REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

El Bastardo · 02-07-2009, 10:27 PM

The following is an submission from an Anonymous Revscene member. If the original poster would like to reply to this thread feel free to message me privately

I went out for dinner with my ..gf.
Everything was going pretty well after a bad week for the both of us. I thought things were getting better with the talking we were doing on the way there. We finally get served and keep on talking but then she tells me she believes our fighting is not ok, and that maybe what she needs is to think about herself and what she needs and what this relationship needs.

(Ive told her before about what I think about breaks, and I said that they were a lame excuse for people to reconsider their current relationship and that there's possibly other people in the mix)

So I ask, What are you asking me for?

her:I'm thinking I need a break, we'll still be together just without the commitments.

after that, I didn't say much.

ps:

Before dinner started she was texting someone non-stop on the way, and then while we were waiting for seats. I took her phone from her and didn't look at it. I initiated to go to the bathroom and me, forgetting about the phone in my pocket she grabs me and asks for the phone back. So from that I said jokingly...What, are you hiding something? she didn't reply.

...I take her home, she tells me she still loves me and that I don't understand.

I told her no, she doesn't.

She's now trying to contact me and I'm trying my hardest to ignore it.

Is what I'm doing/did right or wrong?
What should I be doing as of now?

bensta · 02-07-2009, 10:55 PM

Dont ignore it. Just ask her for the truth and ask her if theres someone else there. if she says no then talk about this "break". If yes then ask who it is and why.

ah_cat · 02-08-2009, 01:08 AM

^ +1

You'll be thinking and wondering if she has someone else.
Wouldn't you rather find out rather than assuming?
Your brain would be malfunctioned if you think this and that.
Just ask for the truth.

BoneThug · 02-08-2009, 12:35 PM

dump her. with prejudice. what a bitch. that was classless of her.

!Yaminashi · 02-08-2009, 12:49 PM

Ok 2 things.

1) I personally think that was rude of her to be texting someone else the entire way there, even after you guys get there.

2) You want to know if there's someone else involved. Tell her that its a 2 way street, if she wants a break, you deserve to know the truth whether or not there's someone else.
(I guess you should really only say this is she refuses to give you a straight answer)

+Kardboard+ · 02-08-2009, 01:47 PM

It's been a little while since then, and it's probably a good time to do a face-to-face and get things out in the open. If she doesn't trust you enough with the truth (and it does sound like she's hiding something) then something's gotta change. Better to let it out ASAP before things spiral out of control for either of you.

ZenZa · 02-08-2009, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by +Kardboard+

It's been a little while since then, and it's probably a good time to do a face-to-face and get things out in the open. If she doesn't trust you enough with the truth (and it does sound like she's hiding something) then something's gotta change. Better to let it out ASAP before things spiral out of control for either of you.

+1

it does sound like she hiding something, just depends on how serious it is.

cheung20 · 02-09-2009, 12:15 AM

umm to be honest with you. Ignoring her temporary is actually a good idea until YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

once that is confirmed the rest will fall into place.
sometimes you hold on for the sake of holding on (been there)
so if you find sth worth fighting for, then try your best to fix it, if not sth better is ALWAYS going to show up

haymura · 02-09-2009, 12:26 PM

ill agree with others here about just finding out if there is someone else rather than keeping silence and mind games. texting someone doesnt necessarily mean she's texting a guy. maybe she's texting a friend about the issue of breaking up and she's just unsure about it and needs a friend to justify or advice her. dont jump to conclusions and just ask her up front. it keeps you in the neutral as well rather than creating negative thoughts.

!Yaminashi · 02-09-2009, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by haymura

ill agree with others here about just finding out if there is someone else rather than keeping silence and mind games. texting someone doesnt necessarily mean she's texting a guy. maybe she's texting a friend about the issue of breaking up and she's just unsure about it and needs a friend to justify or advice her. dont jump to conclusions and just ask her up front. it keeps you in the neutral as well rather than creating negative thoughts.

Asking her is only half the battle. Getting the answer is the other half

Noir · 02-09-2009, 01:36 PM

I wouldn't play games. I'd have asked her to what that was about, and would have instructed her to show me her phone.

I wouldn't exactly dump her, but her refusal does allow for diminished courtesy to your partner. That means increased contact with female friends and an increase in one's own personal privacy as well regarding these contacts.

It's funny how others respond when you treat others EXACTLY how they treat you. Just bear in mind that you also treat other how you would like to be treated. That is my answer.

BoneThug · 02-09-2009, 01:36 PM

answer is not relevant. she dissed you. she knows she dissed you. and she knows that you know that she dissed you. break up to make up latter but you still gotta break up. pride both dictates and demands it.

Noir · 02-09-2009, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneThug

answer is not relevant. she dissed you. she knows she dissed you. and she knows that you know that she dissed you. break up to make up latter but you still gotta break up. pride both dictates and demands it.

You don't take shit from anything with a vagina anymore don't you.

I like the new you

BoneThug · 02-09-2009, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noir

You don't take shit from anything with a vagina anymore don't you.

I like the new you

haha its one thing to treat someone like a human being. its another to take it when a girl treats you like shit right in front of you. my prides as strong as the next guys. that or maybe Rs is rubbing off on me a bit more.

NimbeeTT · 02-09-2009, 09:11 PM

I dont believe in breaks. I think it's a load of bs.
I agree, they're just lame excuses and there is ALWAYS a third party behind it suggesting that a break is necessary.

Obviously you gotta talk to her and tell her to be honest with you and have her tell you what is REALLY wrong, whether it's something you did or she's just feeling unsure cause she met someone she's developing feelings for. My guess is the second one, considering what you said about the phone and stuff.
But dont go up to her and accuse her and ask to see her phone. that is if you still want to work things out with her. If not and all you wanna do is just be a pain in the ass and straight up be a jerk, then just take her phone lol
A good possibility is she wants a break cause there is someone else in the picture, but she isnt sure how that's going to work out but at the same time she doesnt want to lose you. OR, it's just her friends being nosy bitches and trying to tell her "whats right for her" so she's kinda torn?
I dont know =/
but def have a talk with her and try and get the honest truth outta her. good luck man

El Bastardo · 02-09-2009, 10:50 PM

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

So I talked to her.

wtf is going on, this is BS, why don't you make it official and break up with me? I'm not gonna be pulled around because you couldn't make up you're mind. I can only assume you're hiding something after the incident with the phone and now you're asking for a break. Seconds before that you were ready to suck me off. Can you tell me how exactly we can still be together without commitments? Do you honestly think I'm a ******* dumb ass?

reply: You don't understand, (cries) I'm asking for space to figure myself out and become a better GF for you. It's my phone why should I have to show it, why can't you trust me?

me: Explain to me how you'll become a better GF towards me if you want me to be away from you, This BS is sounding like a sad excuse. You let me go through your phone every other time, what happened then?

reply: I can't put it in any other way for you to understand.

me: I can't believe I tolerate with this BS.

reply: (starts touching me) don't...please. (Can't talk from crying)

me: F*** it, I want a proper explanation tomorrow otherwise I can only assume the worst of this.

Something tells me otherwise but It's only right to do the expected.

I've also grown quite close with the family,

what now? I really did not get any answers other than that shes become a dumb b****.

NimbeeTT · 02-09-2009, 11:09 PM

Hold up.
why were you guys fighting in the first place? i dont think you really said how it came to be in this situation =/

but this sounds an awful lot like a typical girl and her excuses when she's torn between decisions. Dont go accusing her of things yet, that's not gonna make anything better. What's most important is you gotta find out why she wants a break, or, actually, if there's something else than just "i wanna learn to be a better gf".
i dont think you've done anything wrong so far, though. you're just doing what every bf would do in this situation. i mean, if i were a boy and i were you i'd do the same =/
but speaking from experience, accusations are never a good thing. it just makes thing worse, especially when you find out later on that you accused her of something (maybe by then it wouldnt make a difference anymore), it's just a pretty shitty feeling. lol

haymura · 02-09-2009, 11:10 PM

sounds like she's confused right now. im not sure about what but she's definitely confused about something. I say its best to take time apart from each other but lay it to her in a calm way. tell her that it maybe best to be apart for you to take this time to figure out ur mess. This also gives u room to breathe and not be filled with doubts or clouds looming on ur head. both of u need to give space cuz right now ur on each other's throats. No point continuing on the relationship if its all gonna be filled insecurities, doubts, suspicion and mistrust.

fuhkyu · 02-09-2009, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Los Bastardo

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

So I talked to her.

wtf is going on, this is BS, why don't you make it official and break up with me? I'm not gonna be pulled around because you couldn't make up you're mind. I can only assume you're hiding something after the incident with the phone and now you're asking for a break. Seconds before that you were ready to suck me off. Can you tell me how exactly we can still be together without commitments? Do you honestly think I'm a ******* dumb ass?

reply: You don't understand, (cries) I'm asking for space to figure myself out and become a better GF for you. It's my phone why should I have to show it, why can't you trust me?

me: Explain to me how you'll become a better GF towards me if you want me to be away from you, This BS is sounding like a sad excuse. You let me go through your phone every other time, what happened then?

reply: I can't put it in any other way for you to understand.

me: I can't believe I tolerate with this BS.

reply: (starts touching me) don't...please. (Can't talk from crying)

me: F*** it, I want a proper explanation tomorrow otherwise I can only assume the worst of this.

Something tells me otherwise but It's only right to do the expected.

I've also grown quite close with the family,

what now? I really did not get any answers other than that shes become a dumb b****.

Dude good for you, I've been down this road before. What you did is a good approach, it shows that you're not down to deal with this bullshit. Hell you don't deserve to deal with this shit - you deserve answers, if she can't give you answers or if she has the need to hide something from you then something is wrong.

Being close with the family is tough, you have to wait and see if she will give you the answers. If she doesn't have the respect to tell you the truth, to tell you what the hell is going on then it's not worth your time and move on.

*edit*

Just wondering how long have you two been going out?

6793026 · 02-10-2009, 11:57 AM

YOu're one of the few that knows what they are donig. good for you.
keep us posted.

k2_alpha · 02-10-2009, 12:02 PM

that sucks.
especially if you are close to the family
makes everything harder as the family wont be able to talk to you cause they are most likely going to stand with the daughter

Noir · 02-10-2009, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fuhkyu

Dude good for you

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6793026

YOu're one of the few that knows what they are donig. good for you.
keep us posted.

+1, Good for you.

Though I would never snoop behind her back and look at her phone, I would however personally wrestled the phone from her hand should she have vehemently refused.

Not that you should stoop to my level, but without crossing the line of domestic violence, it cuts through all the bullshit and it gets your message across. I don't believe in the notion of a girl hiding behind the veil of "weaker sex" to avoid accountability of her actions.

vmec · 02-10-2009, 12:36 PM

She didnt answer you. I'd go ahead and assume as you said you would. There's someone else.

The "break" for her is to fuck around with the other dude, get treated like shit and come running back to your open arms. And by doing this she will say: "ahh, I'm done with that fling NOW I can be a better gf to you".

You tell her that if she wants a break a break is time alone, not time alone with another man.

bsftong · 02-10-2009, 01:21 PM

IMO a break = breaking up.

As much as you love her or care for her, you gotta think of yourself first, theres no reason to be put through this BS.

From a 3rd person POV, seems like she is hiding something, just like what everyone here thinks. If she can't be honest with you, then there's no foundation for this relationship to carry on.

With that said....there's always two sides to every story

you · 02-10-2009, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Los Bastardo

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

So I talked to her.

wtf is going on, this is BS, why don't you make it official and break up with me? I'm not gonna be pulled around because you couldn't make up you're mind. I can only assume you're hiding something after the incident with the phone and now you're asking for a break. Seconds before that you were ready to suck me off. Can you tell me how exactly we can still be together without commitments? Do you honestly think I'm a ******* dumb ass?

reply: You don't understand, (cries) I'm asking for space to figure myself out and become a better GF for you. It's my phone why should I have to show it, why can't you trust me?

me: Explain to me how you'll become a better GF towards me if you want me to be away from you, This BS is sounding like a sad excuse. You let me go through your phone every other time, what happened then?

reply: I can't put it in any other way for you to understand.

me: I can't believe I tolerate with this BS.

reply: (starts touching me) don't...please. (Can't talk from crying)

me: F*** it, I want a proper explanation tomorrow otherwise I can only assume the worst of this.

Something tells me otherwise but It's only right to do the expected.

I've also grown quite close with the family,

what now? I really did not get any answers other than that shes become a dumb b****.

props for being a man n doing the right thing
everything she says and do is bs and u know it
i believe that if someone can't give u a straight fucking answer then something is definitely going on behind ur back
ur close w/ the family but i think its better that u found out sooner than later
u don't even need any further explanation as it clearly looks like ur not even good enough for the truth..i say fuck it and dump her ass to the curb, there's too many out there who will treat u much better