[Confidential] Did I blow my chance?
 

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So I've been really into this girl I met on a project we were working on. We new we had chemistry but she told me right away she had a boyfriend. I respected that but I kept in contact with her...and we were texting A LOT. Until one day we met up and I went up to her and something was different; she kissed me. I found out that she had broken up with her boyfriend, and she was able to be with me...I was ecstatic.

She eventually stayed over and we had an AMAZING time. We were really into each other. But if I could say one thing about her, was that she was a little shy and prudish. Which was fine, I just wasn't used to what she was comfortable/not comfortable with. And it was hard to tell when she was being coy and playful, and actually not liking what we were doing. It all seemed similar to me.

So the next day we both went together to this wrap party for the project. Everyone knew I was into her, and people weren't surprised to see me with her. She had mentioned to me prior, firmly but nice, "don't be all over me at the wrap party", and of course my instinct was of course I wouldn't, I had no intention to and that would be weird and way too inappropriate.

So at the party, we sat next to each other, and talked and laughed together and with friends. At one point under the table I put my had near hers, and she grabbed it. I made a point not to grab hers in case she was uncomfortable. I ended up resting our hand on her leg, and that was the extent of it.

So towards the end of the night, she had to leave, she was ill and hadn't slept in a couple days. I understood she had to go, but I walked her outside where she was leaving with a friend.

This is where I feel shameful. I went to hug her goodbye and my hand just naturally went near her bum, which I thought was just a quick and playful thing to do, which I was doing plenty of the previous night. We also weren't in view of anyone in the party so I thought she might want to kiss a bit before she left. It was a new relationship, and I was really into her. We kissed a couple times and then she left, even though a couple times she said no and "I have to go".

It seemed when she left she was just like "oh, silly you, I have to go but I wish I could stay" and not "you made me really uncomfortable". I knew that she had to go, but I admit I wanted her to stay a bit too long, and I couldn't tell where the coyness ended and the actual discomfort began. Rather I wasn't paying attention.

And now I feel like a complete fucking scumbag who is clingy and womanizing and and idiot who won't listen to women.

Since then, I didn't hear from her all the next day, until the evening, and we were texting as usual, asking about each others day. Then I brought up my behaviour and apologized, and she admitted she was pissed off that night...especially just been getting out of a relationship with a total douchebag. We chatted a bit about it, and she appreciated my admission to fault and apology, and ended by saying things were fine.

I didn't hear from her at all yesterday after sending a text in the middle of the day just saying hi.

Now I feel like a total douchebag. I feel like she talked to all her friends about this who are telling her to run. The thing is, I know I'm not a bad person, and I admitted that I was out of line. But now it almost feels like in admitting that, that it provoked her to mull it over even more, and make up her mind about me before I even get to see her again.

I fucking hate texting about shit like that, and I can't stand that I haven't been able to talk on the phone or see her in person to discuss this. I'm in unbearable self-torture and depression right now and I don't know what to do.

I really like her and I know she was really into me. I feel like I let her down, and blew my chances. I'm so ashamed.

Don't act sticky/needy. Unfortunately, that's the exact vibe you're giving.

You didn't blow your chance. You just caught her on the rebound, and she wised up.

If grabbing her ass is the real reason she doesnt want to see you anymore then you're better off. On a side note it amazes me how fast women can jump into something new after just breaking up with someone else.

Unbearable self-torture and depression? How much Drake have you been listening to lately?

Calm down.
You already texted saying hi. Let her come to you now (if she even wants to)

Maybe she isn't hitting you back cuz the sex and/or mouth wasn't right?
No hard feelings....... just part of the game.

It's tricky getting involved with people who just got out of a relationship..... you have to give them their space and do your thing. Be realistic about who you are to them and have no expectations because that is where your disappointment will stem from. Their actions speak louder than their words.... if they are active in your life, it's because they genuinely want to be.

Otherwise, keep it at she stayed over, you had a good time aaaand on to the next.

^this

ive seen this a few times before, unfortunately you made a move way too soon, the next guy she goes out with will be the real deal sorry man

I'm sorry.....why did you apologize? I don't think you did anything wrong.

Sounds like she is playing games and seeing as she just broke up with her boyfriend, I think you should just back off...if she is in to you, she will come to you.

I agree with above. I also think that if she's upset you wont let her leave or whatever she should say something. I hate when women pretend like nothing is wrong but hold it against you secretly.

Like everyone else has been saying. Just give her the space for now, your post does sound a bit clingy and needy like some have already said.
Especially just coming out of a relationship, she might just be looking for a rebound to keep her mind off things.

You played your hand, now it's up to her to respond and decide what she wants to do. There's no point in waiting around for someone if they're just playing games.

well i dunno if its your first or not ... atleast you didnt ask her online and never talk to her again until she found someone else.........

Like everyone has said, it sounds like you were a bit too clingy and you may have scared her off, to be honest. If she's not contacting you or anything on her own, chances are she might just be waiting for whatever you have between you guys to die off. If you message her or try to contact her any more you'll probably start to become a nuisance.

Sorry, bro. That sucks considering it sounds like you're really into her.

This. Bad sign right there. Not to discredit how amazing she really might be but that is something to be aware of.

I agree with most others on this. Give her time. You've already shown her your cards, nothing left to really do except for let her to come back to you if she sees something there instead of being that quickie she had as a rebound.

Don't be clingy moss or else you'll end up as "that creepy guy that I went out with once. never again"

where the hell is jason's reply? well if he isnt gonna say it then I will,


Beta.

agree with the rest, relax man, you care too much, stop caring, a lot more and a lot hotter women out there

Trying to think of a fishing analogy but I can't :okay:
Just gotta lay back and not dwell on it too much. If she cares and knows you're better, she'll come back; but in the meantime just think of all the other options that are out there for you :thumbsup:

her rebound man....

This isn't an alpha/beta thing...and holy hell, I'm getting sick of that go to term(no offense)

It's a rebound thing. I don't think most people get the problem. So here's my theory.

It's not like a waiting period to buy a gun. There is no standard 3 weeks you need to wait before you can go and get yourself a new relationship. The amount of time needed is different for everyone.

What I have noticed, is that rebound people make the following mistakes:

1. Blinders.

I'm looking for someone completely different from my ex. You fit the bill. However, you have about 50 other things that don't work AT ALL, but I'm wearing blinders because that ONE thing that's different is really important, until I've done my waiting period and suddenly those 50 things are going to be as annoying as shit.

2. Transference

"My ex was always groping me and touching me, acting like a douche and making me feel like a trophy/property."

So that's him, right?

Wrong.

You make one bad move and suddenly you pay for his crimes. You didn't make one bad touch...you're the same douche! ALL men are assholes.

Oh. And we aren't in that same long-term relationship where I couldn't express my feelings, no, we just started, so I can feel free to let you hear ALL about it.

3. Bittersweet Memories

Was I too hasty? Maybe I should return his call? She just wants to hang out...as friends.

After a little time goes by, that ex that just had to go doesn't look so bad. She apologized. He said it will be different this time.

You are dropped as a bad experiment while officially single and they go off happily into the sunset. Or until the end it for real this time.

Before you get involved with someone that just recently got out of a relationship, these are the things that you need to think about.

I suspect that you touched a few nerves, but I don't think it was your crime.

If you acknowledge where it may be coming from, I think you'll do better to dissolve the issue than just a blanket apology.

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Some really great support and advice, I appreciate all this guys.

My biggest frustration with all of this is that I can't TALK to her. Whether it be on the phone or in person for a bit, just to COMMUNICATE and talk things out. I'm learning quickly that it is not her style and it's annoying. She's hiding behind the comfort of text messaging; the ability to carefully construct every word and sentence ahead of time, and convey a certain tone through script. VERSUS just talking in real time and allowing conversation.

In my last relationship, I laid down the law about texting anything other than hello or flirting...as soon as it gets serious, it's trouble. But because this is a new thing, I haven't even had the chance to talk about that yet. Ugh.

So yesterday we texted a bit, some small talk here and there but otherwise seemed fine. She suggested maybe after work today we would meet up. So all day today, I had a great day on the water, and expected to hear from her. I checked in, asked what she was up to and she did the same. Then I mentioned coming by her work like we discussed. Aaaaaaand...NOTHING.

Yeah I'm getting pissed off, and I'm hurt. I know many posts of great advice here were to "not care", and I hear that, I do. I've done that in the past with girls, but I know it's because I wasn't into them as much.

This girl and I had an existing friendship, that evolved into something more, and really led believe something was going on. I'm not new to relationships, I've had many. I'm older now and I know what I want, and when things feel right. And to me it just doesn't make sense why the hell she ceased or limited her contact with me after on small incident that is underwhelmed by all the great things we talked about and said to each other the night before.

Gridlock, your post was very informed, and I think you hit it with Transference. All she needs is her girlfriends to hear her mild complaint to blow it out of proportion and make a direct link from her ex to me.

It's hard to not care when I'm led to believe one thing, and not that I'm TOLD something else; it's that COMMUNICATION ENDS and I'm left hanging, with my own mouse wheel of thoughts in my head that send me into dark places...

Ok, it's a wrap.

Fuck it.

I kinda know how you feel. You've been pushed away and you feel like its your fault but she wont give you a proper explanation. However, her texts are enough to keep you hanging around. Sorry man, she just might be crazy and her ex is probably one happy and relieved man right now. Leave the pieces on the floor and just slowly walk away.

Considering she was texting him "A LOT" while she was still with the other guy, I am not that surprised.

Seems like she likes to test the waters, even when she's in a relationship.

OP yeah it sucks these days, the modern age with technology. There was this girl I liked and she was like the same, she didn''t like talking on the phone and it was a tad bit awkward face to face. Texting really leads to nowhere so if you're into her maybe drop by her workplace unexpectedly in a non creepy manner and have lunch or something and talk this over or get her to be more comfortable around you.

P.S. I liked grabbing her ass part :fullofwin: