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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 09-03-2022, 04:06 AM   #25251
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Originally Posted by ZN6 View Post
So let me get this straight: 17/23 = Ok. 6 years later, 22/29 = not ok?

I'm glad you've grown out of the LG phase, bro, but I don't like this new strategic direction you're taking.

I come back to YVR and this shit is still going on?! Glad I didn't miss anything while I was gone.

I hope you're well in spirit and body, dude.
Haha, i got my chance to date her, 2 years later when we stopped working together, it was fun 4 years. We went through multiple rough patches and got through them, the biggest one that didn't change was my financial stability, 1 year into our relationship i started a food service in the beginning its was good but covid hit and it started to go downhill, restaurants were reducing their orders and i still had a truck lease to pay, eventually i defaulted on the truck and the company hit a standstill, she saw that and supported me by lending me money to get a new truck to continue the business, another year later we were constantly arguing about the business and how it wasn't sustainable, but i wouldn't listen. So she had enough and decided that I wasn't right for her. It hurt a lot we had been through so much together and I was looking at a ring but I guess it was too late, there was too much negative sentiment for her. She could no longer see the potential to build a family with me... But it was still the happiest 4 years i had so far, I enjoyed every bit of it, it'll be hard to move on from but eventually i will. Business now, and I've handed it over to my parents, and siblings so i can work towards my electrician red seal.

Also my condolences, its rough and you think about whether or not you're on the right path but, from all the advice you have given me, I can say you got this and move back to van so I can finally meet you in person.

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[18-02, 21:40] ICE BOY please come over and wrap me in your foreskin.
[18-10, 14:35] ZN6 Evo if you here: Say what your heart feels, cause those who matter don't mind, and those who mind shouldn't matter
[26-07, 14:46] ZN6 I gonna nibble on your scrotum

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Old 09-03-2022, 09:45 AM   #25252
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Haha, i got my chance to date her, 2 years later when we stopped working together, it was fun 4 years. We went through multiple rough patches and got through them, the biggest one that didn't change was my financial stability, 1 year into our relationship i started a food service in the beginning its was good but covid hit and it started to go downhill, restaurants were reducing their orders and i still had a truck lease to pay, eventually i defaulted on the truck and the company hit a standstill, she saw that and supported me by lending me money to get a new truck to continue the business, another year later we were constantly arguing about the business and how it wasn't sustainable, but i wouldn't listen. So she had enough and decided that I wasn't right for her. It hurt a lot we had been through so much together and I was looking at a ring but I guess it was too late, there was too much negative sentiment for her. She could no longer see the potential to build a family with me... But it was still the happiest 4 years i had so far, I enjoyed every bit of it, it'll be hard to move on from but eventually i will. Business now, and I've handed it over to my parents, and siblings so i can work towards my electrician red seal.

Also my condolences, its rough and you think about whether or not you're on the right path but, from all the advice you have given me, I can say you got this and move back to van so I can finally meet you in person.
Builds character, Evo. Thanks for sharing your story. That's one thing RS will always be good for, venting grief and celebrating successes. Glad you were able to make the best of the 4 years even though it didn't work out. You've done more than a lot of people do in a lifetime. Don't let people step on you anymore, mate. The only time you lose is if you dwell and don't move on.

I don't know if I can ever move back permanently to Vancouver with my family being rooted halfway around the world. Maybe when my kids grow older and when they are ready to go to school abroad, they'll go to Canada. I still have 2 condos rented out so there's that option for them, but no plans to return to Canada for the next 10 years now that I no longer have any immediate family in YVR. Hopefully I can shake your hand if the day ever comes when I move back.

But you know, you can take the man out of RS, but you can't take the RS outta the man.

Farewell YVR, hope to see you again.
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Old 09-03-2022, 11:34 AM   #25253
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Thanks Traum.

It's never easy dealing with death. I guess I'm lucky that my dad lived a pretty full life before he passed. It's just he lived it with me being pretty absent from being busy with my life goals in the last decade and a half. I finished my pursuits of becoming an actuary, and an MBA but not once did I make time to even have breakfast with him at that Angel Cafe place back in the day. After a company M&A, I took an overseas opportunity and didn't even bother to see my dad before I took off, I just called him and he wished me the best. Fast forward to 4 weeks ago, I found out my dad was on his deathbed. He never liked to disclose whether he had health issues and the only thing we could do was video call him where he could see my family and I. My kids don't speak fluent English yet to the point where my 3 year old daughter still only speaks Japanese so they can't communicate at all and she'll never know who her granddad was. He was happy to see us but I couldn't get back to see him alive in person and the last words to me was "I'm proud of you, son". My last words to him were lies as I told him I'll be back to see him before he goes. The timing was absolutely shitty, over the last 3 years, COVID-19 was shit and when I could finally travel again, and I find out my dad is dying, it was Obon and travel is absolute shit. I finally made it back last week in time for his funeral on Monday.

I had the longest sleep in my life dozing off in bed on Monday at 3pm after the funeral and waking up Wednesday around noon at my aunt's house. My sister-in-law, who came up with my brother from Cali, woke me up with hot soymilk and sticky rice with shredded pork. That was honestly the only comforting thing in the last month.

I think my dad's death put me at a crossroad. I've kissed corporate ass for the last decade and scrubbed shit stains off corporate toilets and in turn I'm finally getting my corporate ass kissed with associate cleaning my shit stains off with their tongues. And even after all the material and monetary gains, life feels empty with no time for family, it's just prodding along at a slog. The worst part about this is that our company went through another M&A recently and I took on even more responsibility and less time. My kids sometimes don't see me for a week at a time (this week included), I come home from work at 10:30pm exhausted, they're already asleep, I'm up at 5am to get to commute to the office. Our live-in nanny quitting last year was a bit of a blessing in disguise as it finally pushed my waifu to quit her job at NTT and be a full-time mom and she manages the kids well and speaks well of me, but it's no replacement for me actually being there. I guess I should be happy that even when my mood is absolute shit, there's a meal waiting for me at the end of the day, and I should never take that for granted. But will this last? I honestly think it won't if I keep this up and it's killing me to know that I have less and less time even when one of my family is facing death. I can provide a very comfortable life for my family now, but I don't know how sustainable it is. Work-life-balance is nearly non-existent in Japan. I look at my pictures from just 5 years ago with a head full of black hair, and now my head is half full of greys and I don't even partake in any vices. I think it's time to slow down and downsize, the dream would be to open up a cafe somewhere and be my own barista, but that won't pay the bills. I've come to realize that my kids are too important and it took my dad's death to teach me that.

Now I gotta go into the office on Monday (no time for jetlag recovery) with the corporate face on as if nothing happened in the last week, while I'm about ready to bawl my eyes out typing this knowing I can't go back to change anything. No amount of what I accumulated could buy back a second of time.

Current mood:



BTW, I tried to go back to our old family dining hole, congee noodle house, on Broadway and Main to find that it's shut down, WTF happened to Broadway? WTF happened to all the side streets on Commercial and Granville blocked with tables and shit. WTF is going on with Vancouver streets?
Firstly condolences to your family, it's tough and not easy.

Hope through this life experience, you'll be able to see the light of there are greater things in life than money (not to say money isn't important). Kids grow up fast and you'll want to have memories to remember years to come. Don't want your kids only memories of dad is "he's always working". Personally growing up, my dad was always working so that he can provide a better life for me and my sister. Now I've grown up, I always tell people "my dad worked hard, busted his ass off sweat/grind - make it sound hardcore so it sounds cool LOL". Ultimately what good is money when you don't have family, that's what I'm trying to say.

Japanese culture sounds brutal? Maybe that's why Mitsubishi didn't want to hire me a few years ago, when they interviewed me. They asked me "what's your style of preference of work". I told them "laid back, flexible hours, prefer not to be micro-managed". Never heard from them again after haha.
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Old 09-04-2022, 04:43 AM   #25254
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Builds character, Evo. Thanks for sharing your story. That's one thing RS will always be good for, venting grief and celebrating successes. Glad you were able to make the best of the 4 years even though it didn't work out. You've done more than a lot of people do in a lifetime. Don't let people step on you anymore, mate. The only time you lose is if you dwell and don't move on.

I don't know if I can ever move back permanently to Vancouver with my family being rooted halfway around the world. Maybe when my kids grow older and when they are ready to go to school abroad, they'll go to Canada. I still have 2 condos rented out so there's that option for them, but no plans to return to Canada for the next 10 years now that I no longer have any immediate family in YVR. Hopefully I can shake your hand if the day ever comes when I move back.

But you know, you can take the man out of RS, but you can't take the RS outta the man.

Farewell YVR, hope to see you again.
i plan on going to japan next year once everything is settled, if i do ill reach out and shake your hand in person like the big brother i never had.
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[18-02, 21:40] ICE BOY please come over and wrap me in your foreskin.
[18-10, 14:35] ZN6 Evo if you here: Say what your heart feels, cause those who matter don't mind, and those who mind shouldn't matter
[26-07, 14:46] ZN6 I gonna nibble on your scrotum

93 honda civic si (RIP)
2010 Evolution X (RIP)
2000 GMC Yukon XL SLT (RIP)
2003 GMC Yukon XL Denali (Overland build

2019 Kawasaki Ex 400(Summer Daily)
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Old 09-04-2022, 02:17 PM   #25255
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After 6 months of dating my good friend, we decided to stay friends. Even though it was a hard decision to make, it was the right decision.

It was great at first - we were compatible in many ways and shared similar qualities. But as time passed, our differences became more obvious and stood in the way of us moving further.

If we ever get back together and reconcile, we would need to have a serious talk about how we would change things for the better.
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Old 11-05-2022, 09:18 PM   #25256
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Cliched but the situation below isn't about me but, rather, a friend of mine who's in a scenario I thought I'd share:

--------------------------

He's been seeing a girl since August last year. Three weeks in, the girl says she needs time off from it to deal with personal matters. She didn't share much of it but after some pressing from my friend, she revealed that she didn't fully break it off with the guy she was seeing prior and she was torn. She basically said she was pursuing the guy for a relationship but he wasn't reciprocating as he wanted her just for sex and relaxation, nothing more. She also mentioned that while she feels mentally connected to my friend, her heart wasn't feeling that same connection.

They agreed to not see each other so she can end it with the previous guy and have a 'cleanse'. He texted her periodically to checkup on her and she appreciated that.

Come November, (2 months), she says she's ready to see him again. Her previous BF was out of the picture and she felt spiritually 'renewed'.

They see each other again like they used to but then Christmas comes in and they're both busy with family, then she gets Covid in January which put her out for 2 more weeks. So basically between Nov and now (about 3 months), they saw each other around 8 times.

It was 2 weeks ago they went to a restaurant and for the first time, she decides to take a selfie with the two of them AND she posts it on her social media where her family take notice and are apparently happy for her. My friend was ecstatic at this point because he thought that she was finally comfortable enough to be with him, accept him and that she had gotten over her issues from September. The relationship was officially beginning.

And then last night happens. She texted him again saying she can't feel the connection when they kiss or be intimate. She said he's the perfect boyfriend (much better than her previous BF) and her mind wants to move forward but there's something in her heart that makes her not feel anything. Apparently she considered ignoring her heart and following her mind but thinks that will create a delusion and none of them will be happy since the connection isn't genuine.

So yeah, my friend is feeling dejected now. They talked a bit after the initial messages and she's convinced that she can't feel anything, not because of my friend, but because of her own history with failed relationships (she's at 4) and she's in her mid 30s.

My view was that it's almost like her heart is putting up a self-defense mechanism due to her history and to prevent further hurt.

Anyway, it's not so much the revelation that's eating my friend up. It's the ambiguity. She said she MAY feel something at some point but she doesn't know when. I mean, that's gotta hurt anyone in that situation right? It could be a month or even one year before she knows how to proceed. She said she's not dating at all and it's last on her priority list. They are both thinking that dating again in November might have been too soon. My friend honestly thought she'd cleanse until the end of 2021 and start fresh this year but she thought 2 months would be enough.

I actually feel for both of them. I can't imagine the shock and confusion going on between them. They are currently on good terms but in his own words 'the relationship ended as soon as it began'.

He doesn't want to get back into dating himself because of how hard it's been especially with Covid. Online makes it even harder. It's almost like the ratio of men to women is like 10:1. He said he'll just focus on his career and just see what happens. He's latching to the fact that she said he's 'the perfect boyfriend' as hope but the ambiguity will bother him. I empathize. Humans don't get along with ambiguity. We always like all the information present to us and a crystal clear fashion.

Whoops! This is a long post but he told me everything so I tried to transcribe as best I could.
I have an update to this story (this thread is slow anyway). For starters, let me generate some names (not actual names).

My friend: James
The girl: Samantha
The ex / now current boyfriend: Mike
Mutual friend: Melanie

So ever since my friend James and Samantha went their own ways, she basically committed to Mike. He was an ex but they got back together. By committed, I mean she started posting photos and videos of them together all throughout spring and summer including a motorcycle trip through Van Isle.

Anyway, a mutual friend, Melanie, notices that Samantha started removing posts from her IG / FB only to find out they're all posts relating to her & Mike. This is months' worth of posts / reels / collections etc.

Melanie told James for fun and all James could to is

So basically, Samantha threw James away for Mike who then threw Samantha away. The karma is just too much :

Samantha and Mike couldn't even get 10 months out of their relationship redux and now she has no one, though James thinks she'll be someone else's cumrag for now.

James has happily been in a relationship since July and he told me to say thank you to you guys for helping him dodge that bullet, though he describes Samantha as a grenade without a pin that's always in someone's hand.

EDIT: As for me, I just passed one month of being in a relationship . We started dating in June but didn't make it official until September. She lives in Victoria so there's distance issues but we're making it work. Going there gives me reason to leave my hamster-wheel life.
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