[Confidential] To break up or not?
 

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


i've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and a bit now

i've known her for almost my whole life, met her in elementary school when i was about 9, fast forward to near the end of highschool and we start dating and all is dandy and fine.
recently we've been fighting ALOT, and has got me thinking

we both dont share the same interests, i would like to go for a run while she would want to sit down and read a book, we both go to different school, both in different professions, both work totally different hours.

most of my friends dont like her, I've defended her every time someone lashes out, but lately it kinda doesn't feel that way, we're currently on a break, been a couple days and I miss her like crazy

i've been doing the same 'routine" for the last couple years and everything seems in place for me to go back to her, but at the same time in the long run, what is there for me

i'm not totally sure wether to go back or not, theres just this feeling floating around which is bugging me like hell

its not really easy to drop a 4 year relationship, any advice on what to do will help

sorry if it didn't really make sence, still kinda T__T right now

People change after high school. It's time to call it.

Have you guys actually sat down and talked about it? Or just fight and leave it at that?
Sitting down and resolving the problem only works if you actually WORK at it, not just expect the other person to pick up the slack. It takes 2 people for it to work.

Its true people do change over time, but if you don't see a future with her then why are you even with her?

Because like you said, people change over time, and maybe the OP thinks the girl will eventually outgrow her young adult-angst and mature up.

Maybe. Just a thought.






As for the OP:

If you're just playing with the idea of "break-up". Don't pull the trigger just yet. This is a common phenomenon that graces peoples minds in the rough patches of relationships (and all relationships will have their ups and downs).

You (and everyone) has a breaking point that will break the camel's back. You'll know it when you get there without even having to ask for your friend's or interenet consolation. And as far as "Breaking Point" goes, it's very subjective. Everyone has different values and tolerances that factor into it.



Just food for thought:

I know of some people who are overly patient and get whipped by their SO's. But I also know people who are really patient with their SO's and have healthy lengthy relationships.

also,

I know of some people who don't take shit from anyone, and never get walked on or taken advantage of.... But I also know people who are so full of pride and don't know "how to take shit" that they are incapable of holding relationships for any significant amount of time.

i was in a similar position we always fought, different interests, opposite personalities different profession + hours all that

the biggest thing for me was training/gym i had to work my training hours around to be with her more just spend time with her more like 3-4 times a week and take her out the weekends make her feel special(im still figuring this one out lol) and she should do the same in return if she doesnt at least try to then move on

do your running some other time when it wont interfere with your quality time

i still get that feeling of wanting to move on quit a bit but in the end i still love her

we're about 4.5 years in this thing

relationships that started in high school almost never last... because people change. people change a lot throughout their life... it isn't "failing" when you cannot work out a relationship.. BUT with that said, even in the future" when you run into a situation where you and or your partner start to drift apart, the only thing that will possibly save the relationship is sitting down and talking about it... when you don't communicate, you start to resent one another and it can go downhill really fast...

i believe the reason why divorce rates are so high and relationships never really last a very long time is because people constantly change... it isn't something we control.. you can want kids one day, and not the other.. you can want to travel everywhere one day, and or be content with living in one city the other... and that goes for your partner as well... in the end it is whether you both share the same philosphy/goals in life... the hard part is predicting whether you both will be in sync for the long run.

Ah, you do make a point and I overlooked this. D'oh!
However the OP never mentioned her being immature, only that he feels their interests are different and that his friends dont like her

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

sorry, we started dating after highschool, both almost done our degrees in whatever we're doing =\

regardless when you started dating if both people are not willing to communicate how can you expect things to work?? mind read?

i work weekends and rarely get any days off during the week, she ONLY has weekends off and pretty much DEMANDS me to be there, i mean i like to see her, i thought to myself that i loved her and would do everything for her but there just so much going on in my life and its like why try so hard to be accommodating to her when she doesn't spend the effort to be with me

^If thats the case, you're gonna have to make this decision on your own.

But relationships are two way streets. Its not take take take. You gotta give a little to get a little. If she cant understand that and always expects you to bend over backwards then she doesnt deserve you.

I totally understand this.
And to add to this.

This is the worse part.
Squeezing every ounce of free time you have to see your SO, when they don't at all; yet at the end of the day, none of that is considered when they evaluate the relationship.

So I totally understand you OP, before it was school/work all week, now work all week, plus family obligations with the family businesses, and yet I'd give my SO all my free time, and go out of my way to drive her places, drive her and her friend places. Just cause she didn't have a car and I wanted to make her life a little easier. But at the end of the day, our relationship was "toxic" because I didn't spend any time with her, nor care enough about her :fulloffuck:

So I know how shitty it feels when you are truly invested in someone, yet made out to be the bad guy all the time.

Fights are almost weekly with me as well. Now to the point where I don't fight back, and I don't know if I'm just tired, don't care, or given up.

Sometimes I wish men had support groups; too bad anything equivalent to a woman's support group or woman's rights group for men is considered chauvinistic and sexist. :okay:

see her after work on the weekends, do you running or what ever on the weekdays before or after your work/school

i managed to squeeze out 5 days of seeing her, 6 days of training, and working full time so im pretty sure you can do it lol

all your friends cant be wrong....whats the common denominator? everyone but you hates her. open your eyes

relationships from highschool doesnt last.
I was in a similar situation few years ago. In a way im glad that we broke up seeing how we grew into 2 completely different people.

Judging by your post, youre around 22yrs old. Dump her and go EXPLORE!

I pretty much went through exactly what you're going through. Its hard to give up a 4 year relationship. But inside if you feel it isnt working out then go with your gut feeling and take the leap of faith. Dont let the temporary feeling of missing her make you crawl back, thats the hardest part of break ups. If you make a choice to leave her stick with it and dont think of your regrets, otherwise itll eat you inside out. Everyone goes their seperate ways in life and makes their own choices. after all it is YOU who comes first and you do what you have to do to make yourself happy in life.

When it comes to opposite work schedules it doesnt matter. I believe if you want to spend time with someone you'll find a way regardless of circumstance. My last girlfriend NEVER ever spent time with me. she always rather hang out with a mutual friend and his group of buddies. i never had one of her days off to spend time with her. she knew my schedule as i work a M-F 8:4pm job. when i picked her up from work (she got off at 12am) she'd stay at my place till 3am even though she knew i had work early next day despite how many times she'd ask if i was tired and wanted to sleep i said no because THAT was the only time i got to spend with her.

One big piece of advice:

If you leave her and find another girlfriend try not to have the new one fill in the void that was your ex. it can really fuck with you. im talking from experience here.