i LOVE your positive view of people and their intentions, but sadly people have shown their true side far too often for me to just take people at face value... it's really, really sad that the world is like this, but generally people are selfish, grim little people, hence why we all live in our own little houses/apartments, and they are just that - for us, no one else

i hope karma is true and people are as good to you as you are indicating you would be to them - sadly, karma hasn't worked too well for me (i'm generally REALLY nice to people and will help them out, but people have pissed on this generosity one too many times in my 30 years)

so if OP is selfish and an asshole, what does that make a neighbour that is told flat out 'No' but still continues an open dialogue to try to use part of the OP's land after being told he did not have permission?

would have been easier to hire a an architect to assist with design up front to include a BBQ than a structural engineer to look at the integrity of someone else's retaining wall :lawl:

In relationships with women, I agree, but that is due to societal pressures and an outdated model of dating.

In legal matters, I think we still have trust.

What is his motivation to get the BBQ setup?
What are the OP's concerns about the BBQ?

It should be easy for two grown men to sit down over a beer and discuss this. I would love to see my neighbor(If I owned a house)have an enjoy his BBQ. A neighbor you can trust can be such a resource and good friend.

its not about pushing your fence back 2 feet for a couple feet to squeeze a bbq in. the neighbour is talking about excavating part of the 6 foot tall retaining wall holding up his driveway.

being cautious about it doesn't make him an asshole.


thats like the difference between me wanting to take a couple pictures of your girlfriend, and wanting to cut off one of her ass cheeks to take home so i can rub my face against it before i fall asleep every night.

i just think people are too weak and flaky - at any time he could turn around and go weird on you - i've had it done to me (not by women, ironically, the biggest bitches i've ever had in my life have been men, mostly educated and professional - but if you peel away a slight bit, you see a little bitch who will do whatever they can to one up you)

it's just too fraught with risk and danger

i agree with you - would love to be invited over for BBQ, share a beer, a story/advice, etc. but ppl in vancouver aren't like that - they're mostly weirdos who don't want to associate with you unless they can get something from you

Engineers and the builders are highly trained, but as humans mistakes can occur.

I can imagine the legal shitstorm and the falling out of relations with the neighbour if the wall/driveway collapse. Neighbour could use some BS clause like "its my land now, you didnt reinforce your wall properly after." Not worth it

Rule of thumb is that anytime money/liability is involved, you will see the true side of a person.

no. don't do it

most likely your neighbor is trying to use your kindness.
any engineer with some brains won't design a house that does not fit into the land they are given - most likely your neighbor told the engineer/architect to just put it in the plans

You are way too trusting and think only in the present - which is fine for most situations but not one where we are talking about land and real property. Everything might be ok between OP and his neighbor now but all it takes is one falling out between them before the OP will regret his decision. That and the OP has concerns about future implications like resale too.

:okay:

Selfish is asking for another person's property.
Inconsiderate is asking again after they said no.

It would affect his life. There are liability issues, land value issues. Let alone potential issues with it being a permanent structure and removal of it would require rebuilding the retaining wall back to where it was.
AND if either party tries to sell and move, you're looking at YET another basket full of headaches.


If there were none of these things, I'd happily suggest he share the land use.
However, unless you have something better than "you're selfish" to counter these issues, your position of argument is rather weak.

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I showed my parents this thread and they appreciate all the feedback.

My dad said he is going to stay firm and not let him build the bbq on our property. But, there is a small grassy/gravel area further down on our property that he'll let him put a portable bbq there. I think that's the best he'll get.

Again, thank you. My parents were completely thrown back by our little community here.

Glad to see your parents are making the correct decision. Be prepared for your neighbor to push back as long as you don't cave the RS Beatdown crew won't be over to knock some sense into ya :)

Yeah, he was completely astonished my dad said no, like he couldn't believe my dad wouldn't agree to his proposal. I'll update the thread after my dad breaks the bad news again.

haha, thanks murd0c.

Well since there is no such thing as karma anyways, no doubt it hasn't "worked out" for you... :fullofwin:

Or, he could have very well been reusing the old foundation. You know... cause people do that all the time.

fail on my part. OP said it was a rebuild too :okay:

you know what, it will work, on average, over time

I dislike reading that so many of you think that somehow this guy's idea will end up fucking the OP over in the long run.

How do people put faith in marriage(50% failure rate) over a BBQ in someone's backyard? :P

:lawl: :lawl: :lawl:

bro you do even live in Vancouver?

They don't. Marriage is a contract, and if you want to separate there are proceedings for such matters.

You're all bastards who think everyone in Vancouver would fuck everyone else over!

:buttkick:

I'm offended that so many of you think this way. Fuck, why do I live here?

This thread has me depressed now, great!

If someone wants to purchase the property at a later date it may limit said person from construction or modifying to suit their needs making the property less desirable and less likely to sell at fair market value. How is it selfish to wish to maintain ones purchases and assets? Its not. Why cant this BBQ dreamer put the BBQ elsewhere so as not to infringe upon the property next door? Cus its easier and or cheaper for him to do it this way. He's the selfish one here. No amount of burgers and wings can make up for the hassle this can cause.

No one is saying that the guy will screw the OP over in the long run. However, if I were to redesign and rebuild my house, I'm going to do so within the confines of my own property. Don't design something assuming you're going to be able to use part of someone else's property. If it were something brought up to the OP at the offset of the design process, the answer might have been different.

That said, even if the OP did give the neighbour permission to build it, suppose they move and the new neighbours decide they want that bit of property back for their own use? Or even if the OP's family ends up finding a use for it, what happens then?

that would just be soooo selfish of them lomac

Idiom of the day:

Good fence makes good neighbours.