What should i say. PLEASE help
 

A few nights ago I was chilling with some of my best friends, amongst them was a couple. As we were going home, the girl said she was going to skytrain home instead of getting in the car (her bf's car) because she only lives 1 station away and it'll be quicker. Then the guy started getting pissed all of a sudden, this is sort of how the conversation went:

guy "why are u acting so wierd?"
girl "how am i acting wierd?"
guy "are u getting in the car or not?"
girl "no i'll just skytrain home, can u open the trunk so i can get my stuff"
guy "WHat the Fuck are u doing??"
girl ".. what?"
guy "ARE U GOING HOME OR NOT?"
girl "YEs.. (starts laughing nervously).."
guy "OKay FUCk you!"
girl "what? look ill facetime u in like five minutes to show im home"
guy "DON't cal me again"

He hasn't really been treating her well the past few months, and I've usually just been a witness and bystander cuz i don't want to get involved in others' relationships. However this is the FIRST time it's been like this (or that i've seen). My friends and his girlfriend, sort of have this theory that he is bipolar or has a split personality disorder. He will be REALLy happy one moment and come Super pissed few seconds later for No apparent reason. Like when he's talking to his mom he will be super happy, then all of a sudden starts yelling in chinese.

Before you guys say they should just break up, they've done this like multiple times but two weeks later they will get back together. It's happened over and over again. usually i don't know who's fault it is but this time i know it's the guy's. I want to talk to him about why he was pissed, but i want to doit in a way that doesn't offend him or look like i'm trying to teach him - because he really REally thinks he's Right.

PS. he might have like a mental disorder. I didn't think so at first but a friend brought it up and it may be possible. He likes to try to make jokes, which are REALLy stupid, not funny at all. He doesn't understand some social cues (like winking to say you're lying - he'll be like "why are u winking at me??"). He gets angry easily and he has a big ego

all help is appreciated - thanks for reading the really long post


short version:
this guy got really pissed with his girlfriend because she wouldnt let him drive her home since she lives one skytrain stop away. he started saying fuck you n stuff and said she should never call him again

he sounds like an asshole

sometimes he is, but sometimes he can be the nicest guy on earth. like randomly treats everyone to dinner when he has no money.

well he sounds like he wants his gf to do everything he wants her to....

How close if your friendship? Best-friend? Known for a long time?

We've known each other for years. We used to be closer, but we are more like buddies who hangout a lot rather than friends who talk to each other about personal stuff, but i feel like i should say something to him

when he is in his "good" mood, talk to him about the times he acts negatively, maybe he'll come to his senses

however if he doesn't realize anything that's just his personality, and all you can do is try to be as positive as you can when with him and his other friends should try that too

I'm about to come off rough, but hear me out, I'm a dude who has battled with post traumatic war syndrome and the mental stability issues that come with that as long as I can remember

I know to you guys it's a real issue, but to me personally, that's some first world problem shit, its pussy behaviour that needs to be corrected, he needs to get punched the fuck out by one of you guys to really test the theory of him being actually "mentally unstable, bipolar"
To me he just sounds like a spoiled baby acting out because he's either spoiled or really does have mental issues, either way, after getting knocked the fuck out for acting up or tough, or like an unreasonable idiot for no good reason, it should give him a new perspective on a few things... like a reality check, it goes two ways, if he acts humble about it, then the truth is he's been a spoiled baby all along... if he comes off negative as in getting mad at everyone involved then it's obvious he's a douche and obviously you will not stop being friends with him, so my best advice at that point is that whenever he acts like a douche (he does it for attention, that's clear at this point) that you just treat him like an idiot and the baby that he is and literally ignore his cries and attention whoring like that woman at Starbucks ignoring her crying baby until it's cried out.... this method will take time, but it should be pretty effective as well in letting him know, ok my act is getting fcking lame, I should grow up

I've personally done this to one of my best friends, years and years of him being douchey to everyone when liquored up, I dropped him pretty fckin hard one day for starting up and he's been solid ever since... reality check is best served NOW, not later... not some other time.... but fucking NOW

Do you fell comfortable going out for coffee/beer with him and laying it all on the line? Go at it as if you are "concerned" for him and not, "you're an asshole".

Just put it all out there...maybe give example that aren't just how he treats his gf. See what he says...maybe he knows he does it but doesn't know how to stop it? If so, tell him to get help.

If he denies, gets mad, etc...maybe it is time for you to be less involved in his life. Some times friendships don't last forever and maybe it is time for you to move on. But first, you need to try.

You did come out rough but that was really insightful. Thanks for your imput. Yeah, he is sort of like a spoiled baby. He does cry for attention a lot too, but I'm going to try to find another way before punching him straight on.

Yeah that is what I'm planning to do. I'm gonna doit tomorrow with one other guy while we chill with him. My friend and I discussed this, he said "if he doesn't change I don't know if we can stay friends with him"
he's never an asshole to me and him - but to me it's like knowing he's like this to other people (his gf, his mom) . Metaphorically, like being friends with someone who's a war criminal, he's nice to his friends but does asshole things to others

sounds like u have a good plan. let us know how it goes :)

Does he really have a mental disorder or is he just an ultra asshole that spazzes on people who doesn't do as he says?

I mean you do say he has a huge ego so I'm wondering if that latter is closer to the truth than the former.

Still not a 100 percent sure. I've only seen him be an asshole to his girlfriend, and she said he's like that sometimes to like other people, and i've seen him scream at his mom n stuff. With me he's never done that before or pissed me off, nor with the guys in our group.

why i think he might have a disorder or something is because he has masssive mood swings, like super happy to super pissed in such a short time

Yah but that may be because in his mind, people like his girlfriend, or his mom, he has a certain "control" over them so that any actions they make that he disagrees with, he thinks he has the authority to be domineering against such parties; which lends the explanation why he may be different to others such as you, or your group of friends.

And just because he can be super pissed in a short amount of time doesn't necessarily mean he has a mental disorder. He probably just has a low patience threshold against people who doesn't have respect for. But then again, I'm personally against science that seems to want to put a label on everything and absolve people from their own flaws and responsibility.

Do it. Worst case scenario, you stop being friends. Someone like that is only going to drag you down in the long run anyway.

I would have to think that the latter is closer to the truth as well. He sounds like a selfish baby who expects everything to be entitled to him. Too many people I know all blame their douchebag-ness on bi-polarity. You're not fucking bi-polar. Just cause you're an egotistical asshole doesn't mean you can use a mental disorder as an excuse. GOD.

/end half-rant

Yeah, he did something yesterday that caused a scene in public and got kicked out by security where he was. I haven't talked to him yet, doing it tomorrow.
His girlfriend knows he's an ass, and she feels like shit being with him but she loovess him so much. she said she can't stand being without him (and she's not low on self esteem on anything, she knows if she leaves him there will be a line up of guys waiting for her) but she's just so in love with him so they aren't going to break up (unless he ends it, which i don't think he's gonna). SO.. i'm going to try my best to change him.. he may be an asshole but I"m just gonna pretend I think it's a bipolar thing when I talk to him so I don't offend him, and so he'll take it better and consider changing :P

thanks for the replies

Nope. Definitely not a bi-polar thing.

[Bolded] That right there is the reason why he's an ass, and a big one at that too. It's because he's in a situation where he can do anything he wants and get away with it. Probably also a similar situation with his mother.


AND!!!!!


is also the reason why he doesn't treat you, or your friends the same. Because he knows he can't get away with it with you guys. Where if he treated you guys like trash, you'd probably leave him friendless. Who knows, if he went far enough, one of you guys might've given him a good decking or two the face.




It's seriously probably why. And if I'm right, I really really really don't feel bad for the girlfriend at all. This lifestyle was her choice, her decision. As for your original concern that you felt bad for her, and how she was being treated... I would totally forget about that completely.

If a chick wants to subject herself to that treatment for whatever benefits she gets out of it... that's her deal.

Wait a minute:


Sorry to double post but I had a completely new train of thought.




Considering the really small sample size given by your example, there's a tiny, tiny, tiny chance that this dude may be inherently a misogynist.


Of course, it's not something he's going to admit; but if you can sense that he feels he has a certain sense of authoritative entitlement against individuals of the opposite sex, this could be a serious personality/character flaw.

Of course #2:
Some people are just outwardly misogynistic where they don't even bother hiding their discriminations, and some people are inwardly misogynistic where they only show (and practice) their discriminations on people they're closer to (or have control over). ie, mother, gf, etc.

in all honesty i think they both just need to really sit down have a chat and if need be perhaps a mediator around. Sometimes that really helps. but wtf no need for your friend to be such a dick, sometimes girls just like being confident and reminding the guy that its nbd for us do to things on our own. i don't know about her but for me if its not that big of a deal i'll try my best to finish thigns on my own so i don't need to ma fan anybody. Especially if its walking home from the skytrain. My bf doesn't like it when i do cause its late at night, and it's not neccessarily that safe. But sometimes i just do it cause it takes me 7 mins to walk home instead of waiting an hour for a stupid bus. I know he's just trying to look out for me but no offence to him sometimes it is unneccessary but i do appreciate his concern. No need for your friend to be a dick about it. just sayin.

sounds like he wanted to get some jiggy jiggy... lol

U make it sound like those relationships in Maury where the guy has total control and the woman doesn't want to leave. I am sure the dude turns out abusive for sex and money etc.,

g-spec spitting real talk

^ life's too short to dick around, for real though, push the shit aside and enjoy what time you have left being the best person you can be to the people that care about you

How old is the guy? Lots of girls I know would rather get a ride than skytrain, even if her destination is 1 stop away.

i used to be like that. It's not a mental disorder. It's a life and attitude disorder.

I went through a number of very particular life experiences to learn my lesson. From losing friends to even being homeless for a few weeks because of how badly I've acted and how unprepared I was for life without relying on my parents. Especially after I moved out 10 years ago.

It sounds like your friend needs a very quick and significant adjustment to curb his attitude.

I, at the time, did not have ANYONE to help me out. Given that he's got a sseemingly good friend in you to ask around at least, I'd say do something about it. Not only that, you guys need to give him an ultimatum and see how he acts on it.

It's always hard in these situations. It's like you're seeing someone you care about walking towards the edge of a cliff, intended on jumping off. And the more you pull them back, the more they're inclined to do it.

Do a bit of pulling, and see what happens.

if he resists....well...Sometimes the best thing is to let'em jump off, and realize it mid-fall that they're gonna be in a world of pain.

GL, OP.