| Orion | 09-14-2009 10:57 AM |
superuseless superpowers
don't let superman hog all the spotlight Laser Pointer Eyes http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tgx5W1_6tA...serpointer.jpg
Your gaze isn't strong enough to burn through anything, just strong enough to point things out. Makes prolonged eye contact particularly awkward and painful during romantic dinners and job interviews. Healing Punch http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_tgx5W1_6tA.../Picture+1.png
Float like a butterfly and sting like the bedside manner of Mother Teresa. As a superhero, sometimes you have to resort to violence. Too bad your ferocious fists instantly heal the damage you inflict. Whereas most punches would deliver a crushing Ivan Drago-like knockout. Yours leave your opponent feeling amazingly refreshed and rejuvenated. At least until he counters with an uppercut to your esophagus. PreMOMnition http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tgx5W1_6tA...mamavision.jpg
The power to see what your mother is doing at all times. PreMOMnition cannot be turned off and operates similar to picture-in-picture technology, so your mom is ALWAYS in your field of vision. Oh, and good luck trying to get laid. Even viagra can’t combat real-time images of your mom waxing your father’s back. In-Flight Flight http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_tgx5W1_6tA...lane+final.jpg
Being able to soar through the air still won't save you from recycled oxygen and endless stories from complete strangers. Known as the "Cabin Sparrow," this so-called power lets you fly, but only within the confines of an airplane. At least you can leapfrog the beverage cart when explosive diarrhea strikes at 30,000 feet. Turn into a brick wall... Forever http://bp3.blogger.com/_tgx5W1_6tAI/.../wallfinal.jpg
The power to transform into a brick wall is truly awesome. Except when you can only do it once and can’t ever change back. And while Larry’s powers did momentarily save his village from the barbarians...they came back later with a ladder. | 