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doritos · 03-28-2012, 12:08 AM

Hello all, I am in a situation. Recently broke up with my gf a few weeks ago but i still sleep over. There is no sex involved, no kissing, no hugging. I believe we are back to normal but how do i get past that phase? it seems as though she is not interested anymore but I am deeply in love I don't mind. The gf is acting normal again, pinches me touches my face and hands or applies lotions or whatever it may be. If i go in to hug her or kiss she will say NO. We still massage each other, I can feel goosebumps on her when I give her massages but I am in a position that I am afraid to go further not like before..If she is letting me touch her and massage her, whats that mean?.

There are no third parties between us. Just need to know what is going through a woman's head at this point. She was dealing with her issues before and telling me, with a bf around she is feeling enclosed and cannot be independent. That was the reason we broke it off. I am willing to try anything. I desperately need help! thanks

dlo · 03-28-2012, 12:50 AM

She wants to be more independent? Give her more room, seems like she still is interested in you but just don't want anything physical atm I guess

Ri2 · 03-28-2012, 01:13 AM

you guys are friends... without the benefits.
back off, let her do her thing and let her come back to you if/when she feels like picking it back up again.
that is... if you even want to when she comes back, you might feel differently after some time away.
if she wants to lock you down til she feels better, there has to be a clear conversation stating her intentions with open communication on both ends.

you best believe you are too fabulous to be laying in wait for someone. same thing applies for women.

doritos · 03-28-2012, 01:17 AM

isnt it odd though that she is letting me touch her again? a few weeks ago, roughly 3, she did not let me see her or come near her.

Girl · 03-28-2012, 01:25 AM

Dude, you broke up with her, why the heck are you still staying with her is my question. It sounds like YOU want to get back together with her.

Sounds like she still has feelings for you and is confused cuz you keep giving her mixed signals by still sticking around. She's trying to draw the boundaries and live her own life. Why is she getting goosebumps when you massage her? Cuz she's human and she's getting turned on by the situation. Decide what you want and stick with it, stop thinking about what she's thinking if you don't even know what you want yourself. It's not fair for her.

Ri2 · 03-28-2012, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doritos

isnt it odd though that she is letting me touch her again? a few weeks ago, roughly 3, she did not let me see her or come near her.

sex, hugging and kissing is a NO NO but you're allowed to massage her?
what kind of massage?

i've gotten massages from platonic guy friends if i'm not feeling well.
i have girlfriends who get massages from their homosexual guy friends all the time.
me and my girlfriends give each other massages.
none of these are sexually suggestive or indicative of a romantic relationship.

doritos · 03-28-2012, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girl

Dude, you broke up with her, why the heck are you still staying with her is my question. It sounds like YOU want to get back together with her.

Sounds like she still has feelings for you and is confused cuz you keep giving her mixed signals by still sticking around. She's trying to draw the boundaries and live her own life. Why is she getting goosebumps when you massage her? Cuz she's human and she's getting turned on by the situation. Decide what you want and stick with it, stop thinking about what she's thinking if you don't even know what you want yourself. It's not fair for her.

sorry misinformed, i never broke up with he, SHE did. And its not fair for me? I am the one getting mixed signals from her...

doritos · 03-28-2012, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ri2

sex, hugging and kissing is a NO NO but you're allowed to massage her?
what kind of massage?

i've gotten massages from platonic guy friends if i'm not feeling well.
i have girlfriends who get massages from their homosexual guy friends all the time.
me and my girlfriends give each other massages.
none of these are sexually suggestive or indicative of a romantic relationship.

massages without ur top on? i mean, she doesnt even stop me from going near the explicit parts

dinosaur · 03-28-2012, 02:15 AM

Dude, she likes the attention you are giving her and wants to be in control. Simple as that.

I'd tell you to dump the motherfucker already (DTMFA), but that's already happened...so why you still there?

Look... You keep going as is, and when she starts dating someone else your heart will explode. OR, you keep going as is, get back together and now your the bitch dancing on ice hoping she doesn't do this again...OR, you man up and WALK THE FUCK AWAY.

You a lil bitch or a man? Tip: girls don't want to date lil bitches.

Ri2 · 03-28-2012, 02:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doritos

massages without ur top on? i mean, she doesnt even stop me from going near the explicit parts

so she's teasing you, on purpose. she gets off on it, probably knowing that you're still sexually attracted to her. makes her feel good and gives her an ego boost to say NO to you.

doritos · 03-28-2012, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Dude, she likes the attention you are giving her and wants to be in control. Simple as that.

I'd tell you to dump the motherfucker already (DTMFA), but that's already happened...so why you still there?

Look... You keep going as is, and when she starts dating someone else your heart will explode. OR, you keep going as is, get back together and now your the bitch dancing on ice hoping she doesn't do this again...OR, you man up and WALK THE FUCK AWAY.

You a lil bitch or a man? Tip: girls don't want to date lil bitches.

that all sounds reasonable except, can't judge her like that of other girls...i know her past and shes not in any position to date anyone, that is one of the reasons why we broke up too. We both care for each other just now, things have become odd. She tells me this and that we are over but if I bring up the subject, she will snap on me and tell me not to say anything. Its very difficult talking to this woman. How can I reason with someone with their head up so high. I know the easy way out would just leave it alone and walk away but I am not one to give up. Went through it all in the past and there have been regrets. I just need some kind of solution on how to deal with this without all the drama.

dinosaur · 03-28-2012, 02:40 AM

Just keep tellin' yourself that buddy. Write those 3 things down I predicted and you tell me in 6 month what one was right. Note: none of them were "...you you got back together and lived happily ever after".

By you own admission, she is using you.

dinosaur · 03-28-2012, 02:41 AM

Also. You should never have to talk someone into loving you.

Ulic Qel-Droma · 03-28-2012, 02:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doritos

isnt it odd though that she is letting me touch her again?

no.
don't over think it.
it isn't odd. the end.

im too lazy to type a big post now as i just typed a kabillion words in another thread.

but i can summarize it

your best move right now if you want her back is to not sleep over and dont chase her or involve yourself or plan your life around her.

go do your own thing. go hang with friends, go do your hobbies. dont call her so much or at all. dont fucking sleep over. just pretend you're single. dont give her massages and dont touch her or feed her these actions in anyway.

if you can follow through with that...

she might want you back.

and you're one tough mofo cuz most guys cant do that.

i can definitely tell u this:
if you continue down the road you're going now, it's going to end 110% for sure. you might be able to con her back temporarily by imposing guilt and pity on her. and the only satisfaction you'll get out of this whole thing is you satisfying your current curiosity of things and the fantasies of the possibly of you guys getting back together (when you are with her at her place doing absolutely nothing to help the relationship at all).

Ri2 · 03-28-2012, 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doritos

that all sounds reasonable except, can't judge her like that of other girls...i know her past and shes not in any position to date anyone, that is one of the reasons why we broke up too. We both care for each other just now, things have become odd. She tells me this and that we are over but if I bring up the subject, she will snap on me and tell me not to say anything. Its very difficult talking to this woman. How can I reason with someone with their head up so high. I know the easy way out would just leave it alone and walk away but I am not one to give up. Went through it all in the past and there have been regrets. I just need some kind of solution on how to deal with this without all the drama.

bottom line, if they're not with you it's because they don't want to be.
you make it drama filled and complicated because you want to believe there is more. we make excuses for people we "love" because we hope like hell they won't hurt us. we delude ourselves then act surprised when we get heartbroken.

to her, you're just a personal masseuse and ego stroker who doesn't even get benefits so you are convenient.
know your worth man.

joolee · 03-28-2012, 05:10 AM

If she really wanted to be with you, she would be. Stop making excuses for her because you're only hurting yourself in the end.

melloman · 03-28-2012, 07:44 AM

Dino, Ri2 and Ulic all hit the nail on the head.
Your being used.. and right now with the relationship the way it is, your in denial man. Best thing to do is.. do your own thing. DO NOT EVEN CALL HER.

She broke up with you for a reason. It could be because she wants to see how much you love her, or how much shit you'll put up with.. or how long you'll stay. Staying around her, cuddling up to her, doing what SHE WANTS... is going to fuck you over 1000%. Cut ties, do your thing, let her CHASE YOU. SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU.

Gridlock · 03-28-2012, 09:54 AM

You are dating a girl with "issues" so big that in your mind it would prevent her from dating other people.

Yet...you dated her.

Are you trying to fix her?

I don't know, i'm hearing "fucked up chick wants space" and "I have done nothing but get closer"

She is telling you what she wants. Give it to her. She'll either decide that she wants you back, and it sounds like you'll go running, or take her space, which always means, "I want space...to fuck other people"

RabidRat · 03-28-2012, 10:19 AM

I think you guys missed this part:

Quote:

Originally Posted by doritos

but I am deeply in love

Cheer up buddy, let this one go. You're going to have to stay away and force yourself to think of her as a friend only, and not as your gf that you're just waiting to come back to you. Otherwise, she really won't.

dachinesedude · 03-28-2012, 10:39 AM

i've been through a similar situation, she ended being with someone else, hurt like hell, told myself from then on never to make the same mistake again

but really, you can take our advice or you can keep telling yourself that she is diff from other girls, your choice, just dont come back a few months later crying about how she's a bitch for leading you on and leaving you at the end

doritos · 03-28-2012, 10:49 AM

thanks, I will have to think about all this and come up with something. I know of all the consequences and I am willing to go through with it. If it does not end well, it would be my fault. There are bitches out there but there are few girls like this one that doesn't deserve to be called a bitch. At first it was my mistake not understanding but you don't realize what you have until its gone right? She may not be the hottest/richest/perfect girl in the world but I've grown on her and because of her personality and right now how she is treating me, I know its not an excuse but because of her really bad past. It has nothing to do with men. I wish I could say more about it but its not my story to tell.

So best thing now is just go along with it, suck up some more pain and get help get through whatever but if it turns out bad for me, as long as I know shes happy and I helped her get there. I am a god damn sucker when it comes to a woman I love. Sucks to say it but I am not ashamed of trying to treat a woman good

Presto · 03-28-2012, 12:52 PM

Dude, you're smothering her. As others have already said: give her space. If there's any hope in getting her back, it's that. Your regular presence is allowing her to take you for granted. She doesn't want to be alone, and you make a good placeholder.

miss_crayon · 03-28-2012, 01:29 PM

Stop being one of those people that believe in "not giving up." The girl dumped you..what more of a reason do you need to stick around? She's keeping you as her teddy bear that she can pick up whenever she wants..but drop on the floor when she doesn't need you around. "Not giving up" is not an option..she made it LOUD AND CLEAR. I know tons of people who say "lets stay friends/in touch" but secretly hope they'll get back together.

To deal with this with no drama (from what you said) ..I'd say just to let her have her space..you live your life..she lives her. End of story. There's no reason for her to "reason with you" when she already showed her cards upfront.

If you want to make it more complicated for yourself..then continue what you're doing.

Glove · 03-28-2012, 01:54 PM

if you ever think to yourself "well her past... because of her past..."

NEXT!

you gonna spend the next year trying to sort out the baggage? or spend the next year surfing and turfing all them nice other fishies! with no baggage

toyobaru · 03-28-2012, 02:56 PM

I too am going through the same thing with my ex of 5 years. I tried getting back with her. Tried hard through guilt and pity etc, its sad when you know you've tried the dirtiest of tricks to win her back. In the end she always gave me the I need to think, I have things on my mind, etc. As a person said somewhere earlier you shouldnt have to talk someone into loving you again. With that being said if she really wanted to get back she wouldnt have made me wait on her bullshit. She can kiss my ass.. You need to stop letting yourself get trampled. Yes people over play the "there are plenty of fish in the sea" line. But lets face it its not that easy. Dont let the down days of missing someone to kill your free time with take you down.