REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

El Bastardo · 05-26-2010, 05:11 PM

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

I've been hanging otu with this guy who's my friend and I think he is starting to like me. He knows that I am not looking for any type of relationship right now but I think his feeling sfor me are growing every time we hang out. I don't give him the impression that I'm interested or anything (as I am NOT attracted to him whatsoever) for those who are wondering.

I need him to understand that he is just a friend to me so what is the best way to do this without hurting our friendship? I have stopped hanging out with him on a one on one basis and only see him when we are with our friends. There has been times where it seems like he wants to confess but I always change the subject or distract him from saying anymore.

I really want to but I just odn't see a future with us since we are in 2 different places in our lives right now. Plus, I just dont like him that way. I don't want to force my feeligns for him when I don't feel anything.

ah_cat · 05-26-2010, 05:36 PM

He should really get the hint by now when the only time you see him is when you guys hang out as a group.

Did you guys ever talk on the phone on a daily basis, or, most of the time?
if the phone calls subsides, he should know what's up.

Dinan3 · 05-26-2010, 07:49 PM

Stop contact to give a hint. Make it obvious so he doesn't waste anymore of his time.

vafanculo · 05-26-2010, 08:03 PM

Tell him you have a few friends you think he will like (even if you don't... Just so he gets the hint ).
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asian_XL · 05-26-2010, 08:05 PM

Start hanging out with a group of people rather than alone, and never ask him to go to a movie or your house or some romantic place.

Dont say something flirty and dress slutty.

Grim · 05-26-2010, 08:41 PM

the mature thing to do is to let him say wat he has to say.
then tell him in a mature manor that it will not work because... *sugar coat if u must*
then the rest is up to him.

if he decides that, that is too harsh and cries like a baby about it, he is definitely not worth the time. He should be mature enough to handle a simple rejection. However, if he takes it nicely then just keep it at a close friend level.
In the end, you both will gain and learn something if you just act like an adult and not avoid the situation.

We guys do not like guessing games, we tend to create an illusion for ourselves thinking there is still a slight glimpse of hope even though in reality there is not.The more time u spend mind fucking him, the more drama ull bring upon yourself

urrh · 05-26-2010, 09:26 PM

forget about hints.
i'm no good at reading them and he's probably the same.
when he tries to confess again, give him your piece on why it won't work. ie last paragraph of your post

tiger_handheld · 05-26-2010, 10:07 PM

be straight up - guys dont like hints.

JSALES · 05-27-2010, 12:06 AM

yeah, just be straight up so he doesn't waste his time

johny · 05-27-2010, 06:15 PM

I'm in this boat, on the male side... got rejected like 2 months when I tried to kiss her but she keeps doing stuff with me because she enjoys it. and wants to be friends.

So annoying when we have so much in common and get along good. yet she has no interest. Guess I'm not rich and hot enough.

Graeme S · 05-27-2010, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johny

I'm in this boat, on the male side... got rejected like 2 months when I tried to kiss her but she keeps doing stuff with me because she enjoys it. and wants to be friends.

So annoying when we have so much in common and get along good. yet she has no interest. Guess I'm not rich and hot enough.

Chicks don't work like that. There was a girl I used to dig with whom I had a similar situation. In the end she went for some skinny, poor-ass emo kid who she could mother. Turns out she was the maternal type and I wasn't needy enough for her. Every chick is wired different, just gotta find out what that one is wired for.
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genesis195 · 05-27-2010, 08:48 PM

Please, do what Grim said. Let him say what he has to say, because if you don't and just distance yourself or cut it off in a loose ended manner, the guy will only think of the "what if's" and will regret not confessing, pretty much he will fall into his own deep thought-ed emo hole. In most cases the guy might even continue to bug you just so he can get that "confirmation".
It is best to let him do his thing, and then reject him in a mature manner. For one, you won't waste his time or yours, and secondly he will appreciate you not playing him and you will most likely gain a good friend out of this, or at least experience.

Guys hate guessing games, even though they might get the hint (in most cases they do), they will usually refuse to believe it and depend on that little bit of false hope. As harsh as it may sound, shut that lil ray of hope and bring them to reality (gently please).

I've been played by a girl before, completely got tooled over. I wasted my time (a year or so), trashed my future, and ruined my confidence, self esteem and even my dignity. All of this could have been avoided if the girl had just told me no, rather then dragging our "relationship" on. Please don't do that to this guy.

hirevtuner · 05-27-2010, 08:58 PM

Edit: Don't post this crap in VLS Relationships again. Please and thank you

Kingcong89 · 06-22-2010, 08:02 PM

You should break his heart so he'll be thrown into a depression but then he will become cold and numb as the days go by, after he lets go of the idea of you he will lose all feelings and become a douchebag, somehow attracting other women, who he will break hearts. until one day he realises that all he wants is a girl that is super fine and doesn't say anything meaningful. and when they do he stare broodily away into space with emotionless thoughts of you. this is how you create a badass.

guddagudd · 06-22-2010, 10:03 PM

don't we all wish we cud be that cold hearted person sometimes...:/

DGiRL · 06-23-2010, 12:08 PM

in my experience, i've just told the guy straight up i'm not attracted to him that way.
the way i see it, he can cry about it and never talk to me again or he can eventually accept it and continue the friendship. leave that ball in his court though, after you tell him straight forward you can't expect to still be friends right away. took my friend like 4-5 months before he talked to me again. some guys don't take hints and if you really are friends, there is no harm being honest as you would any other person because real friendships will survive.

it's only awkward for me if he makes it awkward. if he was a bitch, i wouldn't want to be his friend anyway.

BallPeenHammer2 · 06-26-2010, 08:44 AM

^ well put.

JesseBlue · 06-26-2010, 10:44 AM

hook him up with someone...

then later you'll realize what a big mistake that would be...

tom827 · 06-28-2010, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kingcong89

You should break his heart so he'll be thrown into a depression but then he will become cold and numb as the days go by, after he lets go of the idea of you he will lose all feelings and become a douchebag, somehow attracting other women, who he will break hearts. until one day he realises that all he wants is a girl that is super fine and doesn't say anything meaningful. and when they do he stare broodily away into space with emotionless thoughts of you. this is how you create a badass.

wow this is exactly what i was thinking, well put LOL and this probably is true anyways, that's y there's so many 'players' as girls keep complaining about their lil hearts being broken by em, but the fact is that the girls don't know they're the ones creating this type of ppl...xD

Makaveli · 07-05-2010, 03:57 PM

um... is it me or is this pretty straight forward? Just be honest.. sometimes the truth hurts, but it is what it is... Life goes on.

v.Rossi · 07-05-2010, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kingcong89

You should break his heart so he'll be thrown into a depression but then he will become cold and numb as the days go by, after he lets go of the idea of you he will lose all feelings and become a douchebag, somehow attracting other women, who he will break hearts. until one day he realises that all he wants is a girl that is super fine and doesn't say anything meaningful. and when they do he stare broodily away into space with emotionless thoughts of you. this is how you create a badass.

c'mon guys, we can't all be me now.

palepilsenpin0y · 07-06-2010, 12:20 AM

Wow, as I read your original post and the following replies, I thought to myself "Man, everyone here nailed it right." Most (if not, all) of the replies here are great and speak of truth.

I myself, have been through this exact same situation, except on he unfortunate receiving end. I will write about my own personal experience, but if you just want to skip straight to the 'advice' part, just don't read the words in blue (it is a pretty long story that most of you might not be interested in. Haha)

A few years ago, I was head over heels for one of my best friends. I was super close to her, but she didn't know I liked her the moment I first laid my eyes on her. I kept this a secret at first, but she obviously caught on to it that I really liked her.

Problem is, I knew I had no shot. And it wasn't even because of the whole "friend-zone" thing (which was a bit of a factor, but not the primary one). She was the girl a lot of guys have a crush on in school. Yes, she was hot.

Despite me knowing I had no shot with her, I still couldn't let her go. I kept praying for a miracle to happen because even a small glimpse of hope kept me going. To make matters worse, we hung out a lot, just the two of us. And she was toooo nice. We were really close. And all these worked against me and made it even harder and harder to let go.

It took me more than a year to finally get over her. It took that long because I even thought I fell in love with her (I was obviously wrong. As young as I was back then, I really didn't fully understand what love was. Hell, I probably still don't.)

Furthermore, she could never really tell me straight up that it could never ever ever work. Or that I had no shot whatsoever. Even when I finally mustered up the ballz to finally ask her out, she couldn't really tell me it was never gonna happen. Even though I knew it myself. But that fact that she kept giving me that false hope that I'm not completely hopeless when it comes to her even when she rejected me was like fuel to the fire. She did so in such a sweet manner. I even said "I knew I had a 0% shot with you", she replied something like "No it's not you! Don't say you had a zero shot because other people had lower shots than you do." (paraphrasing of course. It sounds crappier when I put it out in my words)

Like I said, it took me more than a year to finally let go. Only when I started dating again (or crushed on other girls) did I finally pull through. That experience did make me more of a "bad-ass". I did end up dating a few girls after. And I did break at least a couple of hearts along the way (while still receiving my fair share of hurt). I did play around with a couple as well. And I did fall for other people. I was hardened by the experience, and now most of my friends (whether the dudes or the girls) come straight to me for advice with relationship and courting. But obviously, that girl did leave an effect on me. Sometimes I still think about her and wonder about the "what if"s. I'm over her though, don't get me wrong. And despite after the awkward rejection, we continued to be extremely close! Perhaps even closer, Which was unexpected because I thought this would have damaged out relationship.

So how is this all relevant? Well here's my advice.

The reason why it was so hard for me to let go, or get over my best friend is because she was too nice to me. Hell, she was naturally just... a sweet girl. That's one of the reasons why I fell for her in the first place. She never straight up told me that I had no shot, and that it was a bad idea, and that it might strain our current relationship as friends (although eventually, we stayed very close, or ever closer. thankfully)

So be painfully straight to the point. Don't be a bitch (because he is your best friend anyway), but try not to sugar-coat it too much anyways. Let him fully absorb your message and let him learn the hard way about how shitty life can be. Ultimately, it is very beneficial for him anyways, as it was for me. You will turn him into a bad-ass, you will open his eyes, and he will turn into a hardened man. After this, put as much space between you guys as possible. Hell, fully cut him off if you want. It is a difficult and painful for both parties, but he will get the idea and he will move on faster this way. False hope is the biggest enemy here.

I wish you the best of luck. If you care about your friend, you will have to hurt him. If it plays out right, you guys will be back to having a normal, happy relationship as friends.

After all, like Chuck Palahniuk wrote in Fight Club, "It's only after a disaster can we be resurrected."