[Confidential] Did I lose my chance?
 

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

I broke up with my gf for about half a year now and have been going out with this new girl for 2-3 months. I broke up with my ex due to the fact that I was losing interest in her as she was gaining weight, getting too serious for me and I didn't feel the spark anymore. We haven't spoken since but I do/did want to remain friends. She is a great person and I felt very comfortable with her but she told me she didn't want to stay in contact.

Now with the current girl that I'm seeing. I met her through my buddies and she is quite different from my ex. She's the type to party all the time and I have fun with her. She keeps things interesting but lately I've been finding myself comparing her to my ex. The new girl is a bit immature (only child...parents spoil her silly) and she's the type to go clubbing every weekend and get drunk with me and my buddies...and loves to "start shit" with other girls which brings a lot of drama into her life. This new girl works 2 jobs and is always telling me how she wants to save up and buy a place and all this but in the end she spends all of her money on clothes and LV bags. I don't mind someone who wants to live a lavish lifestyle..but she has no concept of money saving!!

I mean the sex is okay and she's not bad to look at..but the way she acts most of the time is pretty hard to deal with. WHereas with my ex...she is mature, caring, level headed and I could just feel comfortable in trusting her. But with this new girl..I always feel like she tries to make me jealous by hanging out with other guys or taking "coupley" photos with them. I am weary on taking her back home to meet the family too when I know my parents are still hoping I will reconcile with my ex and probably won't accept this new girl since my sistertold them she's a whore. (sister and ex got really close)

Even just reading all of this now makes me think I made a mistake by leaving my ex . She was a very beautiful girl inside and out but I guess I didn't appreciate her when I had the chance...

Maybe I'm just being selfish by only missing her now that I know she's doing well with her life and doesn't need me as much as I thought she did? I am an asshole aren't I? I want to contact my ex and see what's going on with her but dont know how she will react.

If you're comparing your gf to your ex, may i suggest you to break it off w/ her then?
that's the first thing you should do as your mind is not 100% on the current relationship at all.

and no, you're not an asshole. There will be other girls that you will eventually meet, but this gf of yours right now is not the right one for you.

And as for contacting the ex, what's the main reason to do so? become friends? get back together?
if it's the first option, are you sure that you can be friends w/ her?

Well, do what you want with your new gf. Because in the end, I don't think you'll be with her long term. So leave it to what it is. Friends with Benefits.

Like ah_cat said, if you're thinking that way, what makes you think you'll be with her down the road?

its pretty normal to compare.. specially if things arnt all that great. but what u have to remember is .. ull find some qualities that u like in ur current gf that u didn't find in ur ex and some qualities in ur ex that ur current gf has.

what u have to figure out for urself, is that if ur currents gf's shortcommings (or not), are big enough for u to deal with or walk.

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

The current gf is getting more annoying as days go by. Over the weekend she threw a fit that I wouldn't go shopping with her to "get a new look." I like the way I dress because I am comfortable with what I wear. Now dont get me wrong, I don't dress like a bum or anything but I guess it's the not the way she wouild prefer me to dress which is the douchebag look with the brand name jeans with the tight fitting shirts/edhardy shit.

I found out my sister met up with my ex last month sometime without telling me and apparently my ex got promoted at her job. I was really proud of her because when we broke up I suppose I made a comment that I found her lazy when it came to her job and didn't take it seriously....which then made me feel like a complete ass when my sister reminded me of that comment. I feel like I said a lot of wrong things to her ..and didn't support/believe in her when she is actually capable of doing all of this.

I guess I want to contact her even more now because I'm hoping she'll miss me..as much as I miss her..and consider having me in her life again. I know this is really bad since i have a gf...but I really miss my ex.

honestly, I think you fucked up. But atleast you know whats going on, you realized your wrong and you regret making possibly the best girl in your life your ex

Life is a process of mistakes. You may have lost her forever, but now you're closer to knowing what you truly really want. You're just hung up on your ex because she's the closest one who you currently know that personifies your ideal partner. That pool is only narrow now but it does get wider as time passes.

As for contacting the ex, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. However, it was her request on your breakup that you sever contact with her. Since you're the one who left her behind, you kinda owe her so the least you could do is honour that request.

You have to consider that although she may be over you and is doing well, it would be kind of selfish for you to upset that because of your own needs & wants.

Well, it seems like you know what you want to do.
Why don't you give it a try now?

i honestly stopped there. Prepare for a rollercoaster ride.

The way I see it is that you need some time off. I'm not saying you're immature but I would say that your mindset's kinda like a little kids. You thrive for the things that seem new and fresh to you. That's what your current "party" girlfriend is like because your previous girlfriend was completely different from her. Going back to her would not be a good idea imo UNTIL you truly find what you are really looking for. Chances are another girl will pop up like that if you get back with her and breaking her heart for the second time would just make you a dick.

break it off with your current gf but don't try to get back with your ex, for reasoning see Lolkai and Noir's posts

You did lose your chance, and, honestly, it sounds like your ex deserves better. If she posted on here, I wouldn't advise her to get back together with you. Shame me once, shame on you..

That said, it sounds like you just have to take this as a costly learning experience for future relationships.

You might as well go after her again.. what, are you scared of losing her? you can't lose what you don't have.

first of all stop comparing her to you ex. take a look at you current relationship and how its going...from the sounds of it your not very happy with her so try to get her to grow up or get rid of her. there are plenty more girls out there don't expect to find what your looking for right away...relationships take hard work

go on "a break" and isolate yourself for a little bit so you can see things from an outside perspective. Because it sounds like if you do anything wrong to the new girl, she's the type to commit some crazy revenge.

It's not so much that you made a mistake in dumping your old gf, but you picked the worst type of girl in your new gf

ok im going to be frank here...

u fked up im sorry, u obviously still have interest if not love/like/attracted to ur ex, otherwise u wouldn't even be comparing the good things/memories/habits with ur current gf, sorry to say this to u but u GG'ed urself, stuck with an obvious bad choice and lost a treasure which is now too late to realized, that's y i alway tell ppl to cherish wat they have and if it's meeting the meets, don't be picky and shallow and let go of wat u had, cuz from experience i know this girl, she use to be like 200lbs or something obviously a fat girl and she had a bf, bf broke up for some reason with her, i think weight was a problem, and u know wat, the girl completely changed in less than 6 mths or less, she dropped to 115 lbs i believe but u know wat, she's so fine, she's like a model now, so lessons are sometimes harsh and hard to accept but u sure did learned ur lessons, i dun even suggest going back to ur ex cuz u know what, im sure she would either reject u or she will dump u in the future and u'll suffer so badly, yes karma is involve =) just my opinion

if you still think about your EX, then she was the one meant for you!!
GET HER BACK before someone else does

Lesson learned. Move on. :) Life is all about learning. Just don't regret it because there's no point since it's the past.

go back to your ex.

it hasn't been too long. you've learned your lesson.

sometimes you just need to experience things outside to appreciate what you've had before.

if you get back with your ex..what if you hurt her again? Maybe you didn't feel what she felt when you broke it off with her but wouldn't you be bothered or hurt if you end up breaking her heart again that is if she gives you another chance. I think you may have hurt her enough with the things you said to her. I don't know how long your ex and you dated but if you loved her even if she gained weight or got into a car accident with a scarred face it shouldn't change how you feel about her. If you get bored that easily then I suggest you leave her alone because she is only human as well and can't always fit to your desires.