of fighting back.

[Gumby]

Originally Posted by BoostedBB6

I have stepped into a few situations where men were being violent.

Thanks for doing the right thing, even though nothing ended up happening to the abusers.

This happened over a year ago. We moved away from there soon after this happened. A friend of ours called us one day last month and told us there were signs and writing all over the windows in "red" saying things like "he beat me and killed me" "save me" "help". They called the cops and reported it.

That sounds like some crap from a horror movie!

[BoostedBB6]

Originally Posted by Gumby

Thanks for doing the right thing, even though nothing ended up happening to the abusers.


That sounds like some crap from a horror movie!

Gumby, there is no other alternative. Weather that was a guy being beat up by a bigger guy or a woman, the same thing applies. If you are beating beaten and you are unable to defend yourself and I am within earshot of it, I will be there to do what I can do to stop it.

It sure did, I was kind of in shock that this happened. I did not hear if anything took place there or someone just lost there beans, but it sure sent a cold shiver down my spine.

[StanleyR]

Originally Posted by BoostedBB6

This happened over a year ago. We moved away from there soon after this happened. A friend of ours called us one day last month and told us there were signs and writing all over the windows in "red" saying things like "he beat me and killed me" "save me" "help". They called the cops and reported it.

what was in red? I don't understand this story///
please esplain

[vafanculo]

I walked past a girl and a two guys other night in downtown. These were the affliction type from surrey. You can tell something domestic was going on. I proudly walked around them and kept on truckin.

Why? None of my business. Don't want to get into a fight. It's her fault for staying (let's be honest, it is). Pick any of the above.

The way I see it...if it's domestic I don't belong there.
If it's a girl clearly getting attacked,robbed, raped etc, I'd be a lot more inclined to step in

[wingies]

Hope Solo and the domestic violence case no one is talking about - The Washington Post

[multicartual]

Originally Posted by wingies

Hope Solo and the domestic violence case no one is talking about - The Washington Post

Black men hitting their girlfriends really makes it clear who the victim was, and the media enables EVERYONE to take the role of the rescuer. Next Modernheartbreak.com article is about this. I have been really lazy in writing it though, enjoying the last summer sun!!!





I think with the Hope Solo thing, people are not sure right away who the victim and who the abuser is as the narrative has not yet been fully explained. It also helps that the Ray Rice situation has a video which shows him clocking her and then dragging her unconscious body from the elevator before dropping her like a sack of potatos.

[m!chael]

A few weeks ago me and a friend were waiting to meet up with some other friends after a night out. We suddenly hear some screaming a few meters away so we turn our attention to the scene unfolding there. Some woman is beating her boyfriend. The guy is sitting there on a bench not really saying anything and shes punching and slapping him in the face. Whatever she was yelling didn't even make any sense, not that it could justify what was going on in any way. My friend and I approached them telling her to stop. I also pulled out my phone to record the scene because I know if the cops come, they'll arrest the guy based on her word alone even though he didn't even raise his hands in defence. The woman turns on me and tries to assault me for filming her abuse but it doesn't quite pan out for her. Either way, the chick bounces and the guy follows her - pretty obvious stockholm syndrom situation. Cops came around and they perked up when we said we just saw some domestic abuse go on, but stopped giving a fuck when we told them it was the guy getting beat up. A minute later they just drove away going the other direction even though you could still see the guy and girl a few blocks away.

Moral of the story: people are fucked up - Men and women.

[flagella]

Moral of the story: the guy's a pussy.

[mr_chin]

I would think that the victim has a little bit in them, consciously and/or subconsciously, that likes to be beaten. Otherwise, why would they even go back and be in the reachable vicinity with the aggressor.

Rihanna went back to Chris Brown, need I say more?

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

doesn't the replies of this thread and the reactions of people make it just obvious that we humans (males/females) are just simply not equal? and we're trying to force some theoretical value of equality on something that doesn't want to be equal?

women get away with some things...
men get away with some things...

there is no equality. there is only the whole. and we play different roles with different actions and reactions.

sure it's "wrong" (to hurt anyone). but like drunk driving, you can lecture and teach and whatever you want. but it will keep happening. and every new kid that's born has to be taught. You can raise the punishments or do whatever, but it won't change anything, because the action is INNATE to our existence.

isn't it more logical that, there is a process going on here? that there is a legit reason violence (let alone domestic violence) exists?

say what you want, but someone is still gonna get punched out for being a bitch and the law will almost always side with the woman regardless what the reason was. and the man will always take the blame.

but flip side is, the man is the one that didnt get punished physically lol.

it's fair. one gets messed in the face, one gets charged with something.

cause and effect.

why didn't beyonce's sister get all in trouble for beating up jay z?

these football players are like 300 pound pure muscle living WEAPONS.
when was it ever logical or intelligent in ANY WAY to PROVOKE a 300 pound, muscle bound, testosterone pumped, living weapon?

I don't give a shit if it's right or wrong or whatever. There is no moral reasoning to be understood here.

you provoke a lion, it's probably going to tear you up.

"If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him."

we aren't dealing with robots here. we're fucking animals. very smart animals.. but still animals, which only makes us the most dangerous out of all of them.

Violence can be avoided, it always takes at least two to tango. Violence won't arise unless you provoke it. provoking it is the first step, the second step to completing the circle is for the second party to react.

1+1=2

all you knights in shining armor are living in some fairytale lala land where violence "doesnt exist".

violence is as easy as making a fist and swinging. pulling a trigger. it exists. and it will always exist. and it will come to you if you provoke it.

make no mistake, we are animals, we are lions. there will be more beatings, killings, raping... whatever etc.

just do us a favor and don't feed your young kids (especially daughters), the false idea that it's not likely a person "will hit a woman" because she's a woman. that will only feed her delusional idea of how society is constructed and how she should be treated, and how she should treat others.

reality is... if she is a bitch, probabilistic, given enough time, she will be punched in the face a lot more than someone that isn't a bitch.

vice versa too of course. a douche man will get punched in the face too. but no one cares about that. ... it's also probabilistic that a man will get punched in the face more just because he's a man and will be more likely to be involved in provoking or reacting to violence.

it's just how it works.

some people are just happier in these type of relationships.
like multicultural said, people love to play with fire, and get burnt when they play too hard. it's just part of the game. everyone gets punched in the face sometime in their life.
the idiots that don't learn, get punched again.
the smart ones become boxers and MMA fighters and make money ... HAHA...

I don't know about you guys, but the law and morals and values don't come to mind when im starting an argument or provoking someone.
I'm always prepared for some shit to go down. i always account for the possibility of them attacking me. It's normal. And when accounting for these things, i also know that if i just shut up and disappear, then nothing will happen.

The option of preventing violence is always there, especially when i'm the potential initiator... i can just shut up and leave. If I open my mouth, i accept someone may want to attack me, and it's entirely my fault for causing it. No matter how trivial. The flip side is, I also have the right to rip their heads off if they provoke me. that's just how the game is.

equality, non violence, all that shit, will never exist as long as we're human beings. as long as we're animals. as long as we're biological entities with emotions and the ability to change our immediate surroundings by use of force (is that not how we do things? we apply force to objects to change them). If the option of force is there, it will be excersized.

When the same actions are performed, the man gets punished harder. The woman automatically has more respect because she is a woman. Man as a whole, ARE treating the women better. women get a better outcome. They don't get punished for being involved in violence. THIS IS LITERALLY CHIVALRY.

There is no chivalry without chauvinism. And no chauvinism without chivalry. The two are like ying and yang. that is the balance of inequality. and ill say it again, we are NOT equal. We don't live in a borg society or some shit.

true equality, comes the loss of one's ego and identity.

[underscore]

Originally Posted by m!chael

Moral of the story: people are fucked up - Men and women.

What we do need to remember is that the animal kingdom is a harsh place, and humans are simply animals as well. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to improve the world, but at the same time you have to accept that there will always be shitty people who hurt other people.

[Manic!]

Originally Posted by vafanculo

I walked past a girl and a two guys other night in downtown. These were the affliction type from surrey. You can tell something domestic was going on. I proudly walked around them and kept on truckin.

Why? None of my business. Don't want to get into a fight. It's her fault for staying (let's be honest, it is). Pick any of the above.

The way I see it...if it's domestic I don't belong there.
If it's a girl clearly getting attacked,robbed, raped etc, I'd be a lot more inclined to step in

Pussy

[mr_chin]

Originally Posted by Manic!

Pussy

Pussies are those that stay and become a victim of domestic violence... because they're so scared to be on their own.

Again, all these retards that continuously become the victim deserves it.

[cheeky_scrub]

Originally Posted by mr_chin

Pussies are those that stay and become a victim of domestic violence... because they're so scared to be on their own.

Again, all these retards that continuously become the victim deserves it.

There is so much wrong with this post (and your previous post), I don't know where to begin...

My dad knew a Sudanese woman whose husband beat the shit out of her every night, and she stayed with him. Some women are culturally ingrained to stay with their husbands, no matter how bad they get abused, because that's how it's been done in their society for generations past. Or, the matter is dealt with within the community (think beth din or sharia courts).

Even when living in Canada, the idea that you can just get up and leave your abuser, then go to a safe space where he can't hurt you, is a totally foreign concept to these women. And if they do know about the services offered, they might still stay because they're afraid the abuser will come after the kids or their friends. Tragically, in some cultures, a woman standing up to her abuser can be ostracized by her community out of a warped sense of "honour". One of my neighbours runs a refugee women's nonprofit and has heard many stories like this.

Okay, what about white/westernized couples. A woman gets beaten up by her partner, who cries and says he's sorry, he'll never do it again, he loves her so much, they get back together. "Well...I'll give him one more chance." Lather rinse repeat. Or he isolates her from her friends. These are all classic psychological abuse tactics.

Victims of domestic abuse do not deserve one punch, slap or even a threatening word against them. They are not pussies. Your callous disregard for abuse victims sickens me and stains the reputation of this otherwise awesome website. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Note: I specified male-on-female domestic abuse since that's what I'm most familiar with. I'm not denying that there are male domestic abuse victims, and in fact, many of the points above can be applied to abused men as well. As men, we're supposed to "man up and take it" because we're strong powerful men who don't need no emotions.

Edit 2: Damn son, it's pretty obvious I was on Ritalin when I wrote this. Cleaned up some of my shit prose.

[supafamous]

^^^ +1. mr_chin's comments are a disgrace to this site.