The Notorious Car Keyer

[yellowpower]

Originally Posted by Chopstick

yupyup!

judge: "can you point to the offender?"

plaintiff: "mmmm....... rite... thur" ( o___-)-----> (O__O)!

lawyer: "OBJECTION"

judge: "OBJECTION NOT SUSTAINED"

judge: "did he hit you?

plaintiff: "mmhmm (o__x)....."

lawyer: "OBJECTION"

judge: "OBJECTION NOT FUCKING SUSTAINED, BITCH!"

plaintiff: "he smacked me"

defendant: "superman smacked you"

judge: "did you hit him?"

defendant: "nope"

plaintiff: "but.. my.. face.. and.. i was there when he punched me"

lawyer: "OBJECTION"

judge: "SUSTAINED"

lawyer: "your fucking honor, i would like to ask mr. plaintiff a few questions."

lawyer: *brings out a picture of superman's hand* "how large is his hand?"

plaintiff: "9 inches"

lawyer: "how large is your wound? remember, you're under fucking oath"

plaintiff: "9 inches"

lawyer: "which brings me to my next question: how come the wound and superman's hand is indeed the same size? and, how can your face be smashed, yet the defendant's hand isnt? i have with me today some kind of specialist with a phd in quantum physics at some stupid university. he has brought along a presentation that shows what happens when a fist hits a face, in high definition slow motion, in powerpoint format."

lawyer: "what is your expert opinion on this?"

specialist: "superman did it"

lawyer: "mr. plaintiff, can you prove that superman smacked you?

plaintiff: "no"

lawyer: "which means, you can't also prove that superman DIDNT smack you?"

plaintiff: "lolwut, no"

lawyer: "i also have a written testimonial for my client. it is from the client's mixed martial arts instructor. it says the following: mr. defendant is harmless. so much to the point of... cuddly-ness"

lawyer: "do you like little boys?"

plaintiff: "(O__o) wut kind of question is that"

lawyer: "ANSWER THE QUESTION"

judge: "ANSWER THE QUESTION"

lawyer: "you're saying that you never looked at a penis before, even your own?"

plaintiff: "well, there was this one time, i was in the change room, and i glanced a this kid's penis. i cant help it, his robe fell off and i was caught by surprise. i am not a little boy lover"

lawyer: "i quote you when you say "cant help it". how were you feeling back then that moment?"

plaintiff: "i was relaxed, i just finished swimming, that's why i went there in the first place"

lawyer: "you were i repeat "relaxed". ladies and gentlemen, recent studies done by some nobody shows that relaxation is a form of pleasure. so, in this case, plaintiff was feeling pleasurable"

lawyer: "so let me sum that up: "kid", "penis", "cant help it", "pleasurable""

lawyer: "with no further evidence and proof that my client did attack, and adding to the fact that we are dealing with a possible serial little boy molester, i ask the judge and jury to re evaluate this picture"

judge: *gets out the big book of bullshit*

judge: "i hereby drop the charge due to lack of evidence and improper handling. dont forget to pay on your way out, sucker"

lolcat wutlol