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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
A little background: almost 26, asian 5'8" 140lbs. I'm pretty decent looking maybe a 8/10 but being short probably get knocked down a point or 1.5 haha. I work out to be fit not to bulk. Not a virgin.I have a great job, my hobbies and interest are all pretty guy-oriented. Going through college I was in a female-heavy program so I have no problem talking to women! Pretty much up to now anyone I'd be interested enough to pursue was already in a serious relationship. I also see quite a few attractive women at work but it would be unprofessional if I made a move because they are clients. I lacked the confidence to approach randoms because I'd never gotten over how you would find out if they're taken or single. BTW I can't read body language to save my life. I've had two female friends retrospectively that ask me how come I didn't pick up their signals before Never bothered to ask friends to set something up. Actually a friend tried to set me up with her sister but I simply wasn't attracted. I feel initially there has to be attraction for there to be an interest. But I'm not one for the bar/shitty club scene.
At this pt you probably think i'm ungrateful and shallow with high standards...or gay (nothing wrong with that)
anyways recently, I decided to take a plunge with online dating.
I gave tinder a try, it's a crazy number game for asian guys unless you got crazy got looks. Just look it up online, there's quite a few tests out there that include asian male models vs average looking white guys and the white guys still gets wayyy more hits. I was lucky if I got matched a couple times a week. Most of those conversations went nowhere because the other party probably lost interest fast and take like half a day to reply. I'm killin' it, the game that is.
Few weeks later I got on OKC and I'm shocked the return rate is much better. It's still a huge odds against you but if you show you're genuine, most will respond. I think having a great write-up helps and most aren't using it for hook-ups. I've had decent looking women in early 30's commenting if I was really 25 because they were impressed by the profile. I feel I'm more attracted to those just a bit older but they're already in settling down/baby mode. Regardless I already have a few dates set up.
Here's the thing, I never had multiple 1st dates lined up. What do you say at the end of one where you might want a second one but you're still browsing? I wish it could just be like any old job interview where you can say we'll be in touch but not call them back.
I know the advice threads in here always goes sideways fast thanks to people like joe_45 so please play nice. Keep the lame BB misc references to a minimal.
Last edited by R1CED`; 06-23-2015 at 11:47 PM.
Reason: tried to be more PC
What are your intentions? Do you want a relationship, or do you want to date, have fun, and get some more notches on your belt?
If you don't really know what you want, then there's no harm in being honest with these women and telling them that you're keeping your profile open. They can read between the lines, or they might be in the same position as you and going on dates with others.
Bro you gotta be alpha!
Go approach random girls and just get their digits usually when u ask if they're single or not they will tell you.
Go on the first date and see how it is, if it's going great. Just leave it as that and call her up again next time
reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
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Don't know about you when but I try online dating I meet up with 5 to 6 girls for drinks in a week or two and 2 actually went on a somewhat serious relationship.
First thing first be yourself and try not to sound too boring. Oh and don't act like an ass and be confident.
What are your intentions? Do you want a relationship, or do you want to date, have fun, and get some more notches on your belt?
If you don't really know what you want, then there's no harm in being honest with these women and telling them that you're keeping your profile open. They can read between the lines, or they might be in the same position as you and going on dates with others.
i want a relationship. The dates that don't work out will just be bonus experience. I'd like to date for fun in a few years before thinking about settling down...but obvs none of these are ever predictable.
keeping the fwb offers for now
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovebacon
Bro you gotta be alpha!
Go approach random girls and just get their digits usually when u ask if they're single or not they will tell you.
How do you game? Just small talk which is fine, but when and how do you pop that question to get their digits? Or just tell them they are attractive and before they brush you off, ask away?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp
Don't know about you when but I try online dating I meet up with 5 to 6 girls for drinks in a week or two and 2 actually went on a somewhat serious relationship.
First thing first be yourself and try not to sound too boring. Oh and don't act like an ass and be confident.
So how did you close your first dates with those that you still want to continue seeing? Did the two know you had two things ongoing and you were just open about it? sry you may have worded that poorly so I may just be misunderstanding.
You're actually in a really good position right now. You seem to have a steady job, your own life, and since you are starting to date at an older age you get to avoid all of the unnecessary drama that comes with both high school and university dating. I think you're overthinking it a bit too much with the whole asian thing though, people are people, men are men. I've dated white girls who have basically NEVER said anything about me being asian or treating me like I'm any different. You just need to have a lot of confidence, which is in my opinion where a lot of asian guys fail. For some reason they think they're sub par in terms of looks or whatever, so they downgrade themselves and their standards to match what they "think" they can get. You're most likely not going to find your wife in a month as these things take a while. Just experiment with what you like and don't like in women, date a ton, hook up with a ton of different people and just have a lot of fun. Just remember to be yourself!! If they don't like it, who the hell cares? For every woman that rejects you, there will always be one that loves you for who you are.
OP can't read body language.
But OP wants to pick up randoms.
OP wants a relationship.
But OP want multiple dates.
OP don't know the "game".
But OP wants to handle multiple girls at once.
Take it slow buddy. Go on one date, if you like her, then continue seeing her. Going on one date, liking the girl, then going on another to find your options will only bring disaster to both (or all) the girls you date.
The game is what you make it to be, don't let the game play you, you play the game.
make sure you chat up a few prior to going on dates. vancouver has a significant number of serial daters looking to be 'impressed' (read: free dinner).
don't let a shitty few ruin it for the next one - this is where chatting them up a couple days prior to meetup gives you clues.
don't spend a ton of money trying 'impress' on a first date - keep it casual and if they are not in for the free dinner they will call you back.
find out early where they are in terms of relationship, some just got out of a serious one and just want some attention, others have been single for a little and are ready to something serious. find out in the first few hours so youre not wasting time..
Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.
Make the effort and take the risk..
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
make sure you chat up a few prior to going on dates. vancouver has a significant number of serial daters looking to be 'impressed' (read: free dinner).
This is the only reason I hate online dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger_handheld
don't spend a ton of money trying 'impress' on a first date - keep it casual and if they are in for the free dinner they will call you back.
1st meet up is your typical after work drinks affair, they'd be silly if they think I will try to impress anyone I don't know very well with wine & dine.
thanks for the warning though...most seem pretty real so far. didn't watch that video yet but i'd presume it's similar to the barney one in HIMYM.
Mr. Chin, I never attempted at randoms but it wouldn't hurt to learn. You feel it's a disaster because noob or because many women don't like guys browsing? I personally feel it's okay if you're not in a relationship yet and it shouldn't be a surprise if we clicked through a dating site. I'm just not sure if I should be straight forward about it on dates and if not, what to tactifully say to keep options open?
I like tapioca's approach but I'm open to other approaches/reasoning.
I would focus on meeting as many women as you can right now. I know it's tough because Asians tend to be closed-minded in this city and will only let you in if you're mutual friends. You should try things that are outside of your comfort zone (but interest you), so you can be exposed to people and women from different backgrounds and walks of life.
If you want a marriage/family, you still have a good 5-7 years before you have to start making those decisions. That's a lot of time to become comfortable in your own skin (truly as a man), do stupid/fun things, and have a few regrettable flings too (no man's life in his 20s is complete without them).
1st meet up is your typical after work drinks affair, they'd be silly if they think I will try to impress anyone I don't know very well with wine & dine.
thanks for the warning though...most seem pretty real so far. didn't watch that video yet but i'd presume it's similar to the barney one in HIMYM.
Mr. Chin, I never attempted at randoms but it wouldn't hurt to learn. You feel it's a disaster because noob or because many women don't like guys browsing? I personally feel it's okay if you're not in a relationship yet and it shouldn't be a surprise if we clicked through a dating site. I'm just not sure if I should be straight forward about it on dates and if not, what to tactifully say to keep options open?
I like tapioca's approach but I'm open to other approaches/reasoning.
That's the thing about the Vancouver scene (especially Asians). You might feel okay with it but to them, you'll just come off as a player. But I guess if you can keep it a secret or come to a mutual understanding, there will nothing to worry about.
For me, I can quickly distinguish, usually through the first several hours, if I will like the girl or not. I'm pretty sure everyone can. It's either a yes or no for me, nothing in between.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
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Never bothered to ask friends to set something up. Actually a friend tried to set me up with her sister but I simply wasn't attracted. I feel initially there has to be attraction for there to be an interest. But I'm not one for the bar/shitty club scene.
