[Confidential] Dating someone with a different religion
 

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know


I'm looking for some opinions about dating someone of a different religious background. My girlfriend and I have been back and forth on this topic for some time now. It wasn’t an issue at first but now that our relationship is serious, it is becoming more of an issue or she thinks it will become a bigger issue as our relationship goes deeper. First off, she’s Christian and I’m not exactly a very religious person. Religion has never been a big part of my life as I was growing up. I do believe in God but never was a part of any organized religion.

We’ve been together for awhile now and we do love each other. The next milestone for our relationship would be marriage. She tells me that I’m everything she looks for in a man except the fact that she can’t share her religious beliefs with me. It’s an important part of her life. Now I’m not a close-minded person, I even attended some church services with her (out of my own will) to see what it’s all about. She never tries to force her beliefs on me. I do respect her with her beliefs as she does with mine.

She’s afraid that there will be problems in our future (especially if we are to get married) because of our religious differences. One thing she said was how would we raise our kids? I personally don’t mind if they are raised Christian but she’s looking for her husband to be a role model for them too. Anyways, that’s just one area where she can foresee “problems”.

At this point in my life, I don’t know if I’ll ever be that religious person she’s looking for. It may happen, it may not. We both love each very much which makes it hard for us to just walk away from each other. It’s probably the only problem in our relationship, unfortunately it’s a pretty big issue. What would you guys do? Would you take a chance on this? What are your thoughts on dating someone with a different religion?

Same thing for me. I ended up marrying her (Christian). At one point the whole church tried talking her out of it and I even did a lil interview with her pastor.

It's easy to say if you love her things will work out, but things like kids can be a problem. In our case, since I'm not religious I told her the kids can be Christian. She knows I won't attend her church (unless it's a special occasion) and as much as she doesn't like that, she's come to respect it.

You just gotta work out your boundaries beforehand and come to an agreement.
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oops

this is one of those deal breaker issues. i can't see a middle ground with this, so you either have to change or she just has to be okay with the situation. otherwise, it's time to move on

I was in a simular spot. she went to chunch almost every sunday with her entire family and I thought it was a huge waste of time and didn't want to go. And I don't belive in any of it.

she finaly left after 3.5 years as she couldn't marry me... waste of 3.5 years. I should have accepted the red flag at the beginning and ran away. I will next time.

if your girlfriend is a devoted christian, she proabbly gonna leave you cuz the bible says not to marry non christians.

easy, if you love her enough, you'd be willing to live a fake Christian life.

that asshole husband dude that doesnt really care when he's at church and only shows up once a year, u know, the typical christian/catholic or whatever the fuck u wanna call it.

just say you believe in god, that'll fix everything. it's just a word to you anyways right?


if u already don't mind your kids being bible thumpers then i don't see the problem, for me that would be my biggest concern, but you don't care so whatever!

she can share god with you all she likes, u can "believe it" but you don't have to be devout. just be Christian on paper, if you know what i mean.

that being said, yeah, you can be the realist christian.

whenever shit happens instead of getting in the blowjob position and clapping your hands together and saying a few words, you can actually just do something that works

if she asks why u never pray, say it's a private thing, you pray in your own mind at night at your own time.

a real Christian would not argue back, and respect your way of "worshipping" god... right?

^ i wouldn't recommend deception. a marriage can't be based on a lie.

anyways "OP", the two of you seem to be reasonable people so i'd say your best option is the compromise others have suggested. the only real difference between the two of you (based on the above post only) is that she is bound to religion and you are not. if this really is going to be the mother of your children then i would recommend that you continue your open mindedness but also try to attend church a tad more often (especially if you will have your children attending).

call it what you will, but its more about your family than it is the church. sure, you're putting on a show for the congregation, but the more important part is that you'd be making your wife happy and that your kids can see some solidarity between the two of you in regards to religion.

i myself am like you: believe in god, don't believe in attending church to prove it. that being said, making a small sacrifice of your time for your own family doesn't seem like a huge deal.

yeah its true i just don't like the christian way haha.

i have a friend in the same position as you, except they're married now.

it worked out. he did what i said, sorta. he's just one of those... he just does the "okay okay wife is right" thing when it comes to church, but he obviously doesn't give two shits about it. his wife doesnt mind, he just has to play the role, whether he means it or not.

just like many other things in life, it dosent matter if you have the heart for it, you just have to do it.

^^ There are some things in life that you just do even if you don't have the heart for it. Lying to your spouse about believing in their religion is not one of them. You're screwing yourself over by having to live a lie, and you're screwing your spouse over by living a lie.

My advice to the OP is to ask her who she loves more: God or you.
If she loves God more, I wouldn't pursue the relationship into marriage, you'll have too many problems because it'll be hard for her to not be able to share such a big part of her life with her spouse.
If she loves you more, well, then she has to reevaluate where she stands with Christianity. It's sorta all or nothing. After that, it might be easier to decide.

your advice won't work, because you are forcing her into deciding between something she has probably had her whole life and a dude. you never put a woman into that situation because the result is almost always 99% fail. it's basically asking her to choose between her life as she knows it, and him. that is not something you ask someone you love, that is something you do when you have a gun in your hand and the person in question is your enemy. your lover isn't your enemy.

no one can be a true christian convert at a later age unless christianity brought some radical life changing experience for them. NO ONE.

if it's just for the sake of marrying the wife and signing papers and getting your head dumped in water, i still consider that a fake convert.

you really think she'll truely believe 110% and willing to bet her life that he's a true convert even after he converts? it's bullshit, of course not. he's been raised for the past 2X years of his life or 3X years of his life as a non christian. you think just because she wants him to believe in god, and him saying yes, means he TRUELY DOES?

of course not. be realistic, no one can be converted under normal everyday circumstances.

i've met many mormons on the street, in taipei, even here in richmond along no3 road. everything they say is bullshit, and i don't believe it, but i'm willing to let them follow me for a few blocks and talk to them about whatever, because you know what, they truely believe what they are saying, they are willing to sacrifice 2 years of their life to spread what they believe in, and i respect that. anyone willing to sacrifice 2 years of the already short human life they have, to "help" others (whether it be converting or humanitarian help or a tour of duty in some warzone), deserves to have their voice heard.

are you?
are any christians you know willing to do that? is this newly converted husband willing to do that?
say money wasnt a problem, say their jobs let them... we all know the answer.

i'm just saying. I've been to church a few times when i was younger just to check it out. Hell i admit, at the lowest points of my life or other's lives, i have closed my eyes and "prayed" to some higher being, in hopes they they will respond or hear me.

you know the saying, "there are no atheists in foxholes". I'm just saying, everyone at one point in their life or another WILL reach out and try to communicate in some way or another with a higher power, a divine being or whatever.
let me ask you, if the woman you loved most, only had one request of you, and that was for you to convert to her religion, wouldn't you?

and then the another question arises, when it's time to choose god or your wife, who would you choose?

and in that question lies your answer (an answer that no one else has to know)


I'm not bashing god or God or whatever. I'm just saying... deeds, not words.

BELIEVING IS NOT ENOUGH. IT STILL ISN'T ENOUGH. AND IT NEVER HAS BEEN, EVER.
the bible has been twisted over the centuries to serve the lazy and selfish nature of man-kind. I don't blame god, i blame humans.

There should be no "except." It almost feels as if she's imposing an ultimatum. Religion is her life and she already doesn't see you in a part of hers.

As long as you both love each other then I don't see anything wrong..

I was in love with a girl for nearly 3 years and we ultimately made the mature and extremely hard decision to end it because of religious incompatibilities which mostly conflicted with the families (the religion wasn't Christianity which tends to be a little more accepting).

There are no two ways about it: two people who are madly in love but share completely different views when it comes to one another's religion can not work.

This doesn't mean you have to be a Jesus-Bumper-Stickering Neo-Christian. Christianity is not truly about Jesus, it is about a community of people sharing a similar outlook on morality and purpose. Some of the things Christians do are completely bizarre, but overall, there's a lot of value in a lot of their things.

Even if you don't believe confessing your sins to a priest will bring you to heaven, can you see the merit in your own personal development of acknowledging your shortcomings?

Even if you don't agree with going to Church every Sunday merely because the Bible dictates it, can you understand the value in having strong community ties and a sense of belonging that you express every Sunday?

Even if you don't believe Jesus was God's son and the mesiah, can you understand he was an inspirational figure nevertheless who was little different from Ghandi or Martin Luther King?

If you can find the value of your girlfriend's religion you can make it work. If you can't, then the outlook may not be so rosy.

hm... I'll chime in. I dated a girl she was Christian and she didn't want to date me but I went to church because I wanted to learn about who this Jesus was. Anyhoo, i got converted and I'm a Christian because I truly want to.

Seriously, just cause the significant other is not Christian, it's not the end of the world. If they want to believe in it, he will. Don't fake it, but if you are Christian, don't give up either.

There are things which might come up as a religious issue such as "tithing 10% of income as a Christian, eating meat when your husband is a Buddhist or eating pork when your wife is Brown" Long story short, it's all about respect and compromising.

Just my two cents here, and just so you know where I'm coming from, I am an atheist. My wife is Agnostic. Similar religious practices, but different beliefs, not such a big deal in our case. We lucked out.

For your situation, it's a hard sell. The whole religion thing is only a big deal if she decides to make it a big deal. if she does love you, the two of you will learn to compromise and make this work. I fail to see how this could be different from a normal person trying to marry a vegan. Different views on something in life that the two have to come to terms with together.

The way you write this, you make it sound like she doesn't believe a non Catholic/Christian could be a role model. There's also the fact that having the kids raised religious means they'll stay religious.

I don't have much to add really, on top of what everyone else has said, but I leave you with this: Do you two have to end it now just because there *may* be problems in the future? Also, how deep rooted in her beliefs is she? No sex before marriage kind of deep, or just observe lent and go to church every Sunday deep?